Hi brides,

Would love some thoughts on this little dilemma.

H2b has a son from a previous relationship. We have him every other weekend and once in the week (we had to go to court for this though as she wanted no contact between us and him). We've had a court order in place for over a year now and since then she's not tried to stop him coming over bit has made life difficult in other ways. She bad mouths me so much so that he barely speaks to me anymore! She is immensely petty and once tried to bill us for a pair of pants he didn't bring home in his bag
- that we bought anyway! She moans all the time and constantly tells us what we do wrong in her opinion. But anyway, she has found a new sense of freedom since we've started having him so often asks us to have him more often or asks to swap weekends etc- we have never said no and are always accommodating.

So, I asked h2b to discuss wedding plans with her so she couldn't accuse us of not keeping her in the loop. He asked her if we could swap weekends some time ago and she agreed.
He is a page boy along with my boys may i add.... H2b asked if she would get him in his suit on the morning of the wedding and drop him to ceremony a bit early to meet his grandparents and the bridesmaids as well as my sons. She was a bit miffed but agreed. Great!! So we said we will arrange for him to get home at night after the celebrations. Anyway she pipes up and says he MUST be home by 5. Disaster.

The meal is scheduled to finished 5.30-6.00 so 5 is really not doable. When we explained this she said it's either that or doesn't come at all. We explained how the childrens entertainment is in the evening and he will be missing out, that he won't be able to finish his meal and nor would the people who dropped him off but she didn't care. She says she will probably have to work (she does parties for an underwear company) and that he needs to be home at 5 to get settled for bed for the babysitter who is is not prepared to pay to sit in empty house. So we said we could drop him back at 11 after her party - she said it's not fair for him to be up late- we argued she kept him up for new year - she believes new year is a more important affair. So we offered to pay the sitter for her saying we'd get him back around 8.30 - she said no because it's too late.
We don't know anyone who could have him overnight as literally all local relatives are full with visiting relatives. We have begged her to reconsider but she won't - she simply says "you shouldn't have chosen to get married on a weekend when you are due to have him".

We don't know what to do, we are devastated really, he will be there for a grand total of 3 hours. I feel awful for him that he will see the childrens entertainment bouncy castle etc being set up and that he won't be allowed to play on it yet the other children will.
What's bugging me is that we've paid for an outfit he can't wear for long and that the three course meal will be interrupted. Bit I could let those drop I guess. H2b just wants his son there, we both do.
Are we being unreasonable in our frustration? Should we just be lucky he will be there at all?

My friend was in a similar situation, the ex was just trying to make things as difficult as possible. She got someone to call the ex and say they would be late, bride and groom are indesposed and couldnt find time to get to the phone, they were just letting her know. The ex was pretty miffed after, but came around the next time she needed to swap weekends. I suppose its a dangerous strategy though, she might try to make things difficult afterwards. How far away is your wedding, it might be suitable to go back to the solicitor and ask them to negotiate with her solicitor (if you had them) and maybe even get an order that he can stay over with you? If its your weekend to have him, why do youneed to swap, couldn't you just accept its your weekend and have him and let him stay with you/ your other kids?

Well, we are leaving at midnight and heading straight for gatwick.
My ex (the father of my two older sons) is coming to the wedding with his wife and their kids and is taking my kids home with him. This is what throws me, I think, because we get on so well and him an his wife would bend over backwards to help us! They offered to drop him home in the evening but as I previously said - she feels it's too late and that our wedding isn't a good enough excise for a late night.

Lala, I know what you mean - I did feel that it was cheeky to ask her to bring him to ceremony venue, but they've been split 5 years so thought she wouldn't be jealous. We did say if she preferred we could get him collected midday bit she said he had to go out .
She lives half hour drive from our reception venue. My mum said she'd have him to avoid drama - though she's full to the brim with guests but the ex didn't like that idea either.
We could ring her and say he'll be late- thatd solve the meal issue, still feel bad for him that he will miss the fun :(

I agree with all the others hun, it's your day, I think it would be a good idea to speak to your solicitor just in case but if you don't get him back on time what is she going to do? My guess is nothing just moan, it seems to me she's just a little jelous and trying to make things awkward for you on your special day, Why are Ex's such a pain x

I would definitely go along with what she wants then drop him off later or ask her to come and pick him up at 5pm. He will see it's his Mum that's spoiling his Dad's day and his fun, poor wee fella.

my husbands 2 kids didnt come either. never showed any interest and when we asked them they just changed the subject. the only way they would have come is if their mum was there....i think not!! xx

she is on a serious power trip and trying to make things as awkward as possible for you. if she wants him home at five she can come get him and be the one who's taking him away from the fun. there's no reason why any of your guests or family or whoever should have to leave half way through your day just to please someone who's deliberately throwing a spanner in the works. grr!!!

Thanks everybody feel reassured that we're not being silly.

He is 5 and so excited about it.

We spoke to her again and she has since agreed through gritted teeth to let him stay until 8.30 with us paying for her babysitter and she also wants us to bath him before he comes home (as if lol )

To be honest - I fully expect the day of/before wedding we will get a text saying he can't come at all with a poor excuse such as - car is broken, she is ill, he is ill, he didn't sleep too well or that he is in a bad mood ( all previous excuses) . I would put money on this happening!!
Oh and Panther_87k - the guilt trip wouldn't work, she is quite happy to let him down most times and will probably twist it to somehow make out it's our fault.

At least we can say we have tried and fought if he questions when he is older. We keep diaries of these things in case when is an adult he asks. Hopefully he never will.

Terri Barker - That's really sad that your husbands kids weren't there. If it's possible - I highly recommend a court order - life is so much easier now we have one though a lot of damage has been done and is obvious when people meet the little boy but hopefully time will mend that

xx

i really hate women that use there kids as pawns in a game. so the relationship ended its better to get on for the child's sake. its an hard one with women like that you both bend over back wards to accommodate her when she wants to swap weekends or you have him extra days and she cant help you on your wedding day. i would if it was me tell her you will be going back to the solicitors and court if you have to his dad wants him there for the full day it wont hurt him being up a little late and you have given her plenty of different options and even offered to pay his babysitter you have both been more then fair and it wont be looked on kindly that she is being awkward for the sake of it she might back down if she thinks you will go through with it. at the end of the day she is hurting her own child more then she is hurting you h2b and she is to blind or doesn't care.

well at least he will be there until 8.30. that is better, but asking you to bath him on your wedding day is just stupid!!
keeping a diary is such a good idea and then he can see it when he is older

unfortunately, ed wont and cant really go to a solictor and get a court order as the oldest isnt actually his. he has brought her up since she was about 4 months old and calls him dad and he classes her as his daughter. she does now that he isnt though as he real dad wanted to get into contact with her when she was 9 so ed had to tell her

because of this, if ed takes it to court it will only be for the youngest who is his and his ex would be awkward and would stop him seeing the eldest full stop which obv he doesnt want xx

Ive got a court order with my ex & he lets down my lil girl at every chance, aint discussed wedding plans with him yet as i might do/say something i regret!!!! he doent want my h2b involved in her life even though he puts food on table/clithes her/roof over her head & is a dad 2 her!!

Court ordrs are only worth it if you get a decent lawyer, im in process of going back to court but i keep a diary of everything that he does or says, even things my lil girl says has happend for when it goes back to court. even keep txt msgs.

Keep a diary aswell rocketqueen & try go back 2 lawyer & get court order adjusted xx

ahhhhhhhhhh just

SLAP HER

just do it anyway, drop him off at 11 like you first suggested. TELL her thats what you are going to do. but dont tell her untill the actual day of the wedding, you dont want her to make other arrangements and not allow him to come. And whats the worst that can happen? she can tell the court? and you can deny it. you can say she AGREED to it as it was your wedding day.
she sounds a total head case. not jealous by any chance is she?
she needs twatting round the back of the head!