I have 2 problems with my H2B's brother.
1st being that I made the stupid mistake a year ago of setting him up with one of my best friends at the time. They hit it off, and are still together now. Last year after they had been dating a couple of months I fell out with this friend. I tried to fix it all a little later for the sake of the brothers and peace, but she basically said that she was worried we would fall out again and said no to being friends again. We are in some of the same classes at uni and haven't said a word to each other since. So H2B and I decided to get married and of course the problem has come up of do we invite her to the wedding? After talking about it loads we decided we were not going to invite her. H2B had to explain this to his brother, his brother is sulking a little, has moaned to their sister about it (who defended us as she understands our point) and is just peeing me off a little about it! After they spoke about it I sent his girlfriend a message on facebook, saying that it is not meant in a harsh way or anything like that, I just dont think I would be happy with someone at my wedding who doesn't like or talk to me. I said I would be willing to meet up for a drink to discuss this further with her. My 2nd attempt to make peace. She has said she would like to meet for a drink but she doesn't live in the same area as us, and is having problems getting to us, even though her bf lives in this area as well. I admit I could go to her but I think I have done enough, plus I dont really believe she wants to sort things and I also think she is just doing it to get an invite. She hasn't said anything about meeting up since to me (since 26th March). I'm done making an effort now, I have made more effort than I would have done, only did it for my H2B. I have tried to be grown up about it but I cant be bothered to keep chasing her around when really I am not interested in making up.

Its just with the friend thing, H2Bs brother said that she wants to be there to support him. Why does he need support? Its a day of celebration, some of HIS friends and his family are going to be there. Its not like he is going to be by himself not knowing anyone. It insults me the term support. If she had said to celebrate with us or anything positive about us I would have considered it. But i dont know! Arghhhhhhh

Second problem, this one is petty of me, but H2Bs brother has long hair. Shoulder length long hair. Not nicely cut in anyway, he is just growing it for the sake of growing it. He is 27. Its just a long mess. All I can think of is the wedding photos and he is going to ruin them. My mum said she is going to corner him and tell him to put it in a ponytail or something to make him look semi-decent. Just its going to feel like we are picking on him now if we say not only can your girlfriend not come but you look a mess and we want you to get a hair cut!!!

Anyone got an advice for my situation? Or thinks I am being a bit of an idiot about it all? Needing honest opinions.

i disagree. i think you should say to him about his hair. at the end of the day it is your wedding. those photos will be there forever. and if thats how you feel now, then you will always be reminded of that whenever you look at the photos.

but thats just my opionion.

Good luck!!!

Ive got the pretty much the sae opinion as pudleduck... its upto you who you invite but not fair to stipulate how sombody must look. I would be offended if i were asked to neaten up in that situation.

Edit: I didt mean to sound nasty....just read that back and it sounds horrile. Sorry

Yup, agree - the guest list is entirely up to you, but if you invite someone, you can't dictate how they have their hair!

Think my new MIL will suggest to BIL about his hair, we're not going to press it. And I never even thought or suggested about him not being in the pictures. Just in my mind the nice family pictures are going to be ever so slightly ruined by his hobo hair. But thank you all for comments/opinions, I wont bully him into sorting it, and I know it was me being petty, but it was just one of those things that was playing on my mind. Its not like I am giving all my guests strict dress codes, just asking one family member to look presentable for pictures, I dont think it is much to be offended by though so chill people =D

I think i have my mind set on the girlfriend thing. But glad to see most dont think i am being unreasonable not inviting her. Sticky situation where I am treading carefully so not to offend anyone too badly.