Heyy ladies i just need to rant about my h2b, he said to me earlier that i am doing his head in (not his exact words but almost implied) with wedding talk. i want him to feel like its his day as well as mine (because it is) yet he doesnt want to help, he says he is fed up with wedding talk. One minute he is contributing and really helping me and then the next day he is saying im doing his head in. Sometimes i feel he doesnt want to get married, he said its too early yet and i then explained what happens then if we start doing it next year and we cant book a venue or find a reception venue we like? or we find one we like but they all booked up? and his reply was...well we will see when we get to that. i know im a head of myself because its not for another two years but if i know how much things will cost then i know how much to save and i can plan a head a the min im in limbo and feel like he doesnt want to talk about it or even want to acknowledge were getting married. i tell him that he put the ring on my finger and if he didnt mean it then he shouldnt have asked. It upsets me because i feel he isnt interested because of his previous engagment which he admitted he would have never married her even though he asked her to marry him is this the same? or does he really want to marry me? ive asked him and he says he does want to marry me but its ages away and theres loads of time left which there is however if we can at least book a venue and things it would help me out. Sorry i know its long.
Feel better now its off my chest now.
CommentAuthorkimmy
It's a pain in the bum because we know that things will not organise themselves including men, if he says he really does want to marry you then maybe agree on looking into stuff just so you can plan ahead a little !!Tell him it will make you happy that normally works for me :-)
CommentAuthortimpson123
I can see both sides of it. Tell him that you only want to decide on the venue so would appreciate his input with that. After that theres loads of research you can do on your own and then present to him nearer the time.
I think you are paranoid about his previous engagement. I don't think he would have talked to you about his feelings about the first marriage if he felt the same about you. I also don't think he would make the same mistake twice. So don't worry about that.
People don't understand wedding organising and from what I have gathered it is usually the bride and maybe the MOB that tend to get excited well in advance. H2B will show more interest when it gets a bit closer I think.
Hope you feel better for having a good old rant. Remember you can always bounce ideas off us girlies.
xxx
CommentAuthorMrsowen2b
Thanks haha! i probs am looking in to his previous engagement to much but its just the way he spoke about her when we first got together he said he adored her and would have done anything for her yet he never like that with me so sometimes when im feeling low i wonder if he really has ever gotten over her (she left him for another man)
My mother isnt one bit intereted and nor is anyone else on his side, my gran shares my excitement because my mum is her only daughter and she has never been married so its exciting for her to help plan my wedding.
I dont expect him to do anything else other than give me some help with the venue then i can do the rest on my own like ive picked favours and things, he has picked the cake he wants but thats only because i showed him photos of cakes i knew he wanted and he just picked the one he liked the most. ive found venues and what not that he would like and all i need is for him to tell me when he is free so we can go and talk to one of the farmer in relation to his barn for the evening reception and well he wont tell me when he finishes work and on his days off he goes fishing.
i do feel better haha other things i can cope with but i just want to know ive got a venue to plan things against.
xxx
CommentAuthordee
My H2B was, and still is exactly the same, to the point where, we get married in 7 weeks and the invites Still haven't gone out because he wants to add the finishing touches to them, but there's always later it is driving me insane!!!!
at least its not only me (in a nice way) i dont want to feel like im the only one with a h2b who couldnt care less haha!! he at least comprimised with saying instead of STD's why not just send the invites out 10 months before the wedding. I was going to say thats a little early but thought better not other wise he will be sayin send them out the week before haha!
CommentAuthorB2B2017
Awww (((hugs))) Im sorry to hear that hun! I think its a MAN thing! I wouldnt be surprised as you say closer to the time when it becomes more real to him he will pay more of an interest.
My h2b isnt as excited as I am and hes leaving EVERYTHING up to me to decide-which in one way is great but in another like you said Its OUR day not just mine. Fortunately Mum is on side and My MOH and close friends have offered to help out as much as they can, the only thing I have made very clear to h2b is that he has to come with me to help choose a Venue, I will ask him what colour schemes etc that he likes just for some input but wont be keeping on at him as it just isnt his thing, he said I can have my day as I want it, he thinks weddings and planning are more a woman sort of thing, which I suppose for some it is.
H2b has also said he will be more excited the closer it gets so I really wouldnt worry hun, of course he loves you and wants to be with you to ask you in the first place :)
Sarah xx
Planning to perfection
CommentAuthorclive
As a bloke amongst all you lovely ladies, allow me to give a viewpoint here!:-)
Were also getting married in 2 years time, and so far, all we have done is book the venue, reception venue and the photographer.
We're not doing things all at once, but at the same time we are going to pace it out steadily, so it's not going so quick that all we talk about day and night is weddings, but at the same time, we allow ourselves some breathing space to do our own thing. In other words, strike a happy medium between the two!
I am *sure* your H2B is just as exited as you are-he just doesn't want to show it. Why? Because it's a man thing!
What Liz and I have done with our wedding is to allocate ourselves different "departments" if you like: i.e. I am buzzing overboard with working with the photographer, and Liz is doing things like the colour scheme and the catering side of things, which I couldn't really give a monkeys about! LOL!! Reason? Im colour blind, so god knows what would happen if i was in charge! LOL.
Speak to him again, ask him what *he* wants to do. Is he a bit of a petrolhead for example? If so, ask him if he wants to sort the wedding car/s out. Is he the creative type? He is?? Good! Maybe ask him to organise the photography, and do the invites/save the date cards. See where I'm going with this?;-) Try it. I think you will be pleasantly surprised:-)
HTH,
Clive xx
CommentAuthorAbbey
Well MrsOwen2b, my H2B couldn't really give a hoot either. He says just to tell him when and where and he'll be there. I know he loves me to pieces but just says weddings aren't his thing, not sure he has been to many with previously being in the RAF. He doesn't want to invite his best friend either!!!! He said he would prefer to just elope the 2 of us and not have all the hooha of an expensive day that will last only 24hours, so i have been left to do it all myself too. It took me all my time to get him to agree to a budget and sign the blooming contract. Aaahh well! I know i get to have the venue I want and my friends and family around but his imput would be nice. So anyway I decided to rope in a couple of lovely wedding planners out in Portugal to help me get my dream day as cheaply as possible and they are lovely to chat to and have already helped save us a fortune plus they are helping me do all the legal stuff for getting wed abroad. H2b is more happy about the holiday to be fair!
Maybe you could suggest to your H2B that you just want to sort out a few details to try to get them at 2011 prices instead of more costly 2013 ones?
Good luck hun x
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
no offence ghun but i can see his point! its 2 years away! and if ure talkin about t alot he will be thinkin i hav 2 years of this lol mayb wait til closer time to discuss things
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthormelvis
hey huni :)My wedding is far away too!! but we both decided that we should book the church and reception as soon as possable to defo get the date and venue that we wanted and I was really impressed with h2b as he took an active role in looking at places online and going to hotels every sunday. So now that we have booked this aspect i am aware of the whole 'doing things too soon...' aspect and dont wanna peck h2b head so occassionally things will get mentioned like 'are you wearing a kilt?' and then we change the convo but weve generaly decided that there is gonna be no more bookings untill about 18months to a year from now!
so say to him that the BIG things need to get done soon so you defo have your place and date, and in fairness give yourself something to work towards. Then just drop little things into the convo from time to time like 'how about save the dates...' hha x
Cant wait to be Mrs Melissa Mooney!!!
Hes The Man Of My Dreams
Kos 2013!
CommentAuthorAli
My H2B was/is exactly the same. Everytime i mentioned the wedding he just wasn't interested, so i asked him if he actually wanted to get married or just go on holiday. Wedding is still on, so you can guess what his answer was. But he did say that he wants the day to be perfect for ME so whatever I chose he is happy to go along with. I've asked for his input, but haven't really had anything from him, but i am the organiser in our household so i guess he's used to me doing everything.
I asked him last night if he'd handed out the invites for the evening reception as the RSVP date is the 15 July, his answer was, oh yeah i'll try get them done this weekend lol.
I think all men are a little bit laid back and they generally think that its the womans day so its down to us to do most of the planning.
Chin up though, as nearer to the time i'm sure he will show more interest x
Happy to be Mrs Holt, love my husband and love the memories
of our wedding day
CommentAuthorkrazykitty
ry is exctly the same although now when i mention things to him he will have a look and chat about them with me! mostly its my mum i chat to lol. this morning i sent him a list of the flowers i like and the website where he can have a look at them and tell me which he likes etc so he can pick his buttonholes and he said they all really nice and when i asked which he wanted for buttonholes he couldnt remember haha. still at least we both like the flowers! but i was in same place as you not that long ago! i think it cos of dont tell the bride men think everything can be done in 3 weeks!! never mind that venues and photographers are usually booked up upto 3 years in advance sometimes!!
good luck hun but i think as it gets nearer the time he will start to get interested x
i cannot wait to marry my best friend
i love you ry!!!
engaged midnight 2009
Mrs Ryan Sheader (to be) lol :D
CommentAuthormcewan07
mine is the same, think all guys are
i asked mine to chase up rsvp's his side and he still hasnt done it, ask him for the imput into the wedding he wanted ( i only wanted the two of us he wanted the big white wedding) i dont get it.He spends all the wedding money on his model railway.I am just seriously at my witts end and i only have 30 days left.
Im sure by the time he is away to sort out his suit for the day it will became more real for him, it did for my other half - then that night his daughter and i had a massive physical fight and his enthusiasm disappeared again
CommentAuthorMrsowen2b
haha!! i know its really far away and im not bombarding him with wedding talk all day every day and we do talk about other things as well but i just wanted him to help with the venue im thinking about other things and i wont be booking or buying anything big till atleast a year before the wedding i just wanted to at least look at venues etc. ive picked the colours and he seems to be ok with them and we have set a budget. We talked about guests but he wants every tom di ck and harry at the wedding and i dont want people who are not exactly our friends just people to talk to. He wants the big look at me wedding and yet he isnt paying a penny towards it at all which is why im kind of annoyed because not only is he not funding any part of the wedding he isnt bothered. He asked his friend to do our photography and he isnt interested about anything else, when it suits him he is all im getting married (like asking his friend to do out photography) but apart from that he just ignores me. i dont want to be a bride who only talks about weddings and i never will be i have a hetic life so can only think of wedding things in the evening so its not like its the only thing we talk about.
CommentAuthorlinzi
lol. Think most of us have been here! Men just cant grasp the concept that a wedding takes a LOT of organisation. They think it can all be done in a few days, and a LOT nearer the time.
mine has only just in the last few months stopped saying "I'll do that nearer the time, the wedding is ages away yet" and "its too early to think about yet".
dont take it to heart, just accept that he prob wont get even nearly as excited as you until about 6 months before! And in order to get the best venue, photographer, band etc you HAVE to book early, and if you book this year you will secure 2011 prices, so it will work out a lot cheaper for you. Tell him that! x
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully!!
Started Slimming World - 23/03/2011 - 2 Stone to lose!
Total Loss = 1 stone 7 lbs.
As at 23/11 - 3 days before the wedding.
CommentAuthorRosie
Hi ya i got engaged last year and started planning to and i had alot of people telling me it was to soon but we i spoke to my venue and they told me that the date i wanted was the only date in june next year they have left i was shocked the wedding coordenator advise me to book as much as possiable straight away not only do you get things at this years price but alot of place get booked up really quickly xx
CommentAuthorJane
see if he will do something each month towards the day we have put a deposit down each month it also makes the actual day more real with each one paid and ticked off, i had the same thing as you did rosie my best friend tellin me we're rushin with the plans in the end she began bitchin behind my back trying to get my other friends/family to go against us, turns out it was all coz she had to get pregnant to get a bloke to stay with her and he didnt propose to her till 20th later ( we got engaged 8wks after gettin together) and also coz were havin a castle wedding and shes goin for a registry one, silly fool that she is all unto their own i say but she's annoyed as well coz my h2b works and her's isn't so she's saying people who get married are stupid (it's also coz he's only with her coz of their daughter and he won't leave the little girl behind if he walks coz she won't be looked after properly) back to subject i found out most of the suppliers are getting booked up for 2013/14 so you have to get in there quick, best of luck hun hope all goes well for you :)
yay soon 2 be Lady Jane Bradbury
CommentAuthorRach
my h2b and i have split up the tasks we've agreed budget together etc but he's sorting usher and bm gifts while i do the bm's, he suggested colour scheme (man u colours!!) and i make it work lol
You cant make every decision together and my h2b doesnt want to take anything away from me but is willing to sort anything i need him too - so i may pick the colour of the bm dresses but ask him what he thinks between 2 i've decided on
To be honest having my bm to spitball ideas is far better than my h2b and i like suprising him with ideas which he nearly aways thinks is great!!
xxx
Marrying the most romantic man in the world
Our wedding will be fun, fun, fun!
CommentAuthorMrsowen2b
:) so im not the only one maybe its a man thing my moh lives miles away from me and has a poorly mother and 2 young sons so never has time to sit and talk with me my other bm's are always busy also. They are also very different people who are opinionated so may not all agree with me. I think i need to get them all together to pick there own dresses from a pile i like (pick a few) :D things will come together in the end i have lots of time to plan thats the good thing :D
CommentAuthorMissSL
Hey.. dunno if this will help at all, but hopefully it does. When my H2B and I got engaged I could see the lack of interest in organising from day one .. So I asked him at what point will he be excited - and he replied the week before. So that was fine by me, I knew it wasn't a case of disinterest but apparently a year or whatever is a very long time to be excited about something.... Men ahven't dreamed about this since they were little boys like we did as little girls... I think nearer the time you'l find his interest grow.. xx
CommentAuthorMrsowen2b
i hope so missSL because otherwise i will go insane haha! xx
CommentAuthorMissSL
I honestly couldn't understand it myself and even now I only get the odd "Urgh! Don't like that" .... But once it gets a bit closer he'll show some signs of "Groom" rather than just "man" x
CommentAuthorMrsowen2b
haha at least its not just him, im happy to see things get easier :D x
CommentAuthorMissSL
Hehe absolutely!! .... and lets be honest if the H2Bs suddenly came home with fabric samples and wedding favours we'd be a little worried!!! ;-) xx
CommentAuthorGuessWho
We had a similar chat tonight where I mocked that if he showed as much interest in the wedding as he does cars then it would eb all arranged by now lol. I think it really is a man thing. They can't plan past tomorrow let alone 2013. However that is what we are here for to get excited together xx
Engaged 20th May 2011 - Times Square, New York
Wedding 18th May 2013 - South of France
CommentAuthorMrsowen2b
yeah thats what i said to my h2b however his is fishing haha!! dave comes home and says you on that face of brides and i have to correct him everytime and say its ukbride, he moans and i say well if i dont get my fix on here its all coming spilling out on you...which one? and he then just shuts up and watchs the tv haha!! xx
