Today H2b has decided he wants to put the wedding back to summer 2014. I have no say in it and he says if i dnt want it in 2014 then to find someone else who will marry me in 2013 then, knowing full well i love him too much to walk. He says he wants more money for it but he doesn't understand in life you'll always want that bit more money. He told me we'd start properly panning 2 years before so i've been really excited and now he's said this. I've told all my family and friends its 2013. I originally wanted 2012 and he wanted 2014 so we compromised and now he's done this. I don't know what to do. He's hurt me so much that I no all the way through planning and in life it's going to be his way or no way. Where do i go from here
CommentAuthorTinsel
edited
So sorry to read this.
Have you discussed how much money you will need? You might not need as much as he thinks...
07.04.12 - the best day of my life!
Living happily ever after as Mrs Nottage x
CommentAuthorkimmy
Oh hun im sorry, men can be such a pain in the arris can't they, if it's just about the money then write a budget plan down it might surprise him how much you can plan a wedding for :D
CommentAuthorkatiejane
ye and i've just got a new job so saving more than i though i could. It feels more of a power thing than the fact he wants more money
It should be a join decision, no just his choice. How far away from your desired budget are you?
07.04.12 - the best day of my life!
Living happily ever after as Mrs Nottage x
CommentAuthorkatiejane
wel my rents are paying for most of it. I've already moved from july 2013 to oct 2013 because he wants to stay in army so he can go afgan. the thing is i cant force him to marry me so if he says 2014 it has to be 2014
CommentAuthorShoosh
This is really sad, you are a partnership and decisions should be made together. Have you asked him if there are any other reasons why he wants to delay it by so long? Are you planning a large or smaller wedding maybe you could scale things down a bit if its the money thats a problem? Hope you manage to sort it out.
CommentAuthorTinsel
I wouldn't want to marry him if he dictated to me like that! Sorry, if your parents are paying for most of it, he should stick to the original date you agreed. Could someone else talk to him? A sister or parent?
07.04.12 - the best day of my life!
Living happily ever after as Mrs Nottage x
CommentAuthorIgnition
Oh hunni, I'm so sorry to hear this. Hope everything works out okay. xx
Can't wait to be Mrs Mansfield
Having a Fun Fair Reception
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Roll On The 15th September 2012
CommentAuthorkatiejane
we know we will have the money for the wedding we want by 2013. he says 2014 is a luckier year. Im starting tot hink he doesnt want to get married so he's just trying to spoil things until i call it off
CommentAuthorJill
Aww hun, I cant really add to this apart from to say dont let him dictate now or it will continue on that way. Shocking ultimatum to give you! Hope you're ok xx
29th September 2012
Cant wait to be Mrs D!
CommentAuthorKaz
Well sweetie, if what you think is true, then it may be better to find out the truth from him now, instead of every time you get near to a date he puts it back! Hope it works out for you hun! xx
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthorRoxy
awk pet this is so sad, hope you're ok, men never usually mean what they say. and they say we're the confusing ones! maybe sit down and have a serious chat with about how things are and will in the future. good luck chick
CommentAuthorRosie
hi sorry to hear you are having so much trouble with your h2b have you tried to sit him down and tell him how it is making you feel and see what he says and ask him why he thinks you need to much money as there are alot of good bargins out there now and weddings are not as expensive now as you think xx
CommentAuthorMrsMcleish2B
Sorry to hear this hun, I think you need to find out the true reason why he wants to put the date back. Wanting to go to Afghan wouldn't be a good enough reason for me either - my H2B is in the army and there is always the next tour if it conflicts with your big day. Could it be army mates influences making him want to wait a bit longer - the old ball and chain joke etc etc? I hope you get it sorted soon hun but like Kaz says it's better to no now then in a couple of years time how he feels xxx
Wedding Day - 16th June 2012
CommentAuthorUnknown
sorry to hear this....but there are 2 of you in this relationship and you should both make these deicisons! sit down and talk to him. if my h2b said that then i would have gone mad and wouldnt put up with it!
a wedding isnt about how much money you spend but a commitment to each other! xx
CommentAuthorWeeMintyMonkie
So sorry to hear this!
I know you love him but if hes using it as a "power thing" do you really want to live married life like that!
i would hate it if my husband to be thought that every decision made was his way or no way!
You both need to sit down and talk everything through and he needs to be honest with you!
xxx
CommentAuthorMrs*Maria*Louise
Aww hun im sorry but that's an awful thing to say to you, think you need to have a good chat but what's he's doin isn't fair on you'd go mad at my h2b if he did that hope you work it out hugs Xx
We Did It Finally
Now Husband and Wife
It Was A Dream Come True
26/11/11 Best Day Of My Life
CommentAuthorSpannerrosie
I have to agree with the girls above, the 'power thing' doesn't sound good... Do you really want to be controlled? That sounds worrying... If he says that you can find someone else to marry you in 2013, he shouldn't even jokingly say you could marry someone else! He's supposed to want you himself come hell or high water. I also agree that money shouldn't be that big a stumbling block, a wedding is what you make of it, regardless of cost. Obviously I don't know either of you but it does sound like there is some other reason why he's adamant he wants to put the date back. I think you really need to sit him down and ask him to tell you exactly why and why he's not prepared to compromise. Hugs xxxxx
CommentAuthorRachie :D
I think I would ask him point blank if he actually wants to marry me dont let him have the power
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorkrisw86
i think rachie has made a good suggestion. just blatently (sp) ask him if he wants to marry u or not. if he doesnt want to marry u then he shouldnt get ur hopes up hun xxx
CommentAuthorada
so sorry to hear this hun looks like a few of us are having difficulty with h2b thinking of you sending you big hugs xxx
CommentAuthorEnny
its actually not fair what he is doing... it should be a joined decision ... my h2b is very relaxed he is as well the later the better but i said 2013 so be it... wanna be married b4 i'm 30 :D so therefore it was planned first april 2013 his family wasnt to keen at first but now i moved the date to october just as I know i would need more money to afford the dream :) and he said i dont mind as long as we get married :D so therefore it was me who postponed ... hun u might be able to speak to him again find all pro's and cons and maybe u find a compromise to get married maybe in december and get a lowly winter wedding or january 2014 :) or tell him 2014 the prices are going to be more than 2013 he might will change his mind :D just try it u have nothing to loose xx ***hugs***
CommentAuthortimpson123
Enny makes a good point about the higher prices in 2013. I would also just ask him straight out if he wants to get married at all. I hope you get the answers you want and he realises how much you care about him. He is very lucky to have you.
CommentAuthorweemindyxx
aw you poor wee soul, so sorry to hear your H2B is being a complete door knob (lol) i agree with some of the other comments dont let him dictate you agreed to compromise, me and my h2b have had a few arguments about money and the wedding but if he even suggested putting it of and making me wait longer then i would make his life a misery, lol. hope you work it out chicken.xxx
future Mrs Cole
Soulmates, 2 halves of the same soul
Joining together in lives journey.
CommentAuthorPaula
Sorry to hear this
If you think he is doing this as he does not want to get married then you can either set a date and start making plans/bookings for 2014, he will either further try to put it or get involved (go along with his plans) or talk to him explain how his actions are affecting you and see if he takes your feelings on board.
CommentAuthorAngelaeris
I'd turn the tables on him and say if you want to marry in 2014 youll need to find someone else see how he likes that's. Also I agree with the other ladies on the whole power trip he's on. How dare he dictate to you and not discuss it first.
21st September 2011 the day I became Mrs Davis!
CommentAuthorNishaVyas88
Hang on, if your parents are covering a lot of the wedding costs, why is he the one panicking about money? Especially when its very doable to do a wedding on a budget.
I suggest, like a lot of these lovely ladies, planning a budget and showing him that its quite plausible to do the wedding earlier. If he still kicks up a fuss, I would ask him if he wants to actually get married. Might shock him into seeing what an idiot he's being.
CommentAuthormelliecake
Sorry to hear about this, hope you sort it out. Ask him straight if he wants to marry you because you can't keep letting him postpone it, it will mess up plans, keep upsetting you and you could even end up losing money with deposits etc. x
CommentAuthorprincessnat1977
I hope you get this sorted hun, as the others say the "power" thing is not good, time to turn that one around or walk xx
CommentAuthorstressed to max b2b
ok apoligise again cause im goin to be blunt firstly my appoligise hes doin this to you, but i think its about time u called his bluff he is to put it bluntly mentaly bulling you, sorry to those that dont agree, he is controlling you and every aspect of your relationship together, do u really want to marry a man that is willing to finish you if u dont wait to marry him??????????????
u need to sit and tell him that no matter how much u love him, you will not have him control and contradict your lifes plans on his own to you, you are a partnership and everything should be decided on together. tell him he needs to take you and your feelings into account and talk to you, do not keep backing down to his every whim, thats no basis to make a marriage on.
personally i say run no matter how much u love him this guy is no good for you he is a control freak and its starting out like this a few years donw the line it will be telling you who u can and cant see what u can and cant wear when and when you cant leave the house. he might love u but from what u sayin he isnt in love with you you dont treat ppl like that, you need to think about your life and what you want from it, im sure u want a happy marriage and family life with a morgate and family that u can enjoy not a life of walking on egg shells and wondering what hes going to tell u, u can and cant do.
YOU DESERVE MORE AND YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT. XXX HUGS XXX
met him 25/8/97
he proposed 4/3/98
get married 21/4/12 then i will become mrs johnson
3 beautiful children together
CommentAuthormadison_uk
edited
sorry i agree i would run like the wind, why would you want to be with someone who dictates when you can do things, from seeing my sisters marriage she married to a **** who tells her what she can and cant do and half off the time shes in tears on the phone to me, never let a man tell you what to do, as it will never end it will move on to what you can spend your money on, who your allowed to be friends with, and in the end you will be left with nothing, you need to nip it in the bud before he thinks he can be the boss of you i think you need to stand up to him and tell him your not happy with his behaviour
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
i agree! tell him! or make him read this lol
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorbarbie86
If my OH said this to me I would question our relationship and whether or not he actually wanted to marry me. I would also find it controlling and manipulative, which would make me seriously question if we had a future together, and if I could be with someone like that.
There are a few issues here: first, he's using money as an excuse, to be frank. Not only are your parents footing the bill, in which case he doesn't need to worry, but you don't need thousands upon thousands to get married, so money just isn't an excuse anyway. Secondly, his comment that if you won't marry him in 2014, you can find someone else, is childish, and smacks of emotional blackmail and table turning ('if you love me you'll wait to marry me'). IMPO, either you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, or you don't, and I might have read this wrong, but it sounds to me like he's unsure about marrying and so trying to stall for time.
Throwing tantrums or crying, or trying to turn his comment back around won't get you anywhere; you need to first sit and think calmly about the situation. We don't know him or the full situation so can only offer limited advice; for eg, who wanted to marry? Did he propose or is this something you've always wanted and have perhaps pressured him into? If so then perhaps that's your answer. When you've thought about how you feel and what might be behind this, then you need to sit down and talk to him properly. Point out that the money thing is just an excuse, and ask why he's reluctant to marry in 2013, and hopefully he'll be honest. Maybe he doesn't feel ready; maybe he's wants to focus on his career at the moment; either way you need to try to get him to be honest, and listen to what he has to say; shouting or getting upset will only make him defensive.
Ultimately, you can't force him to marry you in 2013; he should WANT to marry you, so you delivering an ultimatum is just as bad as what he's doing. If he won't agree to 2013, then you need to decide if there's any future in this relationship.
Good luck
CommentAuthorKayteeG
Would he really leave you if you don't get married when he wants? If so, then he can't really love you surely, and surely you don't want to be with him if that's the case? You need to figure out if he's just calling your bluff, and if he is - why on earth would he do that? Is he just freaking out? Even so, this is not fair to you hun - I really hope you sort something out - whatever is best for you xxx
CommentAuthorstressed to max b2b
to be fair the following is 99% more likly to happen... he will manipulate and say things to you, that u will then agree with, postpone the wedding,let him control and dictate to you,then u will say i see where hes coming from now and stick up for him and defend him.
it does'nt matter what any of us say to you, you love him and thats that.
i have one thing to say to you and thats..........
WARNING WARNING ALARM BELLS SHOULD BE RINGING. XXXX AND YOU SHOULD BE RUNNING XXX
not what u want to hear at all i know but.....
met him 25/8/97
he proposed 4/3/98
get married 21/4/12 then i will become mrs johnson
3 beautiful children together
CommentAuthorTotallyLovedUp
edited
awww huni i am so sorry but i have to agree with the girls. call his bluff. he he sticks to his guns then you do too. do u really want to be married to someone who thinks they can dictate to you someting that should be a joint decision? and to say that you should find someone else to marry you in 2013 if you wont wait till 2014 then i would turn around and say right ok then its over and he wouoldnt see me for dust!
i dont get why he is so worried about money if your parents are paying a big chunk of it?? sounds like a power trip to me huni. either kick him into shape or run run run! xx
CommentAuthorFutureMrsClarke
Wow he does need to be kicked into touch! Ive been worring about money too (our wedding is set for July 2014) and whenever I say anything about it my H2B keeps saying we could 'push it back' a few months. Which is met by a stern reply of 'that is the month I want it so thats the month it WILL happen'. Its not going to be easy, and Id dont envy you this situation but he needs to decide whether he wants to marry you or not. Its not fair to leave you hanging like that! What happens if you get to 2014 and he wants to wait ANOTHER year? Uncool!
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
i read this when you first posted and i have just and read it all again.....and i agree with the other girls here ....have you noticed that you have menetion 2 things that are shaping your future ..
he wants to stay in the army so he can go to Afgan he wants to wait till 2014 for no good reason
he said that you will wait till 2014 or find someone else to marry in 2013
this man like to have ultimate power he has to accept what he is told in the army but in your relationship he has self styled himself as the commander in charge ....
sweetie you really have to take a step back and not so much look at what is happening now but what is happening in 10/15 yrs time ....
maybe you will only have a job that he wants you to have you will live where he wants to live have friends that he wants to have
and so it goes on ........i know you love him but love does not conquor everything ,love is a 2 way road that you both travel down not a single lane with him a the driver
i agree with lala it sounds like a major control issue, u need to think long term how will ur life pan out if u stay? i couldnt stay in a relationship like that. I am sorry that this is happening to you but i think you have to put urself first in this whole situation. i hope u get everything sorted and be happy! xxxx
CommentAuthorjanetx71
i agree total control freak and i think if he can tell you to find someone else to marry well that kind of says it all well it would for me id be running as fast and as far as i can get if you accept this then yo better get used to having no say what so ever in your life together xxx
CommentAuthorKatie
Sweetie I agree with what the other girls have said. Think long and hard about your future. You can not live with a control freak he will only get worse he will tell you what you can wear who you can speak to and your life will be a misery. Obviously we dont know him and can only go on your comments but you really really need to think about his general behavior. Think about yourself and your happiness
xxx
Those who mind dont matter
Those who matter dont mind
CommentAuthorKayteeG
Where are you hun? Are you ok? x
CommentAuthorada
I was wondering the same thing kayteeg hope she is ok x
CommentAuthorKaz
Hey guys, we're all wondering the same thing, I've just messaged her so we'll see eh? xx
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthorstressed to max b2b
i messgd her a few hours ago x
met him 25/8/97
he proposed 4/3/98
get married 21/4/12 then i will become mrs johnson
3 beautiful children together
CommentAuthorClareS
I've just read through the whole thread, Kaite I can't believe what he's said. I really hope you're ok and just taken a bit of time out to think about things x
