Okay, I come from a family where hospitality is a BIG thing. Whether people were close friends, family or just someone who needed help and a room for a night, they were welcome and we'd always make sure that they were looked after. At Christmas, we'd have lots of "waifs and strays" who we knew over for dinner if they couldn't make it home.

When I got a little older, I'd invite friends over for dinners and do everything I could to make sure they had an amazing evening. It wasn't about showing off, it was about having an unforgettable night with friends. I'd often give a dress-code and suggest bringing a bottle, but I'd always provide a champagne reception and fantastic food.

Anyway, to get back to the subject, while I'm planning my wedding to be a great day for us; I'm always thinking about how to make it a great day for our guests and that's a really important thing for me.

While I'm not saying that I'm not going to enjoy it, it sometimes feels that the opinion of some members of this site is "do what you like and to hell with anyone else", but if you don't take care of your guests on your wedding day then it may well lead to a less wonderful experience than it would have been if you'd put them higher up the agenda. That doesn't necessarily mean that you have to give them every luxury, but little touches that are for their benefit are appreciated.

One of my friends was on a VERY tight budget and couldn't afford a champagne reception; so instead she had glasses of Chaumet (which is about £1 a bottle) for everyone to drink and it was REALLY appreciated. They also made sure she got round to talk to as many people as possible before sitting down at the "top table".

im sorry but my wedding was about us,not a show to impress others and our guests loved it!!!

Oh for f***'s sake. I said it wasn't a show to impress other people, but you do have to show some care to your guests. I was just saying that a little hospitality goes a long way.

i dont get why you've felt the need to post this ..and it was me that said on the feed your guest post that too many b&g's are having to think more of the guests and what THEY want rather than what the B&G want and i said they should start thinking what they want sometimes....but didnt say they had to neglect the guests..........but at the end of the day it is the B&G day they should go with what they want..........but clearly that grates on you and obviously makes you feel those of us that think that dont give a to**!!! well i never had any complaints about my day ..i had everyone compliment on the food that was giving and how nice a day it was....and thats even me doing it my way and what i wanted!! ...i didnt have the budget to do anything fancy for them ..and im sure that guests would ust appreciate being invited to join in the big day and no one needs anything fancy to have a good time....if you dont have the money to put on things like fireworks, jugglers, harpists, impersonators, ice sculptures..doesnt make a day any less special

mine and h2b wedding is about us and it will be the wedding we want and not to make other people happy!
Even by inviting guests it shows you care. It is always an honour to get a wedding invite and as i said before we are spending so much to feed them all day and supply the day guests with alcohol i am just going to do everything to make me and h2b happy!

I think a wedding is about showing your friends and family how much you love each other and your commitment....and it is my wedding my way!

mrsbarkertobe,you got it in one,a wedding is about 2 people showing their friends and family how much they love each other,not how much champagne you can throw at them,we didnt provide any drinks for our guests but we made damn sure we went around spoke to everyone and had a fab time,im sorry but this post has ofended me,you can throw millions in to a wedding and it can fall flat on its face,its the people that make it!!!

oh for god sake get off your high horse!!!

I do think that its your day your way..... No point having a menu that you dont like because your guests might..... I dont like fish, the smell of fish would make me heave, therefore no matter how many of our guests would like ... we're not having simple.

Of course i will be trying to ensure my guests have a good time, but i want them to have a good time at a day that is all about me and h2b and what we like. They will enjoy themselves being part of our day as friends, family and loved ones. Its not about food, or drink, budget or entertainment or dress code..... a day is what you make it for yourselves, and i think it would lead to much more enjoyable day all round for everyone if the bride is relaxed, smiling and socialising than stressed about pleasing everyone else.
Just my humble opinion for what it is worth.

ok maybe because im ALOT older than practicaly everyone here , i have a "older " view point ......although of course i want everone to enjoy themselves but i see it as very much our day that we are inviting our families to share .... which does mean that dispite having the money to pay for alsorts i wont do it, i have been married before and have been to lots of wedding`s and people dont remeber lots of bits that you think they will .....they will remember your happiness and of course Auntie vera falling asleep in the corner

as i have said i completely agree with my day, my way. and as blondmumma has said i would never have things i dont like.

I will give you an example...at my wedding we are having pate starter. so many people have said they dont want it. but we are still having it as we like it and want it. I am not going to eat something i dont want on MY wedding day.

I would be upset if my guests didnt come but i wouldnt let it ruin my day as i am marrying the man of my dreams and that is what is important!

Friends and family will remember how happy you looked not the little extra's

Wow-weeeee!

YWYD as long as it is about you and groom
OR
YWYD and it about your guests.

Either way it is YWYD - so whats all the bitching????? Thought all that was dealt with ages ago and there was an adult agreement that if you didnt have anything nice to say?????

when i said i would have it my way its my day...doesnt mean i didnt care about the guests or not think about them....i sat for ages choosing my menu and actually gave them a choice in case they didnt' like certain things as opposed to a set menu when there's the chance they might not like it and not eat...so i would say i cared in that area....me and my mum made homemade toffee and wrapped it up all nicely for the ladies favours..if i didnt care i wouldnt put the effort and and time into making something i could have easily of bought but felt it was more heartfelt being homemade....i put 4 bottles of wine on each table to make sure they had a few drinks to have with their meal and didnt have too dig too deep or spend too much money...i would say i thought about that and cared enough to do that ...i could have put 1 or 2 bottles............maybe its because deep known i knew my dad wouldnt be there so my day couldnt have been as special as i wanted but i had to do with the fact he's no longer here..i had to try........i had mike's cousin and wife and 2 kids travel from england up to the wedding and made sure that the hotel had disabled access os their wee lad has spina bifida...so i thought about that............yes i might not have put on fireworks, ice sculptures, have elton john there etc...but i did think about the smaller things that more people appreciated.....and with having a simple yet elegant wedding i got to go around everyone at night for a chat and thats what made it for me!!! didnt need any gimmicks to wow and astound them...just as long as I could thank them for being there was all that mattered..and my guest book speaks wonders!!!

Our wedding is planned to reflect us, but I guess part of both of our personalities is to make sure that the people around us are having a great time.

yeh but i get a sense that you think that those of us that have the opinion "our day our way" don't care about the guests and i dont think thats very fair!!!! all i mean from me saying that is most of the decisions are reflected on our taste rather than what the guests would like as a colour scheme etc!

I have to disagree with some of the girl's here and agree with SS.
Mine and Stephen's wedding day will be all about us, know one else but Stephen and I getting married and committing ourselves to each other BUT I will be adding little extra thing's we wouldn't necessarily have to please our guest's. We have even changed from a church wedding to a civil ceremony so our guest's don't need to drive. We are doing quite a few thing's that we don't really want to do but we are doing so we know our guest's will enjoy our day.
I know a wedding is all about the couple and my day will be about us but I want our guest's to have a fab time and remember it forever like I will.
However I do not let anyone dictate to me how I should do thing's and what I should or shouldn't have. I'm doing what I think is right, not necessarily "My day, my way" but definitely "My day, my say!"

I also think if too much is thrown at guests, it will put them off. A lot of them will think "they are trying to impress us with money, not the love they have for each other" and end up thinking of the wedding as an exercise in LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT HOW MUCH MONEY WE HAVE

obviously most of the guests wont think that, but there will quite a few that will!

I totally disagree that guest's will be put off and think we're throwing money at them

we havent got anything fancy planned but hope they enjoy themselves as much as me and my new hubby will x

without actualling being at each other's weddings i dont think anyone has the right to say that we dont' care about our guests!!...people might not agree with the "our day our way" view but tough!! i know all my guests had a fab time and that was without anything fancy at night...like i said a swell being able to go around personally and having a chat with everyone made it more special to people..i know how crap it is to go to a wedding and not even get a look in at the bride because there's too much going on!!

but each to their own..im just disheartened to think people ASSUME i didn't give a thought about anyone else!

I don't think I'm throwing money at them, just choosing to put savings I've made towards treats for my guests, even though I could theoretically use them to avoid having to save so much each month.

i dont think its the amount of money that u spend on a wedding that makes it special its the people who you care about being there to celebrate x

one thing I am fighting with is the welcome and toast drink. i am a bit of a snob and if I got served sparkling wine at a wedding I would think "ok, they couldnt afford champagne" (not that i would be looking down my nose at them or anything). but on the flip side to save money at our own wedding we are thinking of serving sparkling wine.

swings and roundabouts. Not going to make a decision cause will change it a hundred times between now and November!

i loved how everyone at my wedding mingled and chatted whilst we had photos done!! got to know other people etc

and how my wedding will be tarnished of the memory of mike's cousin's hubby lifting up mike's kilt , taking a pic and posting it on fb lol and mike ws a "true scotsman" lol

I actually feel like I'm doing something wrong because I'm doing a few extra thing's to help my guest's enjoy the day.
That's sad!