I love my mil and fil2b..... they are lovely and i couldnt wish for nicer inlaws.... my problem is not them. Basically my h2b nan lives with his parents in an anex on their house. She is at a very difficult age and is very dependant on everyone else which is hard for her. While h2b parents are out at work she gets lonely and is quite grumpy. Me, h2b his brother and his sisters families all try to regularly get in to see her but it doesnt seem to help. She is a very lonely depressed old lady. Basically though she seems unable to get interested or bothered in her youngest grandsons wedding, with only 2 weeks to go we have tried on 4 previous occassions to get her out to choose an outfit, and she is happy to go along with this until the morning. Each and every time, something goes wrong. I know it cant be helped but its so frustrating. I work every other weekend, this is my last weekend off before the wedding an i have made plans and worked around the plan of shopping with the inlaws today. I was told to be ready for 10:20.... and now at 11 they still have not left. I have a dress fitting this afternoon, so time is kind of important and i can just see us not going again at this rate. I am getting to the point of not caring if she has nothing to wear as surely if she was bothered she would have let us get her out shopping by now. She says herself she doesnt think she wants to come. This breaks h2bs heart and is also very hard on me as i have spent a lot of time caring for her. I am worried that this is going to happen on the wedding day. Mil2b is taking my daughter and neice (bms) to the hair dressers in the morning and i can just see his nan playing up and everything going wrong on the day! I feel so bad for his mum, she is so excited at her youngest son getting married, but even she has said that its so frustrating that other than her and fil2b none of the rest of his family seem at all bothered! His other nan has gone on holiday, and mil2b says that its shocked her that she has shown so little interest and has even booked another appointment for the day after the wedding so clearly has no interest in getting to know any of my family at the day out the next day... and its her only grandson!! She is really well off as well and has made no offer to contribute to her only grandsons wedding which mil2b is shocked about as well. I think she is very upset that its her youngest sons wedding and none of the family seem to be at all bothered or excited :( And i am worried that this will cause problems on the day :(
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
edited
your mil is shocked that her mum hasn't paid anything to your wedding? my h2b grandparents haven't and wouldn't expect them to
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
i have to agree why should she pay towards it ........ i think you maybe need to back off his nana and let her do what she wants to do,she is an old lady and they lend themselves very nicely to bouts of " i don't know if i shall grace you with my presence" ....you need to be focusing you you hun ..
Aw blondmumma that's so sad :( I think you & mil2b need to discuss what to do if h2bs nan does play up on the day - you need to prioritise getting your bms ready and then go back for her if she's calmed down. And I'm sure your family/mil2b & fil2b will be excited enough on the day to make up for anyone else's absence :) Xx
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
mil2b is suprised that HER mil has not offered anything as she is very well off and h2b is HER only grandson.... thats all. Mil2b nan is not being easy at the minute but i think mil was hoping that she would show some signs of interest and excitement at going out shopping for an outfit. H2b has said that he will be putting his foot down and be telling his mum that on the wedding day his nan is his sisters responsibility, if she has enough then his sister can take her home.
We went out an hour later than planned, which made me late to my freinds for my dress fitting. His sister was a nightmare and has managed to get about 5 new outfits (i did point out it was only 1 day but this is what she is like, anything for a freebee) she was also looking at dresses in the region of £70 for her 3 yr old daughter and commenting on how "ooohhh look she will look like a flower girl"...... errrr no!!! she can wear a pretty dress thats not a bridesmaids dress!!! Basically his sister was on the scrounge for whatever she could get! We found a couple of outfits for his nan so she could see how she felt on the day.... and a gorgeous dress for mil2b.
H2b nan shouted at his dad and hit him in the face in the middle on John Lewis. So fil2b stormed off, mil2b burst into tears and then was stood crying in the middle of the shopping center and admitted even she is worried about the wedding day and how her mum will behave.....
Sil2b is creating about how is she getting to the wedding.... i said "your driving" and she saying she doesnt know how to get there she'll go with her mum.... told her that her mum will be busy with me and the bms on the wedding day and that she is going in the bms car with them.... so she would have to drive herself. Grrrrr
Aww no thats stress you don't need Just concentrate on you and your h2b and if she does kick off then just ignore it and don't let it spoil your day - someone else can deal with her xx
CommentAuthorEcoFreak
Blimey! Nan really does sound like a handful :( Sil2b is the one allocated to look after her on the day no? Then clearly she's gonna be driving! It's not like its her wedding, she needs to drive/do as asked really Xx
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
and breathe.........................sounds u need a chat wih the sis here explain clearly to her what u would like her to do and that includes driving!!! xxx
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthor~feebee~
Old people can be funny but she's taking the biscuit! Old or not she's not going to ruin your day ok. She's sounds like she's got all her marbles there so is just being difficult. If she hasn't got an outfit then let her wear what she wants. Tell the family to take her home in a taxi if needs be and let her stew on her own at home!
Finally Mrs Grove :)
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
Sil2b is pretty awful as well tbh. Even h2b doesnt get on with her, i smile and try to get on with everyone to keep the peace but his sister is the kind of person who is happy to never do a days work and to get everything bought for her..... literally to the point where she claims all the benefits she can with her husband, neither of them work yet their benefit money goes on who knows what and at least 5 times out of 7 she will have her kids at the inlaws. She has a 16yr old, 12yr old and a 3 yr old and will have them round there till gone 11pm. Mil2b and fil2b get no time to them selves, and on the 2 occassions when she has been told to take the children home at a reasonable time she threw a tantrum and basically mil2b wasnt allowed to see her grandchildren for over 5 weeks. Sonow as a result mil2b treads on eggshells round her, the way she speaks to fil2b is disgusting but he is expected to put up with it. My dad cant stand her, h2b cant stand her, bil2b and fil2b cant really stand her..... she likes everything to be about her. She has said some pretty nasty stuff to h2b in front of my son about him not being his kid etc.... even though h2b is planning on adopting my son and my son has decided he wants h2b his dad. She is nearly 40, married with 3 kids but you would think she is a difficult teenager the way she behaves. Though she does get on very well with her nan who spoils her, hence why h2b has said that she can be responsible for driving her home. She is just creeping for a lift so that she can make the day about her...... and probably be late!!!
Nan is ok, she is old and grumpy and i think in all honesty there is a serious case of depression and possibly even early onset dementia, but really whilst her behaviour is pretty bad at times we can tend to handle it (though today i think was a massive shock to me and mil2b) but sil2b really it is just a behaviour thing, she has got very accostomed to what she wants her way and will use the children as pawns if it doesnt go her way you know..... i guess most families have one eh? lol
Was just such an incredibly stressful day, and the fact that at the end of it sil2b wouldnt let fil2b drop her home, she told him she was in no hurry and was going back with them to spend time with her "mummy"..... i cant help but think ffs would it not be nice for them to go home and just have a cuddle on their own after the day that they had!!!??? But no, sil2b doesnt think about that and mil2b wont stand up to her :( its so awful for them! H2b is currently on the phone to his brother as apparently it has all continued on round there this afternoon since i got dropped off and h2b and his brother are also both expecting trouble on the wedding day. H2b says he wouldnt have even invited his sister if it had been up to him, he only invited her to keep the peace for his mum :( If it wasnt for h2b and his brother i would honestly think i was being sone kind of bridezilla, but no, i have it on good authority it isnt me being crazy stressed and manic, she really is a scrounging nightmare lol.
CommentAuthorCupCake
I think you should lock the old woman and the sil2b under the stairs togther on the day and let them out when it's all over! what a nightmare! sorry no serious advice only ....... stop pre thinking what 'might' happen, because it might not, and on the day you will be too busy to care. Concentrate on yourself that day, and if someone plays up or comes whinging to you, put your hand up, turn away and say "I don't want to know thank you" ;)
Became Mrs Lyons 30th July 2011 x
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
I just hope for h2b sake that his mother can enjoy the day :( I know that on the day i need to think about myself. H2b has told me that as well and has already said that if anything happens i am free to have a bridezilla moment, he thinks i am owed one as i have been quite chilled for the whole 18 months lol.... he says i can shout i am the bride and i want it done this way!!! lol
CommentAuthor~feebee~
Oh sounds awful, You've got nan being awkward then SIL2b who's a spoilt bitch! Really MIL and FIL2b need to put their foot down with her regardless of whether they will see the grandkids. Its hard but I can se SIL coming running back after a few weeks
Finally Mrs Grove :)
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
mil2b is the loveliest person you could imagine, she is a saint really..... and as a result doesnt like to upset anyone and just wants to keep everyone happy. When there was the falling out with sil2b in the past and she didnt come up for a weeks, basically mil2b really missed the grandkiddies, but yet also their nan was then even worse than normal as her golden grandaughter wasnt coming round and she blamed mil2b for that so she really did get it in the neck. Now she does whatever it takes to keep the peace which is sad :(
CommentAuthor~feebee~
It's not fair is it, I'm sorry, your MIL is between a rock and a hard place :( Nan and SIL are partners in crime!
Finally Mrs Grove :)
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
Oh grrrrrr.................. all again today. Sil2b daughter has hand foot and mouth and is contagious, but she got wind of us planning to fit bridesmaids dresses so turned up anyway coz heaven forbid she miss something or someone else get her mothers time!!! So now this contagious little girl been running around climbing over h2b mum and nan a week before the wedding! :( I told h2b neice not to come in the end as i know her aunty wouldnt say anything nice about her weight and it would really knock her confidence so i didnt want to put her through that so have arranged it for another day hopefully with no sil2b present :( Sil2b is still yabbering on about following her mum to the wedding, we pointed out again that mil2b will be with me and the bms in the morning so WOULD NOT be leaving from home. Sil2b has left her clothes and the kids clothes at mil2bs house... neither me, h2b or bil2b can figure out why. She has then started talking about her mum looking after her kids in the evening.... at that i really snapped her head off! Bridezilla here we come! I shouted "No ***sil***!!! Your mum will be enjoying her sons wedding with her husband and WILL NOT be looking after anyones children, MY dad will not be looking after MY children because he will be enjoying HIS DAUGHTERS wedding, so YOUR mum will be enjoying HER SONS wedding!!!" Really snapped.... you know what she said? she said "oh, so im only invited to be a babysitter then?"......"Errrr no! They are your kids and no one else is invited to look after them its your job and if you dont want to look after them leave them at home with your husband (as he has decided he isnt coming anyway) Grrrrrr.... am so angry with her. I spoke to bil2b who is also fuming, he says that she will try to make it all about her and if she cant then she will try and f**k up the whole day. He says if she tries to pull anything he will kick her arse! H2b says dont worry as if she plays up theres a whole load of people who will tell her to leave.... I am getting so worried about it now :( kinda wish we had just eloped to vegas like his dad first suggested :'(
CommentAuthorMorgsysGirl(kempy)
Hun *BIG HUGS* firstly calm down as they say everything will be alright on the night. I think that SIL of yours needs a good talking to. tell her if shes concerned dont take her kids. Secondly give your h2b a big hug as with all this going on hes doing brilliantly to keep you half sane too xx
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
CommentAuthorSubbyMinx
I really feel for you hun. *hugs* It does sound like there's enough friends and family who know exactly what your SIL2B is like, and I'm sure they'll all be keeping an eye on her on the day. You need to trust in the good people in your families, they don't want your day ruined, and if this c*w acts up, I'm sure they'll deal with her without you knowing a thing! Don't let her be a spoilt brat.
And if she does end up leaving all her clothes at your PILs house, and no one is there to let her in to get them... sounds like Karma to me.
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
Thanks ladies. H2b is being brilliant, i am very lucky that i am not the only one who sees what a nightmare she is, most of the family see it and due to us all being in a wide social circle for many years a lot of our friends know what she is like as well so i am sure that people will be keeping an eye on her and not let her get away with causing trouble. I have calmed down a bit now, h2b cuddles and allowing me to rant and rave really help :) I am worried not for me, but for mil2b as she doesnt like to upset anyone and i worry that she will end up trying to keep the peace with her mum and daughter and as a result will get stressed and upset, or fil2b will get stressed an he would say something and then it will all explode. I am really angry that she cares so little that she would take a contagious little girl round there knowing that her nans immune system is very weak :( and besided the child being contagious, should a poorly 3 yr old not be at home tucked up in bed? Bil2b drove past his mums house last night and sil2b car was still there at gone 10pm!! She has absolutely no consideration for anyone else! Especially when you consider that both pil work, mil2b has to get up at 5 to be at work for a 7am start AND its a school night so why would you still be there with your 3 kids at gone 10?! Grrrrr i tell you, some people really grate on my nerves, but this woman is ripping them apart!!
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
OMG she is still going. Last night on returning from our costco run, she was round there. It was gone 9pm and her 3 yr old and 12 yr old still running around. She asked me where my 2 little ones were and i replied saying "at home, in bed, where children should be at this time on a school night really"....... Fil2b tried telling her that the kids are not to be hanging off mil2b all day at the wedding, he tried explaining to her that her daughter was on the table with her and she was not to be allowed up to the top table.... Sil2b response? "if my christina wants her nanny she can go to her nanny"...... eeerrrrr no!!! Nanny will be celebrating her sons wedding and not looking after your children. I wouldnt mind, i know that kids love being the center of attention and would want nanny etc... but the thing is, that they are all incredible ill mannered children. Even the 12yr old, i have seen him repeatedly yank on his nans arm while she is talking to someone else till he gets her attention. Fil2b wants to be able to celebrate and to have conversations with his wife while they celebrate their sons wedding which is understandable really. Sil2b is late 30s and all she keeps going on about is HER CHILDREN and HER MUM and how she has to pay for HER DRINKS and how we should be providing a FREE BAR.... nothing at all about her brother getting married or ANYTHING! She really does make me sick!!
It seems to be a sad fact now that everyone is expecting her to cause trouble on the day :(
CommentAuthorAnastasia
Omg she sounds like a total nightmare & all me.. me.. me!
As for the part about her being the babysitter, how you refrained from slapping her & screaming at her that they are her kids, I don't know!
You obviously have kept your cool very well considering! Hopefully you won't notice her jealousy on the day & all goes smoothly xx
Target Weight-loss: 42lb. Total-loss so far: 30lb :)
~ Marrying my Soulmate in Kenya...
as the Sunsets just the Two of Us & some Giraffes ~
CommentAuthorElle23
WOW!!!!! Im keeping everything crossed for you Blondmumma!!! Nan sounds like the least of worries now!! Hope it all goes without a hitch hunxxx
To be wed on our 10 year anniversary! 23.08.2013
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
i wud ban her from cumin rite now¬¬¬ wats more important ure day or her? get rid
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthortinkerbell2013
Aww hun she's been nothing but a pain to you guys big hugs to u, 4 not killing her by now, can u not just ban her from coming to the wedding full stop, say with her child being ill she should be at home with all her kids making them get better, that way you know she can't do anything bad on ur wedding day, hope everything goes perfect for u, will keep my fingers crossed xx
Finally Engaged 1/11/11
Loves my h2b and my son charlie 2 the moon and back
cant wait till we finally arrive at the big day
May 2013
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
H2b wouldnt hahve invited her if he thought we could get away with that. Sadly he wants to keep his mum happy so the sister has an invite. I am going to do her nails for her tomorrow, i am thinking on the thoery of if i keep her very sweet maybe on the day she will be ok :S
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
hun if shes gonna kick off on the day she will do it regardless of u keeping her sweet BUT good luck n enjoy your day as it starts like ur bil2b will sort her out if anything happens xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
