Ok, I THOUGHT my bridesmaid outfits were organised and everything was fine, then one of them had some strenuous objections to the dress (which was carefully chosen to coordinate with the groomsmen) so after much discussion, a different outfit was chosen that should have been suitable for all 3 of them (including MOH) but now BM number 2 objects to the top and BM1 is trying to get me to change the skirt to a different colour. The only one who has asked for a way to work WITH what I've chosen is MOH. So after putting my foot down on the skirt decision (which was BM1's suggestion in the first place) I'm now in dscussions with BM2 but I will probably just tell them all to wear whichever damned top they please as long as its black and goes with the skirt and waspie, but seriously, I asked if there were any objections 3 weeks ago. Not a peep from either of the troublemakers!

Were they just waiting for me to relax or something?

One of them I am buying for BM2 on the quiet because she is a skint student, my MOH is buying her own with possible help from our parents but BM1 is supposed to be paying for her own (I am buying my own BM dress for her wedding the following month which is about £65 more expensive than my first choice of BM dress for my wedding)

BM2 (who was fine with the dress in the first place) has basically said that if I really want the top that I sent her the info on then she will get it but she is concerned that it won't look as I expected on her (her precise words: I may look like a bit of a drag queen.)

BM1 is being the most trouble. The dress I chose is custom made to their individual sizes, but BM 1 says hat it won't suit her because she is a 30G or something (like BM2) and she can't get a strapless bra in her size, and it's only got spaghetti straps and the world will come to an end because EVERYONE WILL BE CHECKING FOR VISIBLE BRA STRAPS even though I've said that she can wear a shrug with it.

So the two of us sat down and talked about what else would suit and SHE SENT ME THE SKIRT INFO HERSELF and agreed that in a goth-meets-geek wedding where the bride is wearing a burgundy and black dress, the bridesmaids should wear black. Now she is trying to get me to change the BM skirt to burgundy.

I'm having a proper strop about this, and now H2B is emailing all of them, basically to say: you have free reign with shoes, hair, makeup and whatever else you want, so stop whining about the dress. If you hate it so much you'll never wear it again then sell it after the wedding but you are having THAT dress, nothing else.

I am expecting to be told tomorrow that Andrew is bullying them.

if your payin 4 them i would tell them tuff.. Its ur day and unfortunately the bridesmaids just have to deal with that.. :)

its your day!...tell them to buck their ideas up....and if your paying they don't have a blooming right lol

I wouldn't poke up with any of that - especially if u are paying! Ive had a mare with one of my maids through dresses, that infact i sacked her for the role because i didnt need the stress of it all xxx hope you find a way of sorting it out x

This is the dress that I chose.

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Sorry, I can't work out how to post the image, but the link is to the photo in my UKBride album. Is that allowed?

EDIT sorry hunni nope its not allowed NO LINKS AT ALL IN THE FORUM
MODS

Thank you :)

So is it such a terrible dress? She can choose everything else like hair, make-up, a shawl/shrug and shoes etc.

What is the problem?! I think that his is one of the reasons that people elope, lol.

I can sympathise with your friend a little.
I was a bridesmaid a couple of years back and after a huge search we found a dress to suit us all, i'm in my 40's and dumpy whilst the other brides maids were a 20 something ballet dancer and a teenage model so it was hard pressed to find something that didn't make me look ridiculous (they would have looked stunning in anything). Unfortunately the bride changed her mind a couple of weeks before the wedding and got another style of dress. She did get the same size but it was shaped at the bust and in no way did this dress fit me. I looked utterly awful with these malformed double boobs crammed into my frock. I didn't complain, it was not my choice but i went out and bought several yards of organza and made us all wraps. Every photo has this thing tugged up to my neck to hide the horrors underneath. i looked awful and felt awful but focused a wopping great big fake smile on my face to hide it.

This event has made me more aware though and now it is my turn to get married my 40 something bridesmaid got to choose because she was the one who is most likely to feel uncomfortable compares to youthful teenager and now 20 something model.

I can see why she is worried if she is a little more buxom but she will be fine. It may be that the dress will need to be altered to fit her nicely at the waist and this will give her a lovely curvy shape, or better yet you can get steel boned corsets in that fabric and shape that would give her the support. Get them matching wraps, a lovely piece of black chiffon should do the job.

Sorry but that sounds to me that shes doesnt want to wear it and trying to make excuses. The worst thing is being a bridesmaid and not liking the brides choice and not being able to tell the bride (I was inthe same boat at my friends wedding a few years ago) x

Awesome! Keep them coming, the more options I have, for her the better because she is generally quite picky anyway. Also, if anyone has any ideas for if she starts to object to the skirt (like: wear tights if it's too short ¬.¬) that would be amazing too :)

Ok, Bm1 sent me the following message on Facebook earlier and I wanted everyone's opinion before I send my response. (edited to remove BM and MOH names)

BM1:
I agree with Andrew in that it is your wedding and ultimately you decide how it looks. However I feel that Andrew's email does not follow from previous discussions you and I have had considering compromises that might see everybody more comfortable and confident on the day.

My Response:
Andrews email was in response to me practically having a nervous breakdown over bridesmaids dresses. As in, curled up on the sofa practically in tears over it. When I think about it, my preference is for the dark angel dress and *MOH and BM2* have said the same. When I looked into options for this dress for you, I found that, not only are there suitable bras in your size available, but everything I came up with as alternative to the dark angel dress can also be applied to the dress itself. 

One of the things that you put forward was a corset. If that would make you comfortable, then have the dress made as a corset and skirt. You were going to pick a few shirts that would work with the waspie, so put it with the dress instead. You can remove the straps of the dress without causing issues. A medieval style shirt under it might link nice.

You can wear any shawl, jacket, cape or shrug that you want, have the dress made in any way that suits you with steel or plastic boning, as one piece or two.

Of course I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, but at the same time, *BM2 and MOH* have a say too, and they agree with Andrew and me. 

Let's look at ways to make the dress work rather than changing it for something else entirely.



What do people think? Diplomatic? Not to harsh? Showing that compromise is still on the table? I really don't want to lose a friend over this but equally, it's my wedding. Stupid social stuff :/ *feels autistic moment coming on*

I really hope I don't have these problems when I start to look for BM dresses, I'm confident I'll be fine but this thread is making me slightly worried.

Hope you can sort it soon hun, it can't be nice going through that stress so soon before your big day. BM's should be supportive not add to the stress.
x

eeeekkkkk my mums paaid for my sisters and half of my enices and rest r payin for their own ( tehy are £165) and i choose them , they all agreed and said it was my weddin!

I was in contact with BM1 last night. She apologised for the upset and agreed to wear the dress, she seemed genuinly distressed that her actions could have caused so much trouble for me and Andrew.

I told her that I didn't want her to feel bad and that we would add things as needed to help her be comfortable in the dress. All better!

Glad it's working out for you now hun but sorry you've had to go through all that with the sacked BM. It's stress you really don't need xx

glad you a new BM and i'm also glad your dresses are still alright!!!! BM's aren't supposed to cause problems they are supposed to nod and say yes end of!

Good to hear she's been demoted, trying to deceive you into picking another BM dress was just out of order!

I glad everything is ok now xx

She hasn't said anything yet. My OH and I have been communicating by email (her preference) and she hasn't said anything in response yet. I think she is calming down before she says anything.

glad it's all finally sorted :) x

I hadn't ordered it yet because they are a specialist type of dressmaker and in reletivly low demand. I had been in contact with them to talk about it and get prices and the dress was going to be ordered at the end of the month (3 months to make a custom dress from scratch isnt bad)

The way she put it made it sound hopeless and looking back it seemed like she was trying to make me not bother trying to call them by making me so busy looking for a replacement.

Good plan. I think if I were starting this experience again I would just avoid her as a BM entirely. I like her but I should have gone with my initial instincts.

I have a voicemail on my phone from the ex-BM. She is basically ending our friendship over this. She says that we have dishonnoured her and are doing her an injustice. She also said that she is not responsible for any stress and that it is all on us.

I find this upsetting but I don't know if this is just an emotional response on her part and she is lashing out because she is hurt. We're going to email her tonight giving our point of view and reiterate that we are moving her to a different roll if she wants it (one that no one else has) rather than flat out sacking her.

I would just get rid of her completely, she doesn't sound like much of a friend. A friend would be prepared to wear a binbag for one day surely. She sounds juvenile. You haven't been unreasonable and she had plenty of options. And then you were lied to about the flood. I bet she will cause drama on the day turning up in something else and then saying something ridiculously fabricated... a dinosaur gave birth on the one you bought or something :/

I just got a long text message from her (she has only just received the email we sent her) saying that she meant what she said, she was trying to give helpful suggestions, we should have talked to her or "deal with it", she is being used as a scapegoat, that "every good intention has been thrown back in (her) face" and not to contact her.

I still intend to check after she has had time to come to terms with what was said, but I thought I would give interested parties an update.