In had to ask my partners sister to be a bridesmaid but she is very unfeminine we have no common grounds, she is into rock music and has a strange fashion sense and it takes a lot of effort to have a conversation with her.
She doesnt want to wear any makeup for my wedding but i want all my bridesmaids to have the same they are all so girly and get on really well ...
Am i out of order to make her have hers done too??
CommentAuthorSpecialSundae
I'm sure there are nice ways to go about asking her to have her make-up done if she wants to be a bridesmaid, but I wouldn't push it at the moment. You have ages before the wedding (which I hate when other people say to me, but it's sometimes true) and make-up doesn't have to be sorted 'til fairly close to the time.
Why can't your fiancé have her a groomswoman if she'd prefer to be in more masculine clothes? What's her usual "strange fashion sense"?
CommentAuthorJenna
hmm good point , like the concert t shirts the black ones with metallica on and black trainers, all dark clothes and hair... i actually thought she would say no to being a bridesmaid but asked her to be polite. i was quite suprised when she said yes as i have never seen her in a dress or skirt or any thing in the 3 years ive known her ... whats a groomswoman?? ive never heard of this??
CommentAuthormym72
If she really doesn't want make up then I wouldn't push it. Maybe a bit nearer the time you could suggest very light make up - but why have her looking exactly like the rest? Especially if they're all really girly?? That would only make her uncomfortable, just like if you wanted the rest of the bm's in thick goth make up or none at all.
CommentAuthorClarabella
Its up to you who you have as a bridesmaid and its up to you hpw you want them to wear etc. Maybe if you dont want her to be one of your bridesmaids them you could push for her to be all girlie then maybe she'll want to abck out of it instead of you saying you dont want her?
Started losing weight last year 22/1/11 - 13 Stone 12 pounds
Lost this week 2lbs ;0)
Weighs as of 29/9/12 10 stone 12 lbs
This may sound a bit off, as my opinion is a little different to what is above. Yes the people you invite should wear what you want but there is a way to compromise on things.
This could work out: if the dresses for them are long let her wear her big boots, I'm sure you'll know what I mean, mayeb they are Rockports or the black trainers you talk about, after all if the dresses are long no one is going to see them & she will feel more confortable.
Not everyone can pull off wering heels etc, or is comfy wearing makeup. You could take her out with you & discuss makeup with her, she may like a smokier makeup that would suit her darker look better?
She may not like her hair girly, but might possibly wear a little hairband that is silver with little diamante.
If you don't discuss with her then she may just decide to do whatever & if you demand she may just rebell & then you'll feel angry or just totally AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
Oh, the groomswoman is essentially being in the line up with your H2B & the BM, instead of being in with you & your bridesmaids, she would wear a suit & might be more comfy like that.
But as a girl that has a quirky sense of style, me that is, I love girly stuff yet I also love gothic & other such darker looks, if I am required to look a certain way, I try to compromise, & it is helpful to have a little guidance as opposed to rigdily being told what to wear or not to wear.
CommentAuthorfuture Mrs Sneddon
I dont know if this will help but this is what I would do.
Mrs Hossfield has some great ideas. I'm one of those girls who is more comfortable in a band t shirt and docs but I still dont mind getting pampered on occassion. She might just be feeling a bit uncomfortable especially if she's feeling backed into a corner about make up etc and thats not something you would normally do.
Also does she know the other bridesmaids well? The thought of a group of girly girls can be a bit daunting if your not that way inclined especially if you dont know them well.
Why dont you arrange to have a day with your bridesmaids that isnt about wedding arrangements, go for a girls lunch or something. If she sees that everyone is getting excited about getting make up and hair done and feels comfotable in the group then you might find she'll warm to the idea.
Just dont get worked up about it if you make an issue out of it you might end up alienating her and the last thing you want is the stress of a fall out!!
CommentAuthorStave
Maybe she sees it as a way to step outside of her comfort zone and try new things and be girly, she might not have the confidence to do it without a reason?
CommentAuthorKatkin
I was intrigued by this discussion as I usually live in my metallica t-shirt, black leggins, black converse boots and no makeup ;-) I have decided to wear makeup for my wedding day but it will be subtle - still can't decide on light purple or grey eyeshadows, and my lipstick will be more like lip gloss. Our friend who is reading our hand fasting ceremony has loads of tattoos, only wears black and NEVER wears dresses. I think she will be wearing a black suit and her New Rock boots on the day. Sorry, I don't think I have been very helpful have I?? I hope you manage to come to a compromise with your partner's sister that you are both happy with xxx
CommentAuthorSoon2beMrsHall
Can i ask why you HAD to ask her to be a bm. Martyns sister is the same and i have not asked her. Sit down nearer the time and have a chat. You never know what might happen she might see every one else getting girlie and like it
Cant wait to to marry Martyn
Wishes the wedding would come faster
XxX
CommentAuthorderangedbride
i had something simaler as in i have 3 girly girl bridesmaids one of which is my MOH and 2 gothy bridesmaids one of which is my sis so i have decided on a rockabilly style dress as all have said they love mine it will be burgundy with a white petticoat hears a pic of me in mine (not a good pic been out all day at a wedding fayre hadnt been in long and was getting ready to visit sis in hospital as she had her second daughter while i was at the fayre) the pink bit is my petticoat which is black with pink around the bottom.
rockabilly dress
CommentAuthorRachie :D
My best mate had the same problem with her own sister who is a size 10 that always wears man's clothing I have never in the 15 yearsvif knowing her seen her in a dress.
She wore a suit like the men refused to straighten her have or wear makeup for my bms wedding and totally regrets it now like she said no natter what my bm wanted she should have been more supportive and tried her best
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorMel D
How old is she? I would get everyone together for a girlie night and see how she is when she's with everyone else.
Bride's prerogative says you can force her to wear a dress and make-up, but if you do she will probably resent it. It's much better to try to make her feel part of it and for her to decide herself.
And you make it sound like you've been force to ask her to be your bridesmaid?
Got married Sat 28/05/2011
Renewing vows Sat 29/05/2021
We're planning WELL in advance!!
CommentAuthorSammyJo
It's up to you at the end Of the day. Explain what u want and see how she feels. U never mentioned that shed said she didn't want to wear make up/ a pretty dress so u never know. She must know what a stereotypical bridesmaid looks like? My best friends exactly the same but loved dressing up as a bridesmaid for her aunty as it shocked everyone. Good luck xx
Can't wait until the 14th July 2012!
CommentAuthorzowie
My cousin is my bridesmaid but she is really not girly either. I've not been trying to push the girly thing on her though as I don't want to make her uncomfortable, she has however been so good at just saying I'll do what ever you want (she even offered to wear heels). For the make up I asked her if she wanted it done, I don't want her to not look like herself if she would prefer not to. She replied yes please if you are getting it done professionally as I don't have much practice so don't want to look like a drag queen. Maybe if you try the gentle approach to her she will go along with your plans, she did after all agree to being a bridesmaid x
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
why dont you ask her to do a reading that way she has an important role to play but can wear what she wants .so she will feel happier
MelN - I disagree with you. It is not the bride's prerogative to force anyone to wear make up or a dress. You're only a bride - not some great dictator after all.!!! If I were in her position I certainly wouldn't do anything that made me feel uncomfortable. Everyone's opinions seem to be focusing on the fact that she should conform to the girly norm - as if she's something 'weird'. Everyone has their own style and taste - and when you ask someone to be a bm you have to respect this to some extent. If you were having a goth wedding would you expect maybe the one friend who was girly and into pink wear full goth clothes/makeup. If it was that way round would you think they were weird for being different???
CommentAuthorVicky
I have to say I agree with Mym72 - They are your bridemaids not colnes.. as long as the compliments you look okay for photos that it all that matters!! Sometimes matching everything can get stressfull. I wanted everything to macth and just realiosed actually it cant always be done or is not fair to ask!
CommentAuthorKinkyemo
I can kinda see this from her point as a few years ago that was exactly ME!
I NEVER wore make up, If someone told me to straighten my hair id hit them lol and the thought of a dress made me angry LOL! I always wore jeans and band t-shirts!
Then came a day when I was desperate for a haircut and my best mate paid for it from her cousin (a hairdresser) and she cut it in such a lovely style and then later that day me and best friend played around with make up etc Now I hate leaving the house without it! I still have a very rocker chick look (see pics LOL) But still a little feminine! Now all my old band tee's h2b wares and I own girly clothes LOL
Still I have some issues such as i still cant ware heels (h2b wants me to get married in converse)
Maybe If you take her to have her hair done and find a rocker chick hair do thats feminine maybe if budget allows take her to have a free make over at deb en hams they will show her how lovely she can look yet still being very HER! then buy her some cheap ish make up and let her play around! Make the time to pamper her in this way and maybe she will be more inclined to be a girly BM just for your one day!
Just as long as you allow her to ware her style of make up and not expect pinks and glitter then she might be ok with it! And maybe not an elaborate up do! prehaps down with some loose curls maybe?
Good luck :-) x
CommentAuthorLiz3yy
You say you had to ask her, may I ask why? surely the people who you have as bridesmaids are those close and special to you, not people that others think should have the role? just wondering.
Can't wait until the day I become Mrs. Johnson :)
CommentAuthorMel D
edited
I didn't mean that you HAD to force her to what you want, but some people do see it like that (I'd like to point out that I'm NOT one of those people, the only thing I MADE my bridesmaids do was wear black shoes so that I didn't have to buy shoes too - that's not too mean is it? They had a lot input into their dresses, I made sure that they all liked the color, the style and the material before I bought them, they had free rein on their hair and make up) ... I said you CAN but it won't be appreciated by anyone and she will probably resent you for it.
Got married Sat 28/05/2011
Renewing vows Sat 29/05/2021
We're planning WELL in advance!!
CommentAuthorPaula
Hiya I think to be honest if she feels uncomfortable wearing dresses and make up that maybe she would rather not be a BM, she should at least try to comprimise but I think that maybe you could talk to her about whether she has agreed because she feels she has to or whether she really wants to do it. I can understand where your coming from as when you get a picture in your head of how you want your day anything less would be disapointing. I think you need to bare in mind that people dont always suit that same make up and styles of dresses but as long as they are all same colour dresses and make up is natural then it would look great. My BM will be chosing there own dresses in the colour I want.
CommentAuthorderangedbride
edited
just had a little thought why not suggest she has a ladies pants suit in the same colour as ur other bridesmaids dresses
CommentAuthorJenna
i have been stressing about this too much lol last night i just had a complete change of heart and just thought you know what the wedding is about me and tom and how much we love each other not about what his sister does or doesnt look like , if she dont wanna wear makeup i dont mind now would be nice to see how pretty she could look all done up though, i might try and tempt her into a little tiny bit of mascara but i dont know whats happened to me lol i just feel like leave the poor girl alone lol
thanks for all you support guys :)
CommentAuthorUnknown
why did you have to ask her? i would get all your bm together and tell them all at the same time what you expect from them and that you want them all to have the same make up on. can you compromise and have them all in really natural make up so she still looks like her? xx
