Many bridesmaids here, west coast Scotland, and islands region will fully expect the bride to pay for their dresses etc etc. So for a bride on a budget, I made it clear from the start that I would give something to the pair of them towards their outfits if they wanted the role, and I suggested a cheaper dress for them. They chose the more expensive dress and I stayed firm that I would only be giving the same amount, it was their choice for the more expensive dress. Unfortunately, it does seem to be the viewpoint in a lot of my pals Ive spoken to about our wedding, that it is the couple who pay for the bridesmaids outfit etc etc.

Despite this, I can understand TOTALLY where you are coming from regarding the money thing in respects to, having said she is so comfortable, and now saying she cannot afford the £83 to come to your hen weekend (in March) and not offering to pay for even the shoes. It can be very exasperating, feeling that your friend, who has previously confessed to be very comfortable money wise suddenly says they cannot afford this and that. One of my bridesmaid earns £40,000 a year, still lives at home and doesn't pay rent. She complained she couldn't afford the £39 bridesmaid dress I had found, and yet saw a FAR more expensive one in the bridal shop which she wanted (still complained about the price, but more because I wouldn't fork out more than I had said I would) and so has gone for a dress nearing the £150 mark with alterations.

Sometimes other people just view their money differently to how we may do ourselves. I see my H2B and I scraping all our pennies together and doing things on a very small budget, then have to laugh when we read on Facebook that our older bridesmaid has "Just spent £2500 on my new bedroom eeeeek!" (in her parent's house). That is a kicker. But hey ho, you cannot change the world. Just take deep breaths Samantha, keep putting those pennies away and bear in mind the money she will save NOT coming to your hen do, she can put towards her Hair and Makeup!!!

I do see why you're upset, however I think you may have mismatched expectations - she may have been expecting you to pay for everything (a lot of bridesmaids do, particularly if they haven't been married before and have no idea of the cost, as it's the traditionally 'done' thing) and might be feeling a bit 'put out' that you're now asking for pennies, particularly if she was not aware beforehand that you were expecting her to.

To be honest, if someone said I had to pay seventy quid for hair and make up, I would also balk at it a bit...personally, I think if you want the hair done a specific way, you need to pay for it, but that's just my opinion...

I think lmc makes a good point too that although her boyfriend might earn a good whack, they might not have the relationship where she has unlimited access to his funds - she may even feel uncomfortable asking him for money - my h2b earns more than me, however I wouldn't dream of asking him for money to go on a hen do etc.

Could you maybe have a chat with her about what she could afford? You don't want her saying that she can't afford to get flights over for the wedding etc...

Also, it might feel harder for her to get involved living abroad xx

Oops and just realised what u meant about the hair and make up..didn't realise I'd put £70 (that's altogether) its actually £30 for hers xx

Yeah I actually aggree lmc..just read my post back and I sound like such a bitch :( don't know what's wrong with me,I think its just the stress of everything and feeling like I'm left to deal with it all alone,I really miss her too and its hard not having her around..like I say we have been virtually inseperable since we were 11,she was here for all 3 of my kids births and we have always been more like sisters!!I guess I just had in my head that when it came to something like this she would 'want' to be more involved as we have always been such a big part of each others lives.x

Hmm, I read this and can't help thinking you may have got your priorities wrong.

You cannot expect her to pay or even offer to pay. Typically you, the bride and groom or whoever is funding your wedding, will pay for the bridal party's apparel.

As your wedding is 8 months away, I personally, would have not gone and made myself broke over a bridesmaid dress. Especially if it was going to leave me with £1.34 in my account - that says to me I could not afford it at that point therefore shouldn't be purchasing it.

Also, what she says about her financial situation may not be the reality, and just because her boyfriend has a good job does not mean he is her bank! And also, getting a job out there can be quite hard, especially if you're foreign as she is to them. In addition, you can't penalise her for following her heart and falling in love and making a bold decision to be with her man!

I know it's frustrating, but perhaps if you look at things pragmatically and logically you can see she has done nothing wrong.

Personally, I think £83 for a hen do is a lot. We all chipped in £30 and paid a £20 each for my best work mate's hen do - we went paintballing and then out in nottingham with a hotel room each. This paid for the buffet restaurant, paintballing and the hotel, plus for the hen, some hen do paraphenalia and the first round of drinks for us all plus two for the hen. I spent another £20 in drinks on the night too and I turned it in to a fun weekend with H2B as he did his own thing in town that night- couple of films at the cinema he wanted to see and we shared a hotel room. We thought we had been extravagant too! People are making hen do's in to ridiculous OTT events these days and people are falling foul of the pressure to go along with it and compete.

I have not placed demands on my bridesmaids to have their hair and makeup done by a makeup artist or hairdresser but have asked them to be subtle and not go for massive hair and OTT makeup but also offered them the makeup artisT I'm using as each bridesmaid is an £18 extra. I have asked if they would like me to pay or if they're happy to do their own anyway and they are doing their own thing. My sister has booked a M@c Pr0 makeup artist as that's the cosmetic brand she likes. I have given her D&G so she doesn't look like a drag queen and also so it doesn't clash with the dresses we have bought for them which were quite pricey and are beautiful and statement enough without too much accessorising!

I think you need to be reasonable with what demands and what you think is acceptable... and also, if you don't ask, you don't get!