Ok, so I'm not sure if I'm being silly or not. My h2b and I spent ages looking around at venues as we had a little check list of things we wanted it to have and above all we wanted to go for somewhere different, that no one we knew had already had. So we found the perfect venue, and although it was rather expensive, we fell in love with it and booked it.
So in the last few weeks some friends of ours have got engaged. We were really excited for them and I'd already started helping them out with where to start in wedding planning etc. so yesterday they dropped a bombshell....they had been to view our venue and had decided they wanted to get married there too!! Luckily (or maybe unluckily) they text my h2b to tell him and he can be extremely blunt when annoyed and told them straight that we'd be really upset if they went with the same venue after we'd spent so long finding the perfect place. They couldn't see why we were upset as they are planning to marry after us, yet the venue is one you hire for the entire weekend and the sort of order of things will be the same for each couple. So now things are feeling very awkward as they still seem keen to book there and my h2b is so upset he's threatening to cancel our wedding there!! What can we do??
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
i think you have to tell them straight. you have that venue and they can choose somewhere else or don't go to there wedding. I know what you mean we loved a venue that my brother in law got married but because they got married there we didn't. I think the venue thing only really applies to family but if you feel so strongly about it you need to sit and tell your friend
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorMrsA-J
Personally i think its abit silly....alot of people will have been/will be getting married there surely?? And they will look like the copy cats as your weddings first?
however if your that upset about it then you can only really make it clear to them and hope they will reconsider...although as you said its looking like theyll book it so i cant see anything else you could do? :S its a shame really, cos i can imagine it being something that would cause some problems...
CommentAuthorMrsA-J
p.s you should deffinatly not cancel your wedding over it! x
CommentAuthormillz090
I dont see the issue?! Its a venue and thousands of people get married there and surely as your best friends you want them to have a perfect day too?! I am getting married in the same church as my mum, brother and cousin did and i have been to friends receptions at our venue too.... it doesn't really matter as you make it personal and perfect to you.
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
As your weddings first, I wouldn't worry too much.
Personally, if I found my 'dream' venue, I wouldn't not book it because a friend was getting married their before or after I was, and whilst I can definately see why your upset, I don't think it's worth falling out over.
A few of my friends have got married at our venue (not recently though) and I have no doubt that more will in the future. Each wedding is different and it won't detract from your day in any way xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
They're marrying after you! It's not like all the guests will be the same! Think how you both felt when you went to this venue and fell in love with it? Would your friends have felt the same? Yes. Will they have been really excited? Yes. Have you made them feel bad for wanting to get married in a beautiful place? More than likely... Yes it may be annoying but really it should be a compliment to you both...
Sorry to be blunt but this is just my personal opinion
It's really not worth falling out over
XxxxxxX
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorOWB
If the venue is perfect then why wouldn't they want to book it?! If they have similar criteria and the venue is the best one to fit it locally then they'd be silly not too. Every wedding is different and the fact that they have the same venue doesn't change that.
If only life could be one long tea break
CommentAuthorPB
I think it might be nice for you to be able to go back to your special place for their wedding and relive your memories at their wedding. Don't fall out with your friends over this,its not worth it....both your weddings will be individual as you are marrying different people and even if theirs has similarities to yours what does it matter 'its after yours'? Plus i hate to break it you but all weddings are very similar the only people who notice all the subtle differences are 'us' Brides.xxx
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
ok i can see you are a upset BUT you cant dictate to other people where they cant or cant have their wedding sorry but that is ridiculous ... it is open to anyone to book ..why would it make any difference to you if they get married there , a friend of mine got married in the same place as me 6 months earlier it was lovely as he could chat to me after his wedding about things that they did giving us tips.
The best thing though it really does seem like they are copying you, so definitely do not go changing any of your plans. As Lala said be flattered that they have found your venue gorgeous too. It could work out nicely for you to talk about things together.
have they set a date?
Proud to be a Wife and Mum
Married 4th May 2013
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
I can't believe any bride and groom would want to be so awkward and tell friends off for booking the same venue for their wedding which is after theirs. This is just being silly, would you still react like that if a friend or family member had booked the place years later? My guess is probably. You don't have any control whatsoever over what other people decide to do for themselves. Be happy for them.
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
Personally I do think you are being a bit silly hun. It would be different if you had found it and booked it and then they decided they wanted it too and booked it before you, but they didn't. It is a wedding venue so loads of people get married there every year. It is more than likely that you will have different colour schemes and decoration ideas anyway so I really can't see the problem, and your h2b is way over reacting with the whole cancelling the wedding remark! Sorry, I know it's probably not what you want to hear but you cant dictate what other people do. How would you feel if you had fell in love with your venue and were then told by someone that you couldn't have it there because that is where they are getting married? I am pretty sure you would ignore them! xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
We have been engaged awhile and went looking for venue for months even booked one and then decided against it and went looking again until we stepped foot in ours and fell in love!
My friend got engaged 2 months ago and the first thing she booked was OUR VENUE!!! Yes she did know it was our venue as Ive talked about it enough with her and how stunning the views are and the staff are lovely even tho our day is so far away lol All I can say is I should get commission from the venue for selling it to her lol
Your day will be YOURS no matter where that is and if someone else has the same four walls doesnt mean their day will be anything like yours because you will have things that atter to YOU and that will make it special to YOU!! If your worried she will copy other ideas DONT TELL HER OR LIE lol
UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
CommentAuthorMrsHarrison
I wouldn't worry too much about it hun.. I'd be a little annoyed, but I'd be even more annoyed if they were having their wedding first. It's them who will look like the copycats. I'd take it as a compliment that they can't find a better venue! :-D definitely don't cancel your wedding, it's YOUR day, not theirs xx
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
edited
Oh and my first wedding I got married in the same church as my sister and my mum and had the reception in the same village hall as them I thought it was a lovely tradition to have and all 3 were completly different as WE are completly different!
How far after your wedding are they getting married? I really don't think it matters what venue ppl have or how the day plays out after all most weddings play out the same way you get married you have photos a meal then dance the night away....... its the litlle things that make it personal so make sure those are the things ppl will remember and no one will care about the actual venue being the same!
UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
CommentAuthorNicholaP44
I think as ur getting married 1st, I dont c the problem. x
Marrying "the 1" on 4th Oct 2013
CommentAuthorRachaelH78
Ok so you've made me feel bad now! Eek! Just to explain, I am really laid back and don't mind helping them with ideas etc that we've found/used but to me the dress and venue are two things you want to be different from your friends. Our venue is not too local as its over and hour away and our friends only knew about it because of us. They also haven't viewed any other venues, just decided they wanted ours. If it was the other way around I know it would be the same thing and they wouldn't like us choosing the same place. We haven't been rude or nasty to them and have told them its their decision but been honest and said we're a bit bummed they haven't looked around, just gone straight for the same as us. Having 2 people using the same venue is bound to cause some competitiveness as everyone wants their wedding to be the best and I'd worry they'll be subconsciously assessing every part of our day. How silly I know but it is frustrating! X
CommentAuthorkimi1987
id be a bit miffed if they hadnt looked at any other venue except the one uve chosen, maybe suggest that she look at some other venues as to her she may find one that she falls in love with and be better to her than the venue you have like your venue if the one for you, a different venue might be the one for her
caught the catch of my lifetime
25.05.2013. best day of my life
CommentAuthorLittleMissWorry
Hi there, I have to agree with the others, you are being a little silly. I don't think there's anything wrong with initially feeling a bit miffed, but you need to talk some sense into yourself (and then apologise to your friends). I think everyone here has probably got carried away and over reacted to something related to their wedding at some point! What you wanted was a different venue that no one you knew had ever had, and since their wedding is after yours, that's still what you're having. Also, as Poulton Bride said, it'll be nice to go back there for another wedding. From what I gather your wedding day will go really quickly, and I suspect you'll quite enjoy going back at a later date, and experiencing another wedding there :)
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
Whether you went looking months before they did or not has no bearing on things. They are not getting married before you so there shouldn't be an issue. The running order of things might be the same, but really that will be the only similarities.
I'm sure they didn't do it to make you angry, they did it to make their own day special. I'm having my reception in a building that was really special to me growing up, will a friend of mine be able to choose it for hers, of course they can as I am like you in the facts that A) It is her wedding, not mine! B) I don't own or manage the venue and C) It's a beautiful building so just because I imagined my wedding pictures outside it from a young age it doesn't mean she can't do the same.
You have that venue for just one occasion, chances are some family members will consider it for themselves on your day as well. Don't risk losing a friend over this and as another poster said at least you get to revisit the place again at their wedding.
CommentAuthormillz090
Ah sorry if we made you feel bad but people just voicing their opinions.
I know what you mean about it not being special for you as someone else you know is going to use the venue too. However your friends and family wont compare your weddings, only you and her will do that. The basics of the venue will look the same but you can make that day perfect and unique to you, using colours, decorations, entertainment, feel of the day, traditional/formal/relaxed, etc and thats how you put your stamp on the day and make it unique to you. If your worried she will copy these ideas then dont tell her them but your day will be perfect to you. On the day i hope you'll be so involved in the day and getting married that you wont even think about her assessing your day and if she is, then so what?! that's her choice and nothing you can do about it. xxx
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthorVelcro
Don't cancel it! youre getting married first, id be absolutely fuming just as you are, but id take some comfort in the fact that ours was first. AND, this initial annoyance will pass, so dont let teh red mist decend and ruin your plans and your friendship. I do think there's certain things with weddings and people you know. one big no no for me, is the same venue. one of toms cousins got married at a lovely place near where we live, my mum, who wasnt aware of this, said ooooh why dont you get married there. It was a flat out no. I dont want to be having my wedding where someone i know has been wed, and i wouldnt want people making comparisons etc. Obviously, as you are the one getting married first, it wont be your wedding getting that kind of judgement, it will be theres. If they really really love it, then theres not really alot you can do, and at least they know you are unhappy about it. as anyone would be, do not let it ruin a friendship. its not worth that. By the sounds of it, i dont think they have gone out of their way to be malicious or anything, id ask if they were willing to reconsider, but other than that, i wouldnt make a huge deal out of it, its not worth it ultimately, as yours is first. Its understandably frustrating as hell, and i would be going bonkers too, but give it a few weeks while the dust settles and readdress the issue once the shock has worn off
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorbarbie86
I'll be honest: I'm strangely covetous of our venue because it's just so 'us' and so unique, and I would be a bit miffed if friends of ours booked it, even if their wedding was after ours. Which I know is completely silly and irrational; but, there you go.
So I totally get why you're upset. But, I think you need to try to put your 'logical hat' on. They're getting married after you, not before you; and all weddings are different even if the venue is the same. So try to be flattered that they love the same venue you do, and just look forward to your day. Cancelling or changing venue would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.
CommentAuthorShazk
I would be miffed to but as u are gettng married 1st then like been said its them that are copycats.
I think you sould still speak to the and explain how you feel maybe they just got caught up in the wow and like also been said if they look around othe places they may fall in love with soemthing else x
I wouldnt go cancelling though xx
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorDonda
You are getting married there first and everyone who attends the wedding won't know that your friends have booked the same venue and even if they do they will know that you booked first and that your friends are copying you. You should be honoured that they think your venue is so wonderful that they want their wedding in the same place. You'll get to go there for a second time and reminis on your wonderful day xx
Met on 7th April 2008
Got engaged on 14th November 2011
Getting married on 12th December 2012
Looking forward to the rest of my life with the man I love
CommentAuthoremmaaa
There are a limited number of venues hun, I'm sure every bride wants their day to be unique, but you have to be practical about this. It isn't unreasonable to feel things, we all have irrational thoughts, and as long as you realise that you're being a little unreasonable and don't act on it, that's fine, but you're effectively telling them they can't get married there (even if you're being nice about it, the fact that they know you'd rather they didn't must put a bit of a bummer on their decision) and talking about cancelling your own wedding (sorry, but your h2b is throwing his toys out of the pram here and needs to calm down and see sense, your day will be in no way affected by their wedding happening there in the future, but it will be negatively affected if you cancel.) I don't think it's fair to say they're copying you unless the reason they've chosen that venue is specifically because you have, it sound like they just like the place, and for some people traipsing round a dozen potential venues just isn't practical or fun when they've already found somewhere they really like.
Just concentrate on how wonderful your day will be! x
CommentAuthorlizzylou
I totally understand that you're annoyed and upset about it but honest I wouldn't worry. As people have said above, there aren't endless venues in the world so as annoying as it is they had to pick somewhere. At least you're going first - so think of it as a compliment - they think you have such good taste that they chose it as well! x
Lizzy. x
CommentAuthorJules81
I can actually see why you're upset. I don't think you're necessarily being silly and I think it's a bit unfair on you to be called that.
I think our special day is just that. Special. We all want it to be unique, and individual and I totally get how much effort can go into finding a venue. I would be miffed too if a friend of mine made no effort whatsoever and picked our venue because we'd been raving about it. It's just plain laziness. So I would definitely be annoyed about it.
But, as hard as it might be, I would suggest just letting it go over your head. You picked your venue because you love it. You're getting married there first and when you go there again all it will remind you of is YOUR wedding.
I don't think you should feel bad about asking them to reconsider, but I also don't think it's worth losing a friendship over.
But ultimately, don't cancel / rearrange the wedding - that's YOUR venue that you've chosen!!!!
And as I said above, you're NOT being silly for being a bit upset about this. x
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
i know you say they haven't been to see any others but they may have done like we did check them out on line ...... i looked at loads online .... went to one to have a meal because it was my birthday anyway ...then went and did the only proper viewing at the venue we chose
its really hard not to be upset but at the same time you need to remember that all weddings are different from each other and its early days for them. They may change thier minds again. I've been to see quite a few venues and keep changing my mind. Sometimes im adiment i like one more but then it changes x
CommentAuthorsuzky123
id be a bit annoyed to be honest and I can see where you are coming from. However, unfortunately you cant dictate where people go. We are just hoping noone picks ours but thinking about it the idea was originally ours and people would know this anyways. The wow factor wouldnt be as great with the second wedding as they would have already seen the venue at yours if thats any consolation prize?
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthorCat
Don't worry about it as your wedding is first anyone who goes to yours and then theirs will be able to tell they copied you, they will think yours is the exciting new one and that your friends is just a copy and so old news : ) childish I know but a one up for you
CommentAuthorKirstyJ22
I understand being a bit upset initially but it's their right to get married wherever they want to. And this place may be the perfect place for them too and it clearly doesn't upset them that you are getting married there before them. It's not worth arguing with friends over x x
CommentAuthorAmyK
I can see where you're coming from... if they'd booked it to be before your day then it wouldn't be fair of them, but it's after, so it'll be your venue first.
If they're too lazy to come up with their own ideas, and just book everything you do, then keep the rest of your cards close to your chest or you could find their wedding to be a clone of yours.
OR... Ask your suppliers if they'll give you a discount for recommending your friends ;-)
CommentAuthormym72
A venue is just that - a venue. Just because you've booked it for your wedding doesn't give you the right to dictate to other people whether they can have it as well. Sorry for being harsh but that's the fact here.
A wedding is something that is personal to you, wherever it is - and just because your friends are having the same venue doesn't mean that it won't be personal to them. Yes, some things will be the same - after all, there are only so many elements to a wedding. But I don't believe they'll be copying you in any way. As for calling them 'copycats' - I feel like I've walked back into work (and I work in a primary school lol).
When you book a venue (or anything for that matter) it's for one day (or the weekend) only. You don't have the rights for what happens there the following week, month or year so this couple are perfectly entitled to have their wedding there. If they are such good friends of yours, isn't it a stupid thing to ruin the friendship over?
Tbh it's like you having a strapless dress - then telling everyone else that they're copying you because their's just happen to be strapless lol (there are only a limited amount of venues, wedding resources etc around so it's common sense that some people will have the same thing).
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
@mym72 well said, also they are forgetting that venues do tend to thrive on word of mouth "advertising". Take for example if me and my mum goes to a wedding (and she goes to loads) she would literally suggest that we enquire about their prices etc had I not already booked my own venue. It does happen. I've seen her come back from weddings raving about how lovely the place was and saying "I think I will tell such and such that it was wonderful because they just got engaged". People will do that. I guarantee that there will be at least one person at your wedding who will contemplate having a wedding there because the venue is really nice, and there is absolutely nothing that you can or should do to stop it.
I must say someone else commented that your fiancé is just throwing his toys out of the pram and I did think when I first read your post OP that it seemed that he was more annoyed about it than you were. I don't know about your friends personalities, but if someone told me I can't have that venue after they get married, I'm the type of person who would just say "Watch me". They don't dictate what you do on your day, so don't dictate to them.
CommentAuthorShelleyM46
i dont think it really matters if they r gettin married after u,my cbm is wantin 2 use r venue for her wedding n i dont mind as long as she dunt hav everything the same x
cant wait to marry the love of my life
my soul mate and my best friend
CommentAuthorKerrieM47
I can see why you are upset hun but cancelling your day will not solve anything and you really do not have the right to tell them they can't get married there -- not even if you are asking nicely. Do I think they should have looked somewhere else knowing this was your venue of choice? Yes. Would I feel peethed if it were me? Probably. But that doesn't change anything. They have the right to book that venue. Just take comfort in the fact that you obviously have good taste and that your day will be special to you regardless. And it is first x
CommentAuthorRaggedyAnne
Who will be first to be married there? you or your friends? I see you are getting married in 7 months time
I can resist anything but temptation
CommentAuthorDawnK21
Every wedding venue I have looked at is fully booked for their Saturdays throughout an extended summer next year and into 2014. We looked at a venue friends got married at. The venue we have on hold and plan to book in the next few days has had a number of couples from my company (although I don't know them). The most exclusive venue we viewed was a privately owned castle that allows only 6 weddings a year, but even if you chose there you'd be sharing the venue with 5 other couples every year.
I think you are lucky to have found a place with no previous connections in the first place. Keep it, enjoy your day, then go to your friends and have a lovely reminder of your day (and maybe secretly think you did it better, because girls we all know we'd do it).
Remember that it's a day to get married, not have the most exclusive party.
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
My venue is one of only 3 within my hometown and I chose it because I have several old aunts and uncles and its central to everyone. A few guests have to come about 20-25 miles but most guests are within a ten minute drive away and some guests live within walking distance. Unbelievably though none of my family or friends have ever hired the place, but I would not be surprised if one or two of them do at some point afterwards, purely because of its locality and its very beautiful.
People have reasons for booking somewhere other than "I have to have it because they had it". Like others have said you are the first of the two so in a way you are the trend setter :-) so just look at it that way :-)
CommentAuthorSiobhianS
hiya, i would be GUTTED if my friends hadnt looked at any other venue and travelled over an hour away to look at the venue i had told them about for my wedding and then booked it. but take some comfort that you are getting married 1st and they must love your choice if they couldnt be bothered to look anywhere else. every wedding has its own individual stamp on it and im sure both of your days will be wonderfull xxx
CommentAuthorKate_H
I don’t think you are being silly at all! I would be absolutely fuming if that happened to me. I understand local churches etc if you from the same area but that’s very different. If any one of my ‘friends’ booked the same venue as me, we wouldn’t be friends anymore. After the man you are marrying I think the venue is the most important thing as it sets the tone for the whole day and dictates everything including food, drink, decor, accommodation.... etc. The venue should be personal to you.
I agree its not worth cancelling yours over - at least yours is first, so theirs will just look like the copy cat version. Make sure you don’t tell her any more details of your wedding.
I’m really shocked at how many people think that this is ok...
CommentAuthorMrs Ross
Personally i think all this is a bit silly, their wedding is AFTER yours so what does it matter? Does it mean because you have your wedding there no-one else can? every wedding is different to each person.
Its definetly not worth falling out about why not get excited together?
CommentAuthorInDreamland
edited
Oh no! Don't cancel your wedding just because friends have decided they love the venue so much they want to have their's there too.
Remember, everyone you both know (mutual friends etc.) will know that you got engaged and booked the venue first and your wedding will be first too so they will be the ones who will look like are copying you and maybe you should be a little flattered too.
Also, like others have pointed out, venues have hundreds of weddings there, my venue has two weddings per weekend there and so happens that a friend of my mum's, her daughter had her wedding reception where H2B and I are having our reception at.
There are limited venues in each area for people to choose from so when there is a large group of friends they are bound to view the same venues for their weddings if they stay fairly local to the area everyone lives, that's what the case is with H2B and I joked that all his friends have exhausted all the nice venues in the area we all live in, luckily we're going to have our ceremony at the church where I grew up in a different county and therefore having the reception in a venue close to the church, otherwise I'm sure we'd struggle to find somewhere none of his friends had already used.
Seriously, every venue I pointed out to H2B local to us as potential venue if we decided to come back here for the reception after the church, he said, "oh so and so had theirs there" at literally every venue I looked at.
Be flattered hun that they like where you've chosen, besides, I'm sure you'll have different colour schemes and themes to make the day special and unique to you. xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorFitchMcCombe
I would feel the same, we've got our eye on quite an unusual venue and though obviously loads of people have been married there, I know it would take a lot of the uniqueness away from it for me if we went to a wedding other than ours there - especially if they got engaged after us but married before, because we need a lot of time to save. I know a few girls that are really secretive about their venues and though on the one hand I feel we're all being childish, on the other it feels totally justified! If I was you I wouldn't be happy but as InDreamland said at least you two get to go first! x
CommentAuthorTori
I think you would regret cancelling your venue when you attended theirs. I think it was out of order to book your venue without at least checking a few others x
CommentAuthorStephanieM71
I refused to even enquire about a venue locally because my best friend is getting married there, even when she recommended it to me. I want what most brides want something a bit unique and 'ours' not a rip off of my friends, I'm surprised your friend doesn't want the same so your venue must be stunning!!
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I chose my venue cos no one I knew had married there so I feel like you, I'd be a bit upset about it too... And mad! There's must be lots of other venues they could look at x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
