Ok so my mum thinks she is still the boss of me even though I live in another country and am 34 years old. So far she has decided that I am having either pink or white ribbons and no other colour is acceptable, she's trying to convince me that I should not invite some former work colleagues and friends of mine but instead have about 50 guests who I've never met, and lastly she's demanding that I have my niece as a flower girl.
The ribbons thing whilst annoying, seems to have been resolved yet the other two issues she still insists on. About the guests, my extended family is massive. I have a lot of 1st cousins on both mum's and dad's side, I've tried counting them up and there's 44 on dad's side and 45 on mums (seriously). Of those some of them live abroad therefore not all of them will be invited. Of the ones that live near my mum and dad, some are married therefore I have no option but to invite them as a couple and three of them are living with partners, again I'll invite them as a couple as they have all been together for years and 2 of the three couples have kids but the kids won't be coming.
Anyway..... My cousins who aren't married my mother has decided that each one of them can take their boyfriend or girlfriend or if they are single they can take a mate so as not to be left out. Now this is a big problem for me as this eats up over half of the guestlist (my venue is allowing me 100 people maximum including bridal party). My mother keeps telling me to ring the venue and ask them to either supply extra chairs or we will bring chairs with us. I have told her till I'm blue in the face that cousins who are not married or living with a partner for a couple of years will not be getting plus ones and she just does not get this into her head at all.

Next problem- The day I told her I was getting married was the same day I asked my MOH to be MOH. After telling my mum about getting engaged she immediately told me (not asked, told) that my niece was going to be flower girl and my sister in law was going to be maid of honour. I said I didn't want a flower girl because then I would have to ask my nephew to be pageboy and she says no just have her as a flower girl. I disputed this because they are sister and brother and I can't have one do it and not bother asking the other and my fiancé has 3 nephews and a niece and I was not intending to ask any of them as I didn't want to favour my side over his. So she starts an argument between me and my dad. Then there was a massive silence after i explained all that to her, after which i said well ive already decided who my MOH is so I'll ask my sister in law to be a bridesmaid. My dad comes on the phone the next day and just says do what your mum says to keep her happy and I said no again. Mum was livid about both the flower girl and the MOH thing. The next 3 months all I got was when are you asking her to be flower girl? Every single conversation led to that even though I did my best to avoid the subject of the wedding completely. I kept saying I haven't decided if I'm having one or not yet, then she would just start on me.
So a few weeks back my mum calls me. She says my niece can't wait to be flower girl. So anyway that means she has told her she's going to be flower girl. I again said I've not decided yet and not to mention it again. Well anyway in September another brother of mine got married and his wife has three children, they live in Australia and for my wedding they are coming over and bringing the youngest girl with them who is effectively my step niece. I don't want to make differences between any of the kids and I'm pregnant with our little girl who is due in March. So my mother has created massive issues for me and I really don't know what to do.

Well as if all that is not enough, the sister inlaw who my mother had insisted was to be MOH has now split up with my brother, but before that my mum told me off for asking my best mate to be MOH because she says she's not pretty and I should only good looking bms.
I love my mother don't get me wrong but controlling is not the word for it. Arrrrrggggghhhhhhh I want to scream. Yesterday I told her "Now before you say anything, I bought my wedding dress and it's lovely and its staying" she was really taken aback, she says why did you say it like that and I replied - because I know what you are like and its not happening anymore. She said well I'm sure it will be lovely and I can't wait to see it.

Ok before anyone says anything, apart from the wedding dress , its my mother that brings the subjects up every single time and even if I avoid the topic she blatantly asks again and will do it constantly until I either put the phone down or give her an answer. Sorry for this being soooo blooming long but I needed a rant.
So I have a question. Seeing as my mother decided to get my nieces hopes up by telling her I'm going to ask her to be flower girl, do I have her as flowergirl or wait and hope she forgets. If I have her as flowergirl then do I immediately ask her little brother to be pageboy at the same time? I know he would be gutted if he wasn't asked as he is looking forward to the baby coming and the wedding. And what do I do about my fiance's niece and nephews and my step niece. By the way I've asked my new sister inlaw to be a bm as I had already asked my ex sister inlaw to be one before she split with my brother. But I didn't ask her as a replacement bm.

My gosh, I wonder whether just tying the knot very intimately and then having a party might be an easier option for you?
Sounds like a bloody nightmare!!

Yeah sorry about that :-(
Anyway I really didn't want to buy my wedding dress without my mum being there but I just knew she would piss me off so I did it alone. I think I'll ask her to come when me and my mate go bridesmaid shopping to make up for it.
She's going to tell all my family that they can all take their boyfriends etc to my wedding I know she will and they will all get a big shock when they get single invites so I've decided she can do all the explaining afterwards as she's been told enough times that I'm not having boyfriends and girlfriends of cousins there. My single brother can invite a girlfriend or a mate if he wants but no one else will have that privilege cos I just can't squeeze them all in.

There's no way I'm interfering when my own daughter gets married, no way!

By the way my original intention was to just have my mate as MOH and my ex sister in law to be bm with my sister inlaw who was my future sister in law at the time of our engagement. And that was going to be it as I didn't want a big bridal party. Confusing I know. My fiancé is only having one bestman and I want him to balance the numbers but he probably won't. So it looks like I'm going to have a flower girl, a pageboy, a MOH, a bm and possibly another bm as I don't want his side to feel unimportant and he is only having 1 best man.
Thanks to my mum for adding extra on to my side its going to look fantastic, not!

Just make your own bridal party decisions and if people ask you bout just say "well my mother thought she was the one getting married, she's not!" Embarrass her lol x

o dear tbh as harsh as it sounds youve gotta tell either child or mother or talk to your brother x

Oh no :( This is quite a tricky one isn't it! First thing I would do is tell your mum that either she explains to your niece that she will not be a flowergirl and she was wrong to tell her she would, or she can pay for her outfit etc as she is the one who has made it so that you have to have a flowergirl you didn't even want in the first place! And now you also have to have her brother so ask he for some money towards that too as this is all extra cost she is now forcing you to have! It's not fair on you to have to pay out so much extra just to please your mum xxx

Wow i thought i had trouble! I am having to have all 3 of my sisters as MOH who think its their wedding their planning, because im having them i have to have all 4 of my borthers suited. I want my 2 nephews as ushers as theyll be old enough to do this but ill then be leaving out my smaller nephew & my sister is insisting her 1 1/2 year old (will be) will be walking down the aisle. To let this all die down im not making any decisions!

You have your own family that no doubt you want it to be about. Can you talk to her parents and apologise for decisions being taken out of your hands, youd love her to be involved but you want this to be about you, your man & your family. Have your child as the only little one. The parents will have to buy her a pretty dress anyway and im sure if you speak to your florist they can do her a wand with a single flower to match your flowers. She probably doesnt even know shes supposed to walk down the aisle, a flower wand will make her feel very special without having to let her down :)

Good luck! xXx

I'm buying my niece her dress and flowers and this will be the next issue as like I said in the last post she will make plans to turn her into a mini bride. This sounds silly to you all I know but she will. Now I'm not jealous of my niece, but as I will at that point have my own daughter who will be a year and a half come the time, I can guarantee my mum will make a massive thing of the flower girl and all the other kids (her little brother, my step niece, fiance's nephews and niece and my own child) will be pushed to the side. Believe it or not but I have already had a word with my brother saying my reasons for not asking his daughter to be flower girl and he said he knows what I'm on about, but he's not the problem.

Put it this way 2 of my mums sisters fell out with my mum years ago. None of the rest of the family speak to them because my mum is not someone any of them dare to cross. I talk to one of my aunts that got cut off by my mum. We talk on a regular basis because she's on fbook. I would love her to come to my wedding but I told her I can't ask her and she and I know mum would go mental on ny big day so it ain't going to happen :-(

Oh and another issue, my fiance's dad and brother haven't spoken to each other in 3 years so his brother can't be best man and can't even be at the ceremony but can come to the reception as their dad won't be coming to the reception. Why do families give us so much crap?????

Lol thanks x

Well I'm glad I let off all that steam lol

Update- well my bro and his wife split up, I have thought about the whole thing a lot lately and as I thought that being asked to be flower girl and page boy might cheer them up a little. So I called my mum yesterday and we had a long chat in which I asked when the kids are going to be at their house on Christmas Day, she says they won't be there so I said ok Christmas Eve? Nope, then what about Boxing Day again no. So mum says well their other grandparents are having them the whole time so I say ok well that's a shame because I've been thinking a lot about what you said about asking them to be flower girl and page boy and I was hoping to ask them over Christmas when calling you, but I guess I will leave it till the new year.

Well she went ballistic. Told me off and then said when you are a mother yourself you will understand, I said understand what exactly? You crying down the phone everytime we spoke because you wanted her to be flower girl cos that's what I understand. She said I was insensitive I said how exactly? So she says cos my bro and his wife have split up. I said they split up months ago how is that being insensitive? So she says wait till a month or two before your wedding then ask them really angrily then there was a massive silence. I said right well I tell you what every single thing I do is always done around those 2 (meaning my bro and his wife). She says that's not the case, I said yes it is. I then said it was my birthday a few weeks ago but not one family member bothered sending so much as a card, but then there is no change there as they never do anyway. Its my brother's bday today and every year she calls me up to remind me, every year without fail. My mum and some of her sisters go out for a Christmas party and a few years ago they all brought their daughters. I was living in the same town at the time and I saw mum everyday in life. She didnt ask me to come she asked my brother's wife instead then the next day she gave me her camera and asked me to print out the pictures of the party. I just sat there crying and she was going "yeah print this and this". She does stuff like that all the time. Oh and I think I said earlier in this thread or in another one that she is refusing to come see our baby who is due in March as it all depends on what's happening with her first two grand kids in this divorce. Bloody typical.

So anyway yesterday I had had enough, I said right well tell ya what I'm having bridesmaids and that's it, cos I'm not tip toeing around my brother and his ex as I've my own life to lead. She slams the phone down on me and my fiancé has come through the door at this point. He asks what's up and I tell him everything. I say I want to call her back and apologise because somehow she always seems to make me feel guilty. He says dont bother let her call you. But I know she won't as she hasn't spoken to two of her own sisters in nearly 10 years. So he says dont let her dictate what's happening, don't tell her anything more about anything if we do start talking. I don't want to fall out with my mother but i am sick to death of everything being around my bro and his ex wife. She's even saying she can't put another brother of ours and his wife and step child up for a few weeks during my wedding in 2014 because "Where are my two grand kids and their dad going to sleep?" Like wtf he should have his 2 kids and himself in a flat of his own and its only for a few weeks so again major drama because of him and his ex.

I feel like p****** off to get married at Gretna Green at this rate.

No I really can't be bothered I mean I listened to her being in floods of tears each time down the phone cos I didn't ask them and now I had decided to ask them I get the cold shoulder. She forgets that I wasn't invited to my nieces christening because my ex sis in law fell out with my cousin's girlfriend, long story and it had absolutely nothing to do with me but anyway my mum told an aunty of ours a secret that was about my ex sis in law, aunty tells our cousin and our cousin then tells his girlfriend. A massive row ensued between my ex sis in law and my cousins gf. Well anyway my name was mentioned and of course I got blamed yet get this - I didn't even know the secret at the time. Anyway I've never been apologised to and mum knows it.

Woah .... Like big woah... And I thought I had some issues with my own brother and sister,...... I agree u should stick to ur guns on this,let ur mum come to you,and also over the flower girl thing, I think u should keep it as u said in the first place, no favouritism,it is your wedding,no one else's....ppl that try to interfere just wanna cause stress,it doesn't matter who it is, there's always someone xx

It's your wedding you should have what you want. X x

my mam has been pretty controlling throughout my wedding planning so totally symaphise with your situation but you have to remember its your wedding and your day. my mam seems to want all her friends invited to the wedding and the one thing that went through my mind was MONEY!! but this was soon taken out of my hands when my mam said she was paying for the catering (happy days), my best friend did enlighten me that if my mam is paying for quite a lot of the wedding she should be allowed some say, which i now totally understand but before the help of the money she was torture. i went to try on THE dress that i had found and fell in love with. took my mam and cousin and their faces were a picture. hated it!! i found it really hard as it was totally me and a lovely dress and felt really crushed that she could be so harsh-even the woman in the shop was mortified! so i went and picked another dress all on my own and she got no say what so ever and it was great because she had to like whether she wanted to or not lol
stick to your guns, its so easy to get swayed by mams as they are so important in our lives and big day and they themselves get carried away with wanting everything lovely and perfect. good luck and remember its your wedding :-)xx

I would take the high road to gretna green, get married then come back and have a party and invite who you want, sounds like your damed if you do and damed if you dont, its your wedding i used to pussyfoot round my mum too but then thought why i now live my life for me, mum gets cards for b days xmas ect, ut i havent seen her for eight years and shes not invited to our wedding, she has fallen out with both of my children and does not acknowledge my two grandchildren, so as far as im concerened stuff her and have the people i want there xx

Hi everyone, I haven't been on in a while as I've had a big health scare lately but I got my test results back last week and I'm pleased to say I've not got what myself, my fiancé and the Doctor all thought I had so we are all really relieved.

I haven't read any follow up posts but I will later so don't think I'm ignoring you guys because I'm not. Anyway... My mum! I called her a few days before Christmas and she didnt answer or call me back so on Christmas Eve I called again, no answer and no call back. Christmas morning I tried again, no answer and no call back so come the afternoon I thought right one last attempt well she finally answered and we talked for ages.
The flowergirl page boy thing is still very much up in the air, but with all the problems I've had lately ive come to the conclusion that life is too short to even spend my days caring about stupid little things like that. If she wants them to be flowergirl and page boy I will ask them and if she doesn't then I won't. Stupid little arguments over the wedding isn't worth falling out with family over no matter what.
With all the stress over Christmas and the New year about my health we were also concerned about the baby but we went for a scan a few days ago and baby is doing well, heartbeat is normal and she is head down :-) hopefully the next few weeks will go by problem free and we will have our little girl in our arms :-)

My motto now is dont sweat the small stuff, what will be will be. As long as he turns up on the day I don't give a toss what else happens!

Sorry to hear u have had to have tests but glaf that all ok with little one lets hope problem free frm now onxxx

Well basically the pigmentation of the skin on my face has turned from white to pure yellow, half of my face is now yellow. The tests were kidney and liver tests. I have never been so scared in my whole life as I have been this past few weeks. I was so stressed that I was convinced I would not only have a liver problem, but that I would lose our baby. We got my test results back last week and have been destressing and trying to cherish every moment together ever since.

Life is too short girls to b* about what mum wants to do or who wants to do what at a wedding. I spent the last few weeks in floods of tears every single day, not even wanting to get out of bed in the mornings. I was convinced I would be told that I had liver disease as I had to have a liver function test. I didnt know if I was coming or going.
Enjoy your wedding planning ladies, don't stress out about the little things. Because at the end of the day the only things that are important are the fact that you are getting married and all the people who you care about are right there with you.

Very good post x x

Oh dear. That sounds awful. I would speak to the potential flower girls mother and explain the situation. Are your parents paying for any of the wedding? If so they will want a say, but you need to be firm. It's your day not hers. She had her chance when she got married. This is yours. I do hope you manage to sort it all. Xx

Ive been using the maybeline bb cream, they might work? They have a slight colour to them (you can pick fair, medium or dark) and they are pretty much just a moisturiser so dont tend to rub off and covers quite easily not going patchy like foundation can. It is supposed to be good for your skin too xxx

What's BB? I get the feeling this colouration is going to be a permanent fixture on my face :-( but yeah here's hoping it goes :-)

Oh if you go in the shops it's actually called BB Cream, I think all brands do it so its hard to miss if you go looking for it!