Wedding Forum - Financial worries about having a child....

hi Ladies,

Ok, This might seem like an obvious question but I seriously have NO idea about any of the following and would just be interested to know.
I think the main reason me and H2B arent planning on children is because we cant afford it. If I was rich then I would most likely be planning to have one in the next 2 years I imagine.

But I wanted to know what happens financially when you have a baby.

We own a house, with a mortgage, so have monthly bills.
I would obviously stop working for at least a little while to have the baby - so we would only be getting one income rather than two.
Do you get any support from the government? If so how much?

Ive read somewhere that it is £20.30 a week (which is F all to be honest) and I can understand as the government dont want people just having babies to make money.

But I have worked ever since I was 15 and paid my taxes and been an upstanding citizen and in the 11 years that I have worked (including doing a University degree) I have only been 'unemployed' for 5 months in total.

I am now 27 and getting married and of course one day would like to have a child - but simply cannot afford one even though me and H2B both work full time on decent saleries. (Of course one salery would disapear if I had a baby)

so Because Ive been an upstanding citizen and worked hard all my life do I get punished still by not being able to have a child because they will only give me benefits if Im a single mum without work and live in a council flat that I dont pay for ??

this is a genuine question! I am totally confused about what my rights are or whether I have any at all. Or do I sacrifice being a mother because I cant afford it all from my own pocket?

(PLEASE NO OFFENSE INTENDED TO ANYONE!!!)

I am genuinly asking as I wonder how anyone affords to have a child these days! I think without any help or without winning the lottery me and H2B are bound to childless life! Because I seriously cannot ever imagine us being able to afford one.

I know someone who is a single mother, who doesnt work and lives in a very nice council house (that is a lot bigger than my house) and the thing is she is better off now than she would be if she got a job and had her baby in day care - so you cant blame her for staying at home. So why should she go to work! I dont blame her in the slightest!

so as I said dint get me wrong! I am not bashing single mothers or people on benefits etc.

BUT this is obviously not an option for me - Im not single and have a job and dont intend to leave work or give up the home I own.

But it feels like you have to chose one of the other!

I'm also worried. Without going into personal finances too much, this is what I know.
We pay rent and bills etc. Whilst H2B is the main bread winner (just, only by about £3K pa), I would go onto SMP for 6 weeks (bare minimum you are allowed to take - you HAVE to take this) at the higher rate which is 90% of your current salary. After that, for the next 33 weeks you are paid the lower rate, which is £124.88 or 90% of your salary, whichever is the LOWEST!!! We stand to lose a blooming fortune from my salary, which seems very backwards - at the time you need more moeny as you have another mouth/s to feed and all this stuff that a newborn needs etc.! Makes me mad. Have no idea how we will aford this.
But you will be able to claim Child Benefit too, which is £20.30pw for the first child (doesn't matter if you have twins, you can only claim this amount for the first born) and £13.40pw for each child thereafter.
We've worked out that I simply can't afford to have more than the first 6 weeks off and I'm gutted. To me, the whole point of starting a family is to spend time with each other and to bond and being forced back to work where my child/ren will have to be in daycare (which, in London, will take most of my salary anyway) is ludicrus! Makes me so mad we had to stop talking about it about 6 weeks ago as it was so upsetting.
Not sure that helps you at all.
Oooh, this post is so long I'm sure you've already had a string of other answers much more helpful! Hx

The lower earnings limit is the amount you have to earn before you are treated as paying National Insurance contributions.

so how little do I have to get paid to get benefits.

I have a feeling the government would say that we earn too much - which is a F ucking joke!!! Because we really really dont!

we're not poor but we do not live in luxury thats for sure!!!

see my Employer is DREADING me getting married (I mean he hasnt said it) but he is worried about me getting pregnant because he cant afford not to have me and cant afford to have me on paid maternity leave.

I mean if it wasnt illegal i would probably just get the sack. :(

Oh dont get me started on mortgages!!

I am lucky I have one but we only got ours last year and it was a long process of saving up our deposit and applying for mortgages and it was a VERY VERY stressful and scairy time.

We lived in a room in my H2Bs mums house - and that was the only way we could save the money for a deposit.

I was free lance and they dont make it easy for you to get a mortgage if you are not PAYE so I had to change everything and become PAYE before Id be considered for a mortgage.

Seriously it is not easy to be a good person and do the right thing! :(

im sure you are entitled to child tax credit as well, which is about £55 a week plus your child benefit which is £20 and you can also claim working tax credit, well h2b can, which the amount will depend on how much he earns but say roughly £80 a week x

I run a small young charity and I'm the only female that works there! From an employers point of view it is a nigihtmare and the Board will hate it if/when I got on Mat leave. We haven't got that factored into the budget and although they can reclaim SMP, they wil still have to pay some costs towards this. They will also have to go through the process of getting someone in to cover for me whilst I'm off, or rather, I will as I'm the boss! Nightmare.

Claim Child Tax Credits
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
The amount of Child Tax Credit you can claim varies depending on your circumstances. It is best to speak to an advisor to get an accurate figure on the amount you can claim.

Child Tax Credit is available if you are employed or unemployed. All families with Children, with a combined income of up to £58,000 per year, or up to £66,000 a year if you have a child under 1 year old, can claim in the same way.

You can claim two tax credits, Child Tax Credit and Working Tax Credit - payable from April 2003. The general rule is that to qualify for tax credits you must be aged 16 or over and usually live in the United Kingdom. You may also qualify if you do not live in the UK but you are
A citizen of another country in the European Economic Area (EEA) and you work in the United Kingdom, or
A Crown Servant posted overseas, or
A citizen of a country in the European Economic Area (including the UK) living abroad and you receive a UK state pension or contributions-based Jobseeker's Allowance.
Couples must make a joint tax credits claim. If you are part of a couple, you cannot decide to claim as a single person.

Child Tax Credit is for people who are responsible for at least one child or qualifying young person. Child Tax Credit is paid direct to the person who is mainly responsible for caring for the child or children. If you are a lone parent you will receive the payment. Child Tax Credit can be paid to workers who continue to pay UK National Insurance Contributions when posted from the UK to work in another country in the European Economic Area.

Working Tax Credit is for people who are employed or self-employed (either on their own or in a partnership), who
usually work 16 hours or more a week
are paid for that work, and
expect to work for at least 4 weeks

and who are

aged 16 or over and responsible for at least one child, or
aged 16 or over and disabled, or
aged 25 or over and usually work at least 30 hours a week
aged 50 or over must have been unemployed and in receipt of benefits for 6 months leading up to the claim and work 16 hours per week or more
aged 60 or over and work 16 hours per week or more


some info about child tax credits but i am not sure if you can claim this, child benefit and mat leave at the same time

if you wait and wait you will never do it, we have come to that conclusion so we are trying now for a baby, i will get maternity pay and we have worked out our finances we will get by just. you will be fine, go for it!

Hi Megs,
I dont think anyone is saying being on benefits is easy.

If it was then of course we wouldnt be working!!

But some people are in a situation where they are actually better off living on benefits than working.

As my post said that this person I know is better off being on benefits than she is if she worked.
If she worked her son would be in childcare and she would actually be on about £10 a week less.

So can you blame her for saying, Id rather have £10 more a week and spend more time with my child!
You cant blame her I would do the same.

But im not in her position so that is not an option for me because the gov wont give me anything because i own a house etc.

I wasn't going to respond to this as i thought it was a touchy subject. I was the main earner til we had our daughter and during my pregnancy h2b got made redundant. He wasn't at his old job long enough to get anything and as I was on maternity he wasn't entitled to JSA. He then got a new job that was temp for 9 months so again last september he was out of work. He and I have both since gone back to work but I only work part time. If I went full time we could save for wedding sooner and get our last few debts paid off quicker, but we chose to have a baby and I dont want to miss anything. We are easily 12k down than when we were both in our previous jobs but we have a beautiful daughter and we wouldn't change her for anything.

It's easily said you can't manage but being 12k worse off has just meant we spend less on silly nights out 2 n 3 times a week. We cook at home. I dont buy outfits that I only wear once. We have been away for a few days last September and getting married abroad means our daughter will be on a plane by the time she is 2 wereas I didnt go on one til i was 13 n H2B didnt til he was 21.
We aint rich in the slightest but she's the most amazing thing I have EVER done.

xxx

I was on benefits as a single mum and whilst i didnt have a lot of money for extras and such, i cant say it was a really hard struggle. I budgeted my money, was able to save for things and the kids never went without a day out or a holiday (sun holidays = life saver)
Now me and h2b are both working and both on a good wage life has much more luxuries, and i enjoy my days off with the kids. We have decided we are going to try for number 3 after we are married, yes i will have to be on maternity pay and we will have to make some cut backs, but i think there is never a perfect time financially to have children, you just have to know its something you want to do and accept you may need to make sacrifices in other areas of your life.

With 3 children i can honestly say you are NEVER financially ready to have them, you just manage somehow!

At the moment im not working as my youngest is 1 and like croc going back to work will actually make me worse off as i would need childcare for all 3 not just the baby.
I find it stupid that the goverment want mums to go back to work but when we do we either get moaned at for being a bad mother for not being a stay at home mum and seeing them grow up or we find ourselves worse off financially AND we miss out on spending time with our children, we cant seem to win either way :-(

Hense im a stay at home mum untill the youngest is at least 3 (i did go back to work when the younger two turned 9 months)

we litterally do not have a spare penny.
We never go out. litterally never!

We maybe have take away once a month!

we arent even paying for our wedding and we still have no money!!!

We shop for food once a week (my mum also gives us loads of food whenever i see her which helps - and we have been known to take eggs and potatoes from h2b mums fridge (with her permition of course)

We have 2 dogs and buying food for them is a struggle enough.

Granted we have nice things in our house (we dont spend money on clothes and cds or dvds or anything like that - we spend it on furniture, kitchen stuff and things for the house - like coffee tables and stuff - mostly ikea or argos stuff as its cheaper)

We still have no money!
With our mortgage, Bills, council tax, and all the other monthly things you end up having to pay for like your car insurance, house insurance, life insurance, pension, recycling bills, petrol, a new boiler we had to buy a few weeks back!
New car tyres we had to get, my H2B needs new breaks on his car which he keeps putting off because we cant afford it!

I honestly dont know how people do it!

you just do rhiannon, thats it. you cant budget for them, you just get on with it. you say you spend money on furniture, thats what you would have to cut down on and use for baby as well. i think everyone else is right. there is no right time (unless you win the lottery) you just do it and its all worth it x

well we have bought all our furniture now I think - we only bought our house less than a year ago and we had nothing as we were living with my H2Bs mum - so we had to buy everything from bed to fridge to sofa to curtains to freezer to lawn mower to bed sheets - everything.
I think we are finally there now as we have almost everything we need. so we should not be sooo tight on money from now on I hope.
But litterally we do not go out!
My SIL who is my Best friend has a 2 year old son so my nights out consist of me going to hers to watch tv while we get little man to bed. and we chat.
I have lived in my town for over 2 years now and it has a busy night life - I have been out maybe 3 times the whole time I have lived here, Im 27 and i dont even know the names of the local clubs, pubs and bars!

you are still young, its not like you have to decide right now, but keeping in mind, sometimes there can be hiccups along the way and may take a while. id think about it. i dont think you can be prepared emotionally as well as financially either, looking after someone elses is sooo not the same. I thought it would be. but as you say you dont go out that much it doesnt seem as if it will change your whole lifestyle. Kids are a joy, a pain, a stress, a worry, a proud moment. you have to take the bad with the good and enjoy it. xx

sounds fine to me
lol at the aunty aron. my daughters call my brother uncle doh, his name is actually liam, but my eldest couldnt say it so called him doh insteadand it stuck. Everyone calls him doh now lol x

The girls are right, You can't ever put a budget on children, and it is just a case of getting on with it. You always find a way through.

I wouldn't change my kids for the world,yes we struggle but we aren't bothered as long as the kids are fed,clothed and Loved that's all that matters. We haven't been out out for 4 years but again we aren't bothered we just spend as much quality time as we can together.

It's all part and parcel of being a parent :D and i think all the ladies will agree it's the best package ever to have when you have kids :D xx

hun if u wait until u can afford to have children in reality u will probably never have one i also think having a child is a much bigger reward than money , im not working at the moment and my partner only gets 14000 a year but with tax credits and child benefit we get by plus when i go back to work in a few months tax credits pay 80% to your childcare i have 4 children and even when i was a single mum i worked and managed x

also forgot to say, there is no reason you cant have holidays hun, we manage one a year with 2 kids and our income inst great! I say go for it, or you will b forever worrying about when and if you will have enough money! x

Hi Hunni, thought Id share my experience with you. I am a mum to 3 wonderful boys, I was married to their dad and we both had full time jobs and were earning a reasonable wage (what I believe to be Mr & Mrs Average) had a mortgage, monthly bills etc. I went back to work full time after no 1 (he was only 11 weeks) as I hadnt been in my job long enough to get their Mat pay so was on SMP.....after no 2 I had the 6 months off on 12 wks full pay and after no 3 I had 9 mths off again with 12 wks full pay. After that my marriage was well and truely over (if your unaware he was a violent Ahole) and it took me until no 3 was 18month old to find the courage to leave. As a single mum I lived better than when I was married but as u can tell by me being on this site I met my Prince and within 3 months we were living together. I am currently out of work cause I moved 180 miles both to be with H2b and get away from my ex. We live on my partners wages which is what I earned when I was working and tax credits, we are renting and get no other financial help at all. We are living pretty well by all accounts and we are unbelievably happy. I guess my long and lenghty point hun is that no one can afford to have kids but it shouldnt be a reason to no have them. Message me if you want more infor on what we get etc xxxx

I agree the best you can do is give love - and thats TOTALLY what my parents did because they didnt have loads of money when me and my brother came into the world

I think maybe I have been panicking too much about it all.

I baby sat my nephew (2 year old) on friday morning and had a great time. It wasnt easy but it felt good giving him a good time and being able to care for him.

Then on Saturday night I helped my SIL2B to baby sit 4 kids aged 2-10!!
And yes I had fun! The reaction you get from the kids is really nice - when they like spending time with you - when you see them happy and the fact that putting them to bed was VERY easy !! lol which I know it wont always be! haha!

But i think the whole money thing has just been a worry and I need to chill out a bit.
Im still not ready to have a baby yet as we have a lot we want to do first - but rather than waiting 10 years I think now Its gonna be more like 2 - 3 years!! :)
So baby at 30 - 32 years old!? Sounds good to me!! :)