hey... long story short i dont talk or see my dad haven't in 7 years and dont think i ever will again he done a lot of bad stuff and my parents had a really bad split so he wont be at the wedding. I have a great step dad who is walking me down the isle but we are friends but dont really have a father daughter type relationship. i asked him to give me away out of respect for the stuff he done for me in the last 5 years and being a better bloke than my dad ever was to me.
been listening to father daughter dance songs for wedding and am gutted that im not having one, makes me miss having a dad a lot, not my dad as such, but having a father daughter relationship.
i know we will just skip over that bit at the wedding and no1 will probably notice but i will. i would of loved my grandad to do it but he passed away 3 yrs ago. we dreamed up the day i got married him giving me away and having the first dance together like when i use to go ladies night and my grandad would dance with me. i was always a grandads girl as never had close relationship with my parents it was always grandad id run to, we spent all our time together. breaks my heart knowing he wont be there.
To show my respect and love to my grandad going to have a big framed picture of him on a table with a single rose there, to show he not forgotten.
i know i shouldn't wish for things i cant have but feel sad every time i think about not having my grandad or someone i have a close relationship to. like it says in title i feel a bit cheated.
was wondering if i should ask my step dad but think it would be awkward or maybe my h2b father as we are really really close and he been so good to me, or like i said just skip over it.
any1 else in same kind of situation? what u doing?
CommentAuthor♥Future Mrs Midgley♥
Awww hun, no wonder you are upset, losing someone like that. Who does your heart say you should dance with? Don't feel obliged to have a dance with a father figure if your heart tells you that it wouldn't feel right. Just remember that your granddad will be watching over you, and I bet he will be blessing your wedding. He sounds like a lovely man to have known.
I know how you feel about feeling cheated. I feel incomplete. I never knew a granddad. They both died before I was born, as did one of my nans. I only ever had one nan and she died when I was 10. I always feel like I have missed out on something, by not knowing 3 of my grandparents. I have heard a lot about them, so I half feel like I know them, and half feel like I have a massive piece of my life missing because I never got got know them at all. I am grateful that I knew my mum's mum, but she was snatched from me far too young. I often think that I never truly knew her. As a child, the only thing she ever was was 'nan'. I wasn't able to see her anything more than a one-dimensional human being. She was just 'nan' who took me shopping, showered me with love, and fed me her favourite dinner of chicken nuggets, chips and beans. But now I am an adult I have come to realise that she was more than just a 'nan'. She was a woman, she had her problems in life, she had joyful moments, she was a wife, she was a sister, she was a mother. She had 78 years of life experience. I never really knew her at all. I am sure she would've adored my fiancé, but I will never know. I like to think that my grandparents would have been proud of what I have achieved in my lifetime, but I will never know that either. I am devastated that my grandparents won't be able to share in my special day. But they will be in my thoughts, and that is the best and only thing to do in the sad situation. You had a granddad, be thankful that you had the pleasure of knowing someone so wonderful, and keep him in your thoughts when the DJ plays a song that reminds you of him. xxxxx
CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
I know exactly how u feel. My grandad died when I was 12 and I was a grandad's girl, following him everywhere he went! I was gutted when he died. I want 2 honour him but not sure how yet, but ur idea of having his picture on a table with a rose is a good idea.
Only u can say whether or not 2 have the father daughter dance, but do what feels right in ur heart. I'm not gonna have 1 cos there's no men left in my family now, other then h2b and fil!
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthorAntonia9
thats a lovely idea about having your grandads picture in a frame with a rose by it, i bet he will be watching over you on your day beaming.
If i were you hun i wouldnt do the dance, if you cant do it with the person you always dreamed of doing it with then skip over it, i dont think you would have the right connection if you were doing it with just anyone but your grandad xx
Cant wait to become Mrs Purdie x x x x
May 4th 2013 - The day i get to marry my best friend
CommentAuthormrs m
Thats a lovely idea about the picture in a frame, Imight steal it! I have had some very bad relationships in the past, cheaters, been beat up etc. My grandad was the closest person to me, I could tell him everything and he wouldn't judge me, he had his opinions but wasn't nasty bout it. I spent a lot of my time with him even when I was older and had my own children. He died just after I got with my h2b, and he never got to meet him. I wish he could see how happy I was now and how much h2b looks after me the way its suppose to be. This way he can be there too, though he always in my heart anyway.
I don't think you should worry bout a dance if you feel comfortable having one with your step-dad or fil2b then go for it. I f its not something your comfortable with then I don't think anyone will notice if you skip it.
have u thought about having a dance with your mum? i know its not the same as father/daughter but could kind of have the same meaning?
caught the catch of my lifetime
25.05.2013. best day of my life
CommentAuthorAurora
I know what you mean. My dad is dead and its killing me that he wont be there for our wedding.
excited alternative bride trying to do things our way!
CommentAuthoremmaaa
I don't think you need to feel bad about wanting a father / daughter dance hun, and it's up to you whether you ask someone to fill that role for you. I'd look at what your reasoning is for wanting it, because from your post it seems like you feel cheated of the father / daughter relationship (on your big day especially) more than the chance to have the dance. If that's the case, I don't think having the dance with someone else will feel the same to you, and you may end up still feeling cheated, especially if you'll be thinking during it that you'd rather be having the dance with someone else. And definitely don't feel like you're obliged to have one, or that you'll be the only one not having one, we're not, nothing against my dad, but it's just not for us!
Obviously do what feels right to you hun, you don't need to answer to anyone on your wedding day!
CommentAuthorsamwiseheart
oh hun, i know how you feel, my dad is a terrible man and will never again in my lifetime be in contact with me, and i dont even have a stepdad. my dad was always going to be dad giving me away and our first dance would of been - bob carilse "butterfly kisses" and i still cry that i wont have the day i dreamed of, but i will never speak to my father again so long as i live, i wouldnt even attend his funeral, so no your not alone, its just greiving and you possibly will cry that your grandad isnt there for your day, but he will be there in your heart, your grandad wouldnt want to see you so upset so rememebr him the way he was and try not to wish to hard for something that cant change, i miss my grandpa every day and ill wish he was there on my day,
your not alone sweety, if you ever need to just chat ill be able to chat might not help but it might give you a little bit of confidence that your not alone and its perfectly normal to feel how you do, xx
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
i`m not having a father daughter dance ......... this is an american thing and tbh wasnt around atall when i got married last time
they is nothing to say you have to have one hunni, dont do it if it will feel awkward
If you think it's a time that would have a reflective moment then what about taking this opportunity to up the tempo and have a cheery dance with your Bridesmaids instead? Ask the DJ to announce as soon as the first dance is finished that the BMs are required on the dance floor, and hopefully you'll be too immersed in this that the moment will pass without too much sadness.
If only life could be one long tea break
CommentAuthorTori-Mrs.Mitchell2b
Hey ladies thank you for u comments means a lot.
Future Mrs Midgley - Im sorry to hear that you never had a grandad and missed out on them relationships. its not nice. when i lost my grandad i was devastated but proud to have know the man he was, he was my hero. so to not have that must be horrid my heart goes out to you hun, im sure they would of been so proud of the person u have become.
Antonia - thank you i wanted something special for my grandad, i want him there so bad so thats the closest thing i could think of.
Mrs M2B - Thank you, feel free to steal the idea although they will always be in our hearts but sometimes u just need a little something more. i hope that brings comfort to you. Sounds like we have had very simulair stuff in our past and like u my grandad was there to run to and give me advice. Im sure he knows how happy u are and how good ur h2b treats you. i beleive the people we love never really leave us they just watch over us till we all meet again.
Aurora - im so sorry to hear that my heart goes out to u. maybe you could do something nice on the day to include him in the day like im doing for my grandad.
Emma - thank you, you are right, i feel cheated of a father / daughter relationship. not so much the dance. i been to 2 wedding recently (h2b side of the family) and they all have there dad and it was all very traditional and they were really close and it hurts to know i dont have that and never will.
Samwiseheart - your dad sounds like mine and i feel just the same as you do i wont even be at my dad's funeral either. im sorry to hear you dont have a step dad either. mine is a good man and we get on well but we are not close, but nice to know someone looking after my mum. your right my grandad wouldn't want me upset so ill try for him. its hard with out your grandad to. Thanks hun might take you up on that sometimes it just gets hard specially with planning wedding stuff makes u relise the gap even more. im always here if u need a chat to hun :) everyone needs someone and sometimes its hard to talk to those close to you.
Ive still not decided what to do yet ladies might skip over it or ask my step dad or fil2b but got time to decide. deffo wont be my mum tho we aint close either.
i think i might just get dj to play my grandad's fav song and either just have it played b4 mine and h2b song and just let everyone listen to it instead of having a dance or after mine and h2b first dance and ask everyone to join me in honouring my grandad and join us in a dance to my grandads fav song.
what u think, is that silly? x
CommentAuthorTori-Mrs.Mitchell2b
our wedding blog - thats a fab idea :) x
CommentAuthorJules
I'm not having a father/daughter dance either x
I'm marrying the man of my dreams xx
CommentAuthor♥Future Mrs Midgley♥
"i think i might just get dj to play my grandad's fav song and either just have it played b4 mine and h2b song and just let everyone listen to it instead of having a dance or after mine and h2b first dance and ask everyone to join me in honouring my grandad and join us in a dance to my grandads fav song."
I think either of those options would be a great idea. Only you would know which scenario your granddad would prefer. xxx
