Basically, my sister is getting married in April, myself, hubby and our 2 boys were invited. Now, we made it clear when they announced the wedding (actually, they didnt, I found out on FB 3 weeks after everyone else!) that we didnt really agree with it. The relationship isnt based on love, respect and trust. My sister has said she doesnt trust this guy with her kids alone and they constantly argue and drink has become their crutch/trigger. Anyway, this isnt the issue. I told my sister last weekend that only I would be attending and hubby would be staying home with our boys. The reason for this is because ours boys are 22 months and 5 years. They can only manage about 30 mins max before they start messing around and screaming. Its not our idea of fun to have to remove ourselves from the ceremony and/or reception to keep the kids occupied. Hubby had to do this at my friends wedding at which our eldest was a page boy. Then he ended up leaving just after the speeches. So I can 'enjoy' her wedding and be part of it we decided id go alone. Hubby would also have come if we had someone else to have the boys, which we dont.


Now my mum has text me asking why, saying the ceremony/reception wont be long and my sister wants her nephews there. I explained the above to her and said we dont (personally) believe weddings are appropriate for young children. We will only be having our sons at our wedding next year. She said my sister is upset. I asked her to asked my sister to speak directly to me if she has a problem/is upset.

Now, my intention was NOT to upset my sister. I didnt think she would be too bothered to be honest, but now I feel bad. Have I been a complete b****h saying our boys wont be going or am I within my rights not to take them?

It's not up to you if you don't agree with their marriage or not
Your sons are her nephews and I'd be so upset if I had nephews and my brother/sister wouldn't bring them to my wedding because it's not their idea of fun having to control their kid! I'm sorry but I think your really out if order and should compromise

At the end of the day it is your choice what you do with your children, if you bring them or not. I don't think it really concerns anyone else. Of course it would be upsetting, but if you think its best then I would agree. x

I'm not being harsh I have 2 kids of my own and understand they can be a handful but it's her sisters wedding and she's being very selfish
Missweedles I think saying " why have them then" Is rude and wrong that's got nothing to do with it
She obviously loves her boys and can't comment on her having children.

I would off been very very upset if my sister didn't bring her sons to my wedding, in fact we would of had a big fall out and maybe not spoken for a long while. They are family and a big part of my life, I was there when both were born. Although I don't see them often of late as I don't get on with my sister as much as I did but love them both so much. Just saying how I would feel Huns x

could you compromise n take the boys to the ceremony so that they are in family pictures and then your hubby take them home ?

Thanks for the responses. Didnt see the "dont have them then" comment, but that wouldnt have exactly been a persuasive argument - after all, there are reasons above and beyond attending a wedding when comes to having kids! As I said, my partner kept removing our son from the room and entertaining him at the last wedding we attended, it just became too much for our son and we want to avoid the same again. I am not particuarly close to my sister, she only sees us off her own back once a year (despite living 20 mins away), and our relationship is strained at best because of how shes treated me in the past, and my 'approval' of her marriage has no bearing on this decision, its just seemed a better option all round. You have giving me food for thought though and perhaps just attending the ceremony with them might be the best compromise. Thanks.

Hello. I think that would be a good compromise and then at least they would have been there for part of the day. Maybe speak to your sister about having a child section where they can play/draw after The ceremony to keep them amused! Xxx

Hi, I think It's your decision as they are your children and although your sister might want the children there it will be you who is responsible for them. You know you're children best and know how they will react. I'm happy for children to come to our service, there is space for them if they needed to leave the ceremony or the reception. However I'm aware that the guests may not want to bring their children and if they decided so it really wouldn't affect my wedding.

Couldn't you not have them there for part of the day x

I am not very close with my brother, but if he invited us to his wedding, which I am sure he will one day, we will all be going. We have a 2.5 yo. Granted, she is very well behaved and will probably play on our mobiles, if she gets bored during the ceremony, but I would just try and bring as many entertaining toys for them as possible.
Actually, I am just imagining me inviting my brother and his family and him telling me he will be coming on his own, because he doesnt think his kids will behave at the wedding. I would be upset, too.
But to be fair. It is up to you, not your sister. If you want to go on your own, so you can give your undivided attention to your sister and the ceremony, then that is your choice. x

Obviously it's up to you but I'd suggest at least taking them to the ceremony and letting your sister have a photo with them. I have two nieces and a nephew and I would have been devastated if they weren't at my wedding.

It's a tough one :( Could you and your Sister come to a compromise and perhaps have them there just for the ceremony and give them a job to do to keep them occupied? They may surprise you :)

My Sister only had my half sister at her wedding (who was 9 at the time) and her 2 year old god-daughter. They were both flower girls, but they had a note on their invites to say that the venue wasn't suitable for children. My Niece will be 2 by the time we get married and she will be flower girl at our wedding, but there won't be any other children there. Delilah has her moments, but is generally very good :) I couldn't imagine my wedding without her because I don't see her very often.

I'm with Mrs Mann on this one.

On one side I can see how your sister would be upset with not having her nephews there but I can understand your side too; not wanting to have the trouble with your kids.

I'd compromise like someone said and get your husband to bring the kids for photo ops e.t.c and then discreetly make their exit :)

I can see both sides of this, however they are your children and you know them best. It will be no fun for either you or your sister if you children are screaming and restless throughout the ceremony. Maybe you really need to have a talk to her about it. X

I have a daughter that I nickname fijit. So I completely understand hunni. Your in a no win situation really. On the one hand if you do take your boys, they will understandably going and want to play etc, not only will it ruin it for you, but during the time of it, your sister won't appreciate either too much I would imagine tbh. But if you don't then your sisters going to be upset that she hasn't got her nephews there. With regards to you disagreeing with the wedding, I can understand that also, I was brought up by alcoholics, and now there's quite a few people that disagree with my wedding because they think that I can do better than my fiancee, it hurts but I understand that it's their opinion. Unfortunately, there's not really anything you can do. Maybe you could try talking to your sister and explain that you just don't want your boys there for the ceremony because of their age and that it has nothing to do with your views on the wedding? Maybe she might agree for your partner to bring them towards the end so that they don't have to be there for so long and can still be in her pictures? xoxox