Wedding Forum - Feeling a little on my own. :( - Page 1

Wedding Forum - Feeling a little on my own. :(...

Not signed in (Sign In)

Aura Wedding Cars

Aura Wedding Car Hire

Aura Wedding Car Hire

Luxury Wedding Car Hire in Nottinghamshire and Lincolnshire. Years of Experience with an outstanding reputation along with great rates

View Supplier Page

✆ 0333 355 2872

Aesthetics by Megan

Here's a Top Wedding Tip from Aesthetics by Megan

Here's a Top Wedding Tip from Aesthetics by Megan

"You will never regret investing in your skin, and natural, healthy and glowing skin will always look great and help your MUA do an even better job. " - Aesthetics by Megan - Treatments carried out by an experienced Aesthetic Nurse Prescriber

View Supplier Page

✆ 07825757416

The Petwood Hotel

Picturesque Grounds

Picturesque Grounds

A photographers pleasure, stunning gardens with plenty of unique photo opportunities, from the rhodedendrum path, to the sunken gardens.

View Supplier Page

✆ 01526 352411

ASL Limousines & Wedding Cars

ASL Limousines & Wedding Cars has joined UKbride

ASL Limousines & Wedding Cars has joined UKbride

Find out more about ASL Limousines & Wedding Cars by visiting their website - Experience The Epitome Of Luxury With ASL Limousines & Wedding Cars. With Over 22 Years Of Expertise, We Specialise In Providing Top Tier Wedding Cars & Limousine Hire That Adds

View Supplier Page

✆ 01142 335997

East Sussex National Hotel

Here's a Top Wedding Tip from East Sussex National Hotel

Here's a Top Wedding Tip from East Sussex National Hotel

"The wedding is for YOU, not friends & family" - East Sussex National Hotel - A romantic sanctuary where wedding dreams become reality. - Exceptional service, exquisite cuisine, and enchanting settings.

View Supplier Page

✆ 01825 880088

Empire Formal Tailor

Empire Formal Tailor Wedding Suits

Empire Formal Tailor Wedding Suits

Empire offers you the largest range of suits to hire or purchase. Dads and lads matching suits with award winning customer care.

View Supplier Page

✆ 01476 578022

UKbride Supermarket

Harmony Classic Two - Wedding Album
Brand: Heritage Photo Albums
Colour: White
Potential Buyer: For Everyone
Price Description: Honest Price
Style: Traditional
Seller: Heritage Photo Albums
PriceView Item: £53.29

* Discount available to Power Users only. Terms and conditions apply. more

Wedding related rants: Feeling a little on my own. :(

1 to 16 of 16

- CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Just feeling a little deflated...

Got loads of planning done the past few days and really happy with how everything is coming along, but feeling a little alone in it all. My fiancé is a bit of a nightmare, one minute he wants to be involved-the other he doesn't seem interested at all. One minute he's saying we should get this, the next it's why are we spending that money on that. He's not happy with work at the moment, but he just let's that completely rule his head... I'm fed up of him telling me his life is crap, I had a go at him about it this morning (well actually I was pretty passive aggressive and when he said his life was **** I just agreed with him and said ''yeah-it is, you literally have nothing going on for you what so ever do you'') he got the drift and said well it's just work that's ****.

The thing is, he never thinks about how it makes me feel when he's saying that, I'm here trying to plan our wedding and be happy about the fact that we're engaged and all he goes on about is how his life is rubbish :( Not exactly the best for my self esteem.

My mum is also a bit weird about it all, she wants to be involved but then sometimes I tell her things and she just sounds so disinterested, same as his mum. I feel like I should tell them both everything, because otherwise they'll kick off that they're being pushed out and not being involved, but it's a massive downer to be constantly talking to brick walls about it all :(

My bridesmaids are both amazing, I can't fault them. They're happy for me to talk about everything, repeat myself, question them on different things, I sometimes have to watch myself with them that I'm not talking too much wedding stuff as I don't want them to get bored, but they both keep saying not to worry about that. The only problem is they both live so far away, I'm in Yorkshire, one of thems in London and the other is even further South. Which don't get me wrong, is not a ''problem'' with them, but I just mean more the two people who do seem to want to talk about it and get excited with me and I can't even go and have a nice drink with them ect.
- CommentAuthorStephHsoon2bBodkin
Have you sat him down and asked him what the problem is... Maybe he feels overwhelmed by it all. Agree or disagree the wedding is about both and all i read how it makes me feel.. I know we are here to support you and the girls on here do but the OH may be really down or something is bothering.. :(

As for your Mum; Has she paid anything towards your wedding? I found that myself and my H2B have done everything together. It means thats it 100% down to you :)

I hope you figure it out sweet x

Found the man of my dreams
Getting Married on the 13th June 2015
- CommentAuthorkatielea100
Awww Hun I feel your pain my OH 'can't be ar$ed with the whole wedding thing" his exact words!
He's not interested at all (I'm very jealous of all the women with the perfect OH!) lol
My mums not really interested granted she's had a lot going on but that's when the wedding could take her mind off it but nope
Feel free to rant away I hope things get better for you soon xxx
- CommentAuthorDonnaH39
But that's the thing with oh, I know its a day about both of us and want him to be involved... which he usually is, in fact he has had a say on everything we've booked, if he hasn't seemed sure then I've not gone for something even though he's said ''well if that's what you want'' such as the save the dates, I made some gorgeous ones up which I loved and was looking at how much it would be to have it printed on postcards and he really wasn't interested. He made it clear he didn't like them but wouldn't say what it was he didn't like and just said well get them if you want them, I ended up finding some others which he does like and we've ordered those.

We were out last night and my cousin asked him how the wedding planning was going and he said ''don't know, ask her'' which I was really upset about because it just isn't true, he's been involved 100% and if anything I've given him the final say on things. He picked the band and we both agreed on wedding cars straight away. The things he hasn't said much about are things like centre pieces because he's really not bothered and looks at the price only, but I have gone for ones which he is happy with the price. He was the one who wanted a candy cart and we've booked that and he has picked two flavours out of our two tier cake.

So I suppose my problem with him isn't that he isn't interested in the wedding, that's wrong, he is interested, it's more like the comment to my cousin and then also the fact that he keeps saying about how rubbish his life is. I am a part of that life, I'm suppose to be a big part and yet apparently his life is rubbish. That just makes me feel like absolute crap. :( When I say I'm here trying to plan our wedding, I didn't mean he wasn't planning-I just meant its meant to be a happy time and he keeps saying how he has nothing going for him.

I have spoke to him, but it is just work that he isn't happy with-at least that's all he says it is anyway. I understand that he isn't happy and I'm supporting him in looking for something else but he needs to learn to separate that from his home life. On that front I also feel like I'm fighting a lot as his mum just constantly tells him he should give up work and go self employed... literally doing anything, opening a shop.... or whatever.... there's no clear plan and I feel like I have to be the voice of reason saying ''no we have a mortgage to pay and have to live, yes it would be great if you could go self employed but that isn't as easy as what you seem to think either''

As for the parents, my mum has given us some money towards the wedding as a wedding present, she's said we can spend it on whatever we want, whether that be the wedding, the honeymoon or something after the wedding. His mum is paying for what she wants (she wanted certain people invited, she's paying for their side of the family now, she wanted his brothers in matching suits... she's paying for that) It's not that I want them to have a say in everything either, we're having what we want but I want them to know what's going on and I also know that as soon as we don't tell them something they'll kick off thinking that we've kept them out of it or are choosing one over the other.

Sorry I've gone on again haven't I, thanks for the reply hun :)
- CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Thank you both

- CommentAuthorStephHsoon2bBodkin
Don't worry about ranting :)
i bet when it gets closer to your wedding date he will be excited.. Its difficult isnt it.. Trying to keep everyone happy.. I'm very Blunt and too the point. My mum and i argue as her and my dad do not get along, So i told her dont bother coming, It isnt your day its our day.. She hung up.. Best thing is she lives in OZ!

Best advice i can give is maybe give him space with regards to the wedding. If its is more about money then maybe something more than the job is bothering him.. As for speaking to friends and family he probs thinks your a expert at it. My OH does every 50/50 with me, If he chooses something i don't like and vice versa we will say ok lets sit down together and find something cheaper/something we can both agree on.

Maybe let him pick something out, give him something to do... Like pick button holes. I suppose with us we still have over a year. I got told by my mother that its too far away to get excited about but me i get excited every day..

Sweet just ask him is there anything else other than work. Plus if he is a ' lads lad ' he most likely brushing it aside :)

Sorry my paragraphs/sentences are mixed up! xx

Found the man of my dreams
Getting Married on the 13th June 2015
- CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Don't worry about things being mixed up, mine are all over the place as well.

He seems okay now, but like you say it could be that he's brushing it under the carpet.

I do think it is just work, he's never been good at separating it from home life. He was unhappy before and I was so happy when he moved to another place as it was like I got him back, but this place has turned out to be much of the same, so he's looking at a complete career change. Which yeah is a massive thing and he will be worrying about it, but then he talks to his mum about getting a lease on a shop as if that will fix everything, but then he says one thing to her and then when he talks to me he says he knows getting a shop would be unrealistic and not as easy as ''mum'' makes out (but it's the pair of them)
- CommentAuthorStephHsoon2bBodkin
Does his mum encourage him??

Maybe it might be stress from him Mum, Mums can be a nightmare i will admit! Maybe something at work is happening and he maybe feeling on edge about that. What does he like doing? Is there something you could organise for him and his Best man to do on day? Like Go-Karting, Paint balling?? Maybe a day to take him mind off everything might be in order :). You can get experience days for 2 really reasonably price

Found the man of my dreams
Getting Married on the 13th June 2015
- CommentAuthorDonnaH39
His mum does encourage him and yeah she probably does pressure him a bit,

That's a really nice idea. We're going to see his best man and girlfriend next weekend and I think the plan is for them to get some of their stuff done then as they don't see much of each other. So that will be nice and I might look at another treat for him, will have to keep an eye out for things :)
- CommentAuthorStephHsoon2bBodkin
if your OH is into football for 20 quid you can get him stadium tour for 2 :)

Found the man of my dreams
Getting Married on the 13th June 2015
- CommentAuthorValentinaK
Planning your wedding right now is somethign you're more focussed on than others. Us women obsess and what not as we want it to be as perfect as it can be. Not many brides have gone through this. No thanks to media and film, women seem to have gotten it in their heads that we should be crazy obsessive about it all. It doesn't need to be that way... listen to your H2B voice of reason as he's questioning whether you do really need to spend money, perhaps even unnecessarily. We get carried away with the dream and fantasy, someone, be it parents, friends, fiances, all or a combination has to bring us down to reality.

Be grateful that he hasn't lost sight of the fact that, on the day, all that matters in the end and for the rest of your lives, that you get married. If you're so in love, you'll be easy to reason with about things and not focussing on the minutia so much but making sure the major things are squared away and planning things beyond the day itself.

I had a bit of a relevation after the initial month or so of being engaged when we tried to get the ball rolling. I decided my venue didn't matter so long as it wasn't a hole and i could have the amount of guests i wanted there. I realised that letting my bridesmaids influence the choice of the dress meant a) an easier life, and b) saved me a job and a headache - they could fightit out between themselves and c)if I'm stressing about chair covers, I'm missing the bloody point. Lo and behold I got a venue for free...which then had massive renovations and holds 160 plus have exclusive use of. It also just so happened that the caterer I wanted was the only apporved caterer for that venue, the bridesmaids dresses chosen were ones I really liked and suggested on a random shopping trip and they loved them and got them all in the right sizes plus shoes and got a discount, c) the more casual I got about stuff, the more other people got excited and wanted to jump in. My mum who had been a bit held back about everything suddenly became very interested and is even doing the art work for my stationery and getting one of her clients to print them for us!

Generally, the less you obsess, the less you need to stress and the more people are interested because you're not constantly spewin "WEDDDDDING"! at them!

And we lived happily ever after!
- CommentAuthorLauraK7
My h2b is the same I think for them it's a long way off yet men are generally used to doing things last minute which he keeps saying but we have 17months yet but I am trying to spread all the payments out so use don't panic at the end
I reckon all will come good for us all in the end and they will help at the last minute rushes x
Hope things get better for you
- CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Valentina..... it's not that he's being the voice of reason with money.

He wanted a candy cart because he thought they looked good, after researching some we found a cheap company with a tacky looking candy cart which they would hire at half price if we also bought their venue decoration package. Which included loads of stuff we didn't want. It took me ages to convince him we should speak to the original lady who's candy cart he had fallen in love with to get a quote, she is doing the nice candy cart and only the venue dressing which we want for a lot cheaper then the one he thought was cheap..... I know what the main point of the day is, but at the same time I want to be happy with what we book (and him as well, if we'd seen the cart which appeared to be cheaper first he would never have considered it... )

Oh and he also after saying anything which costs up to £50 we'd get on our current account anything more from savings, had a go at me yesterday morning for buying our £40 wedding insurance (which we had discussed for over 2 weeks which one was right for us ect) using our current account!

These are the sort of things I'm talking about!

We don't have money worries, we're not loaded but we live comfortably and we have money saved up for the wedding so it's not that I'm going crazy trying to spend money we don't have and I haven't booked anything which he hasn't agreed on.... in fact him and my mum wanted to book entertainment for the wedding breakfast and I said I thought it was a bit of an extravagance and it was him who talked me round to spending the money on booking that!
- CommentAuthorDonnaH39
He has also agreed with me about booking things now, he originally wanted to get married this summer and not next and he was saying the other day how he's glad that we've booked for next year and are sorting things we want now as he would have hated trying to book what we want for this year and being constantly told that people are already booked.

My issue with him isn't so much the wedding planning, he's happy to plan it all-it's more the dismal look on our life at the moment and the constant concentrating on the bad and not acknowledging the good.
- CommentAuthorMarrying.Ryan
I am not afraid of argueing in front of people. If someone had asked H2B about the wedding and he would have replied to ask me, I would have said there and then, why can't you answer it. You are just as involved as I am. I can actually picture H2B saying exactly what yours did. He likes to be involved with the wedding, but when it comes to other people, he likes to pretend I am doing it all and being the mean bridezilla, who doesn't include him in anything.
How is his mood in general? Does he seem depressed or does he enjoy everything apart from talking about the wedding. Somestimes when one thing drags you down, everything else looks just as grey.
As for your mum and MIL, I have had the same reactions from MIL. I felt like I was talking to a wall, so I just stopped and now I am being told I dont include them in the wedding. I can't win.
- CommentAuthorDonnaH39
It's work,

He's also very unpredictable with everything, he'll be quite happy to talk about things one minute and then seem uninterested the next.

Whenever he says about his life being rubbish, he will always then admit that he just means work. I'm just tired of it myself.

I mean we have had an awful half term (sorry both work in schools our lives are split into terms lol) he had a car accident which wrote our car off and he hurt his back, I then had my allergic reaction and ended up ill for a week, on top of other things. He likes to dwell on things once they're done though, whereas I'm a worrier when things are in the air but once their done, their done, like with the car.... he seems to ignore the fact that we actually have a better car now and although yes it's not nice that he hurt his back he's getting the help for that and it could have been a lot worse.

As long as he can avoid thinking about work he seems okay, but as soon as it crosses his mind it's like a black cloud descends and nothing can clear it.

1 to 16 of 16