I know this might sound a little crazy but with a lot of threads on here about people having challenges shall we say (and some nice things too- it's not all bad) with parents and their in laws, MIL2B's to be more specific, I can't help feeling like I'm missing out.
H2B lost his mum about 9 years ago so before I'd even met him so of course I never knew her. I can't help feeling like I am missing out on certain experiences. His dad is lovely, so sweet and his long term girlfriend is really lovely too and is really excited about the wedding and will sit with us obviously at the top table and stuff but she's not his mum.
Am I weird to feel like this? H2B doesn't like to talk too much about his mum, think it really upsets him. He did ask me once if I felt like I was missing out and I kinda brushed it off and said that it'll be strange to not be able to refer to my MIL or MIL2B but that cannot be helped and just said we'll try to do something to make her part of the day so as it was cancer that took her life we'll be doing the cancer research donation cards as our wedding favours.
xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorXbox widow
Its the same for me to, my h2b's mum died about 7 years ago and he really misses her. I wont have a Mil and would of loved to have met her but its not to be. But at least I still have my own mum and feel blessed to have her, she will be 87 in July and I'm so pleased she will be at my wedding but I wont have my dad he died when I was 15. I dont think its weird at all its only natural you would wonder what she was like and what kind of a relationship you would of had with her. x
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Awww hun, that's brought a tear to my eye. You must miss you dad, especially on your big day. I'm so grateful to have both my parents alive and well although we have twice thought we'd lose my dad, once when I was 14 and then when I was 18 as he was really ill but has since thank God made a full recovery.
My sister talks about her MIL, usually to complain about her, I always then wonder like you say what she would have been like and what my relationship with her would also be like. I think H2B could sense how I was feeling when he asked me because I was talking about my sister's MIL.
xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorXbox widow
I did'nt think it would of effected me my dad not being at my wedding cos it was a long time ago, I'm 44 now but just recently I've found myself thinking about him not being there. I sometimes ask h2b if his mum would of approved of me cos you know what mum's can be like with their sons no ones ever good enough, but he said yes she would of liked you and you would of got on well together. x
CommentAuthorInDreamland
You will always remember your dad especially on such a special day. I know that feeling, wondering whether she would approve of you if she were still here. Feels sad to never know, I just hope that H2B and I can do her proud and that she will be remembered on the day.
Weddings can be so hard when someone close isn't there. Two years ago a very very close family friend (practicaly family) got married and his dad, my uncle and my dad's best friend, they were like brothers, passed away a couple of years before, when he was remembered in the speeches, we were all in floods of tears we missed him so much.
I know I'll feel sad on the day that my grandmother who passed away 10 days after we got engaged will not be there but as she was so religious, I'll be taking her rosary with me down the aisle in Church so that I feel she is still part of the day, it'll mean a lot to my dad too.
Will do you be doing anything special to remember your dad or H2B's mum? xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
my hu2b lost both his mum and dad yrs ago i lost my mum 10 yr ago and my sister last year we found lamenated poems on the bay for weddings about loved ones not being with us on our wedding day going to get one and see if someone will do a reading of it and then a toast if not set it up on a table x
CommentAuthorXbox widow
Yes I'm going to have h2b's mums favourite flowers Freesia in my bouquet and have her and my dad mentioned in the speeches, and like you said it will be touching x
CommentAuthorBlackCat13
I don't think this sounds crazy at all, it's natural that you will wonder what your in-laws to be would have been like and feel that you're missing out on that relationship. My h2b lost his elder brother before he met me, and I wonder what he'd have been like.
Having the freesias in the bouquet is a lovely idea, I want to do the same with red roses for my grandma who died 6 years ago - I was engaged to someone else at the time and she told my mum that she didn't think he was right for me, and I wish she'd been able to meet my h2b now because I know she'd have loved him. The people we've loved and lost will be watching us on our special days I'm sure xx
CommentAuthorLeighS
I have my mum and dad still here but they split when i was under 1. My mum came to my wedding when i first got married with my step dad. My Dad didn't come because of family arguments so my stepdad gave me away. Sadly my step dad passed away due to cancer when he was 54 and I know that if he mentioned at my wedding it will make me cry. I have also in recent year lost 3 Uncles, an Aunt and a cousin. I think a poem to mention loved and lost ones would be best for us. My Mil2b is lovely and we get on really well. I've always been made to feel welcome. My mum however is very different and I feel sorry for my h2b at having my mum as mil. lol
CommentAuthorkrazykitty
im lucky to still have both my parents and ry has both his too but he really misses his granparent and we are having the bouquets from the bridesmaids to put on their graves after the wedding so that they are part of it too xx
i dont think its crazy that you feel like that although to be honest you wouldnt want the hassle of not getting along or trying to take over although i know not all are like that xxx
big hugs to you hunni x
i cannot wait to marry my best friend
i love you ry!!!
engaged midnight 2009
Mrs Ryan Sheader (to be) lol :D
CommentAuthorBlushingbride2b
Hi, I can understand where you are coming from, it is natural to wonder what she would have thought about you and to have someone else's input into the wedding. I do not have any grandparents left and they never met h2b but I particularly feel sad that h2bs grandma will not be there since it was due to her generosity that we are able to marry. I frequently find myself thinking about what she would have made of this or that, especially the dress as I know she was very traditional and would have disapproved of me wearing white, ivory should be ok apparently. She was a bit of a character and I would like to do something to remember her and our other grandparents who won't be there.
H2bs mum is another story however. She is still with us but fell out with nearly all the family over a will so even if we invite her, she won't come. A couple of family members have sided with her too so they won't be there either. I just think its their loss, we haven't done anything wrong so will leave them to it, cx.
CommentAuthorxxRosiexx
I know what you mean about feeling like your missing something. I have a MIL2B but my mum is suffering with her mental health and I feel like I'm missing the whole mother daughter wedding experience as she isn't really able to help with anything at all.
I agree with blushingbride it is really natural to wonder what you're missing, especially when you see others having the experience. It's really nice that you're trying to include her though, I think the charity cards are a really great idea and a really sweet sentiment.
22-09-2012 I marry my best friend.
CommentAuthormillz090
I know the feeling babe and not silly. H2b lost his mum when he was 6 so grew up without her and being the youngest of 4 they all have memories of their mum apart from my h2b so he finds that even harder as doesn't really remember her so can't talk about her t me :o( xxx
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthorFernP61
I would love to have my mum and dad on my big day but i cant i just have to make do with other family members i feel for your h2b its not nice loosing parents x
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks ladies, kind words from everyone as always.
I do like the idea of the freesia's, poem and putting the BM bouquets on the graves of those passed away.
It's nice to know that I'm not being weird and I'm glad we can at least do something to remember her and my grandmother.
xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorLooby-Lu25
Hi, I have also lost someone - my Dad, when I was just 7. It hurts so much that he won't be there to give me way and have a dance with but I am very lucky to have to wonderful younger brothers to walk me down the aisle, one of which has followed in our dads footsteps and will hopefully be in Army uniform for the wedding (provided he is not overseas!). I have recently found an article in a wedding magazine and you can buy photo frame charms to attach to your bouquet which can holf photos of loved ones who cannot be ther. I am going to have my Dad, My Great Grandma and My Uncle on mine, although I am going to probably go for a locket style with 3 frames. I though it was a really nice way of having my loved ones with me on the day without being to in peoples faces. When my Nan got re-married when I was younger, all of us bridesmaids put our flowers on my Dad's grave as she was married at the same church. x
Miss Sims cannot wait to be Mrs Wheeler!!!
Marrying my Soulmate 16th March 2013 :)
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Awww Looby-Lu25 that is such a lovely touch. I will carry my grandmothers rosary down the aisle with me in church (she was very religious) and I think that the charity donation cards to remember H2B's mum will be that special touch for her xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorLooby-Lu25
Thanks. I think it is so important to try and remember those who can't be there. I may also get some form of donation/charity bands for help for heros as my brother may well be away in afganistan or somewhere by then - although I am hoping that he will be back for the wedding. If not, I will try and have him there by video link.
Miss Sims cannot wait to be Mrs Wheeler!!!
Marrying my Soulmate 16th March 2013 :)
CommentAuthorInDreamland
That will be nice hun, although fingers crossed he's back for your wedding! xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorkirstyless
Awww I sort of know where you're coming from. My hubby lost his dad when he was 13...year before we got together, I wish I'd got the chance to meet him!
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks everyone. It's so reassuring that others feel the same way as I do but also sorry to hear so many people have lost those special in their lives xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
