Hey all, need to get some stuff off my chest as its driving me crazy! (Sorry if it's long)
Ok so I don't have any friends in my life ever since I settled down and had a family, (by friends I mean people I hang out with etc I mostly have associate's) so when it came to choosing bm' s it has been difficult.. I have our daughter as Fg, picked my cousin Sarah as bm even though I only ever see her at family events (which isn't often) we get on great an she is such great fun to be around, My second is a girl I met through family friends, Jade, we got on like a house on fire and would have such a laugh/supported each other but since she got her first bf (she is 17) she has stopped talking to me full stop, I have no Moh as the original person I chose, Kathy, I asked to step down as there was rows/raised eyebrows cos of her age she would be 59/60 on the day, however I wanted her to instead be a witness and keep some of the roles a moh would have.... Spent some time away from wedding planning as we'd moved into new home and needed tidying/decorating but now I have decided to get back into it now we have 20 months until big day, but I am having doubts about jade & Kathy being a part of our day, because since changing our date (was meant to be next year) due to Mil2b having treatment for leukaemia, we wanted her to be of reasonable health to share our day, thankfully it's in remission, so we changed the date to current. anyhow my doubts are because both jade an Kathy seem to have no interest in the wedding what so ever, I understand its a while away, I also understand they have lives and problems of their own but I'm annoyed with the fact they don't speak to me for weeks/months on end unless to check I haven't cancelled my birthday bbq or to want to be nosy at new home (banned people until we'd decorate as bit of a state from previous tenants) but usually I don't hear from them, have tried mentioning the wedding an either get no reply or basic "ok" apart from when jade tells me she wants her bf to stay in her room over night (he is my h2b' s cousin so was already invited an my oh has taken it upon himself to not let anyone pay for on site accommodation) but won't discuss anything else, I wanted to ask an old friend to be moh but realised I cannot as Kathy will throw a strop if she has to give up being a witness and having moh duties duties plus no room to to have moh stay over, can't expect her to travel all the way home....
So I am stressed and have no clue what to do, am I being selfish by wanting people who actually care as my bm' s?
Xx

Thanks hun, no haven't spoken to them yet, I know jade will say "she is always there for me I only need to message her" but I don't want to feel like I'm imposing on her all the time, she is young at college/work enjoying her first romance, I don't want to bog her down with wedding stuff even though she has been really good so far, and Kathy well I worry about talking to her as she is prone to big strops like when I demoted her as moh an changed her over night room, and if I chose someone to be moh it means Kathy can't be a witness and plan hen etc? As surely wouldn't be fair to other girl being moh with nothing to do (even though she don't live local to me, making slightly difficult in doing moh duties) xxxx

To be honest I would be really upset if one of my friends dropped me as MOH just cos I was too old...so maybe that's why she is distant...If you want an old friend of yours now to be MOH why don't you just add her as a bridesmaid instead and leave your other friend Kathy as a witness and planning the hen. Or get all of them to arrange the hen via email and then you are including everyone. Your witness doesn't HAVE to be your MOH we are having our mums sign the register. I think if you further demote Kathy you will probably really damage your friendship. Sorry if this seems harsh just saying what I see.

xx

I've seen lots of these this far in advance...20 months is a long time and I thought the same of my bridesmaids too tbh when I was at 20months, they're starting to get a lot more involved now we have more things booked and I'm starting to look at things to do with them!

Thanks all,

20 months is not ages away when you look at how quick the year is going and according to my countdown I have on the computer its actually 1 year 8 months, 14 days, 17 hours, 16 min lol

LMC1302 ~ Yes I thought so too, like I said its a difficult situation as I'm spending so much time trying to please everyone else, I agree with younger Bm may just leave her to her own devices until nearer the time and just include her when she asks for input :) xx

kittyharris - see what people don't realise about me is I am an honest person so was upfront with Kathy about my concerns over her age, being difficult choosing a dress to suit her age as well as fit in with the other bridesmaids also I was getting a lot of stick of family an in-laws to be that it made me feel uncomfortable and she was fine with my decision to change her role, in fact it was her who suggested stepping down so as not to cause me more stress but I also see your points too :) xx

I am not basing my decision on "who is more interested in the wedding" my feelings about this has all stemmed from us all being really close, supporting each other etc to me now not having no communication from them at all, like I mention before I understand they all have lives of their own, stresses etc but I'm hurt that we've gone from speaking every other day/once a week to nothing for months on end, I am a 25 year old mum of one, have suffered depression half my life an currently dealing without tablets, the girls used to be my supports an fun but now I am back to square one of having no one in my life (obvs I have my family, girl an oh but its not the same as girl mates if that makes sense) so I just find it a little difficult when it seems like I get shut out, yet they expect me to bend over backwards when they make requests about the wedding like jade asking if her bf can stay in the same room as her, Kathy getting the hump when we re arrange the accommodation and she don't get the room in the venue that was her favourite

I am taking all comments on board though as obviously their friendship is important to me but at the same time need to be seen from my point of view xx