Am I alone on this?

I trust my h2b 100%, its not him thats the cause for concern. He has 2 best men, 1 is now on his 5 child by the 5 woman and hasnt a clue what monogamy means and the other best man is single and has just come back from a trip to las vegas where in his words he visited every lap dancing place there was.

Ive lived in pubs and clubs since I was 10, I worked as a waitress in a strip club while at university. I would say nothing shocks me. My partner and I have a healthy private life and watch many an adult dvd, that isnt the issue. It comes down to respect and trust. I feel like he has had 34 years of life before he met me, where he could have visited every lap dancing place on earth and it wouldnt alter anything now. However now we are together I am 100% loyal and I expect the same from him. He has said he wont go to any clubs but he cant do anything about what his best men plan for him. Ive asked him to talk to them and hes agreed but i still feel like they will have the "what she doesnt know wont hurt her" attitude. I hate that and its really getting to me.

At present he has said they will probably just go for a few drinks, but I know his 2 best men and I know it would not end at a few drinks.

I am fully aware of what happens in the clubs and I would see it as a form of cheating if it happened on his stag night. I need some perspective from other brides to be on how they feel about this? Am I being stupid?

Hmmm no I don't think your being stupid hun! You sound very much like myself and have a similar attitude towards certain things! However having said that, I pretty much organised my H2B's stag weekend yesterday and it does involve strip clubs and it doesn't really worry me! At the end of the day, they are not allowed to touch just look and where is the harm in that?

Sorry to sound a bit dim lol, what exactly is it that your worried about? Strip clubs? One night stand? What is it that is upsetting you?

It's funny how we all seem to trust our men but NOT the men they hang about with eh lol..!

What you have to remember is, your h2B is clearly a very different man to his friends... He wants to settle down and be a married man or he wouldn't be marrying you, right? So although he will be going along with what his best men have in store for him, im sure if that involved another women he would draw the line at that!!!

i told carl i wouldnt mind if they went to a lap dance club, cos i trust him not to do anything silly, but he really doesnt want to. they are going to sunderland i think and his night is all centered around the world cup. i trust him and i trust his best man not to let things get out of hand cos i know some of his other mates think with ther w*llies xx

lol madaxx

Make him responsible for his own actions. Tell him what worries you, how it makes you feel etc. And tell him you don't see drunkeness or peer pressure as an excuse. Then encourage a responsible person like a father to go to the stag party.

i dont know but its not just about stag but generally.if he can get drunk and get off with girl its can happen every time he out not just at stag .you worried about that it is??

well again surely ur h2b knows better since he's a grown man and knows the consequences of doing anything he shouldnt be doing!!! i woudlnt worry..easier said than done thou i suppose xx

ps3 that was meant to be.

momari made a point that I was going to mention, what is different about a stag night to any normal Friday night down the pub with his mates???? Yeah Ok the old saying "last night of freedom and all that" but it's not really is it, after all they are in a relationship so they are not single, just NOT married!

And who is Dave?? lmao i take it you meant Dove, she is always getting called Dave, I reckon she should change her name lol...!

Sorry dove...huge apology..not got my lenses in. xx

I think Dave suits me. However then I'd have the same first name as H2B. could get confusing.

I have never got that whole 'last night of freedom' thing. People can cheat at anytime. I was really worried about my blokes stag do, His friend are like your blokes friends. as they put it 'typical' men. They oggle girls even though they are in relationships and one of them was even cheating on his girlfriend before I confronted him and told him to grow a pair and come clean to my mate. I realised though that I trust my man and I do get paraniod but only coz I care soo much and would never want to lose him. I actually found coz I had my hen do on the same night I was too busy enjoying myself to worry about him, and I have seen the pics of the night, they went to a coyote ugly style bar, and the 'typical' blokes where staring at the girls like idiots and my lovely bloke spent most of the night talking to two oap's outside the club!!!! In short, have you hen night the same night too keep your mind off things, and there is no point worrying about what if's, what if he loves you so much no one comes close and he wants to spend hes whole life with you :-)

They put viagra in my blokes drink (3)!!! and then took him too the bar. But like I said he was more interested in chatting to the old ladies. lol though thinking about it Im not sure if thats a good thing now ;-)

im in similar situation with my h2bs best man!! I think to be realistic we as w2bs need to come to terms with the fact they will go to a strip club and probably have a dance but theres no touching only looking so isnt that that the same as us going to see the chipendales or a stripper down the local club???? Or just the same as us oogling a guy whos hot in a bar??? anyway whos to say we cant have fun on our hen do?? my MOH wants to get me something called a roly poly where a very obese man gives me a lapdance i think im the one with the problem lol!! try not to think about it too much at the end of the day its you he cuddles and kisses and its you hes walking down the aisle with x x x

Umm I totally understand where you're coming from, I have a zero tolerance policy for this sort of thing. I don't care if it's just "what men do" on stag nights, I want my fiance to be above this as it's stupid behaviour, it objectifies women in a way I don't agree with, and I see it as a form of cheating if he's staring at other women in a sexualised environment. The fact that he'd be doing it behind my back just makes it worse.
However I have made him aware of this, and he says he understands why I feel that way and he agrees that it would not be fair of him to go against that. I'm lucky in the sense that his best man isn't like that at all and is more likely to plan something a bit more sophisticated than a visit to a strip club, but that set aside, if you tell your H2B that this is how you feel about it, and you really make it clear that it worries you, one can only hope that he would respect that!

I dunno Suzi, I think it's a very personal definition.
To me, watching porn and even oggling other women on a beach is beyond the realm of what is acceptable. I appreciate other people aren't so strict about it, but tbh Chris doesn't want me looking at other men that way either, so hey. If you're thinking about having sex with another person, then that's a line crossed for me.

Hmmm OK ladies fair enough... I have to say, I know a lot more about strip clubs than I am letting on ;o) and have to say, NOTHING untowards goes on in those places, if the men tried they would be thrown out by some VERY VERY BIG MEN lol...!! Even a personal dance doesn't worry me, I know H2B is a red blooded male and it wouldn't be natural if he didn't enjoy looking at other women. The same as I look at other men and appreciate how gorgeous some of them are (although none more so than my man of course lol)

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I understand why women don't like it, what I don't understand is how it can be classed as cheating - no touching policies means nothing's going to happen. As someone else said, you can walk along a beach and see topless women, yet you wouldn't class that as cheating.
Anyways, I know it's a personal viewpoint and I don't want to get into some mass debate about what is/isn't cheating.

But stop and think for a second...............if you trust your h2b implicitly then it shouldn't make a difference if he goes to a lapdancing club or not. Why? Because if you trust him not to get up to no good then you trust him not to get up to no good, doesn't matter if it's a regular bar or a lapdancing bar.
If your h2b is going to cheat on you then he's going to cheat on you - lapdancing bar or not.
Putting him on a leash (so to speak) and having a 'tantrum' (for want of a better word) and telling him "no, you're not allowed" is only going to contribute to the problem, YOU are going to look like a petulant child and HE is going to think you're a prize nutcase, not good for either of you or your relationship.

If your views are that strong then talk to him, give him a concise argument as to why you don't like the idea of him in a strip club (because I don't agree with it is NOT a concise argument) then trust him to make the right decision for him, I don't think these men are as weak minded as you all think they are

I don't think that going to a strip club or having a private dance is cheating.. A kiss, a touch(obviously not just a brush of the arm.. you all know what I mean), or S ex... That's cheating.. Not looking, we all look, sometimes without even realising at other men everyday (and the same goes for the men looking at other women) everyday! there's nothing that can even be percieved as cheating.. And as someone said.. "If they're thinking of having S ex, then it's as bad as cheating" Just looking and admiring how good someone looks does not mean that they want to have se x with these women... It's like them telling you "you Cannot watch the new film with Gerard Butler in it.. Incase he takes his top off and you look at him" It's just daft..
He wouldn't be marrying you if he wanted to be with anyone else.. it's as simple as that x

I agree with Roxii.... H2B's ex wouldn't let him watch certain films due to se x scenes or half naked women, im sorry but that to me is an absolute joke!!! And that sort of attitude forces a man elsewhere... just my opinion!!!

I think it depends how they look at it.

I know my H2B and friends go to Strip and Lap dancing clubs for a laugh. This includes female friends. He is always completely open and honest about it. I've been too. I also know our best mans aim is to try and embarrass H2B- so the stag night will be messy.

However if they are going to look at girs as the primary reason to get their kicks, I can see how this annoys their partners.

I dont get this whole "I trust him but not his mates" attitude.
As has already been said, if he's gonna cheat, he's gonna cheat regardless.

His mates aren't gonna FORCE him to do anything with another woman, he's a grown man and perfectly capable of knowing his own mind, full of ale or completely sober.

Strip clubs, erotic bars aren't something thats ever botehred me.... hell i've been in a few myself.

Mark is planning a stag do at some strip joints - doesn't bother me one iota...why?

Because i trust him 110%

^^ What she said xx lol

Vintage you wouldn't believe the things he wasn't allowed to do, to the point he wasn't allowed to wear sunglasses in case he was looking at women, she wanted to see everything he was looking at/doing... wasn't allowed on his own brothers stag do and he was best man :os

And she wonders why eventually after 13 years he left!!!!

NUTTER ALERT!!!!...poor H2B....that sounds like a life of hell and torment!!!!!! I think that's an awfully sad way to be....and it just goes to show that she couldn't (even after 13 years) control everything...especially him walking out the door!!!!! You sound like a nice girl...Im sure he's glad to have found someone 'normal' lol xxxx