My and my partner got engaged in Aug and are busy planning our wedding for April 2013. Anyway, My family are trying to take over everything! My parents have told us they are going to pay for our venue which is a fantastic gift and takes loads of pressure off of us money wise. However, they seem to think this makes it ok for them to decide everything else, from colour schemes, what I will wear, what the rest of the wedding party will wear and even our guest list.
I am getting so frustrated. I know it is only natural that they would want an imput but it seems like everything I suggest is just getting dismissed and they know better. I have to bite my tongue to stop from screaming "It's MY wedding"
Sorry for my rant I just needing to vent a little.
Katie x x
Soon to be Mrs Alexander
CommentAuthorchubblywubbly
i know exactly how you fell hun..my mum is the same!! it seems everything i like or want is the wrong choice and it has to be hers!! i know its hard but you have to stand up to them and say that its your day and you want it your way..you dont want to look back at it in the future and be annoyed or dissapointed that it wasnt what YOU wanted!! just have a little chat with them and hopefully they will understand that they are maybe too involved in some way! and they need to listen to your choices more! :) xx
CommentAuthorKitkat85
Thanks for your reply.
I know I just need to be firm with them. I find confrontation really difficult lol. I have three older siblings and have always been the quiet one of my family. My two sister's are really strong willed so over the years I have just learned to sit down and shut up lol. It saves on the arguments. This time though I know I have to stand up for myself.
My eldest sister got married abroad last year and nobody else was invited so I think that's why my mother is just trying to take over mine as she feels she missed out. Does that make sense or am I just rambling again? lol
Katie xx
Soon to be Mrs Alexander
CommentAuthorStevie_Dee
We cancelled a whole wedding because our families wanted it their way. There is a common ground but you have to be firm and put your foot down asap. Politefully and tactfully explain that you have very definate ideas about how you want your wedding and although their opinion is valued, the final choice will be yours and your h2b's. You want to plan your day your way and their support in this would be appreciated. Sometimes it just takes one instance of you standing your ground for them to realise you are not a pushover or to be told what you should have. xxx
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CommentAuthorbridalmiss
I wouldn't be too firm in case they take it the wrong way, but definitely have a quiet word and explain that you're excited to be planning your wedding, and you appreciate their generous offer to pay for the venue. I'd try and imply that whilst you appreciate their suggestions, you want to have a bit of time think about what you and you H2B want etc - my mum tried to step in early on and demanded to see the guest list, so she could see if I'd invited the right people - I politely said that as we were paying for it ourselves we wanted those friends and family important to us there, and not everybody from down the street etc - but I still sent her the guest list anyway and once she saw we were in control of the situation she's left us to it mostly - sometimes she gets a bit carried away but it's more enthusiasm rather than taking over xx
I have invited my parents round for dinner on Friday so I could politely bring it up then. Wish me luck lol
Katie x x
Soon to be Mrs Alexander
CommentAuthorWeeMintyMonkie
I wouldnt have blamed you if you had screamed its your wedding!!
Hope friday goes well for you.
My mum is asking me about buying my dress but iv still 2 years to go.
X xx
CommentAuthorchubblywubbly
good luck for friday hun. x
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
i wud tell them ur egrateful for payin for venue but thats all etc, my parents are puttin 3-4k towards ours and leavin us to it, and its no excuse about ure sisters weddin my sister was abroad too and she dint plan any of that either! be firm he he but kind at same time
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CommentAuthorclarebear1
We have changed our date twice now Just to suit over people so they could make the wedding, Mother in law is like oh well if you have it on a thursdfay/friday it means people have to take time off work, she is really pi******g me off big time Ive had to not go round the house for a few wks otherwise I would hit her lol, Now im not listening to anyone Just me and my HTB doing our way, our day, our time etc etc, sick of worrying about other people and will it fit in with their life/schedule
CommentAuthorRachel168
I can totally sympathise with you! My mum is the same, we refused to let them pay for everything as it meant it was their way, so instead we've said they can contribute but the BIG things, eg. venue, church etc, will be paid by us. So they still get to chip in but its made clear that its not their final call on anything. Maybe suggest they organise a part of your day you're not too bothered about, like the cars or perhaps the catering, that way they can pay for something that on paper is quite important but not so important it'd ruin your day if it wasn't perfect. xx
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
just shout lol! they will soon learn to be quiet then. just tell you want to do it your way and you appreciate they are paying for the venue and that they are doing a lot for you but you want it to be about you and your other half not about your parents doing what they think you want for your big day.
i did mood board and showed them and said right this is what i am doing like it or lump it, they soon left me to it and they are all still paying for what they said they were going to.
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorMadam Butterfly
Don't bite your tongue, shout it out..let them know how you feel about it. As I have said before other people have had or will have their chances to organise their wedding. This is yours and H2Bs and should be what you want. They can give their opinion when you ask for it. I know it sounds harsh but otherwise your going to end up dreading having your wedding and nothing will be what you want xx
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16th June 2012 x
CommentAuthorKitkat85
Well I had my parents round for dinner on Friday night.
As we were all seated around the table my mum brought up the subject of the wedding. I was glad she did as I couldn't find the words to start lol. Anyway, She was starting again with the guest list and who we should invite. I said that I would take her opinions on board but that me and H2b have people we want there to celebrate our big day with us and if it means some distant relative that I haven't seen in about 18 years doesn't get an invite then it would be our choice. I also said I appreciate the help they are giving us by paying for our venue but that the final say on things was down to myself and H2b as it is OUR wedding.
She seemed a bit put out at first but my dad agreed that we hould be able to invite who we want, not who other people want. He also reminded my mum what her mum was like when they were getting married and how crazy she drove her. She started laughing and said she would back off.
Yay! Huge relief! I was expecting a huge fallout but it went really well. I am so glad I said something now instead of putting up with it for months to come.
Soon to be Mrs Alexander
CommentAuthorpennieb-MrsRiley
So good to hear that you worked things out - and good on your dad for reminding your mum how she felt for their wedding, I'm sure that was a big help in getting your mum to back off a little!
Now, finally, Mrs Riley
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CommentAuthorMrsC2B
Hooray! Good for your dad - maybe I should have a little word with my dad to get him to do the same for me?! xx
CommentAuthorloustew2012
glad you got it sorted out.......
nothing worse when someone comes in and tries to take over everything just makes the planning less enjoyable.
good ol dad ha ha ha
xx
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CommentAuthorRayanne
Aww Im really pleased that it went so well, and yay for your Dad! XXX
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CommentAuthorEcoFreak
Yeyy! Well done your dad, glad your mum took it well :) Xx
