i was given to my grandparents at the age of 6 months and they are all i know as parents, my father has been in and out of my life since i was little and has tried to get into my life (the odd birthday card) as i'm getting married next year i thought i'd start to let him back into my life wanting him to be there. He thinks that he will be walking me down the isle but i've asked my grandad to do that for me, told him that i had found my dress and i was told that he couldn't get it for me that he need a new kitchen table and chairs, should i give him another chance to stand up or just move on with my plans
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Move on with your plans :-)
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorMrsMoran
I agree with KelBel hun, move on with your plans xxx
CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
Personally, I dont think you should take anything money wise from him even if he offered.. In my experience with friends that have dad's/mum's like yours, they tend to think buying one or two things means that they have a perminent hold over you from then on and always gets thrown back when they want something that you can't do.. For example, my friends mum bought my friend a necklace for her 18th (probably pretty expensive, but knowing her mum probably stolen anyway!) but a few months after her 18th, her mum called her up and asked her to go pick her up from 1hour away from where my friend lives. My friend said she couldn't cause she had to be back at college in 45mins and her mum rang her up and started screaming down the phone about the necklace and how she went out of her way to get it, the least my friend could do was go and pick her up and she wished she never had her, wished she got rid of her when she had the chance etc etc.......
Your dad might think (if he did offer to buy it in the end) that he then had the right to walk you down the aisle.. I'd carry on with your plans, try not to have expectations of him and just be glad that he's there if you do want him there.. Like you said, your grandad is more of your dad, so just concentrate on him mainly :-) xxx
I can't wait to become his Wife :-)
4th July 2015
CommentAuthorMrsMoran
Georgi makes a very good point hun about the fact if he does offer to pay for things he may feel like he has a hold over you and has the right to walk you down the aisle. It can definitely have the potential to cause issues xxx
Move on with your planning. If I was in your situation I wouldn't make any plans to involve him in the wedding until much closer to the time. Let's face it he has been less than reliable and chances are he'll continue on that trajectory.
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
Kelly, I would make it clear to him that your Grandad is walking you down the aisle as he is your "dad" and the man who has the most input in your life. That is what you want and just because he bears the name "dad" doesnt mean he has been yours! I had a similar problem with my "father" and my "dad." My "dad" has brought be up for 22 years and been with me through thick and thin, my "father" only having been there for the glory moments.
I would also make it clear that you do not want/expect him to contribute. It sounds like he has assumed already that he will be having an integral part of your day by assuming he is giving you away and also paying for your dress which is a very dad thing to do and it can only lead to further problems down the line if you do not set your stall up now. Yes, it may upset him but tough.
My father had the cheek to ask could he walk me down the aisle.... put on the spot, what more can you say other than yes? Caused a lot of upset for my dad and when i asked my father would he do a speech and let my dad walk me down the aisle, he took the funnies with me. I decided that if that was his attitude, he could get stuffed and none of the paternal side of my family attended my wedding.
Best of luck as I know it's not easy when you have the feeling that you "have" to do something.
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Being a sperm donor definitely doesn't make him a dad!
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorKellyS96
i just want to thank you all for all your great replies think i've made up my mind now thanks
CommentAuthorFinally Susan B
Lol KelBel. So much truth in the saying ' Anyone can be a father but it takes a special man to be a Dad'
Move on with your plans Kelly - a man showing up with the odd birthday card isn't actually reason enough to change anything x
CommentAuthorElizabethP8
I agree with the not letting him have any financial involvement, you have survived so far and you will be fine without him. I think that maybe you should invite him to the wedding as a guest so that in years to come if you would like to build bridges, not being invited to your wedding won't be an obstacle. Definitely continue with your Grandad in the role of dad at your wedding, he is the one who has raised you and been there for you xxx
CommentAuthorAmyK
I wish I would follow my own advice with this one - my thoughts are : who gave you cuddles when you had a bad dream? Who made you your favourite tea for your birthdays? Who made you mushy egg in a cup and rubbed your back when you were poorly? Who told you "you're better than him" when a boy broke your heart? Who drove out at silly o'clock to pick you & your mates up after the cinema so you didn't have to walk home in the rain? Basically, who has always been there for you through thick & thin, and you have your answer xx
CommentAuthorAngelaM77
I think you should go with your grandad. He's clearly the person that has been there through everything, and will be there when you need him in the future. It will mean much more to your grandad to walk you down the aisle than your dad but he'll probably not say it, as he won't want to upset you. You know exactly who you want to be there for you, and you should go with your gut feeling. xx
CommentAuthorJoanna
Good post, amyk!
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
