Hi,

Feeling really glum this evening, mother in-law to be travelled down to see us today. Took us out for a meal and was really upbeat and excited about the wedding. She then told us that she planned to put £50 a month into our bank account until the wedding instead of giving us a lump of money, so we could use it as and when we needed for the wedding. Its was really nice as in the past, me and her have never really seen eye to eye and I finally felt accepted.

The thing is my H2B's dad died of a heart attack 6 years ago and he had it at the house of a woman he had been secretly having an affair with. My MIL2B was, as you can imagine devistated and I do really sympathise with her. However she very quickly moved on and out with a new man and cut all ties with h2bs dads side. She told them to leave H2B alone and not to contact him again.

H2b always beleived that his dads side just cut all strings because they didn't care about him and he really resented the fact as you can imagine. He met me, who naturally asked questions about his family and it was then he decided to go and "confront" his gran and grandad and ask them why they disowned him after his dads death. We later found out it was his mothers idea, she just never bothered telling him.

You couldn't meet a more loving, wonderful couple. They really are diamonds and we can't wait to share our wedding day with them. HOWEVER, MIL2B sat at ours today and informed us that she will not be very happy if his dads side are there, will feel really uncomfortable and she doesn't want them there.

I tried to explain that everyone should just ignore each other if there is so much trouble between them (the thing is there is NO bad feeling from his dads side, dispite her forcing them to cut all contact with their ownly grandson. They always ask about her and will never have a bad word said about her.) She did shut up about it but later this evening I found out everytime I went to the toilet at the restraunt that we went to she carried on talking to H2B about it and going mad.

The thing is I don't want everyone to fall out at the wedding, nor do I want to make everyone feel uncomfortable. Its just really doing my head in. Shall I tell her to shut up and get on with it or what?

I was floating on a cloud and now I'm quickly returning to earth with a massive bang. I feel horrible!

Shes the type to not come herself though....he can't have NO mum and dad there. Oh I don't know.....so deflated. We both are.
:(

i had similar troubles at my first wedding so they all got invited to the church then my mum came to the wedding buffet, she went home afterwards n my dad etc came to the evening do. it was the only way i could do it with out fights errupting xx

She will maybe change her mind if she knew you were serious about inviting them and tell he she could come if she wanted! I did that with my mum and dad when my little boy was born......told them it was his day on birthdays etc and they would both be invited.......and it would be there loss if they didnt come.......11 years on they now give each other a lift to his brithday's etc and keep things civil x

omg thats ermm too deep for a forum lol n ive only had one bottle lol, big hugs n big bouts of lady luck xx

Just coz them lot can't stick to their wedding vows. My mum and dad are exactly the same. I was the product of a sympathy shag and I was followed by a shotgun wedding. H2B's the product of a posh girl rebelling against mummy and marrying a bad boy. They all sit there demanding a slice of OUR DAY and chuntering away about each other! It makes me so mad that I am actually in tears!!

I think they are forgetting who this day is about. MY HUSBAND AND ME!!

Alice she set fire to every photo, every home video, moved house, changed her name. The man hasn't even got a headstone and she jokes about digging his ashes back up and throwing them in a bin! I think its about time she moved on. Shes been with another man for 6 years now. She makes me propper angry.

prove them wrong hun by having a wonderful happy married life together!! x x

I would tell her to stuff the money and not even invite her if she said stuff like that to me! Your a saint!

Course you can!

Hi Puddleduck87, I think that she needs to know that its her issue to deal with and she made it your h2b's. He missed out on his grandparents because of HER anger. I think h2b does need to reassure her, but its for his and your happiness.

hope you get it sorted x x

lol....yeah to the last bit.

We have just sat with the evening guest list and added about 25 more people to it. We have now decided to sod it and have who WE want there. After all it is our day. She already made a comment about my mum and stepmum not getting on and said, well you just have to get on with it and ignore each other so maybe she should practice what she preaches.

If she asks us who is invited again we are going to tell her, but if she doesn't which we are hoping she won't there is nothing much she can say on the day. She WILL know about Gran and Grandad, but as for the other family she said no to, its not her decision. She doesn't need to know.

yeah well done puddleduck. definately right there, she cant just make everything her business. sorry to hear that she is still causing trouble.

How old was your H2B when his dad died..? I know I would be furious if I found out I had been told to be left alone by folk whom had not done anything wrong apart from be related to my father whom in the instnce of your H2b was having an affair. The FATHER was philandering and in the wrong NOT the rest of his family.

This is a TOUGHIE .. but, your MIL2B has NO right to say whom comes or not to your wedding..especially as these people have no problems with her and or caused no issues.

SHE chose to take her sons Grandparents away from him and now he is old enough to know the truth HE has the right to see them and involve them in his life.

I understand she mus have been GUTTED BUT as you say she has moved on...well, seems to me not 100% though.

IMO you BOTH tell her the extended family will be invited and she needs to decide if she can swallow her pride and live by her previous decisions for ONE day for the sake of her son and future daughter in law. This is YOUR lives NOT hers...YOUR wedding, NOT hers...HIS/Your Family, no longer hers.

I wish you all the best x

maybe she now feels guilty about what she did then ...and is embassesed to see his grandparents not knowing what reception she would get ....could you get them together before the wedding so that ,that first face to face meeting is done and over ....

Puddleduck, it's your day, sit down with her and show her a table plan with them the other end of the room from her, and just explain that H2B really wants them there, though he's never going to stop loving her, it's your day!! If she doesn't accept it then let her walk away. I have a similar problem. My father died in September, and since then I've had little contact with my brother as his Fiance doesn't like me. I want more than anything for him to give me away but I don't want her to give him S**T .... I hope he comes round and stands up to her and explains I'm not asking for her to be my best friend, just to allow my ONLY family member to give me away at my wedding :(

Its your wedding, she should just be 'civil' and ignore them, after all its one day out of her life. If you and your H2B want them there then they should be.

We have a similar issue; although on a smaller scale. H2B's parents split up when they were young, H2B was about 2 so the oldest would have been 6. When his middle brother was 16 he moved in with his dad and step-mum when he did his GCSE's. When he was 18 he went and told them that he was going back to his Mam's. Now issue being he hasn't said a word to them since, nobody knows why he wont talk to them (not sure if he even knows) if you talk about them when he is in the room he will say something along the lines of "oh, i HATE those PEOPLE" which i find shocking. Thing is we they have to stay in the same house for 2 nights. There's no issue between H2B and his idiot brother, i thin k he's a t**t but thats my oppinion. I just don't want him to make things aquward for my FIL2B and H2B's step-mum. I will talk to him before and say you know, just be civil its not difficult for 2 days, i'm not expecting full conversations but i don't want to imagine how Jim will feel if he tries to talk to his son and he gets ignored.

Anyway, hope you can sort something hun :)

xxx

I just want her to either be civil or bugger off, there's no need to stop my brother giving me away or even attending my wedding, he's the only family I have, and I don't even know why she hates me so much, it's not like I'm even a threat, yes I'm close to my bro (or was) but I now live 120 miles away from the sour faced old bitch! I'm not asking her to like me, just for him to have the backbone to say "ya know what she's my sister, I'm all she's got, it'd be an honour to give her away, you don't have to come" :( .. He's told me to call him Wednesday night when she's out playing Darts so will keep you posted. x