Sister-in-law fell out with me about 12 months, HSB still speaks to her and he takes our daughter down to theirs quite regularly, at least once per week so that she can see her 3 kids who she adores, especially her niece.
I have been asking and asking and asking if i could see her kids, and stupid excuses are made all the time "oh there not well today" "there tired today" "we are going out today" so i give up asking in the end.
They are in the process of moving to a new home so mother in law had her 3 children whilst they were moving etc. So H2B said we will call down to his mums for half a hour on Saturday. I was pesimistic about it but still went ahead with it as havent seen the kids for a long time. Gets down there, and the kids were overjoyed to see me i was showered with hugs and kisses and we had a brill time playing outside in the garden with the football! Even if it was only for half an hour.
So anyway, later that afternoon we were in the park with our daughter when his phone rings. Its his sister.....kicking off because nobody had told them that we had called down to see the kids. Well........i felt sick and couldn't believe she could do such a thing. Mother in law is currently depressed following the death of her husband 2 years ago and she is still greiving and little things like this really really get to her. So anyway, sister in law saying that they should have been told that we were going down and asked first of all if it was ok and she has now fell out with mother in law, H2B and brother in law. What the hell did she think i was going to do to the kids? You would there was a **** in the house or something i used to have a brilliant relationship with her kids and i even took the day of work unpaid and stayed in their house overnight even though my own daughter was unwell at the time, whilst she was in labour with her third child.
Everybody keeps saying its jealousy......i did fall out with mother in law late last year and we have recently sorted things out. H2B asked me to try and get her involved in preparation etc for our wedding so i invited her down to my second trip to try on my wedding dress, and she was bit down last week as it was her wedding anniversary so her some flowers....I dont know if it is jealousy or what but she needs to get a grip and stop using the children as a weapon. I havent ever stopped her from seeing my daughter because my daughter adores her and the kids and its unfair on the kids. I work in family law and see these sort of things day in day out and its so upsetting......
I was going to ask for their kids to be BM and pageboys but im thinking i wont bother now........
Sorry for the such long moan......had 2 get it off my chest! xxx
so what would she have done if you had just turned up at MIL`s not knowing that the kids were there .....were you meant to havr turned round walked out ad called her she really needs to grow up
if you want the kids in the wedding party i would ask them infront of her and then let her be then one to say they cant
I no thats wot H2B was saying, did she just expect me to walk out and ring her to see if it was ok first before I went in?? Fuming isnt the word............but im actually not bothered anymore.
I dont want them at the wedding.........especially not her fiance cant stand him. But at the end of the day, its H2B's family so i suppose i have to respect his wishes aswell.
We are getting married in Majorca and Mother in Law was going to pay for them all to go because they only live on state benefits whereas me and H2B both work full time with 3yr old daughter. They certainly wont be missed from me at our wedding. We are having a party upon our return home so i will deffo make sure that they get asked in front of the kids! Not fair on the kids but then she can explain to them why! And even my niece said on Saturday when we were there, she spotted a plane in the sky and she said im going on holiday next year with jessica......such a shame feel sorry for the kids who are stuck in the middle of this mess because of her and her stupid fella! x
CommentAuthorKaz
I can understand how upset you are, but I wouldn't force the relationship, I'd be quite petty about it and not let my kids go either, but that's me! If she won't let you into her life, theres no guarantee that she'll even let them attend your wedding, so you could be setting yourself up for more hurt. Has ur H2B tried talking to her? I agree with lala, that if you really want them as attendants you'll have to ask them in front of her so ur not the bad person.
Sorry was posting at the same time, she just sounds like she's jealous of your lifestyle! I'd be tempted to ask how they're going to attend ur wedding as u'll have to be in the same room as them?
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthorKaz
Up the top hover over the my wedding tab and go down to click my details, right at the bottom of that page change wall settings, hope thats helpful?
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthorLaura
Ahh yes done it thanks :-) -----
I suppose i will have to let the dust settle and see what happens....xxx
CommentAuthorKaz
It's still restricted u need to stick in on public for people to friend you unless u want to friend everyone yourself!
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthorLaura
Sorry i did click public scroller on mouse much had nudched it x
CommentAuthorIgnition
That is very spiteful, on her part, she shouldn't be able to stop you seeing them. Hope you get it sorted. xx
Can't wait to be Mrs Mansfield
Having a Fun Fair Reception
It's going To Be Awesome
Roll On The 15th September 2012
CommentAuthorLaura
Fuming even more now!!! I know that H2b has been speaking to his sister on the sly, and hes not told me about it. I have seen messages on his phone from her jst normal conversations and "x"'s on the end of the messages and stuff. Ive mentiooned to h2b that if i found out he was speaking to her then i wouldnt be happy at all and very disappointed in him. Well anyway, the messages have still been coming through but he is deleting them straight away, so while i have seen wot his sister has sent to him, he is deleting the whole messages & replies he has sent so i cant see them.
MIL2b phones last kicking off at Paul saying "why have you told your nan everything thats happened"......(sister in law to be has just moved house) Paul told MIL2b that he hadnt his nan was asking all sorts of questions about SIL2b and he just said i dont know much nan because we are not really speaking at the moment.......
So the nan has obviously said something to SIL2b, who has in turn been kicking off and moaning about it to MIL2b who has then been kicking off at paul.... and then paul goes to me last night i'm guna txt me sister and find out what me nans said and stuff and i am really really so angry at him. I told him not to txt her, as long as he knows that he has done nothing wrong then just leave it because it will just make the situation worse and not only that i am not really happy with him speaking to SIL2b after what happened earlier (see above).
The whole situaiton just p's me right off because when i was 16, my family didnt really like h2b but i fought and fought and fought to make r relationship work regardless of what everyone was saying and doing, my parents ended up throwing me out and i lived with h2b and his parents for a while. I didnt speak to none of my family, apart from dads mum who kept in touch with me for about 5.5 years!!!! Ive only just recently started talking to my mum....so as u can see the situation is a mess and i am stressed out with h2b as i just feel betrayed after everythin i done so we could stay together and now the ball is in the other court he doesnt give a s*** about wot i think..........
Am i being stupid or should i stick to my guns???????
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
Hun the first thing i would say is stop telling him to not speak to his sister .....all that can come of that is that it will come to bite you on the bum .... tbh i think you need to take a back seat and let them get on with it .
Personally, I think you should all get together somewhere public and make everyone face each other at the same time! lies / secret chats can't be hidden then. But I am a bit of a harsh cow (esp when it's not me involved) !!! You need to talk seriously to h2b as this needs sorting quickly. I would be very wary about telling h2b if he can speak to family or not...it could make him resent you, or he'll keep going behind your back which will cause future rows. Can't you and SIL2b resolve the problem from 12 months ago? If they are all going to fall out, one of them needs to take the lead and get everyone to work it all out - whether you are involved or not. This is a real difficult one Hun. Try to think clearly and have a rational discussion with your h2b.
Jo Santa
CommentAuthorkimmy
TBH Ithink you should let them crack on with it keep out of it and don't get stressed over it it's not worth it!!!!
CommentAuthortimpson123
How serious is the reason you fell out? I can see why you are annoyed about her not letting you see the kids as you seem to being adult about it by allowing her to see your child because it is unfair on your child not to let her see her auntie. So good on you for that.
However, I do think you need to stop telling h2b to not speak to his sister. I know you think he is making it worse but to be honest its more likely that you are. you are making it more of an issue than it has to be by banning him. If H2B told me not to speak to my family I would be very upset with him indeed. Not to mention how uncomfortable this all is for him being stuck in the middle, I don't understand why you would do this given that you were in that position before. It may sound a bit harsh but I think the best thing to do is actually have a chat with SIL2B and find out exactly what is going on and see if you can resolve it.
CommentAuthorLaura
I know but i just feel like h2b doesnt care about how i am feeling about the situation..............?? Or do i not come into the equasion even tho we are planning our wedding day, want to spend the rest of our lives together and have 1 daughter and plan to have more?
I am just really upset at his actions and feel like he is walking all over me and part of me is agreeing with u and just thinking of staying out of it but then part of me is thinking, well hang on he's walking all over me here
I didn't think planning a wedding could cause so much stress and upset :-( ..... its meant to be a happy time and allst that has happened since we started planning is argument after argument with his family xx
CommentAuthorEnny
but after all... she is his sister blood is thicker than water so u cant tell him not to speak to his own flesh and blood his sibling so there fore no matter if ya like her or not no matter if u like them speaking let them speak its only gonna make your relationship go down hill trust him and he will know what he is doing but if u force him to not to do so he will only do it even more and looking into mobilephones... no go!!!
CommentAuthorEnny
maybe u should just talk and try to trust each other!!! and maybe than the arguments will stop and u will be doing the proper planning of your big day! love is based on trust!
CommentAuthortimpson123
I know what you are meaning. You feel like you don't have his support and that by taling to them you feel he is taking their side. I completely understand that. I think you know though that it's wrong to expect him to choose between you and his family. He loves you both and wants to keep the peace on every level. You need to go directly to the source of this - the sister.
Why have you fallen out anyway and is this the same reason you fell out with MIL?
CommentAuthordizzydora4
try taking a step back from the whole situation and de stress. if he wants to speak to his sister then let him, I agree with mandyhoyle in that you need to have it oout with the sister once and for all for everyones sake. She sounds like she needs to grow up and get on with her own life. I would not invite her or her fiancee whom you dislike to the wedding but say that you can make arrangements for her children to attend as its not their fault. x
CommentAuthortimpson123
Hopefully you can sort this out before the wedding.
CommentAuthorKaz
I'd just leave it at this point, I'm with the others in that you really can't stop him talking to her! (when you stopped talking to your family over him it was your decision) You've still got plenty of time before the wedding, to see if H2B can talk her round, so I wouldn't worry/stress about it, she's taken it out of your hands by not talking to you at all and as the only reason for this is to punish you for something you're falling into her trap by your actions! Just carry on acting the adult in this situation, as Mandy said, and you will come out with your dignity intact xx
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthorLaura
Thanks for all your posts guys.........i have apologised to h2b this evening and i think i will just have to bite my lip and just sit and watch the rest of the drama and wait for the next argument! (which will prob have nothin to do with me but yet again as always i will get brought into it all and will be all my fault as usual) cant keep up with his family u no xxx
