Hello ladies *hugs*
Need some friendly help from 'outsiders' to try get this into some form of perspective. Both Ross and I have mothers who have been divorced and remarried and with less than 10 months to get a guest list finalised things are getting to be a bit of a headache!!
I'll start with my situation;
My parents got divorced when I was 3, after that I had nothing to do with the Greenwood side (my dad) until I turned 21. Since then I've seen my Nana 2 or 3 times and my aunts/uncles etc maybe twice. I have a half brother and sister who I'm not allowed contact with (their mum's decision - long story) and a half brother I've spoken to but never actually met. They're my family but I don't have anything to do with them and I'm not sure I feel comfortable with them being there, I know the check-out lady in the supermarket better than I know them but I'm not inviting her, so yes, it feels a little 'weird'
Now this wouldn't be a problem except 2 of my Uncles, an Aunt, 2 cousins and my half brother are on my Facebook so obviously they see how things are going with the wedding, naturally they ask if I've got such and such booked and sorted and it's only going to be a matter of time before they start asking about their invites. I'm avoiding Facebook like the plague with anthing to do with the wedding because a part of me feels so bad for saying "Well hang on, I barely know you so why would I want you there?" I don't want to hurt their feelings but at the same time I'm really not willing to have them there.
I don't know what to do for the best :(

Ross' situation;
His parents got divorced when he was 2. It's claimed that his dad basically walked away from it all but I think it's more his mum's 'simplified' way of looking at things. Ross' stepdad is an ex pro footballer so when Ross was younger they moved around a lot and at one point they were in Hong Kong, so as you can imagine, it can't have been easy for his dad to be involved.
Anyway, his Mum has 'allowed' (how very gracious of her to dictate the guest list LOL) us to invite his Grandmother and his half brother & half sister but that then leaves another huge problem. His dad has made an enormous effort to be a part of Ross' life over the past couple of years, Ross was his best man last summer yet we're being expected to say "Sorry Alan, Lin's got miff on so you and Vicky can't come. However, your mother and Rob & Emily are welcome" I can see that going down like a blummin lead brick!! Then if we do invite them we'll get "How come your dad & Vicky aren't here?" and Grandma Mills won't keep quiet if she knows why, I think she'd verbally swing at Lin and all hell would break loose.
On the one hand Ross would like his dad and stepmum there but because his mum has said "If they come then I'm not" and got Ross' stepdad to follow suit he's got a huge sense of divided loyalties :( I half said to his mum that really it was up to us who we invited but when writing the guest list we would take any serious grievances into account and do our best not to upset the apple cart - to which I was told I was becoming a Tempest and that's where my loyalties should lie, if I wanted 'in' on the family then I had to tow the line.
It's trying to make her see that it wouldn't be done in spite towards her (if we decide to invite any of them) but because with the absence of Ross' dad we couldn't really invite his hb & hs and Grandmother and that's really out of order!!

So if any of you have any pearls of wisdom that would be great!
Loads of love
xxx

forgot to say, who is paying for your wedding? his mum paying any?

You see, I think the same as you amie, his dad SHOULD be there and the past is the past. My parents are willing to behave for the day so I don't think it's asking too much. I think Ross is going to have to decide what HE wants and then we'll tackle the fire-breathing dragon...........erm, I mean his mum :P

And thanks for the help re my family, I might just do that, I guess I'm worried because I don't want them to think that I think they're not 'good enough' to come to the whole event.
In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a natural born worrier ;)

We're paying for the wedding so technically it shouldn't be an issue, but as we all know, life ain't that cut and dry!!
xxx

I thought of that with my lot Dove
a) we can't afford to throw another party
and
b) I can't help but feel like it's a real snub. You weren't good enough to come to the actual day so here's your consolation party (not how it would be but if I were them it's how I'd feel)

There's a lot about Lin & Alan that Ross isn't aware of and as he was growing up she'd never let him ask questions about it, we don't even know why they split in the first place. She knows she wouldn't even have to acknowledge him being there, it's because she refuses to be in the same county as him, never mind the same room!! I agree that we need to talk to her though.
Thanks petal xxx

yeah, definitely find out whats ross wants first before tackilng the dragon.... i mean MIL

we are in a similar situation, not quite as complicated but alans parents are divorced. he gets on fine with his dad and his sister used to but has suddenly stopped speaking to him and wont invite him 2 her wedding if she eventually organises it. puts us in an awkward situation. i think the thing is with divorces (it happened 20+yrs ago) people dont tell you the true story or they remember things differently. we dont even try to understand what went on as both his parents give different accounts lol