h2b has spoke to his mum for the 1st time in 8 weeks last night weve been engaged 3 months she hasnt seemed that bothered, she basically rang up to check how the wedding was and turned round and said so when so you need Joes measurement for his pagboy outfit and for your sisters bridesmaid dress!!!!!. Joe will be 18 months old and is h2b's nephew, he turned round and said were not having pageboys, as i have a 10 year old son and instead of a pageboy my h2b wants him to be an usher so i said yes thats nice he will love that plus a real bonding moment for them. he also said that i have sorted my bridesmaids and i will be using/ having my 2 sisters and 2 god daughters
well obviously that didnt go down well, as i got called selfish this is his wedding too etc etc. now dont get me wrong i have met Joe once and the sister twice, i dont really know them plus i dont want them in my bridal party , i want MY family in MY bridal party, i want to get ready with the people i feel most comfortable with, so how the hell is this selfish, surely she should have a) perhaps shown more intrest andtherefore b) would have known not presume.
i am now worried as h2b is off to see his parents and sister for the weekend as hes down there on buisness on friday so is making a weekend of it (its my bday in 3 weeks so i presume he is bday shopping too) last night h2b was really really annoyed and upset at his mother so i turned roud and said do you want me to have joe as a page boy he said no as i know you have everything planned and you have it the way you want it. i have this feeling that i will be portrayed as some selfish monster not taking in to cosideration HIS family members in MY bridal party baring in mind i really dont know them.
perhaps i am being selfish but i dont have any itention of getting married again so want to look back and have my family round me plus even my 3 best friends arent bridesmaids!!
sorry for the long incoherant rant feel free to ignore. i am just in shock by her
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Don't worry too much about it. Your h2b is obviously happy with the arrangements so his mother can stick that where the sun doesn't shine. (sorry not in the best of moods here) He is having the wedding he wants and it sounds more like she is just put out of joint because she isn't getting what she wants. At the end of the day the bridal party is chosen by the bride and groom not the MIL! If she starts I would politely point out that when you spoke to her son he was happy with the arrangements and the only time he has been upset is when she was demanding who he should have in the wedding party.
CommentAuthorMrs (Dove) Pidgeon
Its your wedding. Pidge didn't even include his brother in the wedding party, as he preferred friends/cousins. I chose to include my brother. Its your choice.
And 18 month olds is a bit young to be a page boy IMO. He would prefer to be with his mother.
Now a extremely happy German housewife and now a Mother!!!!
Islay Jean born 24th June in Hannover.
CommentAuthorKaya
Your day - your way! Don't let other people try to guilt you into changing things. And I agree with dove - 18months is a little young - particularly as he doesn't really know you!
Now Mrs Cobb!!!!!! :-D
CommentAuthorlinzi
the only worry I have from reading your post is how well do you actually know the man you are marrying? You have only met his sister twice? That seems bonkers to me.
anyway, its up to you who you have in your bridal party, I am having my H2B's neice and nephew as page boy and flower girl in mine. But neither of his sisters are my bridesmaids.
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully!!
Started Slimming World - 23/03/2011 - 2 Stone to lose!
Total Loss = 1 stone 7 lbs.
As at 23/11 - 3 days before the wedding.
my little boy will be a page boy at 17months but ill admit i wouldnt be too keen on anyone elses child bar my own being a page boy that young. You can control your own but you cant really tell off one thats not. Also it would be selfish if you were like im having my family in the party and i dont know yours so we're not having yours but your husband to be has said no so its not. I take it he has chosen all his other ushers and best man?
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
i wouldnt worry about it i'm not having any of my in laws involved its my friends and our kids and my brother is an usher we did off h2b brother in law but he didnt feel able to do it xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthorCroc
haha i know my h2b really well linzi we live nearly 300 miles away from his family, he works down there maybe once a month so he sees them alot, im not too fussed on going to see them not because i dont like them because i am not big on families i have met his nan lots thou (he used to live with her) i only see my parents twice a year anyways, so families arent a big deal to me ( the joys of baording schoo your friends become your family!!) (by twice i mean twice ive gone down for the whole weekend)
my h2b understands that i only want my sisters and god daughters in my bridal party as its rare were all together so it will be more special hence the reason for not having my best mates and my best mates are all fine with this and think it is a nice jesture. h2b wants me to be happy and comfortable on the morning of our wedding
i think 18 months aswell for a child that doesnt know me a little daunting for me and joe tbh
I just cant help but feel guilty or that i am being selfish/ unresonable
no felicity he still hasnt made a deffinate decision on who his ushers and best man are although hes toying with brother in law for his best man
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
CommentAuthorKaya
You're not being selfish or unreasonable hun. x
Now Mrs Cobb!!!!!! :-D
CommentAuthorlemlau
i had the exact same problem!! I am having my 2 sisters my cousin and best friend! they are the people who are closest to me and who i want around me on the morning and the peoplei can trust! H2B mum asked ifhos sister was a bridesmaid and he said no and she wasn't amused at all couldn't believeshe was being left out etc etc but there was other reasons we didn't ask her 1) i have never ever seen her in a dress or skirt she always wears joggers or jeans, 2) she isn't a girly girl ; i am and so are my 4 maids 3) she hates her hair being styled etc! she isn't bothered we didn't ask her. Instead we have asked her to do a reading which was met with the reply " oh oh right how many people are going to be there; ok errrrr" so i said let me know. i like his sis and want her to be involved but that annoyed me esp after his mum got annoyed over the BM thing! the other wk she said yes pauline is doinga reading, even though sh still hadn't told us!
LOL just looked at all that and its an essay! sorry just wanted to sympathise with you and got carried away! go with what you want offer her to do a reading o something?
as for the little boy we have bought our 2 nephews ties that match the colours but they aren't actually in the "bridal" party but still involved
ok i'm going to stop talking now!! lol xx
Live every moment
Laugh everyday
Love beyond words
Happily ever after
CommentAuthorangelan1986
I could understand having his nephew as the pageboy if that is what you wanted but his sister would have no part in the wedding party even if you were best friends. i offered to h2b that his sister could be a bridesmaid and he said no so i havent even asked her but that wasnt for me or her, it was for my h2b. as long as he is happy i couldnt care what the rest of the word thinks. we live over 250 miles away from his family (thank god haha) so im not close to any of them and i know i would have felt the smae if his mum had rang asking when she they should come down for the dress fitting etc x
CommentAuthormrsbeal2be
youre def not selfish......if you dont want them then dont have them just to please certain people. have/do who/what you want,its your day not theirs and besides if he was a pageboy he may need a nap during the ceremony and might miss it anyway.x
CommentAuthorltw979
Bizzarre that people assume that they have any say at all in your big day. I must have the most laid back family, they dont care that we are off to do it in Vegas because thats what we want, no fuss, just close friends and us,and they really wouldnt expect to be part of a big day anyhows. My DD and 2 neices are having a nice dress for our after party when we come home but thats my wish not theirs!
CommentAuthorKerrylou
I love weddings - they bring out the worst in everybody!!
Bridal party = close relatives/friends of the Bride. This usually means that unless you're REALLY close to your OH's female siblings then that's them ruled out from the word go.
18 months is far too young to be a pageboy. My daughter was around that age when she was a FG for my aunty - yes, the effect down the aisle was total cuteness BUT keeping a child of that age in order is like mission impossible!!
We're lucky in the respect that Ross only has 1 brother and it just so happens he was the only person Ross wanted as his Best Man. Having said that there was a huge hoo-haa over the cousins and that they should be involved in the Bridal party. I stood VERY firm and said I didn't want older BMs because it was more trouble than it was worth with dresses etc PLUS we couldn't afford to pay for them all. Fortunately Ross backed me up and we've gone ahead as we originally wanted.
It doesn't matter what you do, who is in your Bridal party, who is in you Wedding party, there is ALWAYS going to be someone who feels like their nose is getting pushed out of joint - tough beans! Families should be there to support you both, not to bellyache about who's doing what. You do whatever you feel is right for you both and leave them to bicker - it's not you who is selfish, it's THEM xxx
It's right what they say
"The course of true love never runs smoothly"
But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
CommentAuthorChrissy~MrsFaulds2b
It's your day, you have who you want in your bridal party!! I have made the mistake of agreeing to have my SIL to be a bridesmaid :( I regret the decision sooooooo much, firstly because she's shown absolutely no interest and when she is asked to come for measurements etc I get a lame a*** excuse of why she can't go. I'm seriously considering dropping her, it's just how to do it. My sister, daughter and neice are my bridesmaids and I'm more than happy with that.
Your not being selfish darlin and your h2b is very happy with how the day is planned out. Carry on as you are and ignore them. I hate the way some people just assume they are going to play a part xx xx
CommentAuthorljeh92
its your day, you decide, dont let some selfish woman ruin it for you. you need to be comfortable! i thought it might be nice to ask H2Bs neice to be maid of honour but i wish i hadnt now, she doesnt seem bothered about the wedding. i try talk to her through texts and she ignores me or sends one word answers back and i try to arrange to go out but she always cancels.. grrrrr..
Soon to be Mrs Laura Naylor !!
24th June 2011
CommentAuthor~*~ Becca ~*~
fair enough h2b is happy enough but in my opinion .you do sound a bit selfish for hw you said " MY family in MY weddin party" ..it is h2b's day as well! maybe dont say how u've said that to her as this will put you across as selfish!
h2b is happy wiht arrangements is he?? if thats the case, just explain to her he is happy and you've made sure he is before you made the decisions! and its goin t be hard having his sister as bm and nephew as page boy when thy live so far away! as u woud need them regularly *well the bridesmaid* anyway to meet up for dress fittings etc etc
gl x
17.09.2010 ---I am officially Mrs Rebecca Mollins
Twilight - its' like my own personal brand of Heroin...
Edward Cullen - The Hottest Vampire since 1901 !!
I have OTD - Obsessive Twilight Disorder :D
CommentAuthorChrissy
It's your day, your way babe. If you were close to them I would say yes but as you barely know them it would be like having strangers in your bridal party. As long as you and h2b are happy then that should be all that matters xxx
JD is taken so I'll settle for being Mrs Marge :o)
CommentAuthorCroc
Thanks girlies :D youve made me much more comfortable with my decision that the people i have picked arent changing or being added too. Becca is suppose i did sound a bit selfish with the MY bridal party i was just so angry , upset and in tears typing as i really thought i was being unreasonable which generally i really am/trying not too. I guess i just want it to be special for me on the morning of our wedding am already nervous as hell and having nightmeres!!
I guess its just the point that i really dont like it when people presume that they have some part to play, spoke to my mum last night and she said if i cant tell the truth then tell a white lie and say its our family tradition that we just have sisters and god children, my mum said she would back me up too :D its like i have 2 best male mates have been my mates for 10 yrs + always there for me look out for me cheer me up give me advice they are like my brothers even on FB they are tagged as my brothers, i'd never say to my h2h can they be in your grooms party. dunno familes are funny things and i'd love to please everyone and have no arguements or for them to hate the woman hes fallen in love with and marrying.
i do like the idea of giving the sister in law some form of a reading thou. :D i was thinking last night in having the SIL2B and my 10 yr old son doing a reading each before we say our vows
Thankyou all again am glad other brides understand!! xxxxx
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
CommentAuthor~*~ Becca ~*~
yeh i get you.it does kick u down a bit when people start to interfere xx
17.09.2010 ---I am officially Mrs Rebecca Mollins
Twilight - its' like my own personal brand of Heroin...
Edward Cullen - The Hottest Vampire since 1901 !!
I have OTD - Obsessive Twilight Disorder :D
CommentAuthorCroc
but i guess a wedding wouldnt be a wedding with out the interferance and the drama that comes with it!!! xx
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
CommentAuthor~*~ Becca ~*~
as much as i love my mum and appreciate all she does, she started to get on my nerves when i was planning...and i thnk coz of that my hair ended up b eing in a style i didnt like
17.09.2010 ---I am officially Mrs Rebecca Mollins
Twilight - its' like my own personal brand of Heroin...
Edward Cullen - The Hottest Vampire since 1901 !!
I have OTD - Obsessive Twilight Disorder :D
CommentAuthorGriff
ignore it. they're just being selfish not you hunni xxx
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Maybe you could make that point to the MIL that you would have liked some of you male friends in the bridal party but can't have them as its up to the h2b to pick the males. That way it shows that he is making choices of his own and you are compromising with him (just not her as she doesn't get a say in the matter) that way she can take the issues up with him about the nephew and can see you are not being selfish at all.
