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Wedding Forum - Expectations of a BM...

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  1.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Oct 28th 2014
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    Ok ladies, ever noticed how your expectations of a Bridesmaids duties sometimes don't match with theirs?

    This is what I've found my SILs expectations of being my BM to be:
    * turn up on the day in a nice outfit paid for by someone else, then proceed to lose my bolero with pearl brooch (gift from bride), bouquet, pearl hairpins and earrings (gifts from bride) and shoes (had the bride in knots trying to buy these for me in the first place)
    * expect the bride not to mind me making demands on the style of dress for me & my little girl (after all, whose show is this?)
    * it doesn't matter if I turn up late, without even brushing my hair or bringing a copy of the reading I agreed to do
    * its ok for me to allow my little girl to make plenty of noise throughout the ceremony & not even think to ask my boyfriend to take her out of the room
    * my daddy will make the bride sit me at the top table by pestering her about the seating plan
    * it is my mission to drink as much as possible throughout the meal and make loud comments, but expect neither of my parents to drink at all because my little girl needs 'looking after' throughout the day
    * make lame excuse to avoid the hen party, even if it is a meal at the nice restaurant 12 doors down the road from me
    * not offer any help or show any interest in the wedding whatsoever, not even lending my crafting skills to make invites etc.

    My expectations:
    None of the above!!

    How do these compare with your expectations?




  2.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Oct 28th 2014
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    Just sack her!
    My BM's both did so much for me and got excited about everything and helped with anything I wanted. Model bridesmaids really. If she doesn't deserve the honour then she can go you know what...................................

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  3.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 28th 2014
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    So, I'm guessing that you've already had your Wedding, by that post?.. Jeez, that's a bit harsh of her! I think I'd be well and truly pissed if my SIL made loud comments and got smashed! TBF though, it's the Parents that created this monster by letting her get away with it for so long. If that was my daughter acting like that, I'd tell her to pull herself together!
    My expectations of my BM's aren't much, just to be enthusiastic, help my MOH to think of fun things for the Hen Do, turn up and look very pretty on the day, walk down the aisle before me, know where everything is, in case they're asked last minute to help an elderly person find the toilet (for instance) and generally just enjoy the Wedding Day almost as much as I do!
    I don't mind them drinking a lot, but if they have their child there, then to arrange appropriate child care.
    Your one sounds like a nightmare! X
  4.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2014
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    If mine were anything like your sil was, I wouldn't have put up with it after her hating the dress, I'd have just said don't do it then!

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  5.  
    • NaomiC8
      CommentAuthorNaomiC8
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2014
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    They would have been dismissed straight away.... i wouldn't appreciate none of that on my wedding day or the build up...

    I dont know what i expect, but i guess i just expect contribution, i want them to actually want to do it, i dont want them to feel forced...
    So far my potential bridesmaid have been assisting me with looking for my dress, their dresses, they've helped me locate potential venues, my best friends has done so much more than i could have and so iv made her my bridemaid... i was initially going to keep it to family to prevent any discord between friends.

    I would expect my bridesmaids to faff around me all day and make sure that everything is going together.... lool im spoiled like that, but i know that they would make sure eveything is on point throughout the day, and i know they would not over do it until they know that everything has gone well and they will just enjoy themselves..

    I dont expect no nonsense and i know that i wont get it from my selection...
  6.  
    • NaomiC8
      CommentAuthorNaomiC8
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2014
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    i just dont know what it is with some of these n laws.... iv seen a few stories on hear.. its s unacceptable...
  7.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2014
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    Naomi I think you may have hit it on the head there - my friend BM did it because she wanted to & was really helpful throughout, whereas SIL just expected to be a BM and have me treat her like royalty for the privilege of having her there.
    And it's a tough issue - when its family you can't really say "you're making more stress for me and not helping at all - please step down from being a BM" - you've got to shut up & put up so as not to cause arguments!




  8.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2014
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    Exactly! I think I'm quite lucky with my in laws! One of my sil gave quite a lot of opinion on the bridesmaid dresses but in the end she still wore and loved what I chose so no arguments...and no way did any of them try to upstage the wedding!

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  9.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2014
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    Btw, its not as if I even asked her to be BM - she TOLD me she & her little girl were going to be my BMs (there went my budget for only having one adult BM - had to find money from somewhere to have my bestie as BM too - the budget for little girl ended up doubled due to SIL changing her mind about dresses too!)




  10.  
    • NaomiC8
      CommentAuthorNaomiC8
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2014
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    oh no amy that is completely unacceptable... its not her wedding.... how dare she invite herself.. is she contributing... i bet she isnt.. its selfish and inappropriate, id keep the little sister and tell her where to go...

    but i understand the reality of the situation.. family, future family in law.. you dont want to make it more difficult than it needs to be..but dont put it with more than you should...
  11.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2014
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    Wow Amy, it sounds like you had a real diva there. Mine were generally really good. There were a couple of bolchy teenage moments from one 18 year old, largely to do with not wanting to give up a Saturday to look at dresses, but she improved and was brilliant on the day. I did end up organising my own hen do rather than my MOHs doing it, because one had just become a mum and one just had so much on her plate. Other than that they were great, and really supportive on the day, even the 18 and 19 year olds. All I really asked was for advice on my dress, coming to fittings for their own dresses, coming to the hen do, and helping on the day while I was getting ready. The two MOHs were the ones that came to my dress fitting and got me into my dress, the others basically served as runners. I couldn't really have asked any more.

    Having said that there was a thread a while ago about a bridezilla letter that I found on Facebook. This girl had written to her ten chosen girls with her demands. She said they had to attend all three of her engagement party, bridal shower and bachelorette party (this was in the U.S.A.), and each of these would be in a different state. If they couldn't afford it they couldn't be a bridesmaid as she was not prepared to have only nine girls present alongside the ten groomsmen. It had to be symmetrical. They also had to buy their dresses, which she would choose, avoid booking any holidays without her permission (not counting any they already had booked which they had to inform her of so none of the compulsory parties would clash), and avoid any changes of image, other than those that she specifically asked for. I think she even wanted to monitor their weight.

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    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  12.  
    • NaomiC8
      CommentAuthorNaomiC8
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2014
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    Oh wow elinor really.... that is absolutely dispicable... it puts too much stress on people and on the day.. how could you enjoy yourself under such demands... and to have to discuss holidays etc, is she my boss is she paying bills... its just nonsense...

    i could never see myself getting like this on my wedding day... i just want it to be a relaxing and enjoyable day for my family and friends.... i couldnnt deal with that if someone put those kind of demands on me...
  13.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 30th 2014
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    What a p***take. I wouldn't have let her be BM. Lol. I'm glad my OH doesn't have any sisters.

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    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  14.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 30th 2014
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    Ok, I'm a little bit worried about it. I have 6 bridesmaids and 1 MoH... the thing is, all my bridesmaids are Brazilians, and we don't have this tradition here. So, they probably don't know what I'm expecting from them... 4 of them are my best friends, so I felt that I couldn't do not invite them... the other two I know I can count on them, they are my brother's gf and my cousin. My MoH is British, and part of his family (fbin's fiance) and she is really lovely to me and I really want to have her by my side. But I haven't asked her yet lol I've posted an 'invitation' to her yesterday, but I think she will like it :)

    But I'm sure my bridesmaids won't get crazy like that Diva...
  15.  
    • CharlotteE98
      CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 31st 2014
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    My half sister is my BM. She'll be 13 in February so I don't expect much from her at her age, but she's already helped to choose the song for father/daughter dance and sent me photos of her hair so we can decide what to do with it on the day (she has very curly afro hair and we really haven't got a clue what to do with it!).

    If that happened at our wedding I think they would be aimed out the door, sister or not. Fair play to you for keeping your cool. I would be livid!
  16.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 2nd 2014
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    i was so happy when my SIL and his brothers girlfriend stepped down as i had been regretting asking them for so long. One threw a strop (SIL) saying the dresses were effing disgusting the other stepped down because she was thinking aout our budget....what she really meant was that because SIL had strepped down, she was following suit like a sheep. think they expected me to beg them to reconsider, but i just said ok then, and that was that lol

    SIL more than the other was being a nightmare the whole time, but as its family i was just gritting my teeth, so totally understand why you couldnt sack her, i just got lucky!

    my in laws have been terrible, been married almost 2 months now and neither me or him have spoken to any of them. i never want to again if i can help it. so many people have said they thought his mum was vile, on the hen do and the wedding day and that his sister was even worse.

    its just a shame people like that cant see how their behaviour looks to other people, to them, its me and him that are completely in the wrong, and his mum was 'pi$$ed off about the wedding' never mind it was our day and actually, you stupid woman, OUR feelings surrounding the day are way more important than yours.

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    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  17.  
    • ClaireM1076
      CommentAuthorClaireM1076
      Posted: Nov 4th 2014
     
    Sounds just like my SIL to be! I had to tell her to step down when she told my H2B to not marry me as I'm a problem!
 
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