i just need to know if im being unreasonable... my fiance was married for 8 years and they have 2 boys. he split up from her 3 1/2 years ago, no cheating or anything he just didnt love her anymore and she was really controlling, well we have the boys every other weekend and as im not used to kids, the youngest in my family is 4 years younger than me so ive never been around kids and i get soo stressed out, it was okay on the saturday but by midday on sunday id have enough and we nearly split up a few times. so instead of giving them back at 5 oclock we would give them back at 2.30!! until i got used to it. He explained this to her and she was fine, well until recently and now she keeps throwing back that hes a bad dad and hes choosing me over the kids and he should never go out with someone that doesnt like kids!!!! we sat them down on the weekend and explained to them that i wanted to get to know them better and they were fine with it. shes been proper kicking off and playing games, for example we went to see the boys in a breakdancing show and she text phil 3 times to see where he was sitting, to be honest its none of her business if we were there or not and after she was texting to see where we were cause the boys wanted to see him, he said for them to call him and apparantly they were tired, she constantly texts checking up on the boys when they are with us and its really getting me down, as from personal experience my mum and dad split when i was 12 and mums had various boyfriends and they always go and i don't want to do that to the boys cause i know how it affects us...and because i love phil more than anything in the world, and all this hassle is sort of worth it!
i just dont know how to approach it ive told phil how i feel and she needs to back off and hes done that today, but im not sure this will sort it out. i just think she wants him to be single and unhappy and wont stop until thats the case.
Shes fine with him when hes single! i just dont know what to do to try and stop it!!
Sorry for long post but its really getting to me!!
Any one in a simular position, advice would be really appricaited!!!
CommentAuthorGoff
You have to accept that taking on someone elses kids is never going to be easy - you will have to get used to it if you are going to be with your H2B. You cant just send them back when you have had enough - thats just not fair.
How did you nearly split up a few times?
He is their dad at the end of the day and they will always come first - unfortuantely you have to fit in around them not the otehr way around.
I can also see her point too - he is supposed to return the kids at 5 but they then go at 2.30 because you have had enough - i would be mighty peeved too.
She wanted to know where you were sat because she wanted her boys to know where their dad was... not really a big deal
She obviously knows that you arent too struck with the kids and that will be why she texts all the time when the kids are with you and your H2b - I would react exactly the same if it were me.
It doesnt sound to me from your post that she wants him to be single and unhappy - more like she is concerned that her boys are OK.
UKB Mad Scientist
Ride it like ya stole it.....
I'm a flippin ORTHOTIST
CommentAuthorangelan1986
i agree with goff. at the end of the day she is sending her kids off somewhere and she wants them to feel welcome, not being sent home 2 1/2 hours early because the dads girlfriend has had enough... your h2b sees his kids once a week and your cutting that time short because you have had enough and thats not fair on them, sorry i just re-read and he has the kids every fortnight. that must kill him! i know i hate spending less than a few hours away from my kids xx
CommentAuthorljeh92
i dont know what to suggest hun, maybe all 3 of you need to sit down and get everything off your chest. i cant stand my H2Bs ex wife( STILL WIFE AFTER 5 YEARS OF SPLITTING UP) theyre going through a divorce right now which i had to pressure him into! her wedding dress was in his bedroom when i moved in with him! anyway, they didnt have children but she brought up his son for 5 years, thankfully he doesnt speak to her unless they need to, even though they were such good friends untill i got with him. shes very good friends with his sons mum so they do all the communicating.
i hope these things get sorted.. im sorry i havnt been much help but i do sympathise xx
Soon to be Mrs Laura Naylor !!
24th June 2011
CommentAuthorwelf
yeh i know i am going to have to get used to it and we have only been together for 6 months... i love him soo much and i dont want to loose him.
WE nearly split up a few times - well once because it was too much, i really love the boys and if someone told me a year ago id be going out with someone with kids then i would have bet a million quid that i wouldnt.
Its not so much that im peeved off with them and that sounds wrong but from going from having a life where i can do what i want when i want is frustrating and i have a very stressful job so the weekends are for relaxing adni know that selfish but its the way i am.
Dont get me wrong i really love the boys and they get on great with me and that shows when they go home and constantly talk about what we have been doing... im really supportive and phil has no issues with me and the boys, we just agreed to take it slowly and so did she, and it is working this way.
The only reason she is kicking off is because she sent us a massive list of about 10 dates that she was at weddings ect until December and demanded we had the boys every single one of them, which was like every weekend for a month at one point. We agreed to some of it and were really flexible and we had to cancel one weekend as i found out i had severe cervical cancer cells and had to have an operation. her reply was im at a wedding!
We have agreed that we will increase seeing the boys soon, but we are moving house and are going to wait until after this until we have them more, not to disrupt thier routine as much.
The boys love spending time with thier dad and me and i think shes getting annoyed that they prefer to be with us than with her.
ive just re read my post and i do sound like a complete bitch. it was a mutual agreement between the 3 of us. He has never seen them more than once a fortnight since they split up as she wouldn't allow it! and it was working fine and has been for the last 4 months. he speaks to them on the phone everyday and he is happy with that, ive told him we can see them more but he doesnt want to rush things as he has gone wrong previously.
All i want is for her to back off a bit, we went on holidays with the boys for example for a whole week and she phoned the boys once!!! and its only since ive been in hospital she has changed and i dont know what to do!
CommentAuthoreebeegeebee
Just trying to put this into perspective, to an an outside observer all this sounds too much like these boys are being pushed around like dogs rather than taken into consideration like children. Perhaps you DO all need to sit down together and discuss how you feel about the situation. Children are not an inconvenience and cannot be treated as such, as it will hurt them in the end. She's probably very worried about the line "we can't take them this week, we had them last week" and is therefore a bit suspicious of whether you even like her sons at all. Of course her trying to fob her kids off isn't too healthy either, but am I right in thinking she's a single mom? I suppose that goes some way to explaining why she's desperate for a bit of time off (though I can't quite understand this particular issue). If you care for your h2b's sons then you need to make their mother aware of this, as it seems to me that she thinks the opposite, and is convinced that neither of you really like spending time with them.
CommentAuthoreebeegeebee
Oh and I'm just playing devil's advocate so please don't get upset! :)
CommentAuthorwelf
eebeegeebee, nope shes not a single mum. she got with someone 4 months after they split up and they are getting married in may. her sons have even invited me to her wedding lol..
We have covered all the weekends she asked for apart from 1 which was when i was in hospital so its not as if we are being unreasonable.
we have talked to her about it, phil said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and we are taking this slowly, he explained my past and that i have been in the same sitauation as the boys and that its hard meeting someone new and i dont want them to get used to me and for me to disappear...She knows how great i am with the boys, when we was on holidays phils mum sent her a photo of us all cuddled up on the settee sleeping and his family are still close to her and tell her how im coping with it, so she shouldnt have any issues. I always make sure he has a few hours with them on his own, but the boys wont allow that now as i have to go everywhere with them.
the boys completly understand and they are fine with it as we have so much fun when they are with us.
Phil even thinks its a better arrangement as he spends more quality time with them, and we always make sure we all do something special on the sunday before they go home.. I do need to stress that this has never been an issue until i went into hospital for an operation and we got engaged (same weekend)
CommentAuthorEmsy5000
when i was little and I was with my dad she used to phone all the time. it was because she was missing me. although she does need to be more flexible as well she can't exspect you to baby sit the kids whenever she is going out thats not fair you do have a life.
Dyslexic
its spelt wrong
I No! I Now! I Know!!!!!
I am NOW MRS LONSDALE!!
CommentAuthorwelf
that you emsy! but the thing is she doesnt text to speak to the boys its what are you doing? where are you? have you done this? and its like phils a ten year old.
I really thought that she would start getting the boys to hate me, as the last 2 times they have come over they haven't been the same with me until the evening. kids can be so easily persuaded, They used to run to the car and get in while their dad was getting their stuff, now they wait for him! its horrible as i really want the boys to love me and its not going to happen if she sl@gging me off to them and this is my worst nightmare as they will be treated like dogs :( and thats what i dont want to happen.
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
i think she needs a little distance for ur h2b to just be the dad! he's not stupid and knows his children!
i think you are thinking you have been thrown in the deep end with him having children but really the children have been thrown the deep end with their parents being divorced. i dont think taking them home early will accomplish anything! and personally if it was me i would say sorry i am out! (unless it was my child asking to come home and thats a different story!)
i agree being a step parent is a bloody hard job i am a step parent to 2 children who have different mums! and the mums are both hard work. my h2b says my situation with my ex husband is a breeze he comes, he picks her up and thats it til sunday unless she is unwell or wants to speak to me i have no issues over him taking care of her or his new wife taking care of her because if there was my daughter would tell me even when she was 5!
dont be put off just take it as it comes i'm sure you will be a fantastic step mum, maybe she really does just miss them! who knows but you cant go on like this?!!? could it be coz you have only been together 6 months and she is unsure of the situation? xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthorwelf
thats all we want jen . ive even offered to phone her and meet up so she can get to know me and she doesn't want to... he always been straight with her and have never lied to her...ive always been nice to her and made conversation when we pick the boys up... i just dont know what her problem is, she has just caught onto the fact that i havent got kids and is using it at every angle she can to get to us.
I know we have only been together for 6 months and i have no doubt about our relationship, its as if we have been together for years, and we have had a few personal problems and we are still going strong
All i want to do is get to know the boys in my own time and we are doing great but shes getting too much for me to cope with. the boys are really not an issue now.
The boys were 2 and 4 when he left so they dont ever really remember him being there TBH.
WE was telling his dad about it and he said it was 'classic signs of her not being over him' my heart was in my mouth, and it really hurt, thinking she maybe like this forever!!
CommentAuthorMrsMac
It is a really hard job being a stepmum, I have 2 stepdaughters and I get on really well with them but their mum does play games. It may have been a bit easier for me as I also have a daughter from my first marriage (and we have one together) so had already had the shock of lack of freedom etc and was used to putting her first.
We have had lots of trouble with his ex but we have a formula for dealing with it, we think about the girls not her. That way we find we dont get dragged into power games or nonense. If she asks us to have them extra time we usually do as we are happy to see more of them and we want our own daughter to have a good relationship with all her sisters. We never ever expose them to any negative comments about their mum, when she is unreasonable we try not to react, we find that minimises the gratification she gets.
Im no saint and weve had our moments but the situation isnt the childrens fault and I think lots of people lose sight of their needs in trying to score points over the ex. If the children are happy and secure you will all have more fun together anyway!!
Hope this doesnt sound like a lecture, I do know how hard it can be but if you take on this situation you have to be the adults and prioritise the children whoevers they are xxx
CommentAuthorRachie :D
More importantly is how is your health now? I understand why she's being weird but to me the im at a wedding when ur in hospital. No matter what she wants make sure your health is put 1st. The other thing is Phils mum sent a photo of you all cuddled up together as a family - she's jealous she's not there - its not that she doesnt trust you both its that she wants to be there being the mum but when she's not you are and that must hurt.
Just keep your chin up hun and im sure it will all work out and I hope all the cells have been removed and that you're gonna be ok xxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorEmsy5000
well that's just controlling how annoying
Dyslexic
its spelt wrong
I No! I Now! I Know!!!!!
I am NOW MRS LONSDALE!!
CommentAuthornatty1979
my h2b has an ex wife and she is the devil lol. she used her kids as pawns when they split up, and when we got together she got worse. she told the kids everything that was happening in the divorce, and she also added bits that werent true so the kids fell out with him, and they wouldnt speak to me at all. eventually we were all getting on ok (except the ex), but they still keep falling out with him, now shes married again its not too bad but it can still be hell. i had to be there for my OH because he was always upset over the kids, its just another hurdle to make you stronger, so stick in there it will get better.
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
i agree it does make you stronger! having to deal with ex's is one thing but deal with ex's when using the kids as pawns is another! i thank my lucky stars my ex husband isnt too bad but what i say goes as he has a habit of disappearing for months!!! my daughter just takes it on the chin now she just tells him i'm lucky to have my mum coz you dont really do anything she is old enough to know whats going on as it all her decision now xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthornatty1979
yes i had my daughter when i was 16 and shes seen her dad a handful of times, in my opinion it his loss. i got married when she was 4 and had 2 sons, their dad sees them 3 times during the week and has them 1 night on a weekend, in my opinion he is the best ex ever because we can still get on, even though he has a new family now. if everybody could just put there feeling aside then it would b so much better for the kids.
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
exactly! my auntie and uncle got divorced but both sets of parents i.e. step parents sat at the top table at their childrens wedding how nice is that!! such a shame ppl just cant get on with their lives! xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthornatty1979
i agree totally. my mam and dad divorced when i was 1, iv never seen my dad,i wish they could have got on for mine and my brothers sake but thats life
CommentAuthorKatie
My H2B can be awful she uses his son as a weapon and often drip feeds nasty comments to him so much so he can be quite hateful to me when we see him. We are only able to have him once a month as he lives a long distance away and we cant afford to pick him up and drop him off any more than that as H2B has only just started to work again and has not received any wages yet. She has had the CSA on to him and tells her son that we are having him when she knows we arnt. He makes rude comments about my size and can be really hurtfull and nasty but thats kids and he will realise that I am a nice person one day. Step kids are hard work but its not the kids fault its the parents.
xxx
Those who mind dont matter
Those who matter dont mind
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
katie thats not kids hun thats her influence and some ppl are just nasty!! big hugs xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthorMaggielou
Oh the joys of stepmotherhood. H2b get cross with me making too much effort but want to be amicable!!
CommentAuthorsugardumpling
To throw in my tuppenceworth as a mum. My ex and I split up and I have full custody of our daughter, I've never once denied him of access (though maybe I should have done) and I've always given his girlfriends the benefit of the doubt. He got engaged last Christmas and they got married at the beginning of August this year. He had a period of being single and every weekend without fail he'd pick our little girl up, take her swimming, take her to feed the ducks and spend real quality time with her. The second he got engaged he turned, he didn't see her for weeks at a time, stopped ringing up to see how she was, would only take her out for a few hours and when he did take her out they always did what his fiance wanted to do (mainly wedding shopping) He didn't see her for a month before they got married, used her as an accessory bridesmaid then dropped her again for another month. Since they got back from Honeymoon he's seen her 3 times :(
After he dropped my little girl on her backside yet again this weekend H2B and I have blown a fuse as we refuse to have our beautiful little girl get any more hurt. I've told the ex that great, he's got married, he's happy, fab stuff but that does NOT absolve him of his responsibility as a father, nor does that absolve his wife of her part as a stepmother - she knew when she started seeing him that he had a child, if she didn't want to be a stepmum then she should never have got involved. H2B took her on board from day 1, treats her like his own, plays with her in the garden, takes her all over the show and makes sure that she is happy, secure and settled, if he can do that then I don't see any reason why my ex's wife can't.
It's different for me because I would never dream of using my child as a pawn but it does get frustrating when your children have been settled into a routine with their father then he meets someone and suddenly the child is getting put on a backburner because the gf/W2B "needs time to adjust"
His ex wife does sound like a nightmare but it could have been one of those things that spiralled out of control because she was desperately frustrated because in her mind someone has got in the way of the relationship your H2B had with his children, and possibly (with the photos etc) she feels like she's losing her kids to a woman who, in her mind, doesn't want them. Imagine how you would feel if you were in her shoes. For what it's worth I was sent my ex's wedding pictures with our daughter on, I was so angry to see the woman who pretty much broke my daughter's heart 'playing' at good stepmummy, I could have throttled her and my ex!! (sorry for the long one!!)
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
i defo get your situation sugardumpling my daughter had 5 1/2 yrs of friday to sunday contact and last september he disappeared for 4 months! no word or nothing asked all his family they had no idea only his wife (he denys he;s married to me!) knew where he was and wouldnt tell me! he came back after new yr so missed her bday and xmas! never bought anything not even a card. then saw her a cpl of times and disappeared for 3 months saw her a few times and then disappeared for another 4 months i have kicked off about this more than a few times i'm far to soft over it as i believe our daughter needs contact with her dad!! he then text me after 4 months this time saying he was going to social services and getting a solicitor about me as i had bought our daughter sexy lingeie (her 1st bra!) so i told him i'd see him in court then but to make sure he tells them he hasnt been around for the best part of a yr and i have never had maintenance for 9 yrs! plus he used to take drugs and i think he still does. and funnily enough he hasnt gone thru with it! i still give him access no questions he's told friends and his family alsorts of lies over the yrs about me not giving him access which is total crap
my h2b stepped in to being my daughter step dad really easily and they get on gr8 no problems! which i love! she wants for nothing including attention and it works both ways as i am the same with his children but find his daughter hard work at the minute as she is back in touch with her mum after 10 yrs and thinks i'm trying to take over her role, she's even told her she doesnt want her in family photos on the wedding day :0( which really upset me xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthorwelf
Hiya, sorry havent been on for a few days. we have had a big chat to her and told her to back off as she is really being unreasonable and she has so far, until her next lot of PMTs or she wants us to have them extra.
The boys are completely understanding and love them to bits and even though we do see them 2 hours less we make up for it.
I know what its like meeting stepmums and stepdads and its flipping hard to get used to. and its not as if we are seeing them once a month and being unreliable, this is exactly the same situation before i was even in the picture apart from we have them 2 hours less a week, this hasnt changed for nearly 4 years. i
We do only think of the boys and any questions they ask they are told honestly.
so hopefully we will have a quiet life for a few weeks, until the next drama.
I agree it has made us so stronger, and im totaly out of my comfort zone, but i do love the boys and i want them to get to know me.
CommentAuthortimpson123
The Ex sounds like she is protecting her children, every mother has a right to be cautious. There might be some things you havent mentioned so sorry if i have got the wrong end of the stick but i dont see the issue with him having the kids every weekend, i think that is quite normal for a father really. I know for a fact that if me and my partner split up, he would want to see our son as much as possible. From what you say the boys love you and adore spending time with you, i would be careful that as they get older they dont find out about all this because it could cause some resentment.
Why can't your H2B take the kids out for the last few hours on a Sunday without you if you need the time off. that way you aren't getting in the way of them having the time together?
CommentAuthorChrissy~MrsFaulds2b
I have to agree with what Goff said.....
I am the 'ex-wife' and me and my ex have 3 children together. It is of paramount importance to me that his partner puts our children and their feelings before her own when they are visiting. If I found out that that wasn't the case then I'd be more than peed. The thought of it now as I'm typing makes me want to explode. My partner met me long after my divorce and I had the three children. He had no children of his own at the time so was literally in at the deep end. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy for him because it wasn't but he never once said I've had enough or I need a break. You chose to be with a person that has kids then you accept that they are a huge part of that persons life and they will always come first, always...
CommentAuthorsugardumpling
Welf, I'm sorry if I sounded 'unsympathetic' to your cause, I was trying to show you how bl00dy hard it is as a mother to maintain a relationship between your child/ren and their father when there's someone else in the mix - as you can see from some of the other posts, there are a fair few of us that go through the thoughts and feelings that I'm sure your H2Bs ex wife has.
I DO know how hard it is to be a stepmum, said ex who I have my daughter with was going through a divorce when I met him and they have a son together - during our time together it was ME who made sure the lad was clothed, fed, looked after etc etc and in return I got accused of physically, mentally and s e xually abusing him and trying to 'take over' as his mum. There is a lot more to that than I wish to divulge on a public forum but even now she STILL hounds me and makes false accusations. Fortunately the situation is now being dealt with via solicitors and she knows it has to stop, I haven't seen her son for almost a year now (last time was at my daughter's b/day party last year) so she has no reason to continue this ridiculousness. So I understand what you're going through but I also know that getting into a relationship with a man who has children means you're getting a package deal - him, the kids and the ex too.
Like you my H2B doesn't have children of his own (well, not for a few more weeks anyway) but he has spent the last couple of years doing his absolute best to be a 1) the partner of someone who was a very broken woman and 2) being the best stepdad in the whole wide world despite all the sh1t he's had to put up with, he puts how he feels to one side and makes my little girl's feelings more important than his own. There have been times when anyone else would have got up and walked away from us.
Both H2B and I are stepchildren as well so we are in a slightly more 'prvileged' position than most as we understand how awful it is to watch our parents split up, have people 'invade' on our time with our parents and ultimately to be tossed to one side because the 'new bit of skirt' couldn't deal with it - 17 years I didn't see my dad because whatever he was doing was more important to him than I was, needless to say we don't have much of a relationship. H2B didn't see his dad for 15 years - we both refer to them as the 'Sackless Sp erm Donors" PLEASE, whatever you think/feel whatever do NOT let your H2Bs kids ever have cause to say that about him.
By the sounds of it you do want a relationship with his children but you have to understand that walking into a 'broken' family does have it's trials and tribulations and the amount of cr@p you will invariably take will be unreal, if you're finding it tough now then you may want to consider your options as it doesn't get any easier - his ex will never let you have a peaceful life and if you have children of your own it's only going to escalate the problem with her. You either suck it up and ignore her, arrange mediation to find out what her problem is and deal with it, go for custody of the kids or pack your bags and walk away.
What I'm saying to you is this - you are big enough and tough enough to deal with this if it's what you really want, the kids aren't and you're in no position to start bemoaning your lot because the ex is a beast - you knew what you were getting into, those poor babies didn't.
I am sorry if I seem harsh but this isn't a subject where I'd pat anyone's shoulder and say "there there, she's a nasty b ugger isn't she" I do think you need to reassess what you want out of all of this and then make a decision based on what's right for the greater good ie the kids
CommentAuthortimpson123
Well said sugardumpling!
CommentAuthorwelf
thanks sugardumpling,sorry to hear you have had such a terrible time, ive had a bit of a fucked up past to, didn't know my dad was my dad until i was 12 and even then he didn't really want to know me, the person i thought was my father was abusive and treated me soo differently to my other 2 younger sisters - his daughers.
When my sisters dad split up with my mam he was having an affair with his stepsister, they had different mothers and fathers but were bought up as brother and sister... my aunty and we were tossed between them, she would blame my mam and my mam would slag my dad off.... it was flipping horrible and ive never got over it.
it is really frustrating as i can see her getting so spiteful that she will try and turn the boys against me which is what i think has been happening recently.
i do understand that we need to prioritise the kids but they see their dad every week now. instead of the 2 week gap they used to have, it works well for all of us and this really isnt the issue
I am certanly not brushing them off, and we have them for a few hours on a tuesday night to make up for the time we dont have them on a sunday.(forgot to mention that previously) We have them every other weekend and this has been exactly the same arrangement since they split up nearly 4 years ago.
I really want to make an effort with the boys and im really getting on with them, and we will be having them more when me move.
its not that is the issue its the constant text messages and the hassle that goes with it, she had someone move in 6 months after they split up and phil didnt have a problem with it, they met and he trusts him. i just really wished she would back the fuck off...
if its not going to change and im going to give it another month then the wedding will be off and i will split up with him... it breaks my heart even writing this
CommentAuthorsugardumpling
So the fault really doesn't lie with you and H2B - from your last post you DO understand it from the majority of angles and you ARE making every effort humanly possible to keep a line of contact going with the kids and by the sounds of it you're well aware of the damage this is causing them.
I'm going to give you a nickel's worth of free advice that I wish someone had given me - save every text message you and H2B receive from her, keep a log book with the dates and times of the abusive phone calls, make a note if she comes round to the house and starts screaming the odds, record all incidents of false allegations etc and take all of it to a solicitor - you've got grounds for harassment and quite possibly malicious slander (if she's said anything about you personally) IF it comes down to a custody case your solicitor then has all this on file and she hasn't got a leg to stand on - not only does she show herself up for what she really is but she also runs the risk of her kids living with their dad.........it's amazing what a lightning bolt up the ar5e that can be!
As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, it's not going to change in a month, this is the start of a very long, very painful road. 6 years it's taken me to get my ex's ex to back off, nearly 3 of those years I've had nothing to do with her or her son. Once they've got a bee in their bonnet for whatever reason they're like rotweillers and won't let go until someone prises their jaws open. If you're already of the mind of "I'll give it another month" then you're best off leaving now. But before you make a concrete decision please please please talk this over with your H2B, you might just find that he loves you enough (and I'd hope so if you're getting wed) to fight your corner with you and get a stop put to this once and for all.
I am sorry that she's flipped on you, I know what a strain it puts everyone under and I hope you have the minerals to nip it in the bud and get it dealt with by whatever means necessary
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
we do all of this sugardumpling and h2b ex is in alot of trouble for things she has said in texts such as 'i have spoken to the judge and he has said you must stay local to my house' ' jenny cant come with you i have told the judge i dont feel safe and he agrees' (this was after my h2b to attacked! she got ripped apart in court for lies and if she continues will be held in contempt! x
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthorannalambchop
H2B's ex phoned last night, after a conversation with his dad yesterday, their 7 year-old had told his mum that we are getting married next August (she doesn't know the actual date yet!), and that his uncle les is coming over from Australia for the wedding and that his uncle les is PAYING for the wedding...I think Dom was playing the "two truths and a lie" game....just wish number 3 was true!!
On a really positive note, Dom asked if he was allowed to come to the wedding...awww little love, he said he wanted to come but he doesnt think his mum will let him, but his dad has said that if Dom wants to come then his mum cant stop him....brilliant...one down, one to go!!
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
ooo wish someone would pay for mine too lol bless!
he should be able to come if he wants to anna xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthorkt10
welf...i promise u it does get easier...ive been with my h2b nearly 3 yrs and he has 2 kids from a 12 yr relationship... at first the kids didnt wanna spend anytime with me and i didnt get along with their mum..she would send me letters thro them telling me what 2 do and how i look after my house and her kids(that 1s fair enough)...in the last year we actually talk now and get along. the kids wont go out with dad unless im there. and their mum thanks me 4 looking after them. Like sugardumpling said you got to make a choice because their mum will always be there. xx
CommentAuthorwelf
hiya everyone... we had a talk last night and told him my worries that this is just going to get worse and worse until i have no option but to walk, which is what i really dont want to do,
and he told me that she has never been like this before, where as before he would do anything she would say because he thought she would stop him seeing the boys! but with my perspective all his brothers and sisters are all married and never a divorce so they cant tell him what its like... with my perspective on things hes got a bit stronger and this is what she doesnt like. He told me not to worry and she will have to be patient. He said its not affecting the boys in anyway and they are really happy with me. so not to worry!!
but the latest thing is, we had a text about christmas day and she asked when we want them as they have a big family party boxing day. So we suggested having them christmas eve, until midday christmas day... that was a no!
so we asked if we could have them for christmas dinner from 12pm - which is thier ususal aggreement until last year as he was living with his sister - money problems from the divorce! and she replied no my family are having a dinner, you can pick them up at 4pm and ill make sure they dont eat much! and she wants them back midday on boxing day.
so phil text her and said what did she want us to have the boys as she had said she would be flexable and to think of the boys and she hasnt text back!!
she just trying to cause another arguement!! Grrr
i want to make this work so much and this is why i thought id ask your opinions as i have no idea about being a mother and have never been in this position and we are ssooooo happy until she starts interfering and all i want is an easy life! not so much in the boys but from her... i dont understand the problem and wish she would get over herself!!
CommentAuthorsugardumpling
I'm glad you've talked and I'm so pleased the boys are happy with you:) Keep your line of communication with H2B open, work out a solution that's best for all of you.
Christmas is one of those things that will always create mayhem - there are 2 parents, 2 lots of family, 2 lots of step-family who all will want to spend time with the kids, it's not unmanageable but it is tough. As long as you 2 do what's best for the boys then you've done all you can, plus I'm guessing they've got 2 weeks off school - plenty of time for them to spend quality time for everyone. She's trying to stamp her authority by getting you to do what SHE wants (I'm starting to think this is the same woman as my nightmare ex wife!!) do NOT give rise to it. If she persists you clearly tell her when you are having the boys, this man is their father and has the same rights as she does. Yes, she'll kick off but keep telling her that it's for the boys as they need to see their dad on Christmas day.
You've answered what her problem is; "and he told me that she has never been like this before, where as before he would do anything she would say because he thought she would stop him seeing the boys!" Up until now she's had him dangling on a string and being afraid of losing them - basically she's a manipulative control freak, she sees he's got you and she's realised she can't control him anymore (I really am wondering if this is the same woman now lol) H2B needs to stand his ground. Eventually she'll unravel herself, the boys will realise what she's been doing and they'll find their stability with you and their dad. When I left my ex his son asked us if it was because his mum was so nasty to me and his sister (my daughter) My heart broke but I knew then he'd known all along what his mum was like. Before I left he thanked me for looking after him and said sorry for ever believing anything his mum had told him about me and his sister. Now he spends pretty much all his time with his Grandma, says a lot. This is what this woman has waiting in store for her if she continues to use those kids as a pawn, as long as you've always done your best by them it will bring you closer together.
Good luck with this Welf and remember - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger :) xxx
CommentAuthorkirsty85
Wow. After reading some of your posts I must be really lucky.
My H2B has 2 girls. There were 4 and 10 when I met them. They both took to me straight away. Their Mum has never been horrible to me (to my face anyway), and as far as I am aware never said anything bad to me about to the girls.
We have the girls every weekend (unless we have plans, as we both work hard all week so are entitled to a Saturday night out once in a while). The oldest hasn't been up since June to stay the night, but we live in a one bedroom flat and she is now 12. She probably wants her own space.
His girls are great though. Helpful, polite and always do as they are told.
Welf - back to your problem. You said you have only been together 6 months. It's not a long time. The kids (and the ex) probably all need time to adjust to the situation. Be patient. Be supportive. Be there for his kids. Everything will work out fine.
CommentAuthorGoff
My ex husband has our kids 2 weeknds out of 3 - dont ask me how it ended up that way lol
But when it comes to christmas we have them alternate years. For example, he had them christmas day till boxing day last year and new years eve till the day after new years day, and this year i will have them.
Although i want to see my kids every christmas day its only fair they get that special time with their dad too so he can see them wake up on christmas morning.
I guess im one of the lucky ones. Although my ex husband had an affair i have moved on from that and we have a brilliant relationship. His wife and i get on great and we compromise around things. We all go to parents evenings and school plays and theres no animosity.
OK so i wanted to kill her when she was getting jiggy with my husband, and it took me a long time to get over it, but we have to do whats best for our children, and i just wish more people could do the same.
Good luck honey, it will be fine, but it will be a bit rocky. Stay strong, and dont give in to her demands - even better get a contact order from the court so she cannot chop and change and dictate when you can and cant have the kids x x
UKB Mad Scientist
Ride it like ya stole it.....
I'm a flippin ORTHOTIST
CommentAuthorChrissy~MrsFaulds2b
Me and my ex are good friends which is great. He has the children 1 day a week and 1 weekend in 4 but thats only due to his job, he's a police officer, so he works to shifts. He's always on the phone talking to them and he has always paid child maintenance for them. However, his girlfriend, whom he's been with for 2 years now seems to have a serious problem with me, why I don't know. I have always gone out of my way to say hello to her but she looks the other way. As for the children thou who are 7,10 & 11, she's great with them and i have never had any complaints from the children about her.
My children ask me why his girlfriend doesn't like and why she never speaks to me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not always the ex-wife that causes the anamosity it is on occasion the new girlfriend that maybe wishes the ex wife didn't exsist and not the other way around.
