Hi all I would like to apologise in advance for the long rant. My feelings have been hurt greatly and i cant speak to h2b about it as he is the cause. So far the wedding planning has been going great, had no major upsets etc. Yesterday h2b and I went into the city centre to do a bit of shopping. His brother and his kids tagged along. From the start i was dragged around from pillar to post and basicly was used as a babysitter while fbil went into game shops etc. I was the one who was telling the kids not to run off, to stop them from killing each other and stopped them running around in shops etc. Normally i wouldnt mind but fbil didnt even try to step in. I asked to go into one shop to have a look at wedding rings. H2b acted like a petualnt child because i asked him to come with me. So i was looking at the rings and bil decided to follow us into the shop, letting the kids run wild and i refused to sort them out. I had only asked to do one thing for me and bil couldnt even leave us alone for that. I pointed out a ring that had a nice design to h2b and asked him what he thought of it, it was quite pricey but i wasnt looking at prices i was trying to find out what kind of ring he preferred so i could start looking online. Bil barges in telling us that the rings were too expensive and we didnt want that sort of design anyway. I just turned round and told him that i am not marrying him, i am marrying his brother so the only persons opinion that matters to me was h2bs besides it was not as if bil was going to wear it. Pretty much told him to mind his own darn business and but out. H2b turned everything around back on me and of course i am the bad guy, everything that goes wrong is my fault. Normally i would just tell h2b to check his attitude but as he and bil had started on me the night before i was in no mood to be forgiving. The night before all i had done was bring up the subject of a honeymoon. We had originally planned to go on a cruise but due to finances that is not an option at the moment but i thought maybe as a treat for our first aniversary instead. Basically i suggested a package holiday to majorca. I went there once when i was 12 and remember that i really enjoyed it, but i dont have many memories of the area itself so i thought this would be a good place to suggest to h2b. First he complained that i had already been there even though i was suggesting the other side of the island from where i stayed. Then he said that he has to be careful as he tends to have panic attacks if he cant breathe cool air (?) so i suggested how about we go mid september? Once again Bil jumps in with how that is not a honeymoon because it would be 2 months after the wedding, what do we want a honeymoon for anyway? he never had a honeymoon so why should we blah blah blah blah blah. Both of them spent the evening getting me to suggest different places to go but mocking me or belittling me, or better yet accusing me of only thinking of myself. If h2b had his way we would be honeymooning in a leaky tent in the backgarden. He told me he waanted to go abroad so im trying my best to make it happen. I have suggested spain, greece, south of france, paris, gibraltar balearic islands and he has found something to complain about with each one yet has no suggestions other than places he knows i wont be able to go to since vaccinations arent 100% effective with me. I just feel that he values everybody else's opinion over mine. Even when we were decoration the house. I suggested red and cream for the living room and he kept saying no until his brother suggested red and cream then suddenly it was the best idea ever. It's getting to the point where i feel like if getting married to me is such a chore (btw he has done nothing for the wedding but pick apart my ideas) then why should we carry on. I am about ready to call the whole thing off. Especially since he is giving me grief about cutting off his sister after she told him she hated me for some really pathetic reasons and has generally been a pain the backside throughout planning the wedding. She can sya what she likes about me, but im the b***h for sticking up for myself.
CommentAuthorBev
Ahh Hun.. What a horrible situation to be in. *hugs*
If I were you I think I'd feel the same. Speak to H2B and tell him how you're feeling, maybe he just needs to know that his actions are upsetting you and he really needs to be more supportive of you.
As far as BIL2B goes, I'd tell him (politely) although his opinions matter to your H2B, it doesn't mean that what he says goes!
I hope you're feeling better Hun. Try and relax and speak to H2B over a nice meal (diffuse the situation before it gets going) Xxx
CommentAuthorLeanneP98
ive tried talking to him but somehow i always end up being the bad guy. Bil only behaves when his wife is around as she is not afraid to dig him in head when he gets out of line. But some of the things he says are ridiculous! for example when we mentioned the idea about us going on a cruise i was talking to sil (bil's wife, the nice sil) about how i hadnt realised how expensive it would be. the cruise we were looking at was around £2000 for the both of us. Bil was earwigging and suddenly started ranting on about how it was such a waste of money and that we could buy a house for that price. I laughed and told bil if he ever found a house for sale at £2000 i will ditch the idea of a cruise and buy the house. But according to my h2b i was being disrespectful to his brother and i needed to apologise to him. Yeah when hell freezes over.... maybe..... if im in a good mood....lol
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
That sounds horrible, and would have a good proper talk to him, if my partner treated me like that i would be thinking do i honistky want to be with a guy who treats me like that?
Ask h2b where he recons to go seeming as everywhere you suggest is not good enough! Try not to talk about ut when your fbil is about!
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
Wow I'm sorry but you fbil sounds like a it of a trouble stirrer and your h2b should be sticking up for you! I'd suggest pulling your h2b aside and talking to him without bil being there and telling him straight how you feel and that it is not far how he is acting...
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
Ive asked h2b where he wants to go but he just syas he doesnt know as he has never been abroad before. Its like he and his brother resent that i have. I suggested paris, he refused because i had already been there (i went to eurodisney), costa brava, ive already been there... never mind that there are plenty of resorts there i havent been to becuase i stayed at one resort in the area 15 years ago we cant go. Same for Majorca and Greece. I have suggested tenerefe, minorca, mallorca, lanzorote, crete, rhodes, zante, paphos etc and all he did was make fun of the way i said the names. Its not my fault i can speak spanish and greek and he hasnt travelled further than Wales. I dont look down on him for not having travelled outside the uk, i look forward to travelling with him but not if he is going to be like this.
CommentAuthorValentinaK
Sounds like the 2 brothers decided to act like when they were little again and piss you off... as h2b didn't stop fbil, fbil must have thought his behaviour was acceptable and your h2b was testing boundaries and just being a wind up merchant. Let it go and possible, only have these important convos with your h2b around and not fbil who sounds like an immature pr*ck to be honest who can't even control his kids... so why should you care about his dumb and crap opinion?!
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthorAna40
Is his behaviour as new thing, or is this his normal behaviour? Has something happened to cause it. X
CommentAuthorLeanneP98
They are both wind up merchants. It has gotten worse since their grandad died last year. He liked to wind everyone up, especially his wife. Boy there were fireworks when he pushed her too far lol. Now they try to emulate their granddad as he was the only father figure they had. It is now a competition to see who can be the bigger ass. H2b tries to wind me up sometimes because when i really loose my temper (to the point when im about ready to murder somebody my Irish accent comes out. So i go from having a vaguely brummie accent to a broad dublin accent in a heartbeat. H2b hasnt experienced this yet and for some reason wants to. Bil is a big kid a heart, he just doesnt realise that he needs to be an adult sometimes aswell. He has his reasons for behaving like a kid which i wont go into here as its very personal. im guessing h2b is acting out because of work. He recently got promoted and transferred to another store. His manager did everything she could to try and stop it going through but she hasnt managed it. She is giving him all these extra hours and laying on the guilt trips when he says no. Like today he started at 9 which is an hour earlier tha usual on a saturday, he normally finishes at three but since he started an hour earlier he should have finished at 2 it is nearly 5 and he still isnt home. When he finally starts at the new store he will have set hours two days off a week (he considers himself lucky if he gets 1 atm.) and one weekend a month. Plus all rotas will be done four weeks in advance so we can actually have lives of our own. I am hoping that h2b will chill out once he has moved shop, im pretty sure he is acting out due to stress but still he has no right to trest me like crap because his boss is a lazy bitch who wont get off her arse and disapline the other members of staff who dont turn up for shifts or call in sick so they can go out clubbing, or they have cramps or a hangover.
CommentAuthorAna40
It sounds like this is your h2bs personality then. I don't think he is doing it to cause you upset, but maybe because he is stressed he can't see how much it is stressing you out. I wouldn't worry about your bil as his opinions aren't massively important. Maybe speak to your h2b when it's a day off and you are out somewhere relaxing. So it's a calm talk rather than a rant. X
CommentAuthorLeanneP98
He has finished work now and has called me. He is taking me out tonight for a meal so methinks he is feeling a little guilty. Seriously though i shouldnt let it upset me as he has always managed to get under my skin and rub me the wrong way. There was a reason why we hated each other when we were in school lol.
CommentAuthorBev
Hope he makes it up to you and you work it out xx
CommentAuthorFernP61
Sound like the bil from hell! They don't want you having what they didn't bit of a green eyed monster x
CommentAuthorLeanneP98
We had a great time last night. despite some family drama popping up and nearly ruining everything. We had a nice chat over dinner and we will see how things go.
I think Bil is a bit jealous. He didnt get the wedding that he and sil wanted because her mom took over and decided everything, even down to the jewellery sil wore. She didnt like the jewellery that bil bought sil to wear so she hid them so sil couldnt wear them. They couldnt go on honeymoon because they already had 3 kids and sil was pregnant with my youngest niece. We have offered to look after all the kids for them when they renew their vows in a few years time (and finally get their dream day) so they can go on honeymoon. Bil is just being a petulant brat, i should be used to him right now but at certain times he can get right under my skin and make me want to rip his head from his shoulders. Ive been stressing out due to a family argument involving h2b's sister and i'm being put under alot of pressure to forgive and forget and sweep it all under the rug and apologise to esil for her getting stressed out because i objected to her badmouthing me to h2b.
CommentAuthorValentinaK
Jealousy is so often the route cause... its best to smile and nod...then do your own thing!
