I have a completely differen situation, but sort of similar. My parents had a terrible divorce when I was 12. My Mum took my older brother and basically told me and my younger brother to stay with my Dad. My father tried so hard to keep our family together, but my mother was having none of it. We lost touch and only got back into contact about 3 years ago when we decided to start our family.
Now my father hates my mother with a passion and I totally understand where he is coming from. He said he won't be there, if my mum is there. Giving that he has always been there for me, there is no doubt in mind who I would prefer to have there. BUT I need to tell my mum she isn't invited to my wedding.
This is where our situations are similar. I feel like such a cow not inviting my mum, even thought deep down. I don't want her there. She doesnt deserve to spend this very special day with us. But how can I tell her that?
If you don't want him there, don't invite him. He can't just choose when he wants to be in your life and when not. Even if he is sorry about everything, he still did it.
But I find it hard to forgive people.

He may be your biological father , but hes not your dad, and has not made any effort. I would not invite him hun. I myself am not inviting my father after he walked out on me an my mum when i was 18 months . Then reapeared when I was 8 and was a total knob. I have tryed to put things in the past an get past it, but the final straw was when I told him I was pregant an his responce was well I don't have to pay for it. When He quit jobs etc to not pay child benefit etc for me, an still owes over £2G! Hes never met hus grandaughter and aslong as I can prevent it he never will!

My situations a bit different my mum left my dad when I was 18 but since being 13 I watched him become more dependant on alcohol and he started getting violent he broke his hand trying to hit me but luckily hit the wall, he hit my brothers on a number of times n they no longer speak to him, I do speak to my dad he doesn't have any other family at all and it just makes me feel guilty if I cut him off like my brothers have (he still sees my 14, 13 and 11 year old siblings) one half of me doesn't want my dad there as we arnt really close but the other says he's still your dad
I plan on only getting married once so he's coming to my wedding but he still did raise me where as your dad didn't raise you xx

Personal opinion, no.. It strikes me that the only time he comes out of the woodwork is for family occasions. Why both for that because if you don't make the effort for day-to-day life why now? Does he want the free catering or something?? He's never made the effort for you, you'd be inviting a stranger and if you did invite him then he'd only expect more like walking you down the aisle etc! You also have to consider that if you invite this near stranger, you'd have to cut somebody you know/want there at the wedding so are you willing to cut people who have been there for you the whole time just for this bloke? If he wasn't your Dad, you wouldn't talk to him let alone invite him I imagine.... He is your Dad though so it's your decision but there are things to think about xx

^ catherines right, about 5 years ago I tryed putting things in the past and being in good terms with my dad, it was ok at first not great, then his sister came down and he took me out with her (never met any of his family before) and I was on about going london to try get a job in passenger services and he was like "you dare I will come up there and drag you back" , all this when he can't be bothered to come see me barely ever even tho he lives 5 miles down the road so doubt he would even realise if I went also he was like " I hope this lad you seeing knows hes got to come ask me If he want to marry you" which totaly ticked me off and was like " you who don't even know me or him, if hes going to ask mum, whos always there for me no matter what" and walked off.

My parents are divorced, they split when i was 7 because my mum had an affair with my step dad. I have lived with my step dad longer than my own dad so i feel like they both know me well but my dad can't really say much about me from 14yrs old oonwards as i moved down south with my mum and my dad stayed up north.
My dad is now remarried and his wife doesnt really like me (she hasnt said it but i can tell). My dad will be giving me away but my top table arrangements are going to cause arguments for sure!
I want my mum and dad up there and step dad, my OH's mum and dad and his step dad but not my step mum..i don't even want to give her a flower to wear!!!
Even though my dad hasn't been around as much i couldnt not have him give him away coz i love him no matter where he is.


Your situation is hard, i like to look to the future and see what lies ahead, as it is you don't know your dad at all really and youre not keen on having him there, he left your mum and split the family up and seems to only want to see you when a big life event has happened/happening. Saying this sounds like he doesn't really deserve to come to the wedding BUT depending on how you feel and if you really feel you could move past the past, there is still 13 months to get to know him abit..? I Suppose to have to be willing to give him that chance and believe that he can stick around but obviously there is no guarantee.
Sorry won't take away what happened but if he genuinely is sorry and you give him the chance to prove it do you think you could have him come or like him to be there for the evening for an hour or so? You have to ask yourself these questions, it doesn't matter if he's your biological dad or not, just because you're related to him doesn't mean he is part of your life or part of who you are..if you get me?

xxx