Right so, my sister is seriously handicapped in a couple of ways, it's a long story, but basically she has trouble walking and stuff, and also she has been depressed and tried to kill her self a few years back. She went to a psychologist which she ended up having a relationship with. Now my sister is 33 years old. He is in his 60's. He is now retired, and apparently he keeps her happy and helps her a lot when it comes to moving around etc. They've been together for several years. It's always disgusted me and I think he is taking advantage of her, but as she seems happy no one in the family wants to interfere or talk about it.

Now to my problem, I DO NOT want this man there on my wedding day. It's embarrassing that an old man is toting my sister around, and I don't like him and I don't really know him all that well. But my mom is insisting that I have to invite him, or my sister wont be able to come to the wedding as she will have no one to assist her. And I know H2B finds it awkward as well, I mean, what is his family gonna think and say behind our backs? And will my big day suddenly be all about their weird relationship`?

It feels really selfish but it's really upsetting me to think that he has to be there...
I don't know what to do, should I stand my ground and tell em to f off and if she doesn't come she doesn't come?
Or do I get over myself and invite them both?

No that's fine, you're not being harsh at all. I think it really upsets me because we're having a pretty intimate type wedding, I'm not inviting that many people outside of the family and I want it all to be really personal and cozy. And having someone there I don't like just completely rubs me the wrong way.
No I wouldn't be all that upset if my sister wasn't there, but the holy he*ll I'd catch from the rest of the family just isn't worth not having her there if you know what I mean...

I dont really see the problem here, i understand you 'think' he could be taking advantage, but ha may actually genuinly love her? Some people do have a massive age difference & does it really matter if their happy together?
I personally would invite them, it sounds like hes done nothing wrong to not deserve an invite & its for your sister, not him xx

He sounds good for her to me. He looks after her, they have obviously 'clicked'. I think you're more worried about how they look than being happy for her?

I have a couple of people coming to my wedding who are 'different'. One is my ex alcoholic brother whom I hope behaves himself, doesn't drink and doesn't mash his food up like a child like he normally does, and one is my sister's friend who dresses and acts very eccentric. I don't care what people think! Well, the food mashing is cringeworthy but I just ignore it, it's obviously an issue he has stemming from his childhood. This is a man who went to Oxford University (and never lets us forget it lol).

It's your wedding hun and you can have who you want but they are not going to take over your day with their 'weired relationship'.

Oh, I forgot about one of h2b's aunty's who also coming to our wedding, another eccentricly dressed lady but very very nice! :)

I understand where you're all coming from, but it's not 10 years, or even 20 years between them, more like 33. And that is more than a number, at least to me. I feel he is taking advantage simply because he's not thinking about what's best for her, he IS going to die a good 30years before her, she is now COMPLETELY dependent on him- what is she gonna do when he is no longer here?

I agree with the above post, you certanily should not have to invite anybody to your wedding that you don't want to be there.
The reason you invite guests is because you want to share you special moment of commitment with the people who you love the most.
There are obviously issues surrounding your sister's relationship but this is regardless of how you feel about her partner. If you were close, the unsual relationship wouldn't be an issue, but because there isn't really any sort of relationship between you and her partner the focus is on the unusal circumstances.
Because your sister has difficulties with movment this adds an extra dimension to should I, shouldn't I dilema.
Would it be possible that your family could club together in helping her for the day or is he neccesary?
Maybe you could comprimise in inviting him to the evening, not because you want him there, but more to help with your sister.

It really is a tricky one and I don't envy you having this extra pressure, I hope you come to a decision that you are ok with :)

sorry annette, but my mum was a lot younger than my dad, but SHE died first. you never know what's around the corner

I think this relationship is unsuitable as he was her Psychologist - he should of got into alot of trouble for that.
Tbh people may talk but is it worth upsetting your sister over?What happens when they get married if they dont invite your husband?

I can understand where your coming from and its hard for everyone to see the full picture. Could you have a word with your sister and ask how she would feel if he wasn't invited (you could make out it due to numbers)

xx

im sorry i also have to say if your sisters happy then thats what counts and if she was marrying him im sure you would like them to invite you but of course it is your wedding you have to do what you feel is right but if you really care about your sister you would want her there and by not inviting her partner im pretty sure she will be offended which could end up ruining your day anyway. maybe try to think of the positives, you said your sister was depressed and tried commiting suicide, her partner has got her past all of that so maybe you shoud be greatful towards him. i dont mean to sounds harsh or offend you by any means i dont know him or anyone of you dealing with this situation so of course i dont know the full story this is all i have gathered from what you have said. xx

I'm sorry that we haven't maybe given you the answers you wanted to hear Annette - we try and be as diplomatic as possible!

At the end of the day it is your wedding and if you don't want to invite him then you don't have to at all but you need to consider your sister's feelings too. I hope you come to a resolution that suits all parties - after all, on your big day I doubt you'll notice him there as you'll have all your other friends and family.
H2B's family probably wont think lowly of you or your family - I doubt they'd notice either xxx

I would say invite him. You dont have to speak to him, but do it for your sisters sake.
Is it that you dont like him, or that you are embarrassed what the other guests will think?
My H2Bs daughter has a partner that no-one really likes, and I really didnt want to spent £50-60 on her to eat a meal when I cant stand her, as H2Bs daighter is a bridesmaid, then her partner would be on her own so it was decided that she after the ceremony, so she didnt feel bad, she would also be at the same table as me and H2B and the bridesmaids. (that was partly why we decided to have a table just for us two) ..
OK we didint like her, and I really have preferred that she didnt come, but it would have upset H2Bs daughter not to invite her and I didnt want that. so she was invited.... BUT last weekend after a 4 year relationship......they broke up anyway.

BUT also I have a really good friend from childhood, who I am still in contact with frequently.......this is another matter
I desperately want to invite her but i HATE her fiance' and so does my H2B. the very first time I met him he called my friend fat and ugly in front of me, and tried it on with me! My H2B took him aside and told him never to touch me again, or to speak in such a way about our friend again....or he would be sorry!
Anyway the fact is, I want my friend there, but not him, and not inviting him would upset her, so I have not invited either of them. I wouldnt want to explain to her the reasons why he wasnt invited, so I didnt invite her either, and if ever she asked why, I would tell her that it was an intimate wedding just for family.....which actually it is.

I just couldnt invite half a couple like that, I think its rude and I think its wrong when you know someone is in a relationship or married to someone, to just invite the one person. I think its very insulting. and if I was ever invited to a wedding and not my H2B......I simply wouldnt go. If they can insult me by not inviting my hubby, then I can do the same and decline the invitation....

Annette seeing as you have 16months to the wedding, could you try to get to know him better? You might find that you're wrong, that he does genuinely love her and isnt taking advantage of her. On the other hand you might find you're right but then at least you'll have tried. Regarding the age issue, I think you're seeing it in the wrong way. I understand you're concerned about him dying and leaving your sister who's unable to walk unaided, but it wouldnt matter what age her partner was, she'd still have to deal with that situation if anything happened to a partner older or younger - that's life. Maybe it's down to family to make sure they're around anyway? They split up anyway but if you make a thing about disapproving of him your sister will no doubt go above and beyond to make sure it does, even if it isnt the best situation. At the end of the day, it is your wedding so invite who you want to, like you said you havent gone into more detail but the detail you did give doesnt make him sound like a bad person. How long have they been together and, apart from how they met and his age, has he given you any reason to dislike him? I wouldnt be concerned about what other people think, people will always have opinions on everything, that's just how it is x

I havent read all the posts as I didnt want my opinion to be sued by anyone elses.

I personally think you should invite him, at the end of the day he's been with her 'several years' so if he was trying to take advantage he would have done so by now. Yes she is dependant on him but is that a bad thing? If she genuinly loves him, and by the look of things he does her (or he wouldnt have stuck by her for so long) then of course he should be invited too. My opinion is he wants/loves and respects her or he would not do all the things for her that he does.

If anyone does say anything about their relationship it goes to show how small minded people can be. I don't for one minute think anyone would be rude enough to say anything and the attention will not be away from you and on to them. ITS YOUR WEDDING DAY and every person in that room will know that and all eyes will be on you and your then hubby.

But saying that it is your wedding, could you not invite your sister then invite him to the evening? that way he is still there for her or the most part just not the cermony and meal? x

am sorry i only read ure initail post and am afraid to say... what the f.....????? wats it to u who she goes out wiv and how old he is? he cud be 101 and that snowt to do wiv u! its very stuck up of u to say ure embarasses and dont wanan invite him!

my answer to your question is, do get over yourself and invite them both!

I agree with Hails!

xx

i completely agree

i've worked out that my dad was 15 years older than my mum. my dad smoked 60 a day for 40 years, drank (not heavily, but still drank), whereas my mum didn't drink, never smoked and lived a relativly healthy lifestyle. she died first and young. my dad never for one second thought he would be widowed as logic told him that he would go first. you never know what is around the corner and to say that becuase he is 33 years older he will die first and use that as a reason to dislike him, is (in my eyes) terrible. sorry if this seems like everyone is having a go at you, but from what you have told us, the vast majority of people think you are wrong

My Aunties hubby is 20 years older then her and he's amazing. Age is a number, if they are happy regardless of your feelings towards him you should let her be happy. You dont have to live with him. If my brother didnt invite my h2b to his wedding I'd be crushed and would think about not going. As for keeping up appearances with the inlaws mine take me as I am and as my family are if they dont like it tough.

My OH would do the same. We're a couple and that's how we come.

At the end of the day invite who you want, but you really shouldn't use the fact she is disabled or tried to commit suicide a few years ago to justify why you shouldn't invite him.

I'm sorry you feel upset by some of the comments
Like you have said, you know the full story and have held back details as now is not the time, place or indeed the company to air such personal details.
I answered as honestly as i could and I hope, without causing any offence x