Wedding Forum - Either got to down scale or cancel...

We've had such a rubbish day today regarding money. H2b has moved in and we informed the benefits agency and we are going to lose a fair few pounds to say the least. I am a fulltime carer for my mum who's 87 and h2b has PTSD from the Gulf war and emfasemia (not sure of correct spelling sorry) so he's not fit to work at the moment. They are going to stop all my benefit apart from my carers allowance and h2b will lose £150.00 a fortnight. We are going to be much worse off by living together/marriage, we might have to cancel the whole thing but if we do go ahead we will have to cancel the photographer(loosing £50.00 deposit) and the DJ and loose a few guests. I wont be able to have the dress I wanted but luckily I have'nt been measured yet so I'm not tied to a certain price. I have paid the dressmaker £200 which is nonrefundable but I have an appointment next monday to be measured and then your tied to what you've chosen. My original choice was £995.00, thank god my appointment was'nt today or I would have been snookered. But then there's the honeymoon if we cancel we will loose £200.00 deposit but I dont think we have much choice. The only light at the end of the tunnel regarding the DJ is my nephew is a DJ and can do the music but I feel bad cos I invited him as a guest and now he has to work. I feel like calling the whole thing off its put me on such a downer all I can think of is why bother its gonna be poo. Our wedding was'nt extravigant to start with registrar and buffet in local pub. OK my dress was a bit pricey but I can live with down scaling that even though its dissapointing. Sorry ladies just feeling sorry for myself tonight.

Aw hun *hugs*, at the end of the day if you have the whole world there, or just you and h2b and 2 witnesses there, it doesn't matter as long as you love each other. You can always have a celebration later like on an anniversay or somethig. x

Well said Cupcake Katie! thats exactly how we feel, Thankyou Dolphin, we appreciate where your coming from xx

awww hun try welfare rights see what they suggest thats alot of money to be losing for claiming together and they are brill my mate went through them and they sorted everything for her for her daughter its worth a short hun u should have a local welfare rights office in ur area just pop in or ring them hun and just see if they can help even if its just a little xx

aw im so sorry but i totally understand how you feel. h2b works from home and makes about 150 a month doing proofing online and i get 113 pounds a week, we were told that i make enough a week to cover us so we couldnt sign on. so were living technically on my wage, (gas, electric, food). funny thing was i was hauled in as someone reported me for working and claiming benefit to which yeah ok i was im working 15 hours a week part time and i had also declared it, the womans face was a picture when i showed her all the documents i got from them and the matter has since closed. weve got weddings galore this year and now dont leave the house as we cant afford to go otherwise.

The government system sucks, them that deserve and need it don't get it or have to fight for it and them that don't really need it or are scamming the system seem it get everything handed right into their hands it's ridiculous!!! Hope you manage to get it sorted out! And really hope you do not have to cancel the wedding! :( x

Xboxwidow.....I am so sorry to hear this.......it makes you feel like you should have done what 90% of people would have done and been dishonest and not tell them when he moved in, and you got penalised when you did!
Oh and its Emphysema......I know because my sister has it. :)

We are having a small wedding, 20 ppl, at a register office, and I am making my dress....and although we are by no means rich, this wasnt decided because we were on a budget, its because its what we wanted. small doesnt have to mean bargain basement.....but if the wedding IS small then you will obviously spend less.....
We chose to have a small wedding so that we could be lavish with a few guests rather than be conservative with many.

We are not having an evening reception, and for the daytime, we are taking our ipod docking station , with a playlist of our favourite songs.

the deposits dont have to be lost, but for the deposits....say for the photographer......can you change to a smaller/different package? same with the dress, could you still have that £200 go off a slightly cheaper dress?

I know a little bit about holiday bookings too. if you really cant afford to go this year, move the holiday to a different date, like next year maybe.....yes it might cost £20-30 to move the dates, but you wont lose the whole lot. and if the holiday you book is for out of season, it will be a cheaper holiday anyway so you maybe wont lose much , off the total price.

Your cake could be from Tesco.....£50 for a full 3 tier cake, then just buy some flowers to decorate it.

Your wedding CAN be done on a budget without looking like it has.....

hope you manage to sort it all somehow. its all so unfair the way these benefits work :( x

Lala he was in the Queens Royal Lifeguards in the tank division, he saw a lot of children killed and had to pick up body parts after suiside bombers. He suffers from nightmares mostly. He has had ten head shrinks but most of them useless but we have a good GP now that is trying to help. But the PTSD is also from a cruel childhood his father was a very cruel man, he liked to beat him and kill his pets infront of him. He was in the same regiment and signed him up when he was 17, he did'nt want to join up if he'd of had the choice he would'nt of(needless to say he is'nt coming to the wedding). Then his initiation in to the regiment was what you would describe as male rape so all in all he's had a rough time of it but having said that he's the most loving caring and gentle man I have ever met. Ha x3 unfortunately he cant move out because we gave his flat up on Monday so theres nowhere else he can stay, but thankyou anyway for trying to help it's appreciated. Thankyou RaggedyAnne for all your suggestions, we were on a budget before having an M&S cake that will be paid for with gift vouchers saved from xmas. We are going to go ahead with the wedding we're not gonna be beatten by the system but we wont have a proffessional photographer but a family member with a decent camera and a family member doing the disco and I have spoken to the dressmaker and she will help me sort something more in my price range.But i'm just a bit gutted cos my dress was my one extravigance but I will get over it. Hopefully we can salvage the honeymoon it's only to Ibiza but if the worst comes to the worst we will try and do what you have suggested and see if we can go at a later date, we are going in September when the kids go back cos it cheaper then. I would just like to thank all you ladies for caring and all your comments its does help chatting on here xx

Thanks RaggedyAnne for caring your one in a million. I think I get my can-do attitude from years of working in the NHS cos its bl@@dy hard going there and its sink or swim. My daughter is gonna help me have a go at making some of them candy trees for the buffet table cos were not having a sit down meal just a buffet, she made my invites too. We have put them money poems in the invitations but I must say I felt a bit cheeky and did'nt want to offend anyone but hopefully this will help pay for the honeymoon. The only thing left to pay for is the dress really so i'll see what the dress maker comes up with and I will let you know after Monday if I'm going down the aisle in a bin bag lol!

Yeah it would but I cant win an argument lol, I wish I was good at making stuff and I'd have a go like you but I'd be scared of it falling to bits or h2b standing on it with his size 11 and demolishing it. I was once a bridesmaid and my dress fell to bits by the evening do lol all the ladies were running around looking for safety pins x