thing is hun it might just be the threat of it all! i wud just see how things pan out - let him cool down a little - u never kno he might end up not saying nething to him! xx

god i hope u are right, this all comes from that he sees how stressed i get about funding and he sees my family paying for things and he gets angry, he told me its coz he wants me to have the day i want bless him. almost died last night as he told his mum the reason the wedding is costing as much as it is, is coz he wants to invite so many people so its his fault not mine and that i am trying to save money where we can, dont think she knew what to say to that as his whole family thinks its all my fault xx

a similar thing is going on wiht us. my dad, brother, and uncle are all doing something for the wedding. ok so its not huge stuff but they are helping as much as they can. H2b dad is financaly secure, bought own house (no mortgage just straight out bought it), owns a few bakery's and he still wont help. wont even do us the cake for free. We asked him if he couldloan us the money, as he loaned H2B bro £3000 for a car. but nope wouldnt do that even. some people are a bit stingy xx

My fella's family have offered us nothing so far which is tricky as my parents have given us about £4K so far, and even Seb's Uncle and 2 cousins have given us £100 each! My uncle also then gave us another £500 which was a real surprise! They do have 4 children, but 3 are boys and their girl (so Seb's sister) is only 16 so some while off getting married. They also put ALL 4 children through private school so not short of a bob or two. They have offered to bring back wine from France in the summer, but I'm not sure I'm happy with them choosing it as I LOVE wine and am a little fussy about and would rather buy our own if it means we get what we want.

Tricky - however, I still keep wondering if they might offer something nearer the time...

Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of your situation but I'm going to tell you a bit of my story re wedding payment and throw in my tuppenceworth, which obviously you're welcome to ignore lol

To start - Ross and I said from the word 'go' that getting married was OUR choice and ultimately WE were responsible for any costs, we wouldn't ask for anyone to help out financially and if they did offer we would refuse. We're adults and to us it would be like going home to mummy and daddy and asking for them to pay our gas or leccy bill or something. Even though we're expecting a baby we still maintain our position on finances. We'll make it work at a price we can afford.
My parents are brassic, they struggle to pay for basic things like rent and food. When I told my mum we'd set a date she cried and told me that there was no way they could afford to pay anything towards the wedding, but they'd help out in other ways. So bless their hearts, so far they've saved us £2000-ish without putting in a penny.
Ross' parents on the other hand are loaded. They live in an obscenely expensive house, they go on 4 foreign holidays a year, the pair of them have completely designer wardrobes like down to their socks. Ross is their eldest son but refuse to contribute anything financially, though Ross' brother gets financial care packages deposited into his bank account every month (to fund beer and gambling I might add *sigh*)
We're eternally grateful to my folks because they've got us out of a huge bind. Ross' folks relented and said we could use the grounds of their house for our afternoon reception (albeit begrudgingly after I totally showed his mother up over this)

Personally I would feel so guilty asking anyone to pay for any aspect of our wedding - we were adult enough to decide to get married ergo we're adult enough to foot the bill for it. I come from a family that has very strong values and beliefs - if you want something then you work your b um off until you can afford it and you don't go to anyone for handouts, no matter what the reason. If you can't afford it then you don't do it until you can.

If your h2bs parents offer to contribute financially then fabulous, but don't take for granted that it's your God-given right to receive money from these people. Whether they're on the breadline or filthy stinking rich is irrelevant, it's THEIR money to spend how THEY so choose.
You may have to 'settle' for a smaller scale wedding if you can't afford the 'dream' day BUT getting married isn't about the amount of cash that gets laid out for recpetions, meals, entertainment etc, it's about making the commitment to your soulmate - anything beyond that is just like whatever (to me anyways)
As for your h2bs attitude of "why should we pay for meals, drinks etc for him and his girlfriend if they're not contributing".........hang on, does that mean tha no-one is welcome unless they put something towards it? Does that mean he expects all your guests to contribute to the wedding fund? No, probably not, he's happy to pay for your friends but not for your own family? Seems odd to me.
Personally I wouldn't go cap in hand asking for money because I've been raised to believe it's very rude (just my values, not casting aspersions on you guys at all!) you get what you're given and if you've been given nothing then you've lost nothing so you've still broken even.

If there's more to this though, say they've paid for a sibling's wedding, then your h2b needs to explain his feelings on this matter and how he feels it unfair. If it's simply a case of "well I'm their son, they should pay" then he may want to rethink his attitude towards the whole financial thing. As A parent myself I can tell you we don't respond to tantrums ESPECIALLY ones concerning money.
And actually, traditionally, it would be YOUR parents who were financially accountable for the wedding, not his - maybe that's how they see it ???

But whatever, I hope you get this resolved. A wedding is supposed to bring families together, not drive them apart! Good luck xxx

Well said kerry .........this will be outr 2nd marraige and we are deffo not asking anyone to help pay but have asked them ...(well ok my dad) to do things for us .......my dad is going to do all the wording for the inside of my invites , he has the most beautiful writing and i wanted him to feel involved as he wont be walking me down the asil e

yep im with kerry and lola on this one, money is such a difficult subject and people expect different things. we said we would pay for everything and if anyone wants to chip in then great! it is difficult, my parents are in no position to help even tho my dad now feels guilty because as someone said tradition has it that the brides father/family pays and different generations see the payment of weddings differently. my h2bs mother has paid for EVERYTHING!!!!(£15ks worth of everything!) for his sisters wedding later this year (both our parents are separated), she has offered us 'some' money but he has refused it as she has got herself into a load of debt to pay for his sisters wedding (his sister expected it to be paid for!) and he doesnt want anyone to be in debt, hence the reasons for split parents, their attitude towards money!!! lol theres no right or wrong its just money is such a difficult subject for people!

By the sounds of it then, and again, just my tuppenceworth, your h2b is simply going to have to suck it up and get on with it. If they're complaining without contributing then don't give them the satisfaction of caving into their demands - simply ignore them (which I know is easier said than done)
Your parents sound fair-handed with you and your brother and I think that's really lovely of them, but I maintain that h2bs family are NOT financially accountable for something HE wants to do.

I understand that your h2b thinks it's unfair that his dad has never done anything for him and he could at least chip in a couple of hundred quid as a goodwill gesture - personally if my bio dad offered any money, aside from my principles, I'd tell him to eff right off, there is no way a couple of hundred quid could make up for a lifetime of neglect! It would be the same for your h2b, a hollow gesture that ultimately actually means b ugger all! Despite my rather angry feelings towards my bio dad he is invited to our wedding because I know if he's not there then the side of that family that I AM involved with won't show - grit your teeth or cut your nose off to spite your face - that is what it boils down to. And yes, in years to come he WILL regret it, then one day when he's reached a certain level of maturity (not saying he's not mature, it's the maturity that comes with age & experience) he'll look back and realise what an a rse he was, and he doesn't want that!

much love xxx

Thats the spirit dear!

cheers kerry, think im ok today sat him down last night and had a chat with him, think he has chilled out abit now, now that he has had a chance to think about it he said his family are very different from mine as mine plan and work stuff out his family dont and they will prob turn round a month before and say what needs paying and just do it, if that happens bargain but i am working under the idea that we are paying for everything else lol, kerry think we have crossed wires its H2B brother that gets everything and H2B gets nothing, not my brother as my brother is only 10 yrs even though he does get lots cant moan about that lol xx

lol i had to re read what i wrote to make sure of what i had said so dont worried about it i aint much better lol, thanks for your advice kerry xx