Both myself and my fiance suffer from anxiety and have never been they socialising type. We have been planning our wedding since we got engaged last February and it's been one battle after the next. We are both really anxious about the amount of people and that whole aspect of the wedding and have decided that although we initially planned an evening reception that we would both rather not have an evening reception. Neither of us drink and neither of us want a dance - we'd love a first dance if no one could see us!! My mum is totally opposed to the idea but we were thinking we could do something like;- - ceremony (at church) - photos - cocktail hour/photos (at venue) - meal - guest write predicitions on little gift tag things and hang them on wishing tree (something like where they think we will be in 10 years or a wish theyre making for us or something like that) - speeches - cut cake - everyone goes to the roof garden to set of lanterns with a wish for us (if allowed by venue) and wee chat - festivities end but everyone welcome to stay and talk, drink etc
We read an article online that made us feel a lot more "normal" about our decision and we are now really excited about it - but my family think its pointless and that there's no point in doing the wedding but we think that the people who matter will have a good time and at the end of the day its not about a party its about celebrating us getting married and if my fiances family can travel over 200miles to attend and stay on there own accord the full weekend then why can't my family be as supportive?
We'd put a quirky wee poem or something in with the invites so people know that they've not to expect a party and why but some more thoughts outwith family on it would be really appreciated!! xx
CommentAuthorclive
edited
no links are allowed. You'll have to post it on your wall I'm afraid.
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
It's your day, so you do what you want!
Plenty of people don't go for the whole disco/party thing after the wedding... If its just the dancing and music and copious amounts of drink then you don't have to have all that...I've been to a couple of weddings that rather than a full party everyone just stayed in the bar and chatted...and it's been lovely, and to be honest is a lot more enjoyable for older guests. I think it's bang out of order for your family to say 'what's the point in having a wedding'...surely the wedding is about you and your husband to be getting married?! Stick to your guns....a lot of guests will be perfectly happy to make there own entertainment on the evening xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorVelcro
i agree with laurajo,its supposed to reflect you andh2b,no one else
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorPB
Its your day it should be what you want....not what other people expect.Stick to your guns. xxx
thanks so much for all of the support. My fiance has a big family and they are all close and traveling to attend the wedding and they are just so happy with whatever we decide it just makes the build up to the big day that bit less magical when my family can't be as supportive... I think it's ideal and we are so happy that we are both comfortable with something. The ceremony is a massive deal to me and i am panicking about standing in front of 60 odd people but i know i have to and it is ultimately what i want and i don't want my anxiety issues to control that aspect of our day - if only my family weren't so judgmental! i just hope it all goes as smoothly as we hope it does!
one thing we are worried about though... if guests take the opportunity to stay and drink in the bar etc do we need to "hang" about until everyone leaves or would it be rude of us to slip off? xx
CommentAuthorVelcro
i think if youve made a point of saying it wont be an all night event, slipping off would be fine :)
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
As long as you have a chance to thank everyone for coming personally, I think slipping off should be fine - I thought it was tradition that the bride and groom left early anyway xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorAmyK
Have whatever you want for your wedding - there's no reason for it to be hijacked by others into making it a big party you don't want. I went to a wedding in a restaurant, very small & intimate, meal, then quiet drinks in the bar. Afterwards, it was just myself, OH (their best man), bride & groom in their hotel bar for some champagne, then chilling out together in their room eating bacon butties & chips while OH & groom messed about finding random stuff on tv and I gave the bride foot massages! It was exactly what they wanted & was lovely. You're only doing it once - feel happy in what you choose x
CommentAuthorMinxs1982
edited
You have to do what YOU and your partner want to do not what other people expect you to do. It is hard when people keep trying to stick their nose in but remember it is your day not theirs xx
Lots of people have weddings later to not have a wedding breakfast so it's no different ending it early because u don't want all the attention, u do it ur way x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorAna40
Its a day for you and you h2b to celebrate your love. so celebrate in a way that you both love. X
CommentAuthorMrs T. 2 Be
Your Wedding, your day!! Do what you want and when you want!!
Started Dating: 25th September 2005
Engaged: 26th September 2012
Getting Married: 25th May 2014
CommentAuthorgeorgie
We're not having an evening do, we're leaving at 7pm to go to a hotel so guests already know it works great as we're not party people and the kids get a normal night x
CommentAuthorMrsEvans13
I went to a wedding once with no first dance, they just chose the first song and had everybody up and dancing to itso they got to dance to the song they love but nobody was concentrating on them because they were all too busy dancing themselves! Xxxx
CommentAuthorElizabethP8
Do it your way and tell your family to get a grip, it's your day not theirs! Maybe you could have a buffet meal so everyone gets the chance to share a meal with you on your special day but you avoid that top table stuff where your sat in front of everyone? Just have it so you are all equal and have the tables all the same maybe xx
CommentAuthorsarah
edited
To play devils advocate on this one but I can see why people wouldn't be happy with your decision. For a lot of people the party makes the wedding. Guests spend a lot to attend weddings and many want a chance to let their hair down and socialize after the day. TBH if you nix the first dance the bride and groom are not at the center of attention during the dancing. You don't have to dance or drink, but why not give your guests a chance to if that's what they want? I've been to weddings where the bride and groom didn't dance and those where they didn't drink. No one was disappointed that they didn't partake in the festivities but I for one was glad that their desire not to dance/drink didn't prevent me as a guest from partaking.
That said this is your wedding and it's your choice to make. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone and you'll save yourself a lot of aggravation if you don't offer any explanation. The more information you give out the more people can complain. Your guests are being fed and watered so as a host it's not as if you're letting them down in any way.
CommentAuthorAmyK
Good point Sarah, but I would still say that the guests have been invited to witness you two declaring your love for each other - if they're just there for a party then they're there for the wrong reasons. Have the day you both want x
CommentAuthorsarah
Agree with your point amy, but surely parties are for the enjoyment of the guests & the hosts. Just wanted to share an alternate point of view. In no way am I suggesting one is a bad host if there is no evening di.
CommentAuthorAmyK
You're right Sarah, the whole point of this forum is so that people can get a range of points of view and opinions :-)
CommentAuthorElizabethP8
I think Sarah & Amy are both right, the primary reason should be to witness the declaration of your love but also to celebrate it as Sarah says. At the end of the day do what makes you happy but if you can work out certain compromises, like Sarah says about not having a first dance, then I think you can work it so that you feel comfortable but also keep everyone happy :) xx
