Wedding Forum - Don't think I'm a Christian but want to...

what are reason for wanting to marry in a church? if its just cause it looks pretty then yes it is a bit hypocritical x

I was always under the impression I would get married in a church because it was the norm! However I am not religious one bit and agree that it would be hypocritical of me to get married in a church. I was asked today what kind ot ceremony I wanted at the venue and had the choice of religious, civil or humanist. I really like the idea of humanist as it is very personal but Neil's family are religious and he would like a religious ceremony - a lot to discuss I think. lol.
It is entirely up to you hun where you get married and to be fair it is your day after all. xxx

i personaly dont know what i belive but the reason i dont want to get married in church is because its all about you, your partner and god. I just wanted the service to be about me and tom and about how much we love eachother. We are getting married in a wonderful orangery looking out on beautiful grounds for me its better than a church and so much more personal for us. I dont go to church and would not start just because i was getting married. If we were going to get married in a church i could not have lied to the vicar saying that we would have god in our lives BUT if its what you have dreamed then do it but i would suggest having a look around at diffrent venues before you make your mind up x x x x x x x

i'm not getting married in a church for this reason as i don't believe in god even though out local church is gorgeous. I didn't want to be a hypocrite too x

I wouldn't feel right getting married in a church. I couldn't sing hymns, and say vows that include god, as it's not what I believe. I also don't believe in lying, so if getting married in a church means you would have to lie to the minister about your religious beliefs then I don't think you should...

But if you're not lying to yourself, and you don't lie to the minister, then there shouldn't be a problem.

churches can be very flexiable now adays you can have a more family service, i believe in god that one reason i am getting married in a church, but most of the service is been done by my family as i feel they are apart of our union.
the pastor will do a little reading and talk about it but nothing much. alot of people are put off as they think it just going to be about what the bible say, yes it can be but you can say you want one bible reading and poems and no sermon form the pastor/vicar and most of them are fine with it.

do what you want to do ,the lord accept anyone that come in his presence wheather your a believer or not.

You don't think you are a Christian would lead me to think you are not a serious believer..?

YOU are the person whom has to make the decision on wether you would be hypocritical marying in a Church..as nobody else on here knows the depths of your beliefs etc..your day, your way.

I do believe in God and feel that it is very important that we include him in our marriage ceremony, not only am I making a promise to h2b to remain faithful and true but to God also.....and I think this makes it extra special. I think the choice is yours hun, your the only one that can answer this question.....remember however everyone has a right to get married in a church, its depends however on how much your prepared to sacrifice for this to happen (meetings, attending church)!!! Good luck in your choice hun xxx

Its personal choice huni. Im not religious but my partner is, he wanted to get married in a church of scotland church so we picked it together. Im happy to have god and hymns, to me thats part of the wedding norm. But at the same time Id've been just as happy to jet off and get married on a beach! Our minister is amazing, instead of making you attend church you need to come for marriage classes, but because weve been together for 3 years and have 2 kids he said he thinks were ready lol! At the end of the day its your wedding and i dont think it would be hypocritical of you to get married in a church. Its all about what you want x

I'm same as you nic.. Although I have been to church a lot when i was younger and to be honest i quite liked it but i don't go anymore x

lol yeah. i just dont really care what people think, Its prettier and traditional, thats really it. Im not one that cares too much of peoples opinions though, if they think im a hypocrite, then let them :P

Although I am finding I'm enjoying it more now that I have been going recently and might keep it up....we'll see

nic ....go to a later service !!!

Hi Kaz, let me try explain the differences about believing what believing is. It may help you make your mind up. First of all, being brought up in a church...whichever church doesn't make you a Christian. Being christened doesn't make you a Christian. Getting married in a family church doesn't make you one either. What makes you a Christian is believing what the Bible says about Jesus Christ. Specifically, what it says about us as Gods creation...Adam and eve...they had it perfect as God intended. But God also gave us free will...we have it even today. Through free will we (by Adam and eve's actions) sinned against God and were banished from heaven. Sin entered the world to the point that we are born into sin. So we are born sinners. Now the Bible says that God loves us so much that He sent his only son as a sacrifice so that we could redeem ourselves. When Jesus died on the cross, He effectively took all our human sin and said to God...punish me instead...he'll is too harsh for all these people. So Now, today all you have to do to become a Christian is say it with your mouth in front of witnesses ( like a marriage), that Yes, I believe Jesus died for me. I am a sinner (it doesn't matter if you think you are a nice person, we are all sinners, all told that little White lie etc), I accept Jesus as my personal saviour, and I declare it. Ask Jesus to come into your life. When you make this declaration ...just as you do in marriage, it's a binding promise to God that you will try and live a life as instructed in the bible. God knows there will always be sin in the world but He will know your heart and the promise you gave. Your life changes and you begin to love the Lord...you will know...it's like falling in love again. I cried when it happened to me, because I realised the times when life was so hard but I made it through...God was always there and I was late to acknowledge him to say thank you. So I started to build a relationship with God. Talking to him like a friend, reading the bible more because I now understood and wanted to know more from the bible. So when I enter the church I'm getting married in, supported by all my church friends and a pastor who has guided me, I'm inviting God into my marriage and in a great place for my marriage to anchored. I want to know how to be a good wife and my husband will be as it says in the bible. We look after each other and honour and respect each other, and teach our children to do the same. When they reach an age of understanding, they will choose for themselves if they want to be a Christian. It's not about being a hypocrite. It's about understanding what you are doing. Don't christen you baby just because everyone does it. You are effectively dedicating the child to God without having any inclination to teach that child about God and His ways. A christening is not a naming ceremony, you can name a child at home.
I hope this helps you about marrying in church. You can decide to become a Christian now and try. But rather than finding a pretty church, find a church that is vibrant and supportive where you can find good friends and make it your home.
Good luck xxx

Both Ed and I are intelligent, thoughtful atheists and we have chosen not to get married in a church, mosque, synagogue or temple. Even if they would allow us to do so! We feel it would be wrong. Personally, we don't want to hear all the references to God or Gods - which is obviously fine for those who do believe, but it would just be meaningless to us and false. And we don't want to start our married life doing something false.

There are many beautiful buildings dedicated to worship, though and athiests have to put up with registry offices and hotels. Perhaps we shall one day build a beautiful athiest building to spend time in, appreciating the wonder, love and awe of this world, the miracle of evolution and to celebrate life, marriage and death.

Perhaps we could campaign for our registry offices to be improved, citing discrimination against athiests?

This is taken from the CofE wedding site:

"My partner believes in God but I'm not sure. Would I be hypocritical to marry in church?"

You are welcome to have a Church of England wedding, regardless of your beliefs. A sample of a typical wedding service can be viewed here. Take a look at it together and with your Vicar who understands that spiritual beliefs are complex and varied. This need not be a barrier to a church wedding.

If you want the link I can put it on your wall :) xx

Most C of E churches and vicars are happy to marry you whatever faith or non religion you are. H2b and i are not religious, however our vicar agrees and understands that we feel the church is the right place to get married. Our vicar is very accommodating of our beliefs (lack of them) and from what i hear most vicars are the same, they are happy to help and have valuable wedding experience :)

Despite not practicing a religion I think it is nice to include the traditional prayers and readings because i feel it is an important part of the ceremony, God is typically a substantial part of it but it is also about wishing the couple well in their new life together. Importantly, i won't take my vows any less seriously than someone who is religious.

I think it is wrong to discourage non-Christians from marrying in church if that is what they want to do, because, for me at least, the church seems the most appropriate place. I love Bluefish's idea about building a beautiful non-religion-focused place to marry, but i'll still be sticking with my parish church :)

wow - sorry got a bit carried away! xxx