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  1.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 23rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    My husband to be lied to me about going to a strip club on his stag and made out he couldn't remember much of the night. he left it 5 days before admitting he went to a strip club and had a lap dance. I don't see myself as most women I know because I gave him permission before his stag to go to a strip club that doesn't bother me. what has really hurt me is he lied to me about it and in general discussion when we first saw each other after the stag/hen we hugged and I was all excited to tell him about my hen party and he told me about his and when I asked with a smile on my face if he went to a strip club he said no and I believed him and left it at that. we watched films together and ran our day to day lives then I walk out of my work building to find him standing waiting for me and I asked why he was waiting for me because he doesn't normally as only 5 min walk away from our house.asked him like a general question are you ok and he said well no not really then started crying pretty bad I hugged him and asked him what's wrong thinking god who's died what's happened and he tells me he did go to a strip club. I consoled him and told him that's fine no need to cry and made sure he understood me that I don't mind that but once we got home I told him it's not that that bothers me it the lieing about it that kills me. my heart really does feel broken and we get married in 3 weeks time. he said he wanted to tell me because he doesn't want to start a married life with a lie and apparently all his lad mates told him not to tell me. he has lied to me in the past before about a different situation but I thought we had gotten past that stage. I am pretty laid back now though I wasn't back then but I thought he knew me to know I wasn't bothered about him going. my heads messed up and I don't want family/friends to know and ask their opinions
  2.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 23rd 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It sounds like he took some bad advice from his friends and things got a little out of hand. I think you should take solace in that he admitted it, particularly that he could very easily have said nothing. I understand how you would be upset and so you really should sit down with your oh and explain how you feel. It may be that he also feels embarrassed. Men are fickle creatures after all!! I'm like you in that going to a strip club would not bother me in the slightest. I'm not sure how I'd feel if he lied to me about it though.

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  3.  
    • CommentAuthorLoz K
      Posted: Jun 23rd 2016
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      edited
     
    Couldn't have put it better Mrs T. Hope you can sort it with your OH Chezzy.
  4.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 23rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thank you. It's just the lieing I can't deal with. My heart is in bits. I don't want to marry someone who finds it so easy to lie to my face. looking into my eyes and lying after 11 years together like it's nothing. going there I would have got over because that's my own insecuritys but lying to me about going just when we are going to get married very soon makes me question us altogether
  5.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Jun 23rd 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    To be honest I think that as he told you and was clearly upset, it must have been really biting at him!

    blokes do influence each other and they influenced him until he realised what's the point in lying go you!

    Have an honest chat with him xx

    Members signature icon



  6.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 23rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thank you going to sit down with him and have a long chat x
  7.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 23rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Agree with Michelle. Hope you can talk it all through x
  8.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 24th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    he tells me he didn't know what the place was until he walked in and a woman took him by the hand and took him to a private room and closed the curtains and asked him how much does he want to pay. he says he was taken back but was smiling when he requested the first price of £30 not knowing what that included. he told me she was pretty and was looking at her up and down and enjoyed it. I don't know what's worse. knowing he lied in the first place or hearing all that and making me feel ugly and inadequate
  9.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 24th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    If it makes you feel any better my OH is lying before he's even gone on his stag do.

    In all honesty men are fickle creatures, they look with their eyes and appreciate the attention, it doesn't matter if hes paying for it or not. He didnt want to hurt you thats why he lied but he felt guilt about doing it so told you the truth, which has got to count for something.
    Men will ALWAYS look and like looking at the skinny big breasted women on the streets and in magazines, it's their nature and I'm sure you like the look of Tom Hardy when he's shirtless and sweaty (You know the point im getting at)
    He loves you, he's marrying you, he told you the truth and thats the best way for youre marriage to start.
    Now get your best undies out and prove you can do it better than those ladies and even better you're free :-) xxx

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  10.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 24th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    he may have been embarrassed about it and didn't want to say, i think my H2B would do the same thing even though i wouldn't be bothered about it either. His mates probably thought you wouldnt be ok about it and told him not to say. make sure that's all that's bothering him though, it might be something else eating at him and maybe wanted to pave the way. Could something have happened between him and said mates?

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  11.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 26th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I gave him a lap dance myself and he says he didn't realise I would be able to do that. Btw I used to be a dance performer so don't understand why he didn't think I would do that. He tells me I'm 100% better but I feel he's just saying that after the reaction he's received from me the past couple of days. I'm now getting obsessed and researching strip clubs in our honeymoon destination even though I don't think I could deal with it but I would want to see his reaction to it and see how he enjoys it. This is so difficult for me to deal with and I'm wondering if I even want to get over it.
  12.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Jun 26th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Ok this might be a bit blunt and out of turn so apologies in advance if it offends

    I don't know any man that wouldn't enjoy a private lap dance- men will be men and if any man was put in that situation they woukd enjoy it- it doesn't mean they don't find you attractive- lap dance girls are like a fake world and what they can't have, they aren't reality, whereas his relationship with you is the real thing and he obviously loves to the moon and back otherwise he wouldn't have got upset about what he had done and not telling you the truth.

    Men are odd creatures and in his head, he probably thought telling you abiut it was sharing his experience and hoping that it would somehow make it better!

    You need to draw a line under it otherwise you are going to start married life with a black cloud over you, if you feel you can't get over it, then it doesn't bode well for a happily ever after .

    I hope that you can get over this as to me it really does sound as though he is sorry and got caught up,in the whole stag do thing with his "mates" xxx

    Members signature icon



  13.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 26th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I am exactly the same as you Chezzy, my only advice is to just let it go.
    It as his last chance to have this kind of thing, he wont be doing it again. I personally dont understand why certain stuff is allowed for men on their stag which they wouldnt be allowed to do on any other night out.

    It pee's me off to no end knowing my OH is going to greece for three nights (if youve read my other post you'll know what i mean)

    Im slowly learning to just deal with it, to not ask questions because the only person its going to hurt is you. Its done now and you cant change it.
    Im sorry I cant offer much advice but feel free to message me when you like to just rant or whatever. xx

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  14.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 26th 2016
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    I would strongly recommend that you don't go to the strip club with your oh because if he glances at a girl and you don't like it, it will play on your mind even more. Also, your oh will be on edge and you won't be able to get a true gage of how he would react anyway.

    I have been to a strip club myself as it was a friends birthday. It was a fun night and I even got chatted up!! It's all a bit of harmless fun.

    If you feel that you can't help but obsess over it, I think that some forms of counselling would be helpful. Your happiness is more important than anything else. You need to be happy for your relationship to be happy.

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  15.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2016
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    I understand why you are upset but I think the fact that he has told you and was so visibly upset just shows how influenced he was.
    I would just leave it as it is. He didn't feel comfortable lying to you as much as you don't with the fact that he did so you both have the same feeling towards it. xx

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  16.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    i have nothing to add which the other ladies haven't already told you, i just want you to know your not alone and i'm the same way. My h2b lies to me constantly (not bad lies for example my phone had no signal in the pub yet he is sitting on fb and they dont have public wifi) but he always says he does it as he doesnt want to get into trouble to which i then point out that he is in trouble for lying. Men can be a tad stupid sometimes. I've learnt to see through his little lies and let them go i even have fun with them now and wind him up a little i wouldn't suggest going to a strip club either, i know i wouldn't be able to handle it and it would cause more harm than good. You oh did seem to have a guilty conscience so maybe he did really want to tell you but he also wanted to stick by his lads too. its a hard one big hugs x

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  17.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    How are you feeling now Chezzy? Let us know wont you. Thinking of you x

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  18.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 30th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thank you to you all that have responded to my situation. Me and my Husband to be have never been better. We have pulled through some tough times in our relationship and this is one of them. He has been more honest the longer I leave him time to think and rather than shouting and getting upset we had a talk and I feel like it's gone from me and can move on from it. I have told him I might ask questions randomly from time to time and he says that's fine whatever helps me get over it. I did ask him yesterday if as he says he wanted to go to the strip club because he was interested to see what's its like, what the it. is it the women and if so why when in the next breath he says he didn't like it and felt uncomfortable and embarrassed? he got his back up and just said he went for the experience. That gets to me coz I'm thinking why would he want to go see other women in their underwear? I duno I'm just going to try and get over this. I do feel better than when he first told me
  19.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 30th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Men are simple minded. Its.not the fact he.doesnt love you they just like a gander at things that catch their eye. Its the way they work.

    Im glad youre getting through it... My oh is really grinding me down at the moment and last night out of the blue an extra night has been added on his stag do. Fuming i am bit i cant change it.
    This is what our mother where on about all those years ago about how much stress, as women, we have to go through in life.

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  20.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 30th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    yeah i dont mind him looking at women as we walk down the street its natural and we laugh about it but thats different in my eyes to going to pay to see lots of women that hes making that move to swoon over all the ladies but one walking down the street isnt his fault because shes not their to get his attention and he can walk away. going into a strip club is his own choice and he wanted to experience it but then whats wrong with him just experiencing seeing a woman down the street, its like thats not good enough. It felt like he went because he wanted to be tempted to something he cant have.
  21.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 30th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh hun, I think your overthinking it.
    I know its stupid- because I myself have reservations about OHs stag do- but I guess its a kind of tradition that is kind of inevitable.

    She (the stripper) is paid to do that. She doesn't want his attention, she doesn't lust after him, she probably is thinking about what shes going to eat after her shift. Its a job for her. And your OH is certainly not on his mind.

    Do you know something, what pees me off more than the stripper thing is porn. I mean that is my OH physically getting off on the sight of other people (sorry there was no delicate way of putting that)

    I would suggest, from my own current stress experience (my OH hasn't even gone on his stag yet) is try and not to think about it. Plaster on a smile drink some wine and enjoy some time together. The stripper wont even be on his mind anymore, it'll just be his stag memory of which the banter and drinking with his mates will be more prominent.
    He didnt do it to hurt you, he did it for morbid curiosity on his stag do- or as ive been told "stag do rights" (which I think is BS tbh but whatever)

    In two weeks you will be walking down the aisle on the day you have planned for so long and he will almost cry seeing you walk towards him in that wedding dress knowing how beautiful you are. It'll be the happiest day of your life and you wont even be thinking about it anymore.

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  22.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I don't blame the women like you say it's their job and they just need money. to me they are not in the wrong it's him that's in the wrong for wanting to see them to want to eye up other women despite it being their job and that's it. to me it's him that wanted to get that feeling and excitement even if it made him embarrassed in the end that wasn't the feeling he thought he would experience so having a thought in his mind before hand makes me question him as to why he felt he needed that. it's all of a sexual nature of course they are promoting sex and that to me means he wasn't thinking about me at all. he could have come to me one day and said he wanted me to do whatever to him but because he didn't it made me think what's wrong with me? why does he feel the need to get aroused by other women when I'm at home in our bed.
  23.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    glad your sorting things out chezzy, i would be thinking the exact same as you aswell. maybe stephanie has a point about maybe overthinking, i do that alot too and a simple thing can expand to a mighty thing, the mind is a powerful thing and it will take time to heal itself, glad your oh is ok with you asking him questions at random times.

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  24.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 3rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thank you. I just wish I had been clearer and told him he was alowed to go to a strip club but not have a lap dance then the arguments might not have happened instead of just assuming he wouldn't dream of having a lap dance. even though apparently he thought the only way to get out of it was to pay her. to me having a lap dance is so disrespectful to me and having another woman's boobs in his face and siting ontop of him makes my skin crawl. the last time I wanted to talk to him about it he got angry and said he thought I'd got over it and said he's said the same things over and over again. not understanding that's how I can get over it.
  25.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    oh hun, i would be the same, i've made it very clear to my oh how much trouble he will be in if he bloody dares do anything like that, but you see he has said he doesn't want my hens getting me a stripper (i don't want one so was fine with it haha) but i made sure to tell him it goes both ways, he pouted a little but i dont care and ive warned his mates ww3 will start if i find out they have done anything of the sort

    i don't think your in the wrong for assuming he wouldn't have a dance, and i agree going in a strip bar to have a look and having a lap dance are two completely different things, i wouldn't be happy either.

    Men eh! i know it might be frustrating for him repeating himself but to get angry is not nice, maybe if you haven't already explain to him thats how your trying to get over it. I question my oh over and over again sometimes purely as in my head if his story remains the same each time i can start to put it together properly in my head.. but if that story changes by one word im back to the bleeding beginning again

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  26.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    How are you feeling Chezzy?

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  27.  
    • JulieB11
      CommentAuthorJulieB11
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Personally I have no problem with my OH going to lap dancing clubs or getting dances but then I have a pretty relaxed attitude towards that sort of thing and in my line of work most of our nights out end up in a strip club so I can hardly talk. The lying about it would send me round the bend though. He obviously knew it was something that would make you unhappy or he wouldn't have lied so really he should do whatever you need him to so you can get over it. And if that includes talking about it every night for the next two weeks he should get on with it.

    Members signature icon



  28.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I'm so much better now thank you. I love him so much it's so much stronger than arguing over this. In time it will be all forgotten about. Thank you ladies. Good to know we women have each others backs :-p x
  29.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    so glad to heat that chezzy x

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  30.  
    • CommentAuthorLoz K
      Posted: Jul 6th 2016
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    Glad to hear that Chezzy. Now you can focus on the wedding in ten days!!!
  31.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 7th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    So glad to hear that Chezzy, not long until your big day, :-)

    Enjoy the last weeks build up an send us lots of pictures of your big day xx

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  32.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 7th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    ooh happy to hear you are feeling better :) x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  33.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 12th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hope Youre feeling ok Chezzy, you where on my mind cos I know its your big day soon!! :-)
    Wishing you the best of luck xxxxx

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  34.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 12th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    aww thank you StephanieM158 I can't wait for the big day. we had our church rehearsal last night and saying our vows looking into each others eyes. he was a nervous wreck and nearly cryed we can't wait haha honestly thank you so much for your advice you have made me feel so much better and I was over thinking everything. by me telling him I can lapdance he's now asking it for our honeymoon haha I don't mind I'm even happier he can talk to me about it and not feel silly xxx
  35.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 12th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    hehe, I am so glad. Make sure you post some pics of your special day when you get back from your honeymoon :-) cant wait to see them x

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  36.  
    • MaxineP89
      CommentAuthorMaxineP89
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jul 12th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    So happy to hear you are all sorted.
    Now its time to relax and enjoy the start of your married life together.
    Best of luck Chezzy x

    Looking forward to becoming the 3rd and last Mrs McLauchlan


  37.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 18th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I've uploaded some pictures not many from my wedding day :-)
  38.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Aug 19th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    Chezzy you look beautiful and can see the love, glad you had a fab day xx

    Members signature icon



  39.  
    • MaxineP89
      CommentAuthorMaxineP89
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 19th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Beautiful pics Chezzy x

    Looking forward to becoming the 3rd and last Mrs McLauchlan


  40.  
    • SusanM34
      CommentAuthorSusanM34
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 19th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Lovely photos! xx

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Maunders on 22nd October 2016!


  41.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 19th 2016
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    Lovely pics x

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  42.  
    • Chezzy
      CommentAuthorChezzy
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 21st 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thank you ladies :-)
  43.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 22nd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Ohh your pics are fab hun. :') xx

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
 
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