my H2B got payed off from his job in july last year and for the first time in his life is struggeling with money he comes from a well off back ground where as im use to being a little on the skint-er side of life. hes not coping well with this and has had to go onto benifits which he hates now it seems hes taking it out on me because i want to plan the wedding im not buying anythin expensive i just want to know what he wants from our big day
he has an interview 2morrow for Te5c0 which i know he is nervous about (he didnt sleep till the back of 4 last night)
im glad i have you guys to vent my wedding frustrations but i dont know what to do to cheer the H2B up nothin seems to work any suggestions? (ps im heading out to give him some space just now but i will be on later xx) xx
CommentAuthorRachie :D
Talk to us about your Wedding. At the moment he will have that much going on in his head he won't see it as the most important thing. Ask him if he wants help with some interview techniques and really support him, help him get a job. When he gets a new one and is settled then bring it up.
Sorry I know I sound harsh but my Dad was out of work for over 18 months when I was 16 and I saw him going from being a confident man to a broken man especially when he couldn't find work that paid as well as his had.
It's not that he doesn't want to get married to you or isn't looking forward to the Wedding, it's that he needs to get himself sorted and be a good provider for you in order to give you the Wedding of your dreams & the life to which you have both been accustomed to.
Give him time and be supportive. Like you did vent on here. You have plenty of time so don't be worried.
Hope this helps. Huge hugs and good look to him with his interview xxxxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorChrissy
Raekim has put it perfectly and you sound like you are being completely supportive. Give him time to get his head straight and sort himself out, meanwhile we are here for you hun xxx
JD is taken so I'll settle for being Mrs Marge :o)
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
Give him a hug and tell him you love him no matter what ....... dont mention the wedding at all for a while
I'd echo what others have said. You have plenty of time to go, and this site is fantastic for chatting to others about the wedding. I use this place all the time when my poor head has got itself obsessed about something to do with the wedding to save my poor h2b the agony ;p
Yup me too it's great to get even a silly little quibble thats been driving you mad out in the open
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorJane
He just needs lots of reassurance and to know that you love him because of who he is, not because of his employment status. Put wedding talk on the back burner for now just to take the pressure off him for a bit and until he is back on his feet and feeling more like he is able to contribute. It will be tough for a time but hopefully a job will come along and that will make a huge difference. We are sort of in the same boat, my H2B lost his job between Xmas and New Year and is looking a new one at the moment, with not long till the wedding it could have proved very stressful but luckily most of it is paid for already so we havent had to hit the panic button! We are staying optimistic and yes, it can be soul destroying having to claim benefits for someone who has previously been able to provide an income for the family but its a necessary thing until a job comes along, he has paid into the system long enough, its time to take something back. x
CommentAuthorxlisabellx
I totally know how you feel my h2b lost his job when i was pregnant and I was off work due to problems with my pregnancy so we wer living off sick pay and really put a big strain on everything we used to bicker about everything. I agree with everyone else just dont say much about the wedding to him and talk about it on here... he will find a job soon!! Good luck with his interview tomorrow x
CommentAuthorMaggielou
Ul find it hard not to mention it as ul be excited, but that's where u tell us EVERYTHING! Every single detail u want to discuss. U need to stay positive for him, but not make him feel pressured. The key to interview success is prep. Help him research the goals of the company, to understand the job role & how he has the skills to help to support the goals of the company.
Make sure u don't go too far with booking anything, when he's back into it, he'll prob want to help with the decisions, or at least feel like he is!! I made that mistake, thought h2b wasn't interested & one day we had a "chat" about me running away with it all!
Good luck to u both x
CommentAuthorekielty(now Trow)
Bless ya hun, the other ladies have summed it up very well - just give him lots of support and help if he will accept it. Lots of hugs and try not to talk about the wedding to him for a little while... talk to us instead! we will never get bored of talking about it! :)
Lots of love to you hun! things will get easier for him and you can both look forward to the day of your dreams! xxxx
Very very happy as Mrs Erica Trow
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world! xx
CommentAuthorLauraCrossan
Aww my heart goes out to you and your hubby,just let him know how much you love him and as often as you can and for him not to worry, and that a job will come up,best of luck xxx
CommentAuthorButton-Bell
tank you everyone hes feeling a lot better now hes spending the day in bed hes not feeling to good hink its the lack of sleeps so i suprised him with a subway n a can of redbull hes feeling better now i hope yeah ive put a stop to the wedding chat with him the only time i talk about it is if he asks about something or the venues ive been suggested on here yeah he is an expert at interviews now hes really confident when he is actually there gettin the interview its just the lead upto it that bothers him Tesc0 have already phone interviewed him but because of the bad snow before christmas they postponed his face to face till now but they have told him its a beginners position but he can work his way up (and the money is waaaaay better than his last job)
i have a really good feeling about it and the last time i said that he got his previous job so heres hoping
thanks ladys ill keep you posted on wether he gets it :) xxx
CommentAuthorEmsy5000
glad to hear things are better honey
Dyslexic
its spelt wrong
I No! I Now! I Know!!!!!
I am NOW MRS LONSDALE!!
CommentAuthorButton-Bell
thanks hes up and cooking now he cooks when hes in a mood im just going to sit here n leave him to it :P once hes made somethin usually he feels better xx
CommentAuthorMrsMac2B
Good luck to him with his interview :) fingers crossed! xxx
CommentAuthorekielty(now Trow)
wish him luck from all of us! xxx
Very very happy as Mrs Erica Trow
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world! xx
CommentAuthorButton-Bell
i will thanks girls :) xx
CommentAuthorMaggielou
Wish mine cooked when he's in a mood!!
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Its really hard when you don't have a job. I had to give up mine due to a car accident and even though I'm doing uni to retrain now its not the same. You don't realise just how much a job gives you self esteem, pride and self worth. Its not just not being able to afford things that gets you down but the fact that you can't provide for the ones you love. I still after two years find it hard to come to the terms with not working and the h2b having to pay for all the 'treats'. He is frustrated at himself not you. He just doesn't have anyone else to take it out on. Don't take it personally.
I know it sounds silly but try and make him feel like he is providing in other ways so when he makes himself useful around the house tell him that you appreciate what he has done. Its silly little things like that which can make all the difference as you feel needed.
It will also help him if he stays in a routine and doesn't lay in when he would be getting up for work. Make looking for a job a job as they are still about for those that go and chase them down. I wish him all the luck in the world and hope he gets the job. Tescos has lots of career opportunities as you can work up to management which is pretty good money. They also have logistics etc too so it isn't all about shelf stacking as people make it out to be. Attitude is everything so even if he doesn't have the relevant experience for the job he can sell himself just by being a positive person who is eager to learn.
x x
CommentAuthorButton-Bell
yeah hes got his own routien i dont think he likes talking about it much he is suppying hes the cook of the house so hes always cooking and going shoppin and being a house husband mostly
the job he is going for is an admin/it job so its really well paid 4 a beginner job :) xx
CommentAuthorRachie :D
Thats fab hun :) I think I can safely say we're all keeping our fingers crossed for you both xxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorButton-Bell
thank you hunni :) x
CommentAuthorButton-Bell
just to let you guys know he didn't get the job :( xx
CommentAuthorLiz3yy
Sorry to hear that :( x
Can't wait until the day I become Mrs. Johnson :)
CommentAuthorbabybunnie
So sorry to hear that hun :( It obviously wasnt meant for him, he will find something bigger and better.
CommentAuthorButton-Bell
i keep telling him that but hes took this really hard so i think were puttin a hold on the wedding planning 4 now :/ xxx
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
babe i wudnt b buyin anythign weddin wiv the lack of money u got 33 months yet lol no need to put extra pressure on him
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorMumble83
I agree with becky, you have plenty of time yet.I know the feeling though, h2b has not held down a job for more than 6 months in the whole time we have been together (nearly 5 years) for things that are not his fault, such as it was a temp job or having to lay people off and last ones in are first out. It really gets him down when he is out of work as he feels less of a man and feels that he is not providing for the family when he is invaluable in other ways. You can cheer him up and surprise him with cheap little treats without leaving you short such as bacon sandwiches or bacon and eggs in bed with the paper, or cook a nice meal for him at home and eat it at the table with candles, or even rent a dvd and sit down to watch it together. It will cheer him up to be shown that you feel he is just as special as he always has been, whether he has a job or not. I agree with everyone else about just telling us your wedding ideas and not telling him for a while. He may even bring up the subject if you don't mention it for a while. Good luck to you both. xxxxx
CommentAuthorNHR115
Sorry to hear you're going through this :( I too know how you fell. My other hafl has been made redundant no less than 7 times and thought moving up here would keep him in a more permanent job only to be paid off after 3 months :( That was in 2008 and he still hasn't got full time work. He went back to college and got a part time job but he hates his college course and knows he can't quit until he finds a job. Easier said than done though :( Keep your chin up though hun and you will get through this. xxx
CommentAuthorbride22feb2012
thats a very tough situation to be in... i think men don't fully understand how important weddings are to women... it's the day your life changes, and it's what we've dreamed of since we were tiny little baby girls... or at least i know i have!
so obviously you want to have all the things that will make it special. if you have to cut costs, think of a wedding you went to, and make a note of what stuck in your mind about the day, and anything you can't remember - such as their flowers or what the cake looked like, or maybe even what the favours were.
cut some costs out by removing the things that the guests never seem to remember - then you will save loads and still have a perfect day.
at the end of your wedding day, you will have a hubby and he will have his wife, so no matter what happens, everything will still work out for the best
xx
22.02.2012 at Gosfield Hall
The Best Day Of My Life... Guests One And All!
