So H2B and I today spend almost 5 hours building our gift list at a big department store (HofF). We have put a rather large selection of items on it (bearing in mind a lot of essentials we already have as we both had our own homes so have two of many things already like kettles/toasters etc.). Therefore there are a lot of things we are upgrading or just getting smaller items that neither of us had (cheaper items in the £5-£20 price bracket). There are a handful of big ticket items over £100 (one item is £395 and another is £230 - I totally don't expect anyone to buy these but they make up much of the recommended value of the list and would be very nice to have).
Our total list comes to a value of approx. £1500. The store said that for the size of wedding we are having, number of guests, that we should have double that value on the list.
We are still to choose the dinner service and crockery set which I know will come up to a good £600-£700 in total and a crystal glassware wine and champagne glasses set will be in the region of the same so we could easily make up the extra £1500 we need to do to make up the recommended value.
Problem is ......................I feel really rude, cheeky and greedy putting all this on the list. I feel like putting all that on makes us look like we expect this much to be spent on us.
We will have 100 guests (most are couples).
Does anyone else feel a bit rude, cheeky and greedy?
xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorSianyCaitlin
We haven't got a gift list, for this reason (plus, like yourself, we have everything we need!). I would feel really rude expecting people to buy us things, so instead we've come up with a money poem for our honeymoon but it will be clear that they don't need to contribute if they do not wish to! xx
Got together 06/07/2009
Got engaged 16/07/2012
I marry my best friend 08/06/2014
Can't wait to be Mrs Sharp x
CommentAuthorInDreamland
There are things H2B and I need to upgrade (some of our things are almost ready for the bin) and there are things we need. It's the extravagant things I'm feeling guilty about. I know so many people do it (family friends who already have their own homes and everything you'd need in one), all wedding lists I've seen at the big dept stores have the same things on them with the same sort of value of items .....................I have never batted an eyelid at them ............. but suddenly with my own list it feels suddenly greedy.
H2B was dead against asking for contributions to the honeymoon as he doesn't like asking for money.
It's so strange doing this. I almost feel like a spoilt child being allowed to have anything they wanted in the toy shop.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorSianyCaitlin
Well, like you said, the more expensive items, you're not expecting anyone to pay for & I'm sure people who know you, will know this. I hate asking for money too, so will also feel rude, although we have a lovely poem. I don't think we can win either way lol xx
Got together 06/07/2009
Got engaged 16/07/2012
I marry my best friend 08/06/2014
Can't wait to be Mrs Sharp x
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Yeah. Thing is people always ask for the gift list, before the invites had even been sent out - some people are so impatient lol, one gust even moaned it wasn't open until the end of March as she really wanted to look and purchase something.
Thing is, H2B and I know there are a few very wealthy guests (think 6 fig salaries and a few mill in the bank) and from experience of knowing how much family and certain family friends spend on wedding gifts (I know who spent what on my sister and BIL's wedding gifts), we kinda need to ensure there are a good amount of gifts on the list otherwise they may buy up the majority and leave very little for other guests and I know as a guest I hate seeing a list and all that's left for me to purchase are a handful of cheaper items rather than being able to buy one large higher value item.
Hmmmmmmmmm. Still feel funny putting extravagant dinner sets and wine/champer glasses on there though. I mean, £22 a plate! One plate! Reminds me of that episode of Friends when Monica didn't want to use her best wedding gift China set!
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
I wouldn't worry, the people who can afford to spend 22 pound on a plate will and others will buy the cheaper items. Some people may club into buy things together. I think you are thinking to deeply. People won't think you are cheeky. X x
CommentAuthorGillianE
I know where your coming from, i would feel exactly the same way. However people will only buy what they can afford and i'm sure people who know you both will not be offended by what is on your list.
I think were just going to give a little poem explaining that we have everything and if they want they can put some money towards a honeymoon. But we will also make sure that they to not feel obliged to do this.
xx
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I think we will only have a small list as my fiancé has a lot of the essentials himself. I don't feel any need to have a list set at a minimum value.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
Don't feel like that, every gift list ive seen has several 'big ticket' items.
In fact, me and my friends have clubbed together to get one several times in the past, so still only spent twenty pound-ish each.
You could make it known by casually dropping into conversation that you had to include them to get the gift value up to the retailers recommended, not because you actually expect people to buy them.
Just make sure you have plenty of lower range stuff there too.
Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorAmyK
Perhaps include details on your list of how people can buy you gift cards too? That way you could put it to what you wanted with other gift cards from other people.
CommentAuthorLittle Kettle
We were the same, so much so that we got to the point that we put all of our dinner set on as individual items rather than as 1 big set. We felt really wrong putting higher value items on there, but as it turns out, we should have put more on there as two of hubby's friends gave us over a grand each in cash anyway! Never in our lives did we expect that.
I think as long as they know they can also get you vouchers for that store, then that's good.
Vegas baby!
Moderator
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
of course the dept store are going to tell you to add things .. they want the sales !!!
Ours didn't tell us we should have up the value of XXX on ours, btw.
Vegas baby!
Moderator
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
ours just said that if the whole wedding list was purchased they would give us a £50 voucher..... so we played smart the day after the uk wedding we realised that we had gift cards for said store (debs) ...so we went back to the gift list decided of what was left did we want and what we could live without ...deleted the latter .then went to the store and bought what was left using the gift cards ...
i don't think it makes you look greedy, I've been to wedding with really small lists and it just makes it really difficult to choose something. My sister had a tiny gift list cos she didn't want to seem greedy and ended up with more than the value of her lists in vouchers! x
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks ladies. Yes, the option to purchase gift vouchers will be at the top of the list which is good.
I feel better now for it. My dad said this morning if we fancy it just stick it on and if people buy it then great, if they don't we can just purchase it ourselves later on.
xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorjoey86
My friend's wedding list included a TV worth a grand. And I honestly think she was in the same situation and her and h2b put everything plus the kitchen sink on there. I was reading about gift lists the other day on a wedding blog and they had an industry specialist on there who said that your gift list should offer choice for everyone. Some people want to spend lots and others can only afford something small, therefore everyone should be catered for. And like your dad said, if people buy it then great!
CommentAuthorsarah
As a guest I think it's nice to have a wide variety of options. I've never thought I was expected to purchase the bigger ticket items.
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Glad people are reassuring me :D
Thanks ladies xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorbarbie86
I really don't want a gift list at all; like you, I feel greedy/grabbing. In our case, we are moving in together for the first time after the wedding, so, yes, we do need things like cutlery, crockery etc which a lot of couples don't. However, we are also having a very expensive wedding, and my parents (who are paying) would happily have spent less and given us money to help us set up home, so I guess I feel like the fact it's our first home together isn't really an 'excuse'.
However, our guests will want to buy us something, and will ask what we want if we don't do a list; so we will do one. I think we'll go for fairly cheap items though; I don't think we'll put anything on that costs more than £100 (which is what most people we know spend as a couple). I hate doing it, so totally get where you're coming from, but I think all not doing one will mean is that either people will call and ask what you want, or they'll give you gift vouchers/cash.
CommentAuthorJanie
we are doing the honeymoon donation idea too. We put a poem in with invitations but also made it clear we would rather have guests there with no presents at all than them feel they cant afford anything so cant come.
Remember : To the world you may be just one person,
BUT to one person you may just be THE WORLD x x x
CommentAuthorKatya
I am making a lockable post box, no one will be able to see inside it, it will have a large enough gap i the top for cards/letters etc. We too have all we need, and so we are going to find a poem that states that we have everything but if our guests wish to contribute to our cheapish honeymoon we would be very grateful.
The honeymoon is a surprise for H2B and will be hiring a campervan for the "Run To The Sun" Festival. The Campervan will cost £585 for the week with a hamper, unlimited milage, storage for our car, towels etc, awning. we just need to provide fuel costs of top of that and the tickets for RTTS. So im estimating £1000 for camper, fuel, food, tickets, and spending!
So even if everyone just gives us £15 that will be almost half of our honeymoon!
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorTori
More and more people ignore the list and give cash and vouchers so your £1500 should be fine x
CommentAuthorJillianL47
We really struggled with our gift list. I couldn't reason putting things on the lost that were more expensive than we would be willing to pay. We don't have enough on our list either. We can add to our list as it goes live, so if it gets low we'll have another look at adding things.
