I really need some advice here ladies. My mum started dating this guy nearly a year ago and recently some of us have noticed some weird things. My mum is not rich but she has 2 shops and her own car and house but she doesn't live there because she's trying to sell it (part of divorce). She has allways been very independant. This new guy has been bossing around my mum employees and checking comings and goings of money, my mum can't even spend her own money because there's instantly an argument, he uses her car and makes her take the bus (his car in the meantime is in the garage), my mum is the one paying his debts, for the first time in her working life she has to count the pennies to buy herself a coffee. The problem is that you can't really say anything to her. Sometimes she listens but then she comfronts him and he manages to change her mind or she ignores what your saying. I've thought of making her choose between me and him (really drastic and don't really want to), I've even thought of getting him really angry so that he lets his plan slip whilst im recording the conversation. I'm stuck, evryone that knows him says hes with my mum just for her money and then he'll leave her!!! HELP!!!! What do I do? x
CommentAuthorSuz80
Sorry about the HUUGGGEEE post! xx
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Its a bit of a tricky situation hun! If ur mum wont listen sometimes u do have to just respect that and let her work things out for herself! Is she fully aware of how much he is checking the incomings and outgoings of her money? xx
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
OHHHHH please dont tell her she has to choose .........go to her with your concerns ,tell her you are worried about her...it does sound like he is a bit of a money grabber..... but she is a grown up and as we all well know if we are backed into a corner we do want we want ........not what is best
If it was me i would be doing everything in my power to get this creep away from her. I wouldnt care if it resulted in my mother hating me. I cant stand back and watch someone take my mum for a ride. I'm not even going to attempt to give advise because this is just such an individual thing. IF it was ME. I would get together every little bit of evidence and take her to my flat for the weekend, lay it all out in front of her and ask her what she wanted to do. If after all that she decided to stay with him then that is her choice, if she wants him gone i'd be straight over there packing his things for him and telling him to get out of my mums life.
I agree lalabunni and i really don't want to do that. I'm just looking for a way to shake her senses. b2bnicola I'm not sure how much my mum knows about the things that he does.
CommentAuthorSuz80
angeleyes i see we both feel the same way about our mum's. I'm just not sure because she has been through so much to get to where she is now and this see the guy use her like this is driving me mad!!!
CommentAuthorRelfy
Personally i would speak to her, in a light hearted way and just point out that you are a little concerned about things and that you are just worried about her. to force her to choose will only annoy her and she might choose him as love is blind. The only thing you can let her do is let her make her own mistakes and be there to get her though it if the worste should happen.
My MIL was in the same situation and after 10 years of marriage he divorced her and took every penny she has in the settlement. Even the house she owns on her own. She has to sell it and give him half. Its so wrong!! she choose him at the time and now regrets it every waking day! x x
CommentAuthorSuz80
That's exactly what I don't want to happen to her Relf2B. I really couldn't bear to have that happen to my mum.
CommentAuthorLisa77
Men like this need to be put in their place... it goes back to the old saying "love is blind". I'd get the evidence together as angeleyes suggested and show her it.
I hope you manage to help her through this hun, i'd go balistic if this was my mum x x
CommentAuthorSuz80
He has a daughter whose at school and my mum has become her chaufer and as soon as my mum picks her up from school he comes to drop them off at home then he takes the car and leaves her stranded at home. And thats on a good day! Hell I used to have to walk to school but he orders and she does, is really is driving me nuts!
CommentAuthorangeleyes
hope you find a way to help Suz, i probably would have decked this guy before now. You are a much more patient person than me. I dont mind if people take me for a ride, but my mum..they wont make it out alive. I am currently trying to get my mum to see the light about this grinch that only seems to take her out for a booty call. Slowly getting through. It would break my heart to see some guy take everything she owns, in my eyes its worse because there its not just the relationship, but its her work and car and everything i would have to take drastic measures. But this is something that is so personal to you and your mum, you know what she responds to, you would have to use that to decide which way is best.
CommentAuthorRelfy
Its horrible. The worst thing of all is that we all tried to tell her and she just wouldnt listen. Tom being the eldest ended up fighting with him all the time and his mum never appericated it and saw it as the kids did want her to have a life and he loved it... loved turning her against the kids.
I really think you should tell her your concerns, how about telling her in front of him and seeing how he reacts to it. If he is a decent fella he will understand that you are only looking out for your mum.
We have coppers in the family and we know how to make things 'look like an accident' ;) x
CommentAuthorMrs Rebecca Hossfeld
Yeah unfortunantly your mum has her own life..I know what it's like to go through similar, I've told my mum time & time again about her choice in men, but you can't ever tell her to choose between you & him.
See the thing is..once you're married she will probably feel a bit lonely, she will seek out company regardless be it her friends or BF, whichever, you can't take that away from her.
They do say love is blind..my previous relationship was emotionally abusive where I could not talk to any of my friends on the phone or online for fear of him accusing me of cheating..it took me a LONG time to realise I could do so much better & when I met Adam I knew I had made the right decision.
Be confident that your mum will eventually work things out herself, it's dead annoying being told what to do how to spend money etc, so she will get fed up & blow her top about it eventually if it keeps being an issue.
Don't worry hun, hugs x
CommentAuthorSuz80
LOL Relf, that "look like an accident" comment really made me smile. I going to wait until thy come back (yes they have gone on holiday, the three of them, and yes, at my mums expense) and then I'm going to really talk to her. Thank you so much for all your help ladies, it has actually calmed me down somewhat. xx
CommentAuthorCarolanneJune
oh your poor mum he sounds horrid, dont ask your mum to choose and would you listen if it was the other way round, she will see him for what he really is in time just hang in therfor your mum xxxx
CommentAuthorSuz80
I hope so Carolanne. I really do! :(
CommentAuthorCeCe
your Mum is a grown up ... one whom makes her choices. I believe only SHE is the one whom can get herself out of that shi tty situation.
Remember the adage 'the messenger ALWAYS gets shot'...I hope he fecks off ASAP!
