went to see the MILTB last night and as we were watching superscrimpers the cost of weddings came up. i said our budget was around 11k with 2k for honeymoon budgeted which i think is quite reasonable.
We always knew that the flights for our honeymoon were gonig to be our wedding present as MIL2B works as an air hostess so gets cheaper flights but last night she asked why we had 2k budgeted when they were paying for the honeymoon! This is complete news to me as i thought it was just the flights and although i didnt want anything from them i was happy for them to give us the flights, i now feel a bit uncomfortable about them paying for the accomodation as well.
The reason for this is that we are paying for the wedding ourselves as my parents dont have alot of money i havent asked them to pay for anything and dont expect them to, there fore i said the same to the in laws and now it appears that they have found a way around it.
I dont want to turn it down but at the same time i dont want my parents to feel uncomfortable about them giving us something worth that much when they cant really help out.
Is this silly?
CommentAuthorPB
We were the same-we wanted to pay for everything for ourselves which we have except for my dress which my Mum insisted on paying for.However both my parents and h2bs dad and step mother have given us substantial cash gifts as 'wedding presents'.I think this is their way of getting around the 'we are paying' rule.At the end of the day it would be rude to refuse to accept it when they obviouslly want to give it to us so much so we have gratefully accepted and said we will use it for our honeymoon (when we get round to planning/having one) H2b Mother however has given us nothing and will probably give us nothing which is fine.We will not be telling any of them what the other has/hasn't given so there will be no embaressment. If i were you i would thank your inlaws graciouslly but privately and acceppt their generous gift but don't tell anyone,especially your parents.It shouldn't bother your inlaws unless of course they are doing it to be showy . xxx
CommentAuthorAmyP7
We are also paying for our wedding ourselves but my h2bs parents have given us some money as a wedding present while my parents have given us nothing. We have thanked h2bs parents and just won't be shoving it in the face of my parents. I would accept x x
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
i would accept hun my inlaws are paying for our honeymoon as a wedding present they gave us a budget and we picked where we wanted to go
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorOWB
What a lovely present. I'm very similar, my mum doesn't have the money that my h2b's parents do. She's offered a contribution to the weddings, but they've given more. They still keep offering money, but I don't really want to accept any more. We all reached a compromise, my in-laws are paying for the photographer and my mum offered to pay for travel (although that's now not needed but at least we know the amount she's giving us). This way, each set of parents don't know what the other has given.
It's always tricky with money, but them paying for the honeymoon is lovely and I would definitely take them up on it - I'm sure they wouldn't have offered if they couldn't afford it.
accept, it will save you some money and if they want to help thats great! my partners nan has paid for our honeymoon for our wedding present, she set a budget and we chose were we wanted to go. she doesnt want anyone else to no that she has paid as she doesnt want everyone else going after her for money so we have kept it a secret becasue she asked us to and my inlaws to be think that we have paid for it ourselves. x
CommentAuthorStinky87
Thanks guys. I stil feel a bit blown away really and they still keep asking to pay for things, they offered to pay for the flowers but i graciously declined at the moment saying that i am just trying to work out how much everything is going to cost. i think i will sit down with my folks and see if they wnat to / can afford anything even if its the cake or car might be something small but then they will feel like they have done something.
CommentAuthorHobbitBeth
I would look at it this way, you never actually ASKED them to pay for the honeymoon, so it was their choice off their own back, so take it hun. No need to feel guilty and no need for your parents too either. You said you didnt want them to pay for anything and they have gone against that on their own terms, if they want to pay then let them :)
x
CommentAuthorMrs Ross
We too are paying for our wedding ourselves h2b parents have said they will pay for the honeymoon but my mum and dad hasnt said anything yet which is fine cause we will be paying the whole wedding ourselves and anybody that doesnt like it doesnt have to come!!
Its difficult, but I would still accept and keep quiet to your parents. At the end of the day if thats what they want to help pay for then thats up to them, but your parents shouldnt feel guilty about it. Even if your parents pay for the cars or the flowers, its still something important to the day that you need/want and will make use of.
My nans have both offered to pay for the cake, so Ive said go halves with each other. Mum said she will put money towards something but we have yet to discuss what. My dad said he would pay for the photographer (however this was when he was a bit tipsy so I dont know if this stands!) but his family havent offered any help. Id be very grateful if they did but at the moment we havent been offered anything. In the end we will pay for most of this ourselves.
Married my best friend 05.04.2013
CommentAuthormadison_uk
id take it, yes your parents can't afford to give you money but if mil are able go for it your parents can help in other ways by showing support on your day.
CommentAuthormadhen
I agree with what everyone else has said really - it is tricky, but on the other hand it's a lovely gesture and it probably means a lot to them that they can treat you to something like this, so I would accept. We have the situation where my parents are keen to help out and have offered to pay for several things, but H2b's parents are divorced, neither one is well off, and they haven't offered anything towards it. So we just don't say anything about who's paying for what so that nobody's under pressure.
CommentAuthorbarbie86
I think it's a lovely offer, and would accept.
I don't think you should feel bad about your parents not being able to contribute; my parents are paying the bulk of the wedding, because they have more money than my OHs parents; that's just life.
I would maybe be careful about asking your parents to contribute, as if they wanted to and could afford to, chances are they would have offered by now. Maybe instead you could go round with your H2B to get their opinion on a few things, and then they might offer off their own bat. If they do, I'd keep in mind that they don't have a lot of money, and maybe go for something cheaper than you might have done if you were paying.
Also remember that money is just one part of planning a wedding; while they might not be able to contribute financially, I'm sure they'd love to help in other ways eg by giving opinions on things, or by helping make any DIY bits, being there if you need to rant, etc.
CommentAuthormillz090
Think of it as your wedding present.... its something they want to buy for you so rude to decline i think as your refusing a present from someone.. Your family don't need to know unless it comes up and if so then describe it as a present. xx
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthorStinky87
Its a hard one really. my H2B just gets annoyed with me and says just accept it but i dont know im not used to someone having money to put out but guess it will save me 2k that i was having to save and im asking for money from guests as we have been living together for a long time so this can go for a deposit on a house or spending money on the time away.
thanks for your advice and maknig me realise that they are trying to be nice and that im just being a t**t lol!
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
They obviously want to pay for it for you both as their contribution - just accept it gracefully!
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary <3
CommentAuthorKarenB9
I agree with all the other ladies on here that you should accept this kind giftx
CommentAuthorSam
accept! :)
CommentAuthorB2B2017
I would definately accept, its a lovely gesture xx
Planning to perfection <3
CommentAuthorRennie1989
We weren't going to have a honeymoon until much later (like summer of 2014 later!) because we could barely afford this wedding, let alone a holiday afterwards. My dad is now paying for our honeymoon and INSISTS we take it. Just take it, think of where that £2k you've saved will go towards :) I think you're parents will be happy for you, if you insist that what ever help they give (not necessarily financial) is appreciated.
CommentAuthorStinky87
Right ok ladies,
so i decided to accept the gift but now i am having a dilema on where to go. They havent given us a budget and have just said if it is too much they will let us know. I was thinknig of picking 2-3 ideas in differnt price brackets and seeing what they think.
what do you reckon on average costs for honeymoon. dont worry about flights these are covered as H2B's mum is a air hostess so bascially only the accomodation costs. we are having an october honeymoon and want about 10 days what do you think is accpetable price range?
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
Our honeymoon in Oct to Gran Canaria was £4k. 2k for villa, 1k spends, and 1k for flights and a car.
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary <3
CommentAuthorStinky87
thank you for this i was thinking 2k was acceptable for accomodation but i have seen some lovely places, im in love with south america for a honeymoon but it can be pricey.
CommentAuthorbarbie86
It's really hard to say what an acceptable price range is, because people differ so much. We typically spend about £3-4k for our 'regular' summer holidays: that includes 2 weeks all inc accommodation at a 5* hotel in the Caribbean, flights, transfers, and spending money. We want our honeymoon to be extra special so will probably spend more in the region of £5-6k. To us that isn't a huge amount because of what we typically spend; to others that would probably seem almost obscene.
For accommodation-only costs can vary massively depending on where you go and what type of accommodation you book (eg luxury 5* hotel, simple self-catered apartment, private villa). As a rough guide, you could probably get a 4* hotel in Europe for around £30-40 pp per night B&B or self-catered, a luxury all inc somewhere like Mexico might set you back in the region of £80-100 pp per night (but would include literally all food and drink), and a luxury villa might cost around £1-2k depending on size, location, and standard.
CommentAuthorVictoriaE35
Accept anything that the MIL offers, you don't want to make her feel pushed out but not accepting in the same way that you don't wan't to upset your parents.
Your parents will want you to have the day that you deserve an I am sure that even though they may not beable to help too much they will be fine with the in laws helping.
Don't be too proud on behalf of your parents, they won't care who paid so long as you and your h2b are happy.
My h2b feels a bit like you as my parents are older and have more money than his mum ( she has been on her own for 24 years bringing h2b up on her own) my parents have given us alot of cash compared to his mother ( his dad has given nothing) however, my mother said so long as we know what is in the pot then it does not matter who put what in. We don't discuss who put what in and who has paid for what we are just very grateful to all who are willing to share our day.
Hope it allworks out for you x x
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
I think you need to ask again how much they are willing to give you. You say that she says as long as its not too much, but when you have no idea how much too much actually is you really need to ask her again.
I wouldn't go back to her armed with a pricelist myself, I would just say that its up to her how much she would like to give and you will book your honeymoon after that. The reason being I would be afraid to approach someone with a brochure for a holiday that costs £4,000 and her say something like "I'm not made of money". This could potentially happen even if you have other prices for cheaper holidays with you. This approach has the potential to make it look like you would prefer that price range and make you seem a little greedy. I'm not saying it will happen as it might not but definitely the best thing to do is ask her again and possibly explain your reasons for asking again.
I wouldn't worry about your parents not giving, if they aren't in a good financial position there's really nothing wrong with that.
