I am having one MoH, two Junior BMs and one flower girl. I really liked some satin BMs dresses in burgundy with a light pink waist belt. I was going to do the two Junior BMs in the opposite colours. Now my MoH has dismissed satin straight away and wants Chiffon. She showed me some she liked, but I am not too keen on them, especially because the BMs will need to wear chiffon, too. But I think I can compromise on it, as long as I get the two colours in the dress. Now she wants it to be quite fitted, almost like a fish-tale, which I haven't been able to find in chiffon and she also wants the waste line to be on an angel and it needs to have a zip and cannot have any frilly things, but can't be too plain. She seems quite picky about the dress, which I didn't expect. I said I would pay for it, but I think because she knows I will want to choose the dress, if I pay for it, she said she wants to pay for it now. I don't want to go all bridezilla on her and tell her to just wear the dress I pick, because I want her to be happy, too and quite frankly, I am not an argumentative person. I tend to just let things go. But I don't want to look back on my pictures and think how much nicer they would have been, had my BMs worn the dresses I chose. Does anyone know something I could say, that does not end up in an argument? I don't want to go down the "you're either wearing what I want or you're not a BM"-route.
CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
Have you been bridesmaid dress shopping in the stores yet? If not I would go, what she likes online may well look hideous on!! she could try dresses on that you love & end up loving them herself. But with it being your wedding I think you should get the final say in what she wears.
CommentAuthorMarrying.Ryan
We did go to a shop yesterday and she showed me what she wanted. When I showed her what I likes, she just dismissed it and said "I don't like that". I don't know how to say to her in a nice way, that it is my wedding and I should have the say.
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
You may not be able to say it nicely unfortunately. I wonder if you can approach the topic from another direction, like start talking about different aspects of the wedding and lead on to bridesmaids, but get her in a mood where she's agreeing with you on everything, then she might be more inclined to listen to you on her dress. You could just put your foot down and buy the dress you want, but obviously then the danger is that she simply refuses to wear it and you're out of pocket. I can't imagine that you would find a really fitted dress in chiffon, as it is a very flowy material. Maybe you could say either she gets the shape she wants or the material she wants, but you can't find anything that fits both. Or you could consider whether you know anyone who can make a dress, as then you could sit down together and create a design that you can compromise on.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
She sounds a bit too much to me to be honest, yes you want your bridesmaids to be happy and comfortable in what they're wearing but her insisting on having fishtail and fitted ect. seems out of order, its your day not hers and everyone's going to be looking at you anyway :p
Do you think she doesn't like the idea of matching the junior bridesmaids? as it sounds like she's deliberately choosing things you wouldn't want younger girls in :/
I'd just tell her straight, ur paying, it picking! Simple as x
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorMarrying.Ryan
I wish I could just say that. I think I am going to show her 5 dresses and she can choose which one she wants out of them. I'll say something like "I've picked these dresses for you. Let me know which one you prefer, before I choose one." What do you think? I don't want to cause a drift. We've never argued about anything...
CommentAuthorclairenina
It's your day, and you're not going to dress people like idiots, bridesmaids should feel honoured to have been asked (and getting a free dress!). I think it's up to the bride ultimately (with a small amount of negotiation).
CommentAuthorCatherineR
Blimey, she doesn't want much does she!! Remind her everytime she has a problem with something that it's your wedding!! x
Married my wife on 15.08.15
Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)
CommentAuthorprincesspixie
i think giving her an option from the ones you choose is a good idea although i think she needs to stop being so bossy its your day not hers the last time i was a BM i hated the dress it didn't fit properly had a train on it which annoyed me all day and i even had to dye my hair so it didn't clash with the awful colour which washed me out, BUT i wore it put a huge smile on my face and enjoyed watching my best friend getting married so much that the dress didn't bother me that much on the day anyway when she gets married she can be as bossy as she wants but its your wedding don't let her dictate it xx
Officially married my best friend 2/5/2015 (secretly)
Big wedding 18/06/2016
CommentAuthorMarrying.Ryan
I know... Easier said than done. x
CommentAuthorTrasaD
edited
I've set up a group conversation on my Facebook with my BMs and told them the style I want and found pictures of the ones I like for them to discuss and choose between themselves to agree and meeting up to discuss the wedding in more detail in person every now and again. That way everyone can see/hear the issues and ideas to know where we can compromise. I hope it helps and you can sort something soon hun xoxox
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I think giving her a selection is a really good idea. Beyond that you're just going to have to be firm. If she wants a chiffon fishtale dress there's nothing to stop her finding one she likes to buy, but not to wear for the wedding.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorNelinde
I'm having the same problem so you have my complete sympathy! I've got three plus size women who all seem to know better than me but also can't all agree on the same thing! Grrrr! I snapped and said if you can't sort it out you'll be going down the Isle in a black bin liner splashed with blue paint!! That soon shut them up lol! Unfortunately when it comes to BM's sometimes they need a reminder of who's day it is and that they've been given an honour to be part of your special day! Shut up and put up is my advice for BM's!
Getting ready to marry my soul mate! :-D
CommentAuthorAllishiaW
I too would pick out some and say 'here's your choices' :) you sound too nice for your own good,because I wouldn't put up with it!! it's yours and oh's day and the day should be about you two!! Not her being a diva saying she wants this material,in that style,with that on etc!! I can understand she wants to be comfortable etc but I'm sure like me before now,you wear an outfit that thought looked ok on at home,went out and felt uncomfortable in it and what's done about it-nothing!! You just grin and bear it!! So let her do the same!! X
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Just be firm. By all means give her some say if you WANT to (eg with ours we basically said we wanted them to be the same length, fabric, colour and designer, but we didn't mind if the styles didn't match; so they decided between them on floor-length, emerald green, chiffon strapless dresses, and one of them has a slightly different style bodice to the other 2; you could do something similar if you want to, but only if you WANT to), but make sure you have very strict guidelines eg "it has to be x length, x colour and x fabric, and be available in the other colour I want, but you can choose the specific dress".
That all said she sounds like she could be difficult, in which case you might need to just say 'Well this is the dress you'll be wearing :-)" and leave it at that. If she complains, explain that that is what you have chosen and there are no other choices.
I seriously don't get what is wrong with some people; I would never DREAM of criticising the dress if I was asked to be bridesmaid AND the bride was paying. Even if I hated it I'd still grin and bear it!
CommentAuthorLauraK7
I think giving her an option sounds like a great idea It seems that she may think its her day be strong :-)
CommentAuthorMarrying.Ryan
Thanks for your advise, everyone! I will probably sit down with her this weekend and discus the dress again. Going dressshopping with her just ended in her walking off and looking at dresses, that she liked... I need to toughen up, I think. xxx
CommentAuthorVelcro
It's not up to her what dress she gets! Input is one thing, but demanding it exactly how she wants!! I don't like satin either, but I've been told that's what I need to have for my BM's. And I've just said no. I don't like it. And that's it. End of discussion. If I were someone else's BM's though and that's what the bride wanted, I wouldn't dare say no and reel off what I want!
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorLauraK7
My junior bridesmaids doesn't like wearing dresses and I'm dressing her in hot pink too which is her worst nightmare but we have compromised and I've said she can change for the evening reception but she is only 10 we just need to choose a dress style as I think my adult dresses are too adult for her but the others may be too babyish for her she's at an awkward age
CommentAuthorMrsManiatt
I asked my sisters what kind of thing they wanted then gave them a couple of options of dresses I had found and told them they could pick out of them. They were fine with that as they had some choice then, and they were all ones I liked xxx
CommentAuthorMarrying.Ryan
Thank you all for your advise! I had a heart to heart with myself yesterday. I always said I wasn't bothered about what the bridesmaid wear, as long as it matches and they look nice. So I was trying to think what made me change my mind. I think I dont want to be outshone by her on my day. She has really good dress sense and I know what she will choose will be better, than what I choose. I dress very mumsy and she always dresses really nice and upto date. Quite selfish, really, isn't it? I dont know now...
CommentAuthorkatielea100
I'm letting my bridesmaids pick my sisters 13 and my 2 adults ones really tall and the others a bit shorter than average so want them to feel comfortable in what they're wearing my sister wants a full length because she only has little stick legs bless her lol xx
CommentAuthorCh4lky
Woah woah woah that is not selfish! Too bloody right you wanna out shine everyone! It's your day and you should be the one everyone is looking at! Tell her if she carries on you'll put her in a tartan poofy dress made out of nylon and make her bouquet out of taxidermied squirrels lol that should shut her up x
Leanne & Shane met and fell in love within seconds
Never judge a book by its cover,
It could be the biggest mistake of your life!
Can't wait to be Mrs Kirby!! 14/07/14
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
When my Mum was a girl she went to a wedding in Germany. They apparently don't really do bridesmaids there, and if you need someone to carry the train you just get someone to do it on the day. That's what happened there anyway, the bride asked her on the day to carry the train down the aisle, but that was all she did and she did it in whatever she happened to be wearing.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorLauraK7
I think it really depends how you feel and that you won't regret it I'm having my adults match and my junior bridesmaids match Could she change for the evening if she wanted to I know not everyone likes this idea though?
I don think its selfish at all we all want to be the one outshining people it is our weddings
CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
All eye should be on you and your groom, don't ever think you are being selfish....i tole my BM's they can try on any style dress they like but i pick it...if they really love one that is outwith the budget i have set and they are all happy to pay the extra towards it and i like it also then they can have it. But until they are paying for my whole day all £12k of it then my decision is final. It is MY day and ROSS'S day and we will have what we wnat not what the BM's want or our parents want. If your BM's don't like it tell them they can decline the offer to be BM xx
CommentAuthorNelinde
MrsThomson2B could not have put it any more perfectly!! I've had it up to with my BM's bitching and moaning about this and that!! First the dress then the shoes aaaaggghhh! I then realised what MrsThomson2B so beautifully put that its mine and my OH's day and we're the one footing the bill so I got them all in a group book of face conversation and laid down the Bridezilla law! I sent them a link to a dress I loved and told them there is only two ways they wont be wearing this dress: 1) When it arrives its of poor quality and 2) Your not my BM's!! They knew I was not messing and 2 of them said they loved it and the third just said when she was available to meet up for measurements to be taken so I guess my point got made loud and clear lol! I hope you have better luck sorting your BM's out :)
with my BM's bitching and moaning about this and that!! First the dress then the shoes aaaaggghhh!
