day before the wedding i got a call from the venue to say we had an outstanding bill so i thought thats grand must not be much and asked,the entire wedding was not paid for.my and his arrangments were that i paid for everything else and he venue though i also gave him money to pay venue also.was told cheques bounced that he'd paid and he'd not handed in any cash.felt physically sick and was sick,spoke to him and he convinced me that the money was in a cash isa account and couldnt be released for ten days or something and any money id given him was in this account.gave him the benefit of the doubt and before we went to speak to hotel had a heart to heart and i truly believed i was being told the truth. met with manager who was threatening police meaning i would be arrested too as on contract even though he knew to look at me i didnt know what was going on.he convinced us money was going in so manager let the wedding go ahead,and it went ahead.ten days later i got a phone call form hotel manager to say the money was never paid and police were to be contacted to lift us.he was working so contacted him and still wouldnt tell me the truth and kept saying money would come out in the morning.so i took our two girls and walked out,and i only found out the next morning from hotel manager that he admitted to no money.I contacted him and he still tried to fob me off but them admitted he had a gambling problem and gambled everything including hiswages each week as i was keeping everything else going and never saw a penny.hotel manager agreed to let me pay back 100 a week and hes handing me the wages each week,but i feel so betrayed and lost and dont know what to do as now im coming down with debt and our poor girls dont have a clue what to do.any advice would be truly welcome as im at a loss what to do.
CommentAuthormrs clarke to be
bless you babe im sorry to here that i would consider a loan and then pay the loan back or as u are doing now with a payment every week so sorry and hope all gets sorted xx
CommentAuthorLauraCrossan
i lost my job so cant get a loan have to hope he will keep up with payments
CommentAuthorMrs Alsbetty
oh my god thats awful, i hope you are both ok though, can family help you out or do you not want to involve them close friends?
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CommentAuthorLauraCrossan
no one can help only a close few know as im so embarassed its over eight thousand no one will have that kind of money so a nightmare wouldnt expect anyone to pay it as isnt fair
Enjoying being a wifey!!
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CommentAuthormadison_uk
thats nice of the manager to do that for you, is there allot to pay back, id get his wages paid into your account and tell him to get some professional help i can only imagine how you feel. Id stick to making the payments to the manager and try to pay off more if your able from his wages seeing as hes been spending the lot on his addiction, is the arrangement with out interest and id also see if they will draw up a new contract just in case the manager leaves. Hope you get it sorted.
CommentAuthorLauraCrossan
thanks
CommentAuthorRockabilly chick
Oh what an awful thing to have to go through, I'm so sorry to hear that. Is he getting help for his gambling addiction? The best thing I ever did when I was in debt was to go to the citizens advice bureux. They helped me sort out arrangements and made me feel so much more positive. Maybe if you went there together and explained the situation, they could help?
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CommentAuthoremmaaa
It's not totally clear from your post, but I'm assuming this is your husband? I know gambling is a vicious addiction, but that is a truely terrible thing for him to do to you, your family and the venue. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, he has totally betrayed your trust and many people wouldn't forgive him for that, the fact that you are working through it with him despite how hurt you feel shows what a strong woman you are.
The venue having agreed a repayment plan is really positive, I'm assuming this means you no longer have to worry about the police and baliffs and stuff, although it's a horrible thing to discover and have to budget for, once it's gone it wont affect your lives anymore, do you know how long it will take to repay? Are there any other debts / household bills he is responsible for that he could also have got into trouble with? Given he carried on trying to fob you off even when being asked directly and knowing the venue were contacting the police, I'd need to be 110% sure there was nothing else before moving on.
Most important thing is, is your husband receiving help for his gambling problem? Limiting his access to funds is a good move, but unless he gets to the root of the problem and works through it, you'll have to keep an iron hand on household finances forever, and it'll always be something to worry about.
Good luck hun, I really hope you can learn to trust him again and work through this together.
CommentAuthorLauraCrossan
yeah madison over eight grand hes other debts im trying to pay off with all his wages also,no there no interest yeah a contract is drawn the manager has been lovely with me about it thank god
CommentAuthorLauraCrossan
im trying to work with him but i dont know if theres any hope for us and i think im only there for the girls
CommentAuthorLauraCrossan
we are going to citizens advice on friday
CommentAuthormadison_uk
thats an awfull situation to be in, if it had happened to me i wouldn't of married him and told everyone what hes done, now your kind of stuck your paying his debts off, kind off the same situation my ex husband left me in and im still paying his debts off i was stupid enough to get a loan to pay them off for him. just keep doing what your doing tell him to get a second job to help pay them off quicker, and get his wages paid to you untill he gets proper help with his gambling and give him pocket money
CommentAuthornatalie2614
Oh my god what a horrible thing, I cant imagine how you must be feeling. CAB are really good, they should be able to put you on the straight and narrow, he needs to get help for his addiction, and Im glad the hotel have been ok with you about it all (after holding back on the police!) x x
Married my best friend 05.04.2013
CommentAuthorOWB
Oh my, you must be hurting so much. I agree about going to the CAB, if there is a lot of debt they may be able to help you to work out a repayment plan with some of the companies. I hope you managed to sort it out x
If only life could be one long tea break
CommentAuthordangermouse
omg can only send you big higs hun and hope you get sorted
CommentAuthorweemindyxx
oh hun my heart was in my mouth reading that there, gambling is a terrible addiction, i realy do hope you sort it all out, sickness and in health and all that although that doesnt help the anger you feel at the moment. hope it all works out.xxxx
future Mrs Cole
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CommentAuthorLauraCrossan
thanks for all the support couldnt really talk to anyone else about it
CommentAuthorPB
That is awful,i cannot imagine what you must be feeling right now xxx
CommentAuthorKarenB9
I have nothing to say that hasn't been said already but sending you a big hug hope it helps lift you up a bit xx
CommentAuthorMrsShaw
i really am so sorry to hear this hun.. i have no more advice other than whats been given but just wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you.
your husband needs to get help for the gambling but i can't see that this is anywhere near a good start to married life... how could he look at you and say those vows to you knowing the truth?!
xx
CommentAuthorhigginszajac
Oh dear hope it all works out for you xx
CommentAuthorbex
really hope things work out for u lovely xx
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CommentAuthorLauraCrossan
i dont either mrs shaw im just trying to hold things together for the girls mostly
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Hi hun did u not know anything at all about his gambling? How awful for u x
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CommentAuthorLauraCrossan
I knew he did bets but only thought it was minor and to me didnt seem to be that often he was,how stupid i was
CommentAuthorsuzky123
omg thats terrible. It is a shame you didnt know about his issues before the wedding but now you just have to try and make the best of a tricky situation. Make it clear that he is to see a counsellor also about the gambling otherwise im afraid you will be fighting a losing battle. I hope he gets himself sorted x
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CommentAuthorphoebee
It just shows you never really know a person. sorry to hear this and hope it works out for you. x
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
Oh hun I am so sorry to hear this! Gambling is a horrendous addiction to have though! My mum was addicted to it and it nearly tore my family apart. They start and then feel they have to keep going because if they keep losing, in their head, with the next one they will win. Then when they do, they carry on because they believe they can win more and have started a streak, and then they lose that money too. It really is a viscious cirlce! And he probably kept it to himself because he was ashamed of what he had done, and probably genuinely believed that he would get a big win and be able to sort all of this out. I know this probably isn't much of a comfort to you, but when my mum was doing it, my dad had no idea! And they had been married for 15 years at the time! It ended up with them having to take out loans just to live as mum had gambled the rest of the money away. He needs to get help! There are many support groups and counsellors out there who would be able to help him. My dad went with my mum to the gamblers' meetings and was able to help her and spot the signs when she was about to relapse. She now hasn't gambled for 10 years and wont go anywhere near the places anymore! So dont give up on everything just yet. There are ways that this can get sorted, and maybe if you could go to a meeting or counselling session with him, you might be able to see why he did what he did. I'm not saying that makes what he did right, but you may be able to understand more why he thought the way he did, no matter how wrong it was. I really hope you can get this sorted out, it is a horrible situation to be in. Big hugs xxxxx
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CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
Aww hun. So sorry to hear this. Can't say anymore than what the other ladies have said, but I really hope you both can sort everything out 4 you and your girls.
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthorMrsKisywisy
jeezo i really feel for you hun
he really needs to seek help. he needs to go to the doctor and be referred for counselling. addiction is such a horrible thing. it won't even be the money he's doing it for anymore, it'll be the rush, the adrenaline he gets from placing a bet.
i really hope you get it sorted, but he needs actual help to deal with it.
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CommentAuthorLauraJo87
How awful you must be feeling right now...
But everyone else is right, he needs to get help to have any chance of your relationship working.
I'm also quite shocked that the hotel allowed you to get so close to the big day with all that outstanding...bad management on their part but it sounds like they have redeemed themselves with allowing you to pay off it a bit at a time.
Go to citizens advice and see if they can help you with any of your other debts...I would try and avoid any borrowing if at all possible if the hotel isn't charging you interest, however I know £100 a week is a lot of money out of anyone's budget, especially those with kids to support.
Am so sorry to hear this. Xx
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CommentAuthormillz090
Im sorry here and maybe i am harsh but why are you paying the £100 a week back to the hotel? Your new husband needs a serious reality check. He has gambled your wedding money away and you are now having to pay it all back. I would be having serious words with him and he needs to sort this mess out and proof to you how he is going to repay this money to the hotel and rebuild your trust. You asked him about the money and he lied to you where it was and that was before you were even married?! He needs to get counciling to sort his gambling out and proof to you he means this but he also needs to realise he has an amazing wife and children and he needs to be a man and sort himself out for his families sake !! Good luck chick xxx
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
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CommentAuthorb2bnicola
Hun this should not be your problem to sort out, can you speak to the hotel manager about getting the contract changed into his name? I had a similar situation with an ex of mine, i got a loan to pay off all his debt so i ended up with everything in my name - we split up, he paid for a couple of months then nothing! now im with my new h2b and im still paying off his 15k! I dont want the same thing to happen to u so it is important for u to sort this out before anything else happens. 1st off he needs professional help - theres no other way around it! 2nd of all if you gave him the money to pay u need to get him to be responsible for paying it back - not you! Try not to get anything else in ur name just as a precauction! :) I hope this helps! I would hate for u to go thru what i did! It still seems like it could be all sorted! xx
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CommentAuthorrachymoo
My god that's awful. I'd never trust him again.
Don't bother with a loan - the venue has agreed to a payment plan so leave it at that. Why end up paying loads of interest when you don't have to.
I would MAKE him seek help about his gambling problems, if he refuses then I'd end it. If you are to stay together then he needs to make it up to you in a BIG way.
