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  1.  
    • Baker2Be
      CommentAuthorBaker2Be
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    delete

    Members signature icon
    3rd January 2015 I said yes to being your wife
    10th September 2016 we will make it official

  2.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    If you were to cancel and go do it just you two with a couple of witnesses, how much money would you lose out on?

    You have to go with your hearts really, if you want to do it just you two then go for it, if not, be strong, stand up for what you want for your day and who you want to come, and sod everyone else who has opinions.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  3.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree with GF, you need to follow your hearts and have the day you WANT to have, regardless of anyone else's thoughts or opinions.

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  4.  
    • Sarah D
      CommentAuthorSarah D
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Agree with gf and flossie its your wedding do what you and oh want xx

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016


  5.  
    • Baker2Be
      CommentAuthorBaker2Be
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    delete

    Members signature icon
    3rd January 2015 I said yes to being your wife
    10th September 2016 we will make it official

  6.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Definitely easier said than done, I appreciate that. But it's YOUR day and people need to understand that, including your parents. Have you had a conversation with them to explain how you're feeling? Maybe if they how much angst it was causing you they would take a bit of a step back - I'm sure the last thing they want to do is upset you and have you debating whether or not to cancel your wedding! xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  7.  
    • JulieB11
      CommentAuthorJulieB11
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Firstly don't be sorry for the long post. Sometimes you just need to vent and strangers can be the best people to do it to. Secondly, I appreciate how hard this is for you, we are going through some similar things with OHs family and we are still deciding whether to go just the two of us and forget everyone else. Have you considered going just the two of you but don't tell anyone and still have the one with the whole family as well? That way if they do ruin it, you and OH will of already of had your day so they won't be ruining your 'real' wedding. Or maybe sit down and talk to them, they might not realise how bad they are making you feel. At least give them a chance to change their behaviour and enjoy helping you plan your day. I know the last thing anyone wants to do is upset their parents but if they don't want to change, or don't see the problem maybe you would be better off going away just the two of you and dealing with the fallout when you get back? X

    Members signature icon



  8.  
    • NatalieS200
      CommentAuthorNatalieS200
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Think about how you'll feel a couple of years down the line. Do you think you'll look back at pictures and feel sad that theres no family there and its just the two of you or do you think you'd prefer it? It is hard when its your family but you have to do what is right for you both, good luck hun xx
  9.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It's a really difficult one. You and your OH both need to be happy with the final decision. Regarding the children, could you have a separate party, perhaps after the honeymoon, where families can bring their children to be part of the celebration? You're absolutely right about the venue, it has to be picked by you and your OH. It sounds like your parents are expecting you to do things the way their generation did, when the bride's parents picked everything and the couple went along with it. As for your dad and the dress, he is being really insensitive. Yes many brides do choose to lose weight before the wedding, and most lose some without even trying because of the stress and amount to do. However it's much better to choose a dress that fits you, as if you do lose weight it can easily be taken in. Is there anyone on your side of the family who is on your side and who can back you up in speaking to them? Could you have one full and frank discussion with your parents giving them one last chance, before putting your foot down? Perhaps if you have coffee with them and explain that this is your wedding and these days most couples make the decisions themselves, and they should be supporting you. Maybe if you approach it from the point of view that you understand they only want the best day for you, but actually you know what you want. Giving them responsibility for something specific might help, particularly if there is something that doesn't matter as much to you. As for moving in with your OH's parents, a lot of young couples do that these days, as for many people saving a deposit while renting is simply impossible. Again, just point out that things have changed and you have no choice. If after talking honestly with them you still think that they are going to ruin the day, then maybe it is worth doing it just the two of you and close friends as witnesses. You can still wear your dress, and have the flowers. If you book an earlier date for the marriage you might be able to keep the venue and date for the reception as a party at a later date, and wear the dress again. Whatever decision you make, you need to feel afterwards that you have made the right one. I know it's hard as the one decision you want to make is probably not open to you.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  10.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Weddings bring out the worst in people. I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.

    Ultimately this comes down to what you both really want for your special day, YOUR special day. There will be small things that you will be happy to compromise on and other things you won't. What does your heart tell you?

    Those who think they are entitled to dictate someone else's wedding day need to just be told to be happy for you both, if they really love you both they will put aside how they feel because it's not about them, it's about you two!

    My sister had serious issues with my parents, a couple of the things similar to what you describe. I reminded my sister that our parents had the wedding day they wanted and so they should allow her to have the wedding day she and BIL wanted. Eventually they came round but it wasn't easy. Stick to your guns once you've decided what you want to do.

    Good luck and you know where we all are if you ever need to rant more x

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  11.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Baker it's so hard to know what to say. It's easy to say to do what you want but up it causes so much stress you have to think us it really worth it.
    Personally I do like the idea of getting married earlier just the 2 of you perhaps with close friends and then still having the bigger party x

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  12.  
    • JoanneH4
      CommentAuthorJoanneH4
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I know it's easier said than done but you need to sit down and talk to your OH and the family explaining to them how you feel and how you want your special day to be like. What about if you done Julie's idea? Have a small wedding just you, your OH and some witnesses (you can't get married unless you have about 2-4 witness there I think anyways) then have the big wedding with all the family memebers that you want a few days/weeks or months later because you have spent how much money already for the wedding and if you are planning to pay a house then the money that you spent on the wedding could of gone towards buying a house. Either wau no matter what you and your OH does about the wedding, all I got to say is good luck and I hope you have the very special wedding day that you both want :) x
  13.  
     
    I feel for you and the problems you are faced with. Parents are sometimes blind to the pain and angst they bring on their children under the guise of "wanting what is best for you"

    You are an adult and should be allowed to have the wedding that you and your partner want (especially if you are paying for it) I agree with the others who said that you should think of sitting down and telling your family how you feel. If they don't back off then they can't say that you didn't warn them if you change your plans.

    Do what you feel is the right thing for you & your partner - it's your day.

    Members signature icon
    Met: 2nd September 2012
    Engaged: 3rd January 2015
    Wedding day: 2nd September 2017
  14.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    Poor you - I really feel for you- I think you need to sit down and have a frank coversation with your parents and say that you would love to have them there but at the moment you are feeling like cancelling it all and eloping for the reasons you have mentioned- it may be that after the initial conversation things blow up even more until everything has been digested or it might make them stop and instantly realise how much they are hurting you- either way- as difficult as it may be and for you and your ohs sanity, you need to get everything out in the open- hope you can get through this and have the perfect day for you and oh xx

    Members signature icon



  15.  
    • DanielleS0709
      CommentAuthorDanielleS0709
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 29th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I don't know what else to say that the ladies haven't already said. I guess the most important part to reiterate is that it's about you and your OH. No one else.

    Members signature icon
    21st May 2016 xxx


  16.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 10th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    i wish we had cancelled ours and just gone off just the two of us and done it abroad or something, we are still getting grief over it now, some of our issues the same as yours, kicking off over their friends not being invited etc, their 'lack of involvment' in the planning (We tried, believe me, but they are very trying people) it ended up being a great day, but they tainted it and that won't ever go away, they are in hardly any pictures as they had faces like slapped arses the entire day and when it came to the evening they didnt join in in the fun and just sat sulking on a table in a corner

    so if i could go back in time i wouldnt have done any of it. tbh, i dont know if we would even bother getting married at all.

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  17.  
    • GeorginaD78
      CommentAuthorGeorginaD78
      Posted: Nov 10th 2015
     
    Tell your family it is your other half's and your day, not theirs, you invite who you want to invite, get married where ever you want to get get married in which ever dress you want. The day is about you and your OH not your family. Make it clear that you would like to get married with them by your side, but if they are not willing to keep their opinions to themselves then you'll do it alone. Don't cancel the wedding you both have planned because of them, of they carry on just uninvite them all, it's what I'd do. Hope you get it sorted x
  18.  
    • CommentAuthorSamanthaW362
      Posted: Nov 10th 2015
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    really agree with glitter fairy
 
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