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Wedding Forum - Dealing with stressful and un-helpful...

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  1.  
    • KayleaC
      CommentAuthorKayleaC
      Posted: May 4th 2016
      edited
     
    I am getting married in 3 months in scotland. My soon to be sister in law is making my wedding planning beyond stressful. This is my first wedding and my husband to be's second. His family didn't attend his first wedding, abroad, as his ex wife's family couldn't afford to go. I have tried to involve his family as much as I can but they are making it unbearable. His sister has twisted our words and refused to wear the bridesmaid dress i had picked. She has since bullied me into allowing her to pick her own dress. I haven't gone shopping with my own sister who is my other bridesmaid. Yet she expects me to go shopping with her, but every time I arrange something she bails. I didn't go out shopping as I wasn't able to find any dresses in the shops in the right colour or the right price. I feel as they are trying to take control and trying to make me feel guilty for having my mum help me with the plans. We have had a lot of negative things happen to us recently and many things have changed beyond our control. I was hoping they would understand this and not add anymore stress and pressure. I was wondering if anyone else has had any similar experiences and how did they deal with it?
  2.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Why doesn't she want to wear the dress you have chosen? Is your sister happy to wear it? If she is, I would say to SIL to either like it or lump it because its your wedding and thats the dress you've chosen, especially if she keeps bailing on dates to go shopping to find something else. Perhaps set a date in mind when the bm dresses must be sorted by and tell her this and if she still can't pull her finger out to do it with you then the original dress is the one she can wear or she can stand down as a bm x
  3.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    yes i agree with Kirsty, I know it's difficult but if people aren't showing the interest you need/deserve then it may be time to rethink the bridal party, I think you need to get both bridesmaids together and discuss dresses with them both at the same time, with all 3 of you there it might be easier to narrow down a dress they both like and if your SIL doesn't turn up to meet with you and your other BM let her know that a dress will be chosen for her

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    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  4.  
    • KayleaC
      CommentAuthorKayleaC
      Posted: May 4th 2016
     
    She twisted things with parents, telling them lies to make us look like idiots. She said she didn't like the way the dress looked on her. Both myself and my h2b thought it looked fine she thought she looked frumpy. When she sent us a pic off her wearing the dress she was wearing fluffy soaks, her hair was a state and her shoulders were all hunched over. She has been doing skimmers world and lost some weight so i know she wants a figure hugging dress but that is not what I want. I am not exactly small i am a 16. I have dealt with people taking attention away from me all my life and i don't want that in my big day. She twist yhings and changes her mind on everything on a whim. She leaves my head spinning and it's getting to be too much.
  5.  
    • KayleaC
      CommentAuthorKayleaC
      Posted: May 4th 2016
     
    All three of us are never available all at the same time, hence why i had to do most of my shopping online. She had told us that if that was the dress I wanted then she would have to bow out. She then made out i was still looking at dresses and that she was still a bridesmaid. She is nearly 40 and she acting more immature than my 18 year old sister.
  6.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I would settle on a dress with your sister, and if SIL won't wear it then it's up to her.

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    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  7.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: May 4th 2016
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    Agree- go with your sister in it sil and if she doesn't like the dress hen sod her- spoilt brat is not the word!

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  8.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    In that case I would make one more appointment with her to look at dresses and if she doesn't show up then say you are going with tht e original dress because you do not have time anymore to be looking. Maybe make a point of it to MiL that you've arranged dates and she keeps bailing so this is the last one and then she can't have a go if she does end up not being a bm because she didn't show up and so doesn't want to wear the original dress.

    Although as an extra point, by the sounds of it she's not that supportive which is what a bm should be so do you really want her there helping you get ready on the day or will she just stress you out more? X
  9.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: May 5th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    If any of my bridesmaids made a genuine plea about the dress I would consider looking at a way to resolve but it sounds like she is ruling out anything but what she wants. I have five bridesmaids all of varying sizes, I have shown them one dress and they all agreed, i even have one who is very large up top (GG cups) and she has told me she worries about the support of the dress but then went on to explain that she would be buying herself a new bra (not a cheap one considering her size) and will pay for any alterations needed to make the dress that I want work, if you arent getting that kind of understanding from a bridesmaid then do you really want her to be such a big party of your wedding?

    As had been said above, make one more appointment with her and let her know definitely that this is the last shopping trip you can schedule before the wedding an if she doesn't make it then you will be finding address without her.

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    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
 
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