So we finally told my mum and dad on sunday evening that we had booked the wedding. We booked our venue beginning of March the reason for the delay is they believe I need to get my priorites in order.. e.g. buy a new car (mines fine) buy a house (we are happy where we are at the moment and do not want to buy til my OH has his gas career up and running. My parents no all this they just think spending money on a wedding is a complete waste. (they got married at 21/22 and my mum was 7 months pregnant) we shall be 25/27 and no kids.
So there reaction was positive on sunday night I new it was to good to be true. I mentioned to my mum I wasnt inviting my brothers gf they have only been together 6 months and he goes through them so fast. My wedding is not til next september. I have 25 people to pick to attend the day and I have had to not invite some important people to me because there's just no room.
However she rang me last night saying she had a think and I need to remove my aunts yougest child (5) so my brothers gf could come. My answer is no. I personally feel this is rude when my aunts other three children are on the list to come. My mums sister btw
she then passed the phone to my dad who started demanding I invite her and that he would be extremly unhappy if she werent to come and this would cause a lot of agro. (not sure how to spell that)
To be honest I was that upset I hung up and ignored the call when they called back.
Why should I invite her? I don't ever speak to the girl other than a hello when she walks past. Why should I be forced to invite her rather someone I would want there.
Me & my OH are paying for the wedding ourselves. they had made it clear they will not give us a penny. I have not asked for there money and I do not want it.
Sorry for the rang just needed to get this of my chest and had no one impartial to talk to.
3rd January 2015 I said yes to being your wife
10th September 2016 we will make it official
CommentAuthorFlossie
You need to make it clear to them that you will invite who you want as it's YOUR day and no one else's. If anyone has a problem with the guest list arrangements then they can speak to you about it and you will explain the decisions you have made. Considering your parents have made it clear they will not be contributing anything towards your wedding I think it's very cheeky of them to think they can have an input over who is or who is not invited!
Sorry to hear you're having difficulties :( xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorSarah D
That's awful! hate when people get the tuppence worth in when its not required!
I would personally tell them to accept your decision and if they have nothing good to say to keep it to themselves! people seem to make a persons wedding about them and its clearly about none other than the bride and groom! We are also paying for our own wedding by ourselves and I am not having any input from any of my family on guest lists ill have there who I want and if hey don't like it then don't bother coming! I haven't had any issues with anyone butting in but ive made my feelings clear from day one.
I hope they can respect your wish and let you get in with things as you please.
xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
That doesn't sound good at all, tbh considering they aren't contributing then they shouldn't get any say! Like my parents are paying for pretty much everything and with our venue they give us 2 free rooms to use as we please well my mum said could she decide who got them and I of course said yes seeing as they are paying and she asked me if 2 of the guests could be our close family friends who I don't see very often but my parents do and I of course said yes because they are paying for all the meals at the end of the day but if I was paying for it all myself then I wouldn't of been as forthcoming with my mum so I don't think your parents really have the right to throw out demands. I'm not inviting any of my friends OHs or my OHs friends don't have plus ones if we haven't met the girlfriends or we don't know them that well, I mean why should we!? Just like your brothers gf why should you?? you are paying and you dont know her! A perfect comeback would be the you wouldn't pay and take her out for lunch so why would you pay for her to come and eat at the wedding! Good luck xx
Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
Getting married 12 september 2015
Marrying my forever best friend :-)
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
This is your day and you need to be firm with who is coming and who is not. Maybe if nearer the time and he is still with her and you've got to know her more, it might be different,
I agree with GF. Really you should wait until nearer the time (or when you send invitations out) as to who you definitely do or do not want there. It's still quite early to decide and feelings might change. But still, don't let anyone dictate to you!! x
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
Thats not great at all.
My OH and I are paying entirely for our own wedding simply because we want to have full control. In regards to guest list it can get a little political family-wise. Which is why I also believe your parents are out of order trying to elbow out on of your young cousins for your brother GF who he has only been with 6 months and as you say has a history of going through them quickly.
My sister had a strop before my fathers wedding because he said no to inviting her 3rd boyfriend in less than 4 months. In the end she never came to the wedding and that was entirely her choice. Your parents need to understand they are being unreasonable and if they want her to come they can pay for the extra meal.
Hope it gets sorted out.
Met in Nov 2005
Engaged 13th June 2013
Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
We had this with H2B's Mum when we first started planning our wedding. She insisted on his Nan's Cousin being invited, who we've only met a handful of times, and his Great Uncle. Unfortunately we couldn't get out of it as they've paid quite a large chunk towards the wedding, but H2B's Sister said that she did exactly the same to her when she got married last year. I also had a similar conversation with my Stepdad because my Sister wanted to invite her boyfriend who she hadn't long got together with. My Stepdad said that if they were still together by the time we got to sending the invites out (which they are) then he would have to be invited. I would wait and see if they're still together when you come to sending your invites and then decide. Good luck!
CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
You need to tell them that as it is your wedding and you are paying for it you will be choosing who comes, and say closer to the time if they are still a couple you will re consider and if someone drops out she can go. If you know for sure they won't be together could take easy way and say yer we'll invite her but then if they are together u can't go back on it and it will show ur parents they got their own way so defo dig ur heels in. Say you appreciate their opinion but that's all it is at the end of the day x
CommentAuthormichgib
Why does somebody always have to spoil an exciting time. You really dont need it its you wedding and you invite who you want xx
CommentAuthorthefuture:Mrs_Hurren
It's hard enough having to narrow guest lists down without people being like that. Just remember its your day not theirs x
CommentAuthorVelcro
weddings turn people into psychos!!
has your brother had anything to say (to your face) about it?
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorKatya
With our wedding we were paying for everything originally, so we invited only a tiny handful of friends (1 witness, 1 best person & her wife, 2 bridesmaids) everyone else was our siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles & my husbands brothers girlfriend (they have been together over 8 years). We didnt invite anyone else, no friends that were not part of the wedding party, no cousins nothing. We did this for the day then basically said it was a free for all in the evening (we were paying for a 1 course meal for the ceremony guests but nothing in the evening). It wasnt until the invites went out (day & evening) that my in-laws asked about evening food & stated that if it was not being provided due to our financial situation, then they would pay for it as our wedding gift....
My MIL tried insisting that we should invite the world & his dog to the entire day, before the invites went out.... I always told her that i would speak with my husband about it.... I always did mention it to him but stated that i couldnt afford them to come (the deal was... he pays for us to live, house, food, bills etc & I would pay for the wedding) the only reason the aunts & uncles could come was because he said he would pay for them (he has loads of aunts & uncles - adds an extra 18 onto the guest list!) so much as i said we would have a chat about it, we never told her what had been agreed until after the invites went out & they offered to pay for the evening buffet, at this point we explained that we could barely afford aunts & uncles for the full day & we made the choice to include them & not provide evening food figuring we had won a 5 tier cake, 150 cupcakes & a candy buffet (curtosy of ukbride competition) & that we would be only able to provide that for the evening. They soon let up about the other guests they wanted to attend when they realised that we couldnt afford alot (1 course meal) & felt that having aunts & uncles attending the day was more important than randomers, we explained that this was the only reason we couldnt invite cousins & also explained how few friends were invited. they soon understood the decisions we made & why & were happy to pay for the buffet knowing it wasnt because we didnt feel it was neccesary, but simply because only having one of us working, 2 kids & being together 8 years... we couldnt afford a huge affair & to us we just wanted to be married & didnt feel we wanted, nor could afford a huge affair.
What im trying to say is.... tell them you will think about it, & if someone drops out that is more important such as a family member, then you will think about upgrading your brothers girlfriend to an all day guest. You do not actually NEED to upgrade her, simply tell them that you will think about it, tell them that there are a few people that you would love to be part of your day but that you have been unable to invite all day due to numbers & financial reasons. Tell them you have started an "upgrade list" & will place the girl on it. then you need not say anymore on the matter. (If she wishes to see the "upgrade list" but there is no one other than this girl on it... place some non existant aunts & uncles of your h2b's on there above the girls name LOL)
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorInDreamland
I agree with GF.
Your wishes for your wedding should be respected.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorBaker2Be
Thanks everyone its nice to no I didnt overreact.
My parents havent spoken to me since monday night when we had our arguement. I don't understand why they are making an issue out of this now when were not getting married til next september and the invites won't go out till a few months before.
I havent said anything to my brother about this as I don't really speak to him all that much (he still lives with my parents) not sure if my mum has spoke to him.
To be honest even if they are still together I don't see why I should ditch my cousin so she can come. My OH was considering asking my brother to be one of his ushers but now he is not sure.
I am just upset over the fact they have ruined what should be an exciting time. I was looking forward to telling everyone that we had finally booked somewhere but this has spoilt that.
thanks again everyone.
3rd January 2015 I said yes to being your wife
10th September 2016 we will make it official
CommentAuthorTheFutureMrsK
No one should be able to tell you who to invite to your wedding unless they're contributing but I think its far too early to be having that kind of argument and you've said that yourself. You said your brother goes through girlfriends fast so why not just say she's invited or that she'll be invited nearer to the time if still together? If you're wedding was right now I'd 100% agree that a girlfriend of only 6 months shouldnt be there but when you get married they'll have been together for nearly 2 years (if theyre still together) and it might be a bit harsh to not invite her if they make it together for that length of time. If it was a cousins girlfriend I'd say stand your ground all the way but nearer to the time she might be your brothers serious girlfriend. It depends on if you're giving everyone else plus ones as well I guess.
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
-Ambrose Bierce
CommentAuthorLouiseyweesey
If they aren't paying for it, they have absolutely no say in it at all! You invite who you want! I've learnt to stand your ground very early on so that people get the hint. Hope it sorts though, not a nice situation for you :-( xxxx
CommentAuthorBaker2Be
thanks :) I visited my nan on tuesday and my parents have spoke to her about there issues (not me) and I get the impression that this is just an excuse to have a go at me.
I am off round tonight to demand some answers... wish me look I am going to need it.
3rd January 2015 I said yes to being your wife
10th September 2016 we will make it official
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
tbh i wouldn't mention it again .... alot can happen between now and when you need to do you final gust list and send invites out ... she might be on the scene by then , if your parents say anything greet it with a smile and " i will think about it i promise "
hope it went well, remember its your day and he may not even still be with her when the invites go out, so why are they making a big deal now! i know this sounds horrid but, it will be funny if they make such a fuss and then he dumps his girlfriend, then they can keep their mouths shut for giving you a hard time over it.
sending hugs xx
CommentAuthorBaker2Be
Thanks guys
So I spent the entire visit pretty much crying
To late to get married abroad??
Reasons for there upset - half the family won't go if my brother doesn't (he won't go if his gf doesn't because they are going to be together forever) - they want me to ditch one of my aunts kids (mums sister) - upset that I didn't take my mum to look and pick venue. They believe it should be me and her deciding and my oh just comes to look once he have made our decision - we didn't ask there opinion and have been deceitful about getting married. - there extremely disappointed - don't want us to get married for a few years they want us to save for a mortgage. - they didn't like how my oh never asked them or talked to them about getting married (none of us are traditional) - I didn't include family friends that we have known for years that need to be there in the day as that's the most important part not the stupid party on the night - they don't like the idea of afternoon tea and then buffet on the night The list goes on but I can't remember anything else
I would like to add we are paying for this our selfs and can't afford any extras
3rd January 2015 I said yes to being your wife
10th September 2016 we will make it official
CommentAuthorTeresa
oh im so sorry to hear this, you really dont need all this stress, if i was you i would seriously consider going abroad and telling them where to go! do it with who you want, your way, sending hugs xx
CommentAuthormichgib
Oh stacy feel so sorry for you. It should be one of the happiest times for you
CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
Sorry to hear this, maybe take a breather and come back to planning and just ignore them!! Wedding make people crazy. Although will say if ur wedding in 16months that's long time for things to happen, and I have put aside a seat for all of my brothers partners ( even the one I hate!) as its about having him there and I don't feel its fair inviting someone and not their partner. N even my brother who currently single I have set aside a seat for a partner incase he has one at the time coz as much as u no chances r they won't be together they are currently in the relationship for life n it can hurt for someone to not look at it as serious. But at same time it is ur wedding and u should be allowed to do what u want. But maybe allowing ur brother to bring a plus one will stop the family looking for issues as u have taken away the main issue x
CommentAuthorCamilaL
I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. No one has the right to judge your decisions as a bride. I can understand why they are upset about loads of the things you listed (not saying they are right about making your life a hell), but if you didn't feel comfortable about telling them at the first moment, or inviting your mum to look for the venue together and everything, you probably had your reasons and no one has the right to judge you or complain about it. But if you let me, I would like to say something about all of this. I know how guest list number are hard to manage, but are you sure you can't make an effort and invite 26 guests (the gf included)? Think about the opposite situation, your brother not inviting your fiance to his wedding. I would be really upset about it (actually, I would be mad), and I probably wouldn't attend. You don't count that the relationship is gonna be over anytime soon, you think it's gonna least forever. what you could do is to put the girl's name in the list. If they're not together anymore by two months prior the wedding, you remove her. If they are not together by the wedding (like, break up one week before), you charge your parents for the money you wasted. But I really think a wedding is a family celebration. And I think you could think about it and see if it's worthy. x
