As some of you on here know already I'm having major problems with my bm, only picked one as didn't want the hassle but actually I've had more problems off her since I picked her that I've just had enough. I called her up at the weekend after she was refusing to wear my colour and I have once changed the colour for her and now she's refusing to wear the new one. Then the dress I showed her that I want her to wear she said was shapeless and did not have enough sparkles on. This has been going on for so long, when I first asked her to be bm and told her the month she was really negative and said the weather was really bad in march and I offered her the get out card then and she said no she wanted to be bm, so now after all the stress and her now saying she does not like my dress I've had enough and need to sack her. Even if she says she wants to be bm it's to late now, she's hurt and upset me. So when I called her at weekend we arranged for her to come round here this afternoon, she will just think she's coming round to look or plan things. I'm going to say I don't want her to be bm as she's not happy with my colour scheme or the choice of dress for her. But don't know what I will say if she says no its ok I will wear them. As I don't want her or the stress any more. I don't want to fall out with her, but this may happen. And I don't want to not have a bm just to spare her feelings. Feel sick and she's not coming till half one. Any tips or advice would be great. Sorry for the rant I just had to get it off my chest. X x
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
well good for you!!! its the last thing u need is stress from a BM! if its deffo what u want then stick to it! good luck x
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorCathP15
Oh my god, you def shouldn't have her as your bm. It's your day not hers, you should not have to change your colour scheme because she doesn't like it. Hope today goes well x
CommentAuthorGabyS
OMG im not good at confrontation at all... id be worried too.... the chances area she is gonna throw a hissy fit and storm out. But what the hell does she expect... its your day and she's knocking everything you want she's being completely out of order. Just make out your doing her the favour like letting her off the hook... so your getting what you want by not having to fall out with her. Good luck Amy x
CommentAuthorsusan1990
by telling her you dont want her to be bridesmaid anymore you are more than likely going to fall out and you just need to think is it worth falling out over? if you are paying for the dress then its your choice but you should take her opinions in to coinsideration as you know yourself if you dont feel right in an outfit you wouldnt wear it would you? she should definatly choose a dress in your colour though. i would probably just say you are wearing this dress in this colour and if you dont want to then you dont have to be my bridesmaid then she can either wear it or not. it is your day and it should be how you want it not anyone else. i origionally had 4 bridesmaids, now im down to 2, the first one got noocked off as she was my partners, brothers fiance and we were really really close, like best friends but she dumped him for one of his cousins and hasnt spoke to me since this was almost a year ago now and then the second one sent me a message on facebook saying she didnt want to be my bridesmaid anymore as aparently she is really self concious (which isnt true ive known her far to long to no that) and that she didnt want to wear the same dress as anyone else, so i just said thanks for letting me no. and she hasnt spoke to me since even tho ive tried talking to her, i think she just doesnt want to bother with me anymore. so now i have one of my oldest friends whos my chief bridesmaid and my cousin as a bridesmaid and we went dress shopping and they tried every single dress on in the shop and they were happy in whatever i wanted and we ended up ordering the ones i origionally wanted, they just wanted to please me and kept saying it was my day which i thaught was really sweet, i expected it to be a mightmare getting them both to agree but it was the easiest thing ive done so far.
Like others she probably wont be happy but it is ur day and yes she may agree to wear what u want her to can you not say u obviously dont want her to be uncomfortable etc and thats why you decided that you cant have her as a BM as you dont want to make her do or wear things she doesnt want to etc?
Hope it all goes ok and not as bad as u think it maybe x x
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
good luck huni but just explain to her all the hurt and upset she has caused to you and that you feel that you no longer want a Bridesmaid but you want her as a guest instead and just explain if she gets upset just tell her that she had made you feel like you don't want the hassle and you have decided now is the time to decide what you want and you have.
you can then only leave the ball in her court huni and hope that she can get over it and that she cares about you enough to still come as guest.
It caused me and my BM to fall out when i demoted her from MOH to BM and then she couldn't be bothered so i got rid completely as she wasn't interested and i'd only seen her three times in a year
Good luck and i hope that she doesn't fall out with you over this
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorAmyP7
Thanks everyone and yes im going to approach it with caution by saying I no she will be uncomfortable with the colour and the dress and I don't want her to feel like that and that she is worried about her husband having to sit on his own so he won't have to now and that I still want her to be an important part of the day. But if this fails I don't know what I will do x x
CommentAuthorCathP15
Can you ask her to do a reading or something instead so that she still has an important part in the day?
CommentAuthorAmyP7
Yeah I was thinking of that, just haven't thought of any readings yet but know I will want some. It's so hard I don't want to do it but she has caused me so much stress and upset. The bm dress I said I want you to wear this she just ignored and then kept sending me links to other dresses that she wanted to wear x x
CommentAuthorShelleyM46
i hav 1 like this rang n explained my problems n just said ur picking the wrong colours i 2 changed my colour then i thought why the hell should i told her she will still be there n atleast ud get 2 wear wat u want she was a bit taken bak n said she was lookin at different dresses for sumthing else so in the end shes still my bm but been warned lol.hope all goes well stick to ur guns if shes causing u this much stress u dont need it x
cant wait to marry the love of my life
my soul mate and my best friend
CommentAuthorAmyP7
Oh dear, well hopefully she will be like yours then and realise what she has been doing x x
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
she can always be your witness for the register
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorShirleygirly
When my sister got married myself and her other bms wore a green and navy blue (blackwatch) tartan dress with puffy sleeves that came mid calf length so we all looked like we had fat arms and legs. She wanted us all to wear the same shoes so bought these minging granny shoes from M & S they were navy and vile. She also wanted us all to have our hair curled. I have naturally wavy hair and at this time it was shoulder length but the hairdresser put it into really tight curls that made me look like an old lady missing a blue rinse. I hated every minute of wearing that outfit but enjoyed the day and there were 6 of us so we had a good laugh at how ridiculous we looked. My sister is going to be my bm now and I would love to pay her back. When I asked her and she said yes I warned her that I was having a charlie and the chocolate factory theme and I wanted my bms to be oompah loompahs but she knew I was joking.
My point is being asked to be a bm is an honour and anyone should be grateful to be considered and that means wearing whatever the bride tells you to wear to make her day complete. I'm being considerate to my bms, I've picked the colour but told them they can go with a style that is most flattering to them.
I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
CommentAuthorAmyP7
Well she's been and we have talked, she has agreed to go with my colour scheme which is what I have always wanted. We are both going to pick a dress that suits her in my colour. So I'm really relieved that it's sorted. Just hope it works out ok and I don't get to stressed x x
CommentAuthorJODY
yikes i dont have any advice but she should realise how privileged she is to have been asked to be such a big part of your day! Good luck!xxx
CommentAuthorJODY
oh I see you have already spoken to her! Glad it went well, hopefully she starts to be more helpful than stressful now! obviously you want her to feel comfortable but it is your day xx
CommentAuthorShazk
Well thats a good things let hope now u have spoken to her she realises that its ur day and yes u want her to be comfortable etc but u wont take the c**p anymore x x
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorAmyP7
Yes will see how it goes. I do hope it's made her realise that it's my wedding x x
Good luck Amy x
