Once again, I dont know if this is a rant, or a let off steam, or a moan or maybe looking for someone to tell me that I am not alone. (It has stemed from a discussion with the Big SIL2B, saying that I am spoilt)
Without boring you all to tears, I am a dolly mixture of backgrounds. For me this means that my Dad will, pay for significant parts of the wedding. I am very much blessed that I dont have to worry about a capped budget. Having said that even if my Dad could ill affford to pay, due to our cultural ties, he would still do all that he could in order to give me everything that I wanted. Dont get me wrong here, as I am not saying that I am a spolit brat. It is just that in many cultures, a wedding is an outward show of the family wealth and therefore standing in the community. It is put up there to be nit picked and judged (more time than any ripped to pieces) - I only have to say "The Masood's from Eastenders and I think that you are on the same wave lenght.
I hate telling people that my family are paying for certain parts of our wedding, through fear of the backlash of "mummy & daddy" are paying comments. It isnt always as easy as you would assume. Whereby I do have free reign to do as I please with planning and he will pick up the tab, this comes with expectations, that you wouldnt realise unless you have experience of it. There are times when I wish I could give my dad the finger and tell him that I am paying for it all by myself and envy the Brides that can have it exactly the way they want.
So I was just wondering if anyone else is feeling the strain of cultural expecations or otherwise???
CommentAuthorTillyflop
I am new to this site. My name is Vivienne. I do in a way understand, although ours is not a cultural but a social expectation. Alastair's parents and mine were both brought up by their parents to openly display their standing within their social circles. Alastair and I would be overjoyed to have a quiet and intimate, country wedding. Our respective parents feel this is absurd and if Alastair and I went down that route we would in effect as you say, be giving our parents the finger. For the sake of harmony we are doing it the expected way.
CommentAuthorFaeth
Kind of...... it's not my first wedding, so I'm footing the bill. MiL2B is also putting in some money as it's H2B's first marriage and he's her only child. I sort of feel like I'm walking a tightrope of making the day "weddingy" enough for h2b to have all that a wedding should be, but not looking like I'm spending loads, because a. I can't afford to, and b. I feel my Dad would/is frowning on any extravagance because it's not my first marriage, he's had to bail me out of money problems before, and h2b doesn't work, so doesn't contribute financially, and I think deep down my parents really don't approve of Tim because he can't look after me (or at least I feel that is what they think, which being my parents, and wanting the best for me, isn't really that surprising).
Course if I left Tim I'd still be on my own and having to support myself, so really it's not that much difference - he doesn't cost me much more than I'd be paying out to live alone.
So it's not really a cultural thing - but I too feel the pressures of expectations and perceived opinions of others when trying to organise my wedding.... but then I guess who doesn't really in one way or another?
"Of course I'm not wedding obsessed!!"
CommentAuthorSpecialSundae
I'm absolutely tied to having my entire extended family there by family expectations. I did a list of the cousins I could name off the top of my head and came up with at least 100 and Grant's family is about the same size. Admittedly they won't all come, but we were always looking at a minimum of 125 for the day with our friends turning up at night.
There are days I wish I could tell them all to stuff it and just invite the few I really desperately want there, but in the long run it's not worth it. Half our family still don't speak to one of my cousins because she didn't invite a few of the family she didn't think were good enough (and got married in a church when she's Jewish, big no-no). It wasn't for financial reasons, because her daddy's a millionaire; she was just being a snob.
CommentAuthorMrsMelodyWalker
I think we all feel like we're under the thumb and under so much pressure to please everyone, most of all our parents, whether they are paying for our wedding's or not.
Stephen and I are paying for the whole thing, my parent's however did buy my dress and don't I bloody know about it!
All of my dreams come true the day I married you, Mr Walker
5.11.11
Remember Remember The 5th of November
I'm thankful my family aren't asking for anything other than just that we invite the family.
Grant's family are a whole other bleeding matter. His dad complained about our venue, our choice of food, our choice to double-barrel, you name it, he's complained about it. To be honest I think he just dislike everything I am. He'd have been happier if Grant were marrying a chav with five kids by different fathers than marrying an intelligent, middle-class, liberal Jew.
CommentAuthorTillyflop
Melody I understand completely my parents are paying for the reception venue and although definately not my choice, I fear that I will not hear the end of it.
CommentAuthorMrsSaraParry!
Well I'm the same situation as you ladies but I'm at the oppostite end of the spectrum! Adam and I are attempting to have a relatively small wedding, only 40 people in the day and 65 in the evening and we're only inviting the people that we want there - family arguments have already taken place over who we should and shouldnt be inviting, we told them all to get stuffed! However, my mum thinks a lot of what we're doing for our wedding is, as she calls it, completely unnecessary. I'm talking little things like favours, chair covers, place cards, pretty things etc. She doesnt understand why we want to have 'the proper wedding' when it costs so much money. Dont get me wrong, she paid for my dress which I really appreciate but we're paying for everything else, and we only have a budget of between 5 and 6k anyway. I feel like I cant get giddy about the little scatter crystals I've bought for the tables, or the sweet little place card holders because she just frowns and says its all money I shouldnt be spending :o( My mum is true Yorkshire through and through, save everything and spend nothing! xx
CommentAuthorTillyflop
Out of interest has anyone gone against the wishes of their parents?
CommentAuthorSpecialSundae
We're probably going against Grant's parents' wishes to have our names as we wish.
I quite like being able to plan a big wedding. It's been a lot of fun.
CommentAuthorTillyflop
I will be losing my double barrelled name. Which if I think about it, will be a godsend. Takes far longer when writing cheques, signing for documents and the like. I will eventually be known as Mrs Pennington which sounds very strange to my ears.
CommentAuthorSpecialSundae
I just really didn't like "Mrs Horne" it just doesn't sound like me. "Mrs Hendry-Horne" works for me, as long as he does it too. If not then I'll stay "Ms Hendry" as I've always been.
