Hello ladies, I thought some of you might like to know what the hell had happened to me.

In the last few weeks my life came crashing down on me. H2b and me haven't had a good run for quite a while - years actually - but I never thought it would come to this. H2b called the wedding off - it's a definite. Admittedly I wasn't feeling it myself - I had opened up a thread about this - and was dreading the day a tiny bit. We had gone about this the totally wrong way. It's a such a long story and so far I wasn't in the frame of mind to come on here again and explain and by now so much time has passed that I don't want to write that much anymore...
I think our troubles began when I fell pregnant or after I had our son - we just drifted apart and instead of finding each other again we let it slip because both of us relied on our great love story that all will be ok again. I know now that h2b proposed in the hope that will bring us back together and never wanted to plan a wedding straight away. I wish he would have just told me this because I would have totally understood - I had always felt the same way too. Instead I was hurt and angry that he never wanted to set a date - 2 years later my family had pressured us into this and I - stupidly - set a date much too early because I just wanted to get it over with. As in I wanted to get on with life I always thought this is our new start this will make it all better. It had the opposite effect on him - h2b totally freaked out. I now know that all his weird and totally out of character behaviour in the last few months was severe cold feet. He did try inbetween and that confused me even more I guess....
And instead of talking to me he just put his head in the sand and totally flipped out since January - he wouldn't come home anymore, always worked until past midnight, avoided any possibility to talk or spend time with me. I did expect a HUGE fight were we would both threaten to call the wedding off but I never ever expected him to actually mean it. I was always convinced that one day I'll be the one who walks out. But I tell you what ladies - you don't know what you have until you've lost it.

I went through so many emotions in the last few weeks.... He took about two weeks to decide and I fought very hard to convince him but he stuck to his decision. He also did something else which I think had hurt me more than anything else and for a while I thought that's it. Sounds very dramatic but I cried so many tears we had so much doom and gloom and drama - I now know I want him no matter what. The turning point was when I wanted to put the engagement ring away and give it to him - I couldn't close the flippin' box. Physically couldn't. Felt very surreal and I had a total meltdown. And that's the good thing that came out of it, I have so much new found love now. It was all put away somewhere. Lost in life apart.

He never wanted to break it off in the first place but just cancel the wedding and I was convinced I can't do this I couldn't forgive. Well turns out I can but it's not that easy - he's still a bit loopy and gives me a lot of hot and cold. We now have very happy days where I think all will be good and ok one day but then we had an awful weekend with a near end. He's really not himself these days. In off moments he's very very close to walking out and we're certainly not over the worst yet. But I never thought I'll be like this - I seem to forgive and forget (and really mean it) everything because I do love him very much. We have a newly ignited passion and my libido has awoken again aswell. I think of him much more lovingly now and a lot of the resentment I felt in the past few years has been washed away.

So who knows what's going to happen... He now says we put the wedding stuff away for a later date. After the weekend I am not sure if we will have a happy end because he is so unstable but we are certainly trying. Wish us luck.

Wow. LMB we were wondering over the past few weeks where you had got to. Now, I guess, we know.
Sounds like a real rollercoaster there, and not one that you're quite off yet. You know that we're all here and I truely hope that however this all turns out, that you can find true happiness and peace. You're such a wonderful person and I really do wish you luck x

Oh no. I've been wondering where you got too!

I hope things work out for the best and whatever happens that you're happier for it.

Lots of luck! I hope he snaps out of his funk soon.

I am really sorry to hear this but better to get it out in the open if he really is'nt ready yet for marriage. If the pressure is off you should get on much better. There's no point rushing things if you both not feeling the same. I wish you every happiness for the future and maybe you'll be back on here one day when the time is right, good luck and good health xxx

Awww LMB I had wondered where you had gone as you always used to post. I am sorry you are having such a difficult time and sorry that you have had to call off the wedding! I wish you all the luck in the world for a very happy and settled future. I would just like to say though that although you love him with what feels like all your heart, it is not worth is if you are not happy! I am speaking from experience after trying to stay in a relationship for 8 years because I loved him! Years 6 and 7 were the worst, with us also booking a wedding and then cancelling it as he wanted to. I have never been so down or felt so lonely in my life! He then went and cheated on me and that was the final straw for me!
Please take care and make the decision that is right for you and your son. Again speaking from experience with a VERY turbulent childhood, no child needs or wants to be brought up in a angry and unhappy home.
I hope you do not take offence at anything I have said, i just hate to see people being hurt or going through things similar to my BAD and upsetting experiences.

Take care and good luck with whatever you decide xxx

Thank you Nic - you and LK should be in my list of people to stay in contact with!

MrsMarr2B - you are very right. No offence at all - very wise words. We actually have our 7 year anniversary next week, it's a tricky time. We failed igniting passion again, always relied on us as a team but then the team failed aswell. We lost all fun in our life. And the balance is so so so wrong. He works 2 jobs very hard, is totally stressed and does occassionally go out - not much but still does. And I am always with the child - a sahm but with no help and no other possibilities. I never ever go out and am always at home by myself. It's just wrong - we both need balance which we are currently working on.
We have hit rock bottom now - the only way is up or apart. But it's worth a try and we take it from here. The child is ofc affected, has been affected in the past. But we do try to keep it away from him, not always successful ofc.

Sorry to hear things aren't working out the way you planned, I hope you find happiness again soon, whatever form that comes in. Sounds like you are being pretty positive about things and I hope you can work things out.

Oh Pia I've been thinking of you a lot sweetheart. I'm sorry things have worked out like this - I hope that the only way is up for you and your partner and your son. If the passion and the love is still there then at least you've got something to work off. I'll be keeping everything crossed for you - I'm on facebook (same name as my real name in my profile) so add me if you want a chat any time. I'd love to keep in touch with you!
Thinking of you, I hope things turn a corner. Hopefully starting from scratch is what you need to build your relationship back up to where it should be. xxx

mrsclarke2b

I had noticed that you hadn't been around lately.I had hoped that it was because you were busy with the wedding.Sorry that you have all been having such a horrible time,i just hope you sort everything out .You seem like a very caring lady and you deserve to be happy ,i hope that happens very soon xxx

Aw so sorry to hear this LMB - I think all of us had been missing your posts around here!
I'm sure your relationship will recover, as you said the only way is up :) Best of luck hun & hope to see you back here when the time is right :) Xx

LMB have really missed you.

It will take a while to get a balance back (been his side of the fence) but you will get there. Im sure you will get there and he wants a new start which is a very good start.

just take it one step at a time. it will take time and it will be hard, but I am sure you will get through!

ohhh sweetheart i`m so sorry you have both had to go through this ... you know where i am if you ever need to off load

I was actually going to start a thread today, wondering where you were and that I was missing your input. In fact me and iluvcakes have been wondering where you were and we were hoping it was because the wedding was drawing closer and you had just been too busy...

I am so sorry to hear that you are having problems. And I hope you can quickly resolve them. Postponing the wedding was probably the right thing to do under the circumstances, but I hope you two can get on track again with your relationship, and then sometime in the future, I'm sure this time will come again.

I hope you will stay here.....We would all miss you if you left.

Am so sorry to hear this, I hope that you manage to work through your problems and come out stronger in the end. Have missed having you on the forum. Take care xx

so sorry to hear of the troubles you have been going through hope you and ur partner can both get through this and come out stronger then before xxx

hope that everything works out for you hun and that you managed to find a way to make it work, if not i hope for your's son sake you make alternative arrangements work.

Fingers crossed for you huni, your a fantastic person and you haven't done anything wrong. chin up xxxxxxxx

LMB you've definitly been through the mill and sounds like you have a rocky few steps to recovery ahead of you. Your comment about not being able to shut the box really got to me, having been in the same situation with my H2B. He had a drunken one night stand and came home from South Sheilds to L'pool to tell me. I cried so many tears, called everything off and couldnt bear to look at him, threw my e-ring and necklace he bought me back at him. He put it in the box and left it on my pillow with a note saying he'll talk when Im ready. And somehow we managed to get through it. But it was the single most painful time in our relationship. And Im sure there will be more. My turning point was realising I couldnt live without him, and it hurt me more not being with him despite the fact he hurt me so bad.

I hope that you manage to work through it, especially for the sake of the little one. I hope you hang around on here still you are such a lovely person, and some of your posts are ones that really brighten the day! I hope your family and close friends give you and your family time to work through this, and give you the space and support when and where it is required. Nothing worse than people poking noses in where its clearly not wanted or needed! Good luck to you both x x

PS New house can work wonders = new memories for you both x x

Sorry to hear this LMB. I hope you can sort things out and be happy again x

LMB i'm so so sad to be reading this

wedding out of the picture, i really hope you both get your relationship back on track and 'find each other' again. sounds like you have a long road ahead of you, but you BOTH need to be sure the relationship is worth fighting for as it will only work if you both put the effort in.

lot of hugs xxxxx

OMG ~I posted on your wall and then noticed this! I'm so sorry, don't really know what to say except it sounds horrendous and you've done so well to get through it to this point.
Good luck, whatever happens :(