my sister says he was crying...........thats he wants to be my husband n me his wife, i understand y he's tryin 2 go ahead with the wedding,he knows how much it meant 2 me.... its a proper commitment he knows its not 2 be taken lightly i think thats the point he's tryin 2 prove.

i sometimes feel like i just want my life bk............... just me n him n bub, we dont fight or argue we even finish each others sentances, its hard to explain but in a way i wish i never knew, sounds ignorant but sometimes ignorant is bliss, in truth its not even an issue with trust,i no with peanut on the way he would never go anywhere again sounds daft but if any of u knew him ud understand y i say that, weve been tryin 4 peanut for 3 yrs and its been the hardest 3 yrs of our lives, its the lie thats hurt me the most, i no that probs doesnt make sense. x x

the point is do you think the really has learnt his lesson? Are you confident he will never hurt you like this again? and are you confident he is not just trying to marry you so he doesnt lose you?

That letter if unpromted it shows he does regret it and obviously loves you!
No mater what Im not saying he should have done it because he was childish and selfish! and I hate anyone who feels the need to cheat!
But maybe give him a chance to PROVE he loves you! before the wedding! If you are unsure in any way postpone the wedding maybe! Give yourself a little more time if needed to figure out your own life and weather you want him in it! Just make him aware that IF! you do take him back that it will take a long time to earn that trust again! He should be made to stew over what he did! and if you decide that you cannot forgive him its HIS loss! He is the one that did all this! There is no excuse for his actions!

I really hope you can find the answers you need and i think i can make this statement for all the lovely ladies here that we will always be here for help and support!
*hugs* xx

what do YOU want to do? can you imagine your life without him?

there are other things in the letter trish but i just felt they were a little 2 personal 2 put on here.......there are many apologise's in it i just wanted 2 put the main point of the letter,

perhaps its emotional blackmail perhaps its just genuine feeling either way i cnt just walk away without even thinking about it, im not sayin im staying with him but i dont want 2 make that judgement about my life on a few words on paper, if that makes sense,

as much as he shouldnt have cheated its very hard to throw ur whole life away on 1 action, i dont no wot 2 do...i truly dont. x

U need to clear your head hun xx

aw hun ive just read through the posts and want to give u a big massive hug!!!! your such a fabulous person and don't deserve the appauling way you've been treated!!!

we can only give opinions and suggestions..because we can't physically say exactly what we would do without being in that situation!! ..all i can say is just have a good think about it ...its up to YOU and no one else....it does seem like he's deeply remorseful but tha doesnt let him off the hook!!!

hope ur ok xx

Ok having read the letter it seems as though he does love you And is sorry for the way he has treated you, but By saying he will be waiting for you at the alter means that he's naming you the bad guy in the event you stand him up! The only way you are not the bad guy if you don't marry him is if you turn up and tell everyone why you are not marrying him! Seems a bit mischeivious to me to be honest,

If you are at all wondering what you should do for the sake of your baby...
I don't know my dad , I have heard nothing but good about him except that he didn't ask mum to stay when she wws moving out of town with her parents, but I'm glad I don't know him! Not knowing him meant I grew up fully appreciating my mum and that she did her absolute best as a single mum with cancer! I think if I had known my dad I wouldn't have grown as strong as I am I may not have truely understood the effects of cancer and I certainly wouldn't have been able to cope with my kds as well as I do now. Ok so I would have had an easier childhood but I enjoyed what I could and learnt a lot I was cooking full roast dinners with all the trimmings and paying bills aged 8!

I do think you should speak to him on a serious level hun, go to even ground, maybe even a relationship councilor would be best...but unless you choose to be vindictive and take him for everything I strongly suggest postponing for now. You could alwaays marry when you've cleared everything up with no loose ends.

It's obvious to me that you do want to give him another chance and that is entirely your decision. I do think you would be making a terrible mistake though if you married him. He needs to prove to you and that baby that he will never put your relationship in jeopardy again. I also think he should have the job of telling everyone that the wedding is called off, as I would hate for that to be one of his motives to carry on planning the wedding. He has done a terrible thing and it's not about punishing him, but if there are no repercussions for his actions why wouldn't he do it again? I know it is easy for all of us to give you advice but if you look at the facts from an outsiders perspective then you would be mad to consider going ahead with this wedding. There is nothing to say you couldn't get married after the baby's born, if you want to. You know that I think alot of you and I feel so upset that you are going through this all by yourself, but all of us on here genuinely wants what's best for you and that little monkey in your belly.

This is true... regardless of if you stay together or not, your baby will still be able to know their daddy. Just because he is a faithless partner does not mean he won't be an amazing daddy.

The letter was very moving, whatever you decide babe you know we'll be with you here if you need our support, and I wish that you'll be at peace soon xxx.

oh my god floods of tears. can't believe that letter. i think your going away for a while has done the trick. he recognised every error he made. i don't think you should rush back but if you did at least you can say clean slate now u have the truth.

how do you feel?

hugs xxxx

i am glad you are calming down.... means you can think carefully about the right path to choose x good luck x

So glad you feel calmer chic. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, it's your decision and unless you've been in this situation we can only try and put ourselves in your shoes.

i dont believe once a cheat always a cheat.......... who knows what the future holds but 4 now im away from home n reflecting on everything. xx x

Im stealing this from a film but i think what he is trying to say is

Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.

Loads of luck hunni xxx

Hey hun, I do not believe our paths have ever crossed (I haven't been around for a long time) but I felt compelled to comment on this! I too have read every post and read what everyone has had to say and there has been some brilliant advice but I think you know deep down what you will do..!!

A friend of mine was in a similar situation (although it was not 5 weeks to her wedding day and nor had she just found out that she is pregnant) but they had been together for 3 years and he cheated with his ex not once but twice..!! She ended it and took time out and im sure you can guess what she did..!!

The point im making is, we all feel as if we have to make excuses for the man in our life, for what he has done, for the pain he has caused, we tell people what they have done, then regret it and wish we hadn't said anything because you want to get back with them but you don't want to look, as you put it "a mug" 99% of people in here will tell you to walk away, but then you have the "what if's" what if he didn't ever cheat again, ive lost my best friend forever.. So we take them back, half the time it works out perfectly the other half, well, not so great!

Only you know deep down what is the right thing to do! A leopard can change it's spots but it can also stay the lying, cheating and untrustworthy leopard!! If you walk away, you will never know, if you stay you may be hurt again! His letter sounds genuine, however I would be questioning WHY he did it? I don't see you mention anywhere, "why did he do this too me?" I think you need to look at that before making any decisions. I would use the money to stay in the hotel for a few more days, get your head clear, then agree to meet him down the pub, in the park, anywhere away from home and see what his reasons were for doing it. Sometimes the answer to that question can give you the answer your looking for.

For example my husband cheated on me with his ex (early in the relationship) the reason for it was because he wanted to be nearer to his children and that was the only way he could get to them, valid enough reason? It was for me!! And here we are married for 8 months and very very happy! Do what is right, I don't believe you will make the wrong choice, big hugs x x x

i have to say brilliant letter, on his part. I dont know him but as he was such a terrible liar earlier i believe thats a genuinly heartfelt letter. I agree you need time apart but also that you shouldnt leave it till the wedding day. I dont think hes saying to meet down the isle so that you'll go as you'll look like your standing him up for no reason or you'll feel bad if you dont. I think hes done it to try and show you how much he loves you. If it was me i would have time out for a a few weeks and maybe meet up oncea week. Talk, do normal things. and then decide if you want the wedding to go on, even if you feel you could see urself with him again permently you might not want to get married so soon after this. As you said the trust isnt ness gone. Not making excuses, but ive had a similar experience whilst pregnant with h2b, he didnt cheat physically. He could of done but i believe not i have evidence of an emotion relationship forming and tbh i think i found that harder than being cheated on physically. It took a while to not be paranoid about it, it is tough but we perfect now. We worked at it. If we had done and it didnt then atleast we tried. I believe you should try, try seeing if its going to work only you can tell. You need to eventually talk to him about it and what things need to change day to day. If you feel he needs to show you he loves you in different ways tell him. I wish you all the best. xx

Wow- just read this and it is unbelievable! I actually disagree with what most people are saying- men (and women!) will say *ANYTHING* once they get caught cheating!!

I've not personally had any experience with being cheated on, but a few of my close friends have unfortunately. And while I'm a firm believer that a 'one off' doesn't necessarily mean the end of a relationship- I believe he needs to work bloody hard to gain your trust again!

Writing a letter is easy. He doesn't have to look at your face and see all the hurt he's caused. If he genuinely feels that way, let's see what he DOES to get you back! Be that give you space for now, put the wedding on hold, whatever. Don't let him dictate how to handle the situation!

Hi, I have left you a private message via Jills account. Hope you are ok today!

hey chic im so sorry for the problem ur goin thru i dont know what say but its totally up tp u what you should do personally i couldnt forgive him but you need to think about this seriously and make your own decision big hugs xx

Personally.............. NO! In my opinion once a cheat always a cheat and i ended my 12 year marriage for this very reason!


The question in my opinion is not can you forgive but can you FORGET????

If the answer to that is no then walk away because every time hes out, every time hes on the phone, everytime he gets a text the same thing will be on your mind................IS IT HER/SOMEONE ELSE, IS HE DOING IT AGAIN???
And personally theres no way i could live like that.

As my ex said when i asked him to talk to me about things, whats the point you'll never forgive me or forget!

i've just read through it all and i know how i would feel and we're all different. i'm so sorry your going thought this and i'm sure whatever decision you make will be the right one and will have happiness as a result xx

i only have this to say....

15 years later and yerh were still together but it never goes away u never trust again,it comes up in arguments everytime, if i could turn bac time to when i found out i would have left him there and then, i am not the same person i was when i met him because of all the crap hes put me threw and even now today i am seriousley contemplating if i wanna spend the rest of my life with him, we have 3 kids together and i was pregnant with my 2nd when i found out. i love him and hes my best friend and as much as hes been a bastard at times there is times very few and far between that he has been amazing, but the bad far out weighs the good.

deep down i belive u will take him bac, but i guarantee u, u will feel worse after the baby is born,and it will be a hard long struggle, im not sayin dont take him bac you have to do what is right for you and your baby,and only u can make that desicion.

maybe he got freaked out hes gettin married in 5 months and has a baby on the way, but that does not excuse what hes done.

what would he have done if this had been the other way round??? (not in the beginning... now)

u have to think with your head and not your heart...


big hugs and i hope u are strong enough to do what is right for you x

i understand y that reads that way, and i appreciate every1s advice on the matter altho i have to say as i do know him i dont believe that either of the reasons mentioned are y he has said that.

thanx 4 all the advice ladies........... x xx and john! lol x