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Wedding Forum - Confused about gifts from Family???...

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  1.  
    • StaceyH989
      CommentAuthorStaceyH989
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2017
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    OK so correct me if I'm wrong, I thought it was normal when attending a wedding to bring a gift for the couple whether this is off a list or in the form of money.

    However, I don't know how many people have seen it but there is an article that has gone viral after one mum complained her children hadn't been invited to the day and the couple had asked for some money rather than gifts. A lot of people were commenting saying how cheeky it was that people should ask for money or gifts and it should be completely up to the guest if they want to provide anything???

    Me and OH haven't decided yet but we were heading towards the idea of a small poem in the invite to ask for a contribution to the honeymoon as we have lived together pretty much since the start of our relationship and really don't need much. If certain family ask if they can buy something I will let them but is it really that cheeky to ask for money??? I'm so confused now I really thought it was just a normal part of the whole day and I don't want to offend anyone.

    Help Please!!!!!
  2.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    i personally wouldn't want to look like i was expecting a gift. as much as it is customary for guests to gift i wouldn't say it should be essential.

    as much as i would prefer money as i already have a home and do not need anything adding to it i really do think this is one of those times were you should prepare to be thankful for the attendance alone.

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  3.  
    • CommentAuthorLoz K
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2017
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    I don't think it's unacceptable to ask for money nowadays bit maybe if you say something like "your presence is all we require, however if you want to get a small gift then we would really appreciate a contribution towards our honeymoon" or something along those lines!
  4.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    If I went to a wedding a wouldnt even contemplate not buying a gift! Yes if you have all you need for us I think a voucher or money towards honeymoon is acceptable- I think we too will go with a honeymoon fund xx

    Members signature icon



  5.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I wouldnt have the cheek to go to a wedding and not give a gift. Its just expected.

    Money is a popular gift now for honeymoons. We are putting a poem in our invitations asking for a contribution towards our dream honeymoon as weve lived together for 3 years. x

    Members signature icon
    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  6.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 24th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    We asked for money. We didn't want people to buy us gifts that we didn't want or need (without sounding ungrateful), we would have much rather people give us money so that we could put it towards our honeymoon/house deposit.

    We used this poem:

    Honeymoon gift poem.jpg
    Honeymoon gift poem.jpg


    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  7.  
    • StaceyH989
      CommentAuthorStaceyH989
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jan 24th 2017
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks everyone, I thought like you did that a gift is part of the day I wouldn't expect people to put loads of money in or anything like that just what they want to but some of the comments on the article were vile saying people shouldn't ask for money or gifts.

    I always thought it was traditional and a harsh way to view it really is you do pay for people to be there through the food and the drinks etc lol (that's really harsh to say though) I did hear of a bride sending people a bill if they didn't turn up though now that is cheeky :)
  8.  
    • Wizbit89
      CommentAuthorWizbit89
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Jan 24th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    HI Stacey,
    I am like you, I will be having a small card with a poem or phrase on it, asking for money instead of gifts, we will of lived together 7 years by the time we marry so we don't need anything. I will be saying something along of your presence is gift enough but if you wish to give us something then a small donation to our honeymoon fund would be appreciated.
    Hopefully people don't find this presumptuous or rude but I would rather that then I return 30 toasters! lol
  9.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 24th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    While I agree with you that majority of people do give gifts, personally I find it hard to ask for them.

    We aren't including a gift list or a poem etc. as I do find it a little rude to do so (although it is the norm to do this nowadays). We would like money towards a lovely dining service that we love and both families are aware to advise people if they ask what we would like as a gift.
    We will be grateful of anything that people give us. I know a few people who I doubt we will get gifts from due to them not being able to afford to. But them being at our wedding is a lot more important to us than inviting someone who would give us gifts.

    I mean no offence to anyone who has or is asking for gifts, this is just my personal opinion. And as I say, it is the norm to ask for money in one form or another these days.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  10.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 24th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I think it would definitely be rude to actually ask for them! However we felt that the majority of our guests would want to buy us a gift so rather than let them waste their money on things we didn't want or need, we wanted to give them a 'steer' in the right direction. I would never dream of actually asking for anything. We did end up getting quite a few gifts still rather than money (which were lovely), so people will still end up doing their own thing if that's what they want to do.

    It's always an awkward subject, but however you do it I'm sure your guests would be pleased to gift you something that you actually want/need rather than wasting their money. :)

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  11.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jan 24th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    Personally I would rather have a gift list then get 17 photo frames- if there is something that you want like a dinner service, get a gift list and people can buy items from it.

    I think it's normal to have a gift fund or gift list so add it as a section of your invites, that way people know what to buy if they want to and then don't have the awkwardness of asking you directly xx

    Members signature icon



  12.  
    • Celtic_Queen
      CommentAuthorCeltic_Queen
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Feb 1st 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I am doing the same, a small poem asking for contributions to a honeymoon. Me and my OH have lived together for a while now and there is not much that guests could buy us that we need, I don't think it is rude at all, better than having guests wasting money on things we don't need.
  13.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Feb 1st 2017
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    I'd say it's perfectly acceptable to ask for money, I went to a wedding where the couple did just that. I would always expect that if I am invited to a wedding I should give a gift of some kind. As far as I'm concerned that's the done thing. If there is a list I'll buy off it, otherwise I'll give money or choose something safe depending on how well I know the couple. With our wedding we gave options, a J0hn L3w1s list, vouchers for the same store, or Pr3s3nt A1d, where you give a gift to people in a poor country instead, like a goat, but in the name of the people that the gift is for. I would certainly not be offended or consider it cheeky if I was asked for money in lieu of a gift. What you could do is say 'should you wish to give a gift ...', that way people feel that the choice is theirs. I'd hope that all wedding guests would give a gift unless they really couldn't afford it.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  14.  
    • CommentAuthorNicolaB7220
      Posted: Feb 2nd 2017
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    I have been invited to a wedding where there was no gift list and no mention of money and to be honest, it just made it awkward for me not really knowing what to do. I wouldn't dream of going as a guest without anything so I was left wondering if I should ask what they want, if I should ask someone close to them what they would like or just buying them something in the hope that it was ok and that they liked it.

    When I have been given a gift list or a request for money, it has made it so much easier.

    We also used a poem and it went down really well. A few gusts still did a small gift which was nice and lots gave money but we made it clear it wasn't expected and that attendance was more important. I just knew people would ask if I didn't state anything at all.
  15.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Feb 4th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Hi Stacey. It's normal for most guests to want to give some form of gift whether off a gift list or as money.

    We had a gift list but put a note in with the invitations on the additional info sheet to say that we wanted their presence on the day and not presents but if guests wished to give a gift there was a gift list set up at our chosen department store and gave details of the list reference. We got most of the items on the list. Some guests commented on how there wasn't much left on the list to buy if they were late onto it. We then got gift vouchers for that department store which we used to complete the dinner set.

    Other guests gave very generously with cash. To be honest we were blown away by our guest's generosity.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  16.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Feb 7th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I have the idea that you shouldn't ask for anything. Although it is the nice thing to do to bring a gift, the guest doesn't have to. I'm not putting anything on my invites. If the guest wants to give us a present, they'll probably contact our family or us and we will be ready to say that we don't need anything, but if they do want to give us a gift, we would love something towards our honeymoon. It's totally up to the guest.
  17.  
    • Wizbit89
      CommentAuthorWizbit89
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Feb 7th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    my worry is that if I didn't give people gift information our home is so small we literally couldn't accept gifts, and I don't want to be rude or ungrateful. We are putting a small card in our regarding a honeymoon wish, its well worded and not too cheesy so hopefully people understand

    x
  18.  
    • SarahW9216
      CommentAuthorSarahW9216
      Got married 27 months ago
      Posted: Feb 7th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    My family are buying me and my O/H house things.

    Counting down the days till I'm Mrs B


 
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