Wedding Forum - Church or Registry Office?

Wedding Forum - Church or Registry Office?...

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The Big Day > Church Weddings: Church or Registry Office?

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- CommentAuthorEmilyA32
Just at the stage where we said from the start that we'd have a registry office wedding, but looking into it now it seems more like a conveyor belt then anything else. Bit of a problem when I was brought up Christian and always saw myself having a church wedding, but as I've grown older I've just not been going lately and also moving 60miles away from my childhood church it's difficult to decide which type of wedding ceremony to have. Especially since my h2b is non-religious.
Just deciding whether to stick with a registry office or look into a church wedding etc since we're unsure of costs of needing a registrar at a church. I know church of England can marry without a registrar but it's whether we can be married in a local c of e church. Any help & tips would be much appreciated! thanks guys!
- CommentAuthorRaggedyAnne
If you are religious, but your H2B is not, then I am sure what you should be thinking is not how much its going to cost, but finding a way to get married without persuading your H2B to do something he wouldn't want to do.
I think its sacreligious to get married in church if you are a non-believer. Being brought up christian yourself you should understand that, surely?

For the same reason...my H2B isnt religious.... we are having a 'conveyor belt' wedding as you call it. but what matters to us is not the building or the back-drop for the pictures.....its the fact that I will be marrying my man that day.

You sound as if you have already made up your mind about a church wedding anyway.

I can resist anything but temptation
- CommentAuthor
in my case its h2b who is very religious and im very not... I agreed to our boys being christened but refused to get married in a church! if your h2b is the same as me then getting married in a church just wouldnt be right!
Registry office weddings can be just as lovely as a church wedding, but if you really dont want a registry office why not look in to venues that are registered to hold your ceremony?
xxx

met the man of my dreams 22/09/2006,
Had our amazing twin boys 16/05/2008
Finally becoming Mrs Davies on 31/08/2012 will make me the
happiest lady alive :-)
- CommentAuthorpemily
hey OP! The CofE is the official church of the country and ANYONE can be married there regardless of belief. They are keen to encourage it! Check out their website (google "your church wedding"). Anyone can be married in their local parish church. You can also be married in other churches you have a special connection to (e.g. your mam was married in a church etc). The vicar might make you do some marriage prep and some are not happy to marry divorcees but apart from that its all good. Religion is intensely personal so don't worry what other people think about your choices here - "Judge not, that ye be not judged" and all that ; ) I have had a lot of people saying "are you religious???" - its not like you have to be shouting praise jesus every five minutes to be married in a church : )

The bigger isssue is what you and your H2B are happy with - the official CofE vows cannot be changed so you both have to be happy with the wording of the ceremony, and there is a LOT about God (understandably).

We have compromised with a Unitarian service, where we can customise what we want to say to suit our beliefs. Check them out if there is a church near you - its a great approach to religion and I have actually started going to the church since booking our wedding there, its lovely and people have been very kind and welcoming.

Good luck with your prep : )
- CommentAuthorEmilyA32
Well my H2B is not religious, he did go to church as a child but has since stopped going. He's always seen himself marry at a church not for the religious values but for the character of the church building.
Registry office is nice, I've seen pictures and videos of it but never imagined myself marrying in one as I've been brought up only knowing of marriage at a church in front of God.
The conveyor belt description was from my H2B as when he went to his uncle's wedding he saw one bride leave, and 2 brides waiting in cars outside ready to fit into their slots. At a few registrar weddings I have been too, the Registrar just has a monotone voice and just sounds bored.
It depends entirely on what you believe tbh, and all I know is c of e is the only church that can marry you without a registrar, but then there is the vows which h2b isn't keen on anything TOO religious. Will have to look into it tbh, maybe visit the church near us one time, I know it won't be the same as the one I've grown up going too but it's still nice :)

- CommentAuthorLlosa
We are both Agnostic and getting married in church, we both felt it was a more personal service for us, but then again my grandma had hers at a registry office and it was beautiful.
ultimatley it comes down to you as a couple....you will both have to compromise...maybe you could go to the church and get your wedding blessed? (what my gran did)
- CommentAuthornatalie2614
I would hardly call a registry office wedding a conveyer belt wedding, at the end of the day its the same result either way, its just the content is slightly different.

We chose a registry office as neither of us are overly religious and we felt that it would be cheeky of us to swan into a church say our vows and pretend to be religious when we're really not. This has upset his nan a bit as shes heavily involved with her local church, and she has suggested the naval chaplain perform a blessing back at the navy base. This would suit us and it doesnt tread on any toes as we wont be in the church. Best of both worlds x

Married my best friend 05.04.2013
- CommentAuthorClareS
h2b said from the outset he didn't want a church wedding. He had a register office do for his first wedding and I had a church one for mine. We did a compramise and agreed on a civil ceremony at a venue so we always looked for venues with that in mind. It seems to be planning out perfectly for us as we're the only wedding there and we have the use of the ceremony room afterwards etc. We're making the service very personal to us with a candle ceremony, family members doing readings etc. x
- CommentAuthorgwynneth23
I would say you may as well look into the possibility of a church wedding, then you can make an informed decision. It's a very personal decision and what's right for someone may not be right for someone else. There may be for example a Baptist church or another denomination church near you who would also be happy to marry you. You would probably have more freedom with the wording of the vows there.

As you say, it's only CofE ministers who can marry you without the need for a separate registrar. But many other churches also have volunteer people who are 'authorised to marry' and to 'be' the registrar, in their church building. So there may not be any extra charge for that - it could be included in the fee you pay to the church. That's the way it's working for us.

I'm not of the view that it's cheeky or wrong to tip up at church and ask them to marry you, even if you don't always go. Most churches would be delighted to welcome and help you, and to support you in your marriage. They should be pleased to serve their local comunity and have contact with you at this important time in your life. Admittedly all are not like that, but they should be!!

Good luck with whatever you decide!
- CommentAuthormym72
I was brought up Roman Catholic but I'm definitely not a practicing catholic now. My husband isn't that religious either - but after being witnesses to a registry office wedding we knew we wanted something more religious. I know some people like registry office weddings - and it's down to personal choice - but to us it just seemed too quick and impersonal.

We decided to get married at Gretna, and chose Gretna Hall (so neither registry office or church) but we had a Minister perform the ceremony. It was a longer ceremony that registry office and definitely felt 'right' to us.

Maybe you could get married in a hotel and have a minister perform the ceremony (a compromise between the two of you.?)
- CommentAuthorLauraJo87
I'm agnostic, so wouldn't feel comfortable with a church wedding, but it is a personal choice at the end of the day. Some registry offices are lovely,msome less so.

A hotel or venue wedding might be a compromise?

Registrar costs vary, we're paying about five hundred for a Friday wedding, but I've seen it as low as three hundred in some places.

My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013

The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
- CommentAuthorEmilyA32
We've made a final decision on the registry office wedding but my minister from my hometown church has offered to give us a blessing outside if we wanted that which would be nice and has been seen as a compromise for any religious involvement :)
When we looked at local hotel weddings it came to about £2,000 for the ceremony and just a simple buffet so we're sticking to less expensive options right now. Everyone has different opinions and ideas of their perfect wedding day, just have to compromise sometimes so your both happy :) Just got to wait now till the big day hehe!

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