Ok girls here's the dilemma. I want a church Wedding, I'm not overly religious but it would mean more to me to have a religious ceremony. Rich on the other hand is an out and proud Atheist. We had discussed having civil ceremonies prior to being engaged and looking to plan the Wedding properly but it just doesn't feel right. I know alot of people will say well he should respect your feelings but my answer to that is aren't his as equally valid? He has said if you can find a church which will perform a ceremony that isn't full on God he will go along with my plan. Any suggestions on how to approach this and how to make it so we both feel comfortable and get the ceremony we both want. I refuse to take any of our families into account on this part as its not about them it's about me and Rich but I know it would mean alot to both my parents and his mum to have a church but his Dad wouldn't care either way. Ps Sorry for the rant :(
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorGoff
Why is a church wedding so important to you? Just trying to get a bit more insight into why you feel the way you do about it.
UKB Mad Scientist
Ride it like ya stole it.....
I'm a flippin ORTHOTIST
CommentAuthormrs pinkalice
how about a civil wedding ceremony then a blessing afterwards? i think quite a few people on here are doing that. in your head a civil ceremony may seem a bit boring and impersonal but these days you can completely personalize it with readings and music and they can be in stunning grand venues not just registry offices x
CommentAuthorPossum
I agree with Alice - that's what we might do as I want a religious marriage but h2b doesn't :)
CommentAuthorRachie :D
I dont see the point in a blessing tbh. I was a Wedding co-ordinator for over 3 years and did about 200 civil ceremonies and none of them moved me. Church was always a big part of my upbringing from singing with the school choir and descant group I was in to brownies and just general things we did as a family. As I have got older its not somewhere I go often (i work 6 days a week and Sunday is my only day off so tbh too shattered) but to me the church i want and its vicar are perfect. It's such a beautiful place. It's very peaceful but when a service is going on so uplifting and fun - the vicar is in his early 50's and a bit of an old rocker. He's also friends with my mum (due to his wife being a teacher at the same school as her)
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
To be honest I think it's a little bit hypocritical getting married in a church if you are not religious (especially if you are a complete athiest) - sorry if that sounds awful I don't mean it to! I think a civil ceremony will be just as beautiful, but that's just my opinion, if the religious bit is important to you I think alice's suggestion of a blessing afterwards is a good one! I do think it's good you're not doing it to please any other family members cos unlimatley it's only about 2 people and that's you two! So a compromise would be a civil ceremony and then a blessing maybe? x
02.07.11
All you need is Love!
Why is the rum always gone?
CommentAuthorPennylane
sorry I posted that before I read you don't want a blessing lol!
02.07.11
All you need is Love!
Why is the rum always gone?
CommentAuthorPossum
I think it is too Penny, but if one partner is religious, then it's different. The reason I want a blessing is because I want God to be part of our marriage, but I don't want to get married in a church (my church is just a wee community hall) and h2b isn't religious, and so we wouldn't feel right getting married in a church. I think a blessing is good for when one partner isn't religious as the religious partner gets to have God as part of the marriage, but the other partner isn't making promises to a God they don't believe in xx
CommentAuthorRachie :D
Not at all Penny thats why Rich doesnt want it but a blessing would be hypocritical. He was raised Cof E but has chosen to denounce it. As for the family we're not doing anything at all to please the family just us (well and the parents), simply because I've seen what other family members have gone through and don't want it - also family tends to come out the woodwork for Weddings then not bother anymore so i dont see the point :$ I love them and really want everyone to have a great day and feel included but i dont want to feel uncomfortable or stressed. Im not even having family as bm's to avoid any arguments
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorPennylane
I think you're totally right - it's funny how as soon as you mention the word wedding everyone has an opinion!! Please yourselves hun that's what I've come to realise and that's what we're doing! I am having my sis as bridesmaid but only because I have 3 best friends and couldn't choose one of them - not because it's the done thing to have your sister x x
02.07.11
All you need is Love!
Why is the rum always gone?
CommentAuthorEmsy5000
well you would need to phone some of the churches up and see if they would be happy doing it your way. I know mine wouldn't they are more than happy to marry people who are less than regular church goers but they do not wish to take God out of the ceremony that they preform that is after all what the church is about. personally I am very religious and h2b is an atheist but he is happy to get married in my church with a religious ceremony because he knows how much it means to me.
I know what you mean about wanting singing at the wedding that's one of the most important parts for me to I love the singing in church
Dyslexic
its spelt wrong
I No! I Now! I Know!!!!!
I am NOW MRS LONSDALE!!
CommentAuthorMrs Brakes
My H2B was raised catholic but I have not picked a religion and am not entirely convinced that (a) God exists. It is actually against my religious beliefs to get married in church. For me I think it would annoy God more if I pretended to believe so I could get married in a pretty place and have the religious ceremony as it's nicer than a civil one and so it looked nice in the photo's and then not return until I want my children christened. I am not prepared to stand in 'his' house and lie to 'his' face. But that's just me. Luckily, H2B has been divorced so, in the eyes of the church, he is still married and we can't get married in church. Yay!
Got married 11/11/11.
CommentAuthorPennylane
We haven't had this problem because we are both religious, both brought up catholic and go to mass regularly but I can see how it can be a tricky situation if one person is religious and the other isn't. I suppose if people love each other enough they'll compromise tho! (hopefully cos that's what they'll have to do the rest of married life lol)
02.07.11
All you need is Love!
Why is the rum always gone?
CommentAuthorJenna
I go to church but h2b is so against it, although he let me christen the children we are having a civil ceromony.... you can still have readings (non religious ones) to make it different/special/personal. My priest would have married us, even with him not being baptised but we cant have a blessing, in the catholic church its all or nothing..... thus nothing for me! I think it would be hard to find someone who wont be all gody as that is their job, and how will you know until the day, inless you ask other married ppl coz you cant just say that to a vicar, lol! I have hummed and arred over this for ages, cried about it and all kinds but at the end of the day i know james would hate standing their in church being told all about god and it would put him in a mood all day, so im not gonna do that, our day is gonna be happy and about us! Only you 2 as a couple can decide whats best for you, but i know what you mean about civil, they are fast and not very moving!
CommentAuthorJenna
You can marry in a church if divorced, just as long as the previous marragies were not in a church.
CommentAuthorPennylane
I think civil ceremonies can be moving and very personal. My friends had one last summer, although it was not as long as a church wedding it was just as beautiful, she had a string quarted to walk down the aisle to in the ceremony room of the hotel, and her family members got up and read beautiful readings and poems. It was a humanist ceremony I think x
02.07.11
All you need is Love!
Why is the rum always gone?
CommentAuthorMrs Brakes
H2B previous wedding was in church so we can't get married in church. As I wrote, Yay!
Got married 11/11/11.
CommentAuthorJenna
humanist are very different, they are lovely, my friend got married in a reg office then went to a field and had a humanist wedding, they had ribbon wraping their hands and all kinds!
CommentAuthorPennylane
yeah I've saw the tying of the hands, Dave absolutely loved that touch and wondered if we could incorporate it into our church wedding lol! They did it in Braveheart. Apparently it's where the phrase 'tying the knot' came from because this used to be done. I never knew that til then x
02.07.11
All you need is Love!
Why is the rum always gone?
CommentAuthorRachie :D
I offered to do a hand fasting ceremony lol - I dont want to take God completely out of the ceremony but sometimes for him it can be a bit full on
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorJenna
i looked into it, but was to much for me to have a humanist wedding, boohoo!
CommentAuthorluvlifejen (mrs berr
i'm having civil ceremony didnt fancy a church one not my thing really but it has to be something that makes u both happy xx
soon to be Mrs Berry 26.11.2011
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
I think the problem with humanist weddings is that you still need tio pay for the registrars to make it legal, so you effectively end up paying for 2 ceremonys dont you? I love the idea of a hand fasting though, and would love to see if we can incoporate it into the day at our civil ceremony, even if we do it afterwards on the grounds at the receptions venue. Hmmmmmm, theres a thought which i think needs more looking into.
CommentAuthorPennylane
good idea!
02.07.11
All you need is Love!
Why is the rum always gone?
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I wanted a civil as you can personalise your service to how you want it and what you want to say where as a religious you only get to choose a couple of hymns and readings. The h2b wanted a church wedding so we were going to have a blessing afterwards on another day as I can't travel too well and didn't want to wear myself out on the day. We have been lucky with our venue as Bosworth hall does civil weddings but also has a really pretty church in the grounds so we are doing the civil and blessing on the same day then going back to the hall for dinner and the evening do. A blessing is a great way of getting everything you want and it is FREE in most churches! (you just pay for the services you use such as bells etc and give them a donation)
